A quiet life didn�t come too easily; especially not with the way he normally lived.

Now though, with nothing to do in between albums and tours, JC got that opportunity. Everyone had their own agendas, so the five of them as a band got a break. Lance had his movie and music production companies, not to mention his trip into outer space. Joey had his own acting projects to do. Chris was between California and Florida, working on his clothing company. Justin was off recording and promoting his solo album.

What was JC doing?

In between producing and writing music for other groups and artists, JC had been working on songs for the band�s third album, whenever that would come out. Not anytime soon, with Justin�s first solo album about to be released. JC also had songs that he hid away, songs that he kept in secret. Private songs... the purpose of them JC wasn�t sure about right now but he felt like they were important. Maybe for his own solo album.

Even though music was most of JC�s life, he found that writing and producing was a much easier-paced job than his normal one was. He found he had time to take up new hobbies, to experience new things, to sleep, and to basically do whatever the hell he wanted with his free time.

Sometimes JC would get suckered into going out clubbing with his friends and sometimes he would volunteer to go to charity events or concerts, but JC found that the most fun he had was when he wasn�t doing much.

During the break time, his life came basically down to a sort-of routine. JC liked routine. Mostly because touring, performing and recording left him with very little order or predictability. Having a routine, a fixed way of living, gave him some semblance of normalcy after all these years of the abnormal. JC would wake up late in the morning, almost close to noon. Then he�d have some sort of meal, but sometimes he forgot that, especially if he woke up with a song idea on his mind. He�d spend the rest of the afternoon and evening in the makeshift studio in his house, mixing and writing and singing. Eventually, JC�d stop, because he promised the guys and his family not to forget to have a life outside of the studio. So as the sun set, he�d either fix himself dinner or go out with friends, depending on the night. Then JC would go home, maybe listen to music or paint or read, until he felt tired enough to go to bed.

Quiet. Comfortable. Normal. It felt good.

JC liked having the security of a boring life, especially knowing that in a few months, when the band�s break ended, all of this would be just a memory. JC liked to get out of bed and know exactly what he�d be doing that day.

Which was probably why he was so shocked to wake up one morning and find Justin sitting in his kitchen, eating Frosted Flakes and watching the news.

* * *

�Hey,� said Justin, not looking away from the television. His mouth was full and milk dribbled onto his chin. He wiped it away with the back of his hand absentmindedly.

For a moment, JC thought he was still sleeping. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, scrubbing at the grit there. When he opened his eyes again, Justin was still there, sitting at the kitchen counter. Even though he was sitting on a stool, his long legs easily reached the tiled floor. Justin was dressed like he hadn�t gone home after a long night out partying � his dark blue shirt was wrinkled and his jeans were sequined. The sunlight streaming in through the windows revealed the dark circles under his eyes. Justin looked about as tired as JC felt.

JC stood there dumbly in the doorway for a while, watching Justin watch the news. This wasn�t the first time Justin had done this � coming over unannounced and hanging out, usually eating JC�s food at the same time. Justin had the keys and JC didn�t really mind, except� Now the whole thing seemed a bit unreal, especially since Justin hadn�t come over like this in about two years. Of course, they saw each other at the studio and on tour � almost ninety-percent of their lives was spent with each other. Although� JC didn�t know when it happened, but Justin just didn�t come over like this anymore. Until now.

Somehow Justin�s visit was even more unexpected because JC hadn�t seen Justin during the entire break. Chris and Joey came over regularly, whenever they were home, and even Lance got a chance to drop by every now and then, before he went off to Russia. Justin had been between L.A. and Orlando, back and forth, recording and promoting, but JC had not seen Justin at all. For months, actually, when JC thought about it.

He decided he was too tired to think about anything at the moment.

�Want pancakes?� asked JC, going and opening a cabinet for the mix.

Justin turned around in his stool to look at JC. He stood and put his empty cereal bowl into the sink. �Got chocolate chips?�

Checking, JC said, �Yeah.�

�Sure.�

* * *

JC read the newspaper, eating his pancakes one-handed, while Justin sat beside him at the counter, still watching the news. The weatherman on television predicted the next few days to be partly cloudy.

�What�s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?� Justin asked.

�Don�t know�� said JC. He was scanning the arts section of the paper, wondering if there would be a review of Joey�s performance in �Rent� in there. He didn�t see one, unless he was blind. JC left his glasses on his dresser upstairs but he didn�t feel like getting them.

�Can I�?�

Without even looking up, JC passed the sports section to Justin. This was actually a routine, from long ago. When Justin used to come over � when he didn�t feel like cooking, which was often, or when he didn�t want to be home alone in his big house, even though it was just down the street. He�d come over for breakfast, sometimes for dinner, and JC would cook it for him and they�d sit together like they were doing now. It was comfortable. None of that had changed. None of that had been lost.

Putting down the paper, JC rotated his shoulders, working out the kinks. He was still dressed in the clothes he came downstairs in, boxers and a t-shirt. �Why�d you come over?� JC asked. It was a casual question; he was just curious. He didn�t ask why Justin had come over, after not coming over for almost two years. JC didn�t ask that.

Justin was scanning some article in the newspaper. �Dunno,� he said. He folded the sports section again and passed it back to JC. �Didn�t feel like having breakfast alone.�

Accepting this with a nod, JC picked up their finished plates and put them in the sink. Over the hiss of the faucet, JC asked, �So how�s the album coming?�

For a moment, all JC heard was silence, except for running water and the clatter of the dishes as he rinsed them. It wasn�t until JC had turned off the faucet and begun to put the plates into the dishwasher when Justin spoke again.

�Don�t really want to talk about that,� said Justin. His voice was quiet, but he didn�t sound upset or anything.

Closing the dishwasher and turning it on, JC turned back around to face Justin. �Nothing�s wrong, is there?� he asked, concerned.

�No� It�s not� no,� said Justin. His finger traced the rim of his glass of orange juice, left untouched on the counter. Suddenly, he stood, as if remembering something. Brushing off imaginary dust from his sequined jeans, Justin said, �I� I should go. I have this thing I need to get to.�

Nodding, trying not to act entirely bewildered, JC said, �Okay� But get some rest, Just. You�re looking pretty beat.�

�Yeah,� said Justin. He shook his head, smiling ruefully. �Some break I�m getting.�

�Really, get some sleep,� said JC. �See ya.�

�Bye,� said Justin as he exited the kitchen.

JC sat down and rested his head on the counter, settling his closed eyes into the crook of his arm, listening to his front door click open and shut as Justin left.

* * *

One o�clock at night.

JC would normally be asleep at this ungodly hour, mostly because that�s what he liked to do. But now he had a song he was trying to write and that mattered more than sleep. He could sleep anytime, but the song wouldn�t � no, couldn�t wait. Which is why JC was still in the studio, mixing drumbeats, only abstractly surprised at the late hour when he checked the clock.

Normally, JC liked to let inspiration flow. Played around with things until something somehow put in this way... until all the pieces fit and the music sounded good. Most of the time, he only walked into the studio with a vague melody or lyric in mind. At this late hour, JC had finally figured out the backbeat to the song. He shut the drum loop off, satisfied. The thudding rhythm stopped, filling the room with silence instead.

If he hadn�t done that, JC probably would have never heard the faint sound of movement in his living room. The carpet in there muffled the sounds of footsteps.

�Who�s there?� he called through the doorway. It probably wasn�t the smartest thing to say, but JC wasn�t exactly at his most alert. He was accustomed to being asleep at this time of night. Besides, sometimes Chris or Joey came over unannounced after going out clubbing or whatever.

When no answer came, JC pushed himself upright from his chair and stepped cautiously out of the studio.

The living room was dark, since the only light on was in the kitchen. The yellow glow of it was enough to reveal Justin sitting on JC�s couch, head bent forward and held between his hands. The lack of proper lighting seemed to wash the whole room over in a moody dark blue color. Justin was dressed in leather pants and a crisp shirt, all appearing to be different shades of blue in the dim light. Justin didn�t seem to notice that JC had entered the room. He sat there, still, except for the movement of his harsh breathing.

JC stood there in the doorway, watching Justin for a moment. It was like watching a terrible accident that he had no power to stop. Like watching his heart shatter from afar.

�You okay?� JC asked finally. He sat down beside his friend on the couch.

Justin didn�t reply right away. He still had his head bent forward, hands fisting in his own curly hair. �I�m tired,� Justin finally said. His voice was soft, defeated, and hoarse. JC knew that voice. He didn�t like that voice. That was the way Justin sounded when he was trying not to cry. �So fucking tired, C. I� I don�t think I can do this anymore.�

�Oh...� JC put an arm around his friend�s shoulders. �Oh, Justin. Don�t say that.�

Whenever �N Sync produced a new album, JC had no words to describe how nervous he was, how terribly sick to his stomach he felt, right before the release day. Even though JC knew the songs were good... it was too much. It was like he was putting his heart out there for the entire world to see. He couldn�t imagine how Justin must be feeling right now, working on his first solo project, without the other guys to go through the process with him.

�I... I don�t want...� whispered Justin, voice growing ever more hoarse. �I can�t��

�You can,� said JC fiercely. He squeezed Justin�s shoulders to emphasize his point. �You can. You can do this, Justin. I believe in you. All of us do.� They did, and Justin knew they did. He would have never even tried to do this without the other four guys� blessing.

Justin didn�t reply right away, but he lifted his head now, using one hand to hastily wipe his eyes. Even in the darkness, JC could see the dark tiredness circling Justin�s eyes. Actually, Justin looked even more tired in the dim light, washed out in depressed hues.

�I miss you guys,� he whispered finally, not looking at JC, but staring into the blue darkness.

�I know,� said JC. His throat felt tight. �We miss you too. But we�re right here.�

JC adjusted his hold on Justin, pulling his friend around so they were hugging properly. Not a manly, clap on the shoulder, grasping and pulling away quickly, kind of hug. Those hugs were always kind of ridiculous, JC thought. Like you couldn�t be masculine if you hugged the wrong way. The five band mates never hugged like that. They hugged like they were family, like they loved each other, because they did. JC wrapped his arms around Justin�s neck and pulled their bodies close, until he could smell the faint scent of shampoo in springy curls. Justin�s own arms came around JC�s torso, taking the offered support. They hugged tightly, for a long time.

It wasn�t until JC noticed Justin�s soft and even breaths that he realized Justin had fallen asleep, still holding onto JC and head resting on JC�s shoulder. JC adjusted his body, bringing Justin�s weight down on him more evenly, until they were lying on the couch together. The movement didn�t stir Justin. He slept quietly, not moving at all.

He must be so tired, JC thought, before drifting to sleep as well.

* * *

When JC woke up the next morning, Justin was gone.

JC stretched, feeling the sun wash over him like warm butter. His clothes were rumpled and wrinkled from being slept in. He got up and went to make himself some coffee.

* * *

JC was sound asleep.

Absolutely, positively, sound asleep.

So asleep that nothing could wake him.

At least, that�s what JC kept trying to tell himself, as he burrowed his head under the pillow, ignoring the streaming sunlight and the sound of Justin rattling around in his kitchen.

Figuring it was useless to try to get back to sleep again, JC sat up in bed. The clock on his nightstand told him it was almost noon. JC didn�t really blame Justin for coming over now, since he should have already been up.

Why did Justin come over, again?

If JC remembered correctly, it had been a couple of days since Justin�s visit in the middle of the night. Since then, Justin hadn�t called JC or anything like that at all. And now he was in JC�s kitchen, doing God knows what. This all didn�t really make any sense, especially with JC�s sleep-addled brain. So he just shuffled out of bed and went downstairs, still wearing his sleeping clothes and in his bare feet.

�Justin?� asked JC, rubbing an eye upon seeing his friend in the kitchen.

The young singer didn�t respond immediately, cracking eggs into a bowl. Justin did this skillfully, with one hand, while the other whisked the eggs around. He was dressed in jeans and a new shirt, as if he were about to go out. A knit skullcap covered his short curls. On one of the stove burners, a frying pan was heating up.

�Hey,� Justin said. He didn�t seem to be feeling as bad as he was that night, but he still looked so tired. So old. He kept whisking as he turned around to talk to JC. Smiling, he held the bowl of eggs out to JC for inspection. �Up for lunch? Making omelets.�

With a wry smile, JC sat down at the counter. �You can cook?�

�I�m hurt, C.�

�Sorry.� JC laughed a little. �It�s just that you�ve never cooked at my place before.�

Justin started chopping up green and red peppers as he spoke. �Well, you were asleep,� he said. �Didn�t want to wake you.�

A silence filled the room, so that all JC could hear was the steady sound of Justin chopping. Outside, birds twittered to each other musically.

Before he could stop himself, JC blurted out, �Why did you stop coming over?�

JC didn�t get an answer right away. After a moment, the chopping stopped. �I was� I was stupid,� said Justin, finally. His voice was quiet and he didn�t turn around to look at JC.

�Why are you here now�?� whispered JC, afraid of the answer. Afraid of how he may react to the answer.

Tossing the peppers into the eggs silently, Justin didn�t say anything more.

For a long time, JC sat there, staring at the back of Justin�s covered head. Then� JC forced a smile and said, �You gonna cook those eggs or what?�

Justin�s voice was rough when he spoke again. �Yeah,� he said. Justin cleared his throat and JC knew Justin was smiling even though he couldn�t see it. He poured the whisked eggs into the frying pan. They sizzled loudly. �Yeah, hold your horses, man. Good food takes time.�

JC laughed and swallowed the tears he didn�t know he had.

* * *

Two more days passed with relative normalcy, with JC still running through his sort-of routine. He was still working on that song and it seemed to be taking up all his time now.

JC actually found himself dreaming the song in his sleep. He felt like the longer he left it stagnant and incomplete, the more it would plague his mind. JC spent the next day and the day after that in the studio, working, scribbling notes and trying to get the music in his head onto the paper in front of him. He was still working, into the night, so he didn�t hear Justin come in, but the curly-haired singer peeked his head into the studio, saying, �I�ve got pizza when you�re hungry,� before disappearing again.

For a moment, JC just stared at the now empty doorway, bewildered. Seeing Justin once during the break was enough of a surprise, but more than three times in one week now? JC glanced at the clock in his studio. It was close to eight at night. Didn�t Justin have recording or promotional or schmoozing type things to do?

Through the open doorway, JC could hear the familiar sounds of the beginning of a Star Wars movie from the living room.

JC shrugged resignedly to himself, before turning back to the music notes and scribbles in front of him. He had barely made another mark on the paper when Justin reappeared.

�All right. You.� Justin had a knowing look on his face, hands on his hips. He was clad in jeans and an old gray t-shirt. �You�re coming out and getting something to eat before you get any skinnier on me.�

�I ate!� said JC. He gestured to the Pop Tart wrapper next to the papers on his table.

Justin�s skeptical look deepened. �How long has that been?�

�Um�� JC didn�t remember. All he remembered was sharps and flats and key changes. He knew it was pointless to argue now.

�That�s what I thought,� said Justin. �Come, take a break. Pizza, Star Wars and me � what could be better?�

Letting Justin drag him into the living room, JC also allowed himself to smile a little.

* * *

�See, that was fun,� said Justin. His voice was sleepy. They lay on the couch together, watching the end credits of the movie scroll.

JC reached over and lazily flicked off the television. �Yeah.�

The empty pizza box sat on the coffee table in front of them. JC felt too lethargic to get up and throw it away at the moment. Justin lay on his back on the couch, stretching his long legs out so they were resting on the other end�s armrest. JC lay on top of his friend, one arm wrapped around Justin�s waist and head resting on Justin�s chest. Through the thin material of Justin�s t-shirt, JC could hear a steady heartbeat. Justin�s breath moved through JC�s hair as he exhaled.

From this angle, JC could look up and see in sharp detail how tired Justin really looked. He looked even more tired than when JC had last seen him, two days ago. The young singer not only had dark circles under his eyes, but there were thin wrinkle lines pulling at the corner of his eyes and his mouth, as if Justin had been frowning too much recently. He looked too old � he looked as if he had seen so much for his young age. JC felt his heart clench oddly at the sight of Justin�s weary expression.

�Hey,� whispered JC.

Justin bent his head down a little to look at JC, smiling. The smile made him look immediately younger for a moment. �Hey,� he said, voice just as soft as JC�s.

�You need to get some more rest,� said JC. �I already told you.�

With a shuddery sigh, Justin wrapped his arms around JC, hugging. �Easier said than done, C,� he said. Pausing, Justin added, �You need some rest too.�

�I�� That didn�t make sense. JC had probably not been working as nearly as hard as Justin had been. Had he? Now that he thought about it� he had been feeling pretty tired. JC hadn�t really thought about that because he had been so occupied working on that song idea� Oh. �Oh,� he said, almost sheepishly.

�Yeah,� said Justin, smiling again. His eyes fluttered closed for a moment, as if he couldn�t keep them open. �Dork,� he muttered fondly.

JC felt sleepy himself, too sleepy to think of a good comeback. It was so comfortable here, lying together. Justin, despite those hard muscles he spent hours working out for, was comfortable. His body cradled JC, held him and sung him to sleep with the lulling music of matching heartbeats and breath. The result� JC felt like he could barely keep his own eyes open. Without even needing to ask, JC knew this was having the same affect on Justin.

�Sleep,� he mumbled, huddling closer to Justin�s warm body.

Before falling asleep, JC was aware of the vague movement of Justin nodding yes.

* * *

In the morning, very late in the morning, JC woke up to the sounds of Justin on his cell phone, talking to someone heatedly about something.

�Don�t care,� Justin said, repeatedly. He sat on the end of the couch, near JC�s feet, frowning into the phone. �I. Don�t. Care. Tell them whatever you want. I need a break.�

JC thought sleepily that Justin shouldn�t frown so much. He didn�t like to see Justin frowning. For a few more minutes, Justin fumed silently, apparently listening to whomever he was talking to on the phone. Then he growled, �Yeah, bye,� and flipped his cell shut.

�Who wazzat?� mumbled JC.

Blinking at JC, Justin smiled a little and moved back to lie down next to JC. His hands traced odd patterns in the fabric of JC�s t-shirt, fingers dancing across JC�s stomach. �Sorry I woke you up,� Justin said.

�Sokay.� JC felt too sleepy to argue.

�I� I�m sorry that I didn�t come over more,� said Justin softly. �I� I don�t know. With all this shit going on� the album, all the rumors flying around� But I missed you, C.�

JC nodded, smiling and snuggling closer to Justin�s body.

�Hey� I�m trying to say something serious here.� This time Justin�s voice was amused and a little offended. �Don�t fall asleep on me.�

��Mnot.�

�Okay�� Justin didn�t sound convinced, but JC could hear the smile in Justin�s voice. �Sometimes� I don�t even want to bother doing it anymore. I don�t need it. It�s not even worth it. I just want to be with you.�

When Justin leaned in to kiss him, JC definitely woke up.

Oh� Oh, God. Justin�s kiss was like everything JC had ever wanted. Soft and warm and loving� Like the most perfect kiss JC had ever experienced. Their mouths fit together like the last missing piece of an intricate puzzle. If he had known Justin�s kisses held all of this in them� Hell, JC would have kissed this man a lot sooner.

At first, Justin had only kissed him once, chastely. Then JC kissed him back. And then Justin kissed back. And so on. The kisses became longer and deeper and eventually, Justin just grabbed the collar of JC�s shirt and pulled him in hungrily.

JC didn�t mind at all.

* * *

Yes, JC liked to live a quiet life.

A quiet life with Justin was even better, though.