INTRODUCTION:
You are not alone.
Grieving for the loss of an infant, be it through miscarriage, premature birth, stillbirth, SIDS, or early infant mortality, has only re-cently stepped out of the shadows. 60 years ago, my mother lost a baby girl when she was just a few hours old...Mom never even got to see her first child's face. The funeral took place while Mom was still in the hospital. When my father picked her up from the hospital (back then a typical birth stay was around a week) and brought her home, the nursery had been emptied. She was never allowed to grieve for, or even speak of, that child: my oldest sister, Brenda Dawn.
Twenty-four years ago, I went into labor at 24 weeks gestation with my first child. This was only my family's second walk on the dark side of infant mortality. There was still so much ignorance, and misguided attempts to comfort me by friends and well-wishers with things such as "You can have more babies"; or "At least it wasn't full- term". Even my minister failed to bring any comfort to me...he in fact, misquoted the Bible and only served to compound my sorrow. I still was not shown any helpful ways to grieve; and I felt like I was from another world than everyone else. Trapped inside of fog of misery, and no one could even see me.
I have since had 4 first-trimester mis-carriages, each with a different set of circum-stances; and a second stillbirth of another son at 17 weeks gestation.
I have spent 7 weeks in a neonetal inten-sive care unit with my oldest living child, Raquel, who was born at 32 weeks gestation and required 2 operations. She is now 20, and happily married.
I have stood by my youngest sister's side while she tried to cope with the E.C.M.O. machine and operations to save her (full term) baby Corrine's life. Cory was born with a diapragmatic hernia. She lived 18 days.
I have walked the path you've walked. I have learned, through excruciating trial and will to survive, some extremely helpful methods of coping with this soul-shattering experience.....the loss of your beloved infant.
If I and my team of other mothers cannot find help for your broken heart, we will work for you until we can help you to reclaim some modicum of solace.
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