My Children
Christmas was very hard as I just lost my little boy. David was having a hard time getting work as he was working for a guy who did excavating and where we live it snows in the winter. Financially we were having a hard time so we decided that David would go to Colorado and work for a guy who was just starting a business and needed a Die Maker to set up shop. It was to pay really well. He was going to stay there for 3 months yet ended up staying for 7. He left in January and I thought "great the Bishop told us to try again as Moroni wants to come back again yet David is going to be three states away. How is this going to work?" He left and I went on a Juice fast for 47 days to get my body clean. I decided in April to go down and visit him. I planned it to be around the time I was to ovulate. (Smart thinking, huh?) Well mother nature had other plans. When I got there I was still having my period. I was only going to be there for 5 days. David had an abscess tooth and was in pain. What a time we were to have. Well I ended my period 4 days before I was to leave. David was so sick and in pain that we only "baby danced" once, the night before I left. I went back home thinking this was a "no go" and I will have to wait 3 more months before we try again. Two weeks later I noticed that I was late. I decided to take a home pregnancy test knowing that it would be negative. When I looked at the test and saw two blue lines, I was shocked!! I was Pregnant!! Talk about thrilled. My pregnancies were always good. No sickness etc. I was so nervous yet once I reached 14 weeks I started to rest and enjoy my pregnancy. Then all of a sudden when I was 16 weeks I noticed when I wiped that there was brown blood again. NOT AGAIN!!!, I screamed inside of me as I sat on the toilet and cried. My time was over mourning right now as I walked out of the bathroom to care for my children. I again, called two Elders in my Ward and asked for a blessing. This time it mentioned that all will be well with me and that I will be able to raise this child. OK I am thinking, it did not mention if it was to be this life or the next life. Earlier that Morning I called David and told him the bad news. After the Elders left , David called and I told him that every thing was fine as I felt ok. That evening I started having Contractions. I tried laying down to see if they were going to go away. They didn't . I thought " So, this is what it is like to have contractions , as with my first two boys I was induced". I got things ready in the bathroom as I knew what to expect this time. I had one child already in bed and my then 6 year old step-daughter and my 2 year old son were still up. I was hoping that I would not deliver until all were in bed and asleep yet that is not what was meant to happen. It was July 24, 1999 at 6:00pm when I delivered. Again, I felt the gush of blood and went in the bathroom. I decided to push this time over a large bowel on the floor (easier than the toilet). The baby was half way out , still in the sack yet a piece of the sac was still attached to the uterus wall. I kept on pushing and trying to help it out. This lasted for about 1/2 an hour. I kept on praying that Heavenly Father would help me as I had two young kids in the living room who needed me. Finally it came out. I left the baby on a towel , sac and all and started to get cleaned up. I was getting weak as I was still bleeding so I had my daughter make me some orange juice (her first time at this). I drank that and was passing more clots. I started massaging my uterus so that it would clamp down. Finally I felt pretty good and got the towels in the washer and put the kids to bed. I then went in and opened up the sac. The amnio fluid was brown. It was a tiny boy. This was Moroni again, just another body, I knew it in my heart. He again looked perfect. He was a brownish, gray color. I figured that he died a week before I delivered him. The cord was very thin. Something was wrong , what could it be?? David called and asked what I was doing. I told him I just gave birth to his son. At first he didn't believe me. As I was talking to him I started getting very weak and knew I was going to pass out as I couldn't even hold the phone to my ear. I told David I had to go and hung up. (I am sure he was going crazy not knowing what was happening ). I then decided to sit on the toilet (as this is what happened with the first miscarriage) and push. I passed a huge clot and as soon as I did I felt great (physically). I held Moroni in my palm and tried to take a picture of him (came out blurry). I then put him in a plastic container and put him in the freezer as I did not want to bury him without David seeing him. David came home 3 months later and we buried him next to his first body. I felt so honored that I was the only one who carried him, felt him move and held him in my hand. He didn't know anyone else, only his momma. What a special boy I had. Trying so hard to come down to our family not once but twice and still didn't make it. He is a very special spirit.
We again tried to conceive a baby and it took a long while (at least for me). Finally in May of 2000 I again saw two line on the "pee" stick. Again we were so thrilled. Finally a baby. I decided to really take it easy. No lifting ANYTHING!! Eating very healthy, taking my prenatals and getting plenty of rest. 8 weeks into the pregnancy I again started to spot. WHY is this happening?????? I had two perfectly healthy boys and now this, again!!! I went in for another US and found out that I had a blighted pregnancy. I went home and waited. Waited again for another birth. On July 25,2000 I went in to go to the bathroom and I felt something drop into the toilet. I looked and there was a very small sac and the US was right ... NO baby. I flushed it down the toilet as there was no baby there. This was one of my easiest births, not much bleeding (just like a period), no contractions etc. Again, I mourn a third loss. When is this going to end??? My heart can't take any more. All my dream lost again.
Back to trying again. It again takes me a long time to conceive. Every month when my period comes I sit on the toilet and cry. How can I not get pregnant. Finally the happy day was in April of 2001. A baby is inside my womb again. I love being pregnant. I was so excited yet very scarred. Will I loose this one also?, was my big question. I had a strong feeling that I was having a boy again. Is it Moroni for the third try? I felt it was. I prayed hard that this one will stay in our family here on earth. I was so shocked as from 8 weeks on I felt this little one kick. I knew that this was going to be my miracle baby. He was so very strong. I started buying clothes here and there. Not alot as I didn't want to jinxs this pregnancy. Time went on and everything was going good. I was getting bigger and had to move into maternity clothes at 3 months. I even wondered if I was going to have twins because of the early movements I felt. The kids were having so much fun with this pregnancy. My 6 year old boy would hug and kiss the baby (my belly) every morning and night and my 4 year old would sing to the baby every morning. Life was great. Then in Aug. 6th I was having "gas" pains (so I thought). I figured it was something I ate. I went to bed that night and in the morning I awoke early and went to the bathroom. Again, there was blood on the tissue. I think by then I was so numb. I went in the bedroom and woke up David and told him we were going to have a baby today. " NO" he said. I went to get all the supplies. Here I am 20 weeks. So on Aug. 7, 2001 I am preparing for another birth. We had someone take the kids for us. I started having more contractions. This started at 6:00am and by 8:00 am I walked out of the bathroom and told David that it was over. I gave birth to another tiny baby. When my water broke at 6:00 am it was brown again. After I gave birth and laid the baby on the towel I looked down expecting to see a boy and instead I see a girl. My daughter whom we have waited for so long was finally here. Talk about a shock. She was just like her brother. Brownish , gray tiny for her size and very thin cord. So thin that I was able to break it with my fingernails as I was waiting for the placenta to be born. I laid her in a container and got to business on the delivery of the placenta. It took 12 hours to deliver the placenta. Finally we got things cleaned up and had the kids come home. We told them that the baby died and I gave birth to a sister. They all cried. They wanted to see her so we brought her out for them to see. They touched her and said their good-byes. This is really concerning us now. What is going on. We had two healthy births and then ever since we moved into this house we have lost all our babies. We decided it was time to figure out if it was the house with all the chemicals that they used for 53 years for embalming (which we didn't know until recently). We had the placenta tested and everything came back normal. I did find out that I have hypothyroidism and this could also be a cause, as ever since we moved here I have always been cold. It's so hard imagining that I have 8 children... 2 step children, 2 birth children and 4 Celestial Angels. We are TTC and pray that we will have a "crying" baby sometime.
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