The Two Towers PART#2
Meanwhile:
*Aragorn is still riding to Helm's Deep. He sees Saruman's army of Uber-Orcs*
Uber-Orcs- Oh-eeee-oh-ooooh!
Aragorn- Oh s***
*Rides even faster to Helm's Deep. Finally gets there. Enters fortress*
Aragorn- Hey everybody, I'm alive.
Everybody- *grunt*
Gimli- You smell worse then before. How is that possible?
Aragorn- Gimli, where is Theoden?
Gimli-Up in the Keep, crying over the loss of you.
Aragorn- *flattered* Really?
Gimli- NO! *laughs*
Aragorn- Stupid dwarf! *He starts walking towards Keep*
Legolas- *jumping out* BOO!
Aragorn- AUGH!
Legolas- It's just me, smelly man.
Aragron- Stupid elf!
Legolas- Hey! Amin feuya ten'lle.
Aragorn- What? Hey, I'm supposed to speak elvish.
(Hee hee hee)
Aragorn- It's not funny.
Legolas- Hey Aragorn, Lle naa haran e' nausalle.
Aragorn- What does that mean, Legolas?
Legolas- Ohhh nothing, Aragorn. *giggle*
Aragorn- Curses!
*Aragorn pushes Legolas out of the way and continues to the Keep. He gets to the doors*
Aragorn- Time for MY dramatic entrance. *He pushes the doors open and bursts in*
Theoden- *naked* EEEEEK!
Aragorn- EWW!
Theoden- *covering himself* Don't you knock?
Aragorn- I was TRYING to make a dramatic entrance. What were you doing?
Theoden- Never mind that. I thought you die- uh... fell.
Aragorn- I'm a king and king's can't die.
Theoden- That's what I said.
Later:
Aragorn- A great host of Uber-Orcs are headed this way.
Theoden- A great host you say?
Aragorn- Yes, a great host.
Theoden- So not a small host, a great host?
Aragorn- All of Isengard is empty.
Theoden- You went to Isengard?
Aragorn- Well, no...
Theoden- So how do you know all Isengard is empty?
Aragorn- I just assumed.
Theoden- Like you're assuming a great host of Uber-Orcs are headed this way?
Aragorn- No, I saw the Uber-Orcs.
Theoden- How many?
Aragorn- I didn't stop for a head count.
Theoden- How many would you estimate?
Aragorn- .....About 10,000.
Theoden- 10,000?
Aragorn- That's right, 10,000.
Theoden- You sure?
Aragorn- YES!
Theoden- *sigh* Let them co-
Aragorn- *interrupting* They are!
Theoden- Shut up! That was supposed to be my dramatic moment.
Aragorn- Well, mine got ruined so why should you get yours?
Fangorn:
Treebeard- Something is about to happen that has not happened for an age.
Merry- You'll stop talking?
Treebeard- No, Entmoot.
Merry- Whats that?
Treebeard- 'Tis a gathering.
Merry- A gathering of what?
Treebeard- Stop acting like a fool *hits Merry with branch* Really! "A gathering of what?" What do you think?
Pippin- Ents!
Treebeard- That's right.
Pippin- No look, Ents are coming.
Treebeard- Ents haven't done that since the Ent-Wives left.
Merry+Pippin- EWWWWWW!
Pippin- No, I mean I see Ents approaching.
Treebeard- Oh... *Ents approach, Entmoot begins*
Helm's Deep:
Theoden- Move all the useless people into the caves. I want every young lad abducted from the arms of their crying mothers and made ready for WAR. *They are*
Later:
*All the useful people are in the armory. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are in the corner making fun of people*
Aragorn- *points at one eyed man* Oh, that guy's gonna die for sure.
Legolas+Gimli- *laugh*
Aragorn- These are no soldiers.
Gimli- Not like us. *proud pose*
Legolas- The little bitches are scared too.
Everyone- *stops and glares at elf*
Legolas- ......Uh... Amin n'rangwa edanea.
Aragorn- Stop it! You know I don't understand you.
Legolas- Amin delotha lle.
Aragorn- LEGOLAS!!!!
Legolas- They're ALL going to DIE!!!
Aragorn- THEN I SHALL TAKE OFF RUNNING THEN.......I mean, THEN I SHALL DIE AS ONE OF THEM! *dramatically exits* YAY, I finally got my dramatic moment. Top that Gandalf.
Meanwhile up in the Keep:
King's Servant- Everything is ready.
Theoden- Who am I?
King's Servant- ....Uh...*seeing an opportunity* You're my servant, now bow down to me you senile old fool.
Theoden- WHAT? You ungrateful peasant. That was a rhetorical question.
King's Servant- Yes, of course sir. I was only joking sir. To...uh...lighten the mood sir.
Theoden- Well, your little joke just ruined my dramatic speech. I bet that Aragorn had something to do with this!
King's Servant- *dressing king* We can try it again sir. Ask the question and I'll just read from the script.
Theoden- No, no, it's too late. Now when you finish dressing me, go lock yourself up in the dungeon for that little "joke" you pulled.
King's Servant- Yes sir. Right away sir.
Later:
*Aragorn dresses himself in his trademark dirty, smelly, black leather rags while the theme to Batman the original television show plays in the background. Legolas enters*
Legolas- Forgive me. I should not make fun of you in elvish just because you don't understand.
Aragorn- It's okay Legolas. Wait, you were making fun of me?
Legolas- Oop's.....uh....I was also wrong to despair.
Aragorn- It's okay, I understand. You're an immortal elvish princeling and you're probably going to die here in a stone fortress, fighting another's fight. You'll never wander the power's of Mirkwood again. You'll never walk Fangorn or see those stupid cave's the dwarf will ramble on about. You'll never see me crowned king of the world. And you'll NEVER see the sea. NEVER feel it's serene call. Never see the gulls. OR the-
Legolas- SHUT UP!!! I GET IT!!! *puts fingers in pointy ears* LA LA LA LA!!!
Aragorn- Sorry, got carried away. I do that sometimes.
Legolas- And what makes you think I'll die and you'll live?
Aragorn- I'm king!
Legolas- I'm a prince!
Aragorn- But unlike you, I'll actually have a chance to rule.
Legolas- That doesn't matter. *Gimli enters*
Gimli- Lover's make up yet?
Aragorn+Legolas- Yes!
Gimli- Good, now one of you needs to help me undress. I haven't changed in over eight years and my mail-shirt seems to be stuck between some fat.
Aragorn- Not it!
Legolas- Not it......damn! *Just then an elven horn can be heard blowing from outside the fortress*
Aragorn- An elven horn!
Legolas- That is NO orc horn!
Aragorn- I didn't say it was.
Legolas-.......Uh....Let's go greet them. *Runs out of room. Aragorn follows*
Gimli- Hey, what about me? *Runs after them* (What else is he going to do?)
*They reach the gate. A small host of elves enter led by a familiar looking elf in desperate need of a tweeze*
Aragorn- HALDIR!
Haldir- ARAGORN!
Legolas- HALDIR!
Haldir- LEGGY!
Gilmi- *grunt* More elves!
Haldir- *to Aragorn and Legolas* I thought you were going to push the dwarf out of the boat into the Great River.
Gimli- WHAT???
Aragorn- Ix-nay on the drowned dwarf'a!
Haldir- So sorry.
Aragorn- It's cool. He'll forget later. He's been a little off since Gandalf hit him back in Moria.
Gimli- We went to Moria?!
Aragorn- See? So, what are you doing here, Haldir?
Haldir- I bring word from Elrond of Rivendell.
Aragorn- What does he say?
Haldir- He say's, "Men are weak!"
Aragorn- .......That's it?
Haldir- Well, no, there's more. He say's, "Even if you survive this war and Sauron is defeated and you made king and all that you hope for comes true, you will still have to taste the bitterness of mortality. Whether by the sward of the slow decay of time, you will die."
Aragorn- ....Uh-huh....Is that it?
Haldir- No, I'm supposed to laugh and taunt you for being "A weak, smelly, mortal man."
Aragorn- Can we skip that part?
Haldir- I think that would be best.
Aragorn- Was there no other message?
Haldir- Not from Elrond.
Aragorn- From whom?
Haldir- My lord Celeborn.
Aragorn- What does he want?
Haldir- He asks, "Why does everybody think I'm a nonentity?"
Aragorn- He has to ask?
Haldir- He's been asking everybody lately.
Aragorn- Was that it?
Haldir- No, Galadriel sends this message, *Pulls out scroll and reads*
"Hello remaining members of the Fellowship. How are you doing? I know how you're doing. Here are some elves to aid you in your little battle. I wasn't going to send any at first, but then that half-breed son-in-law of mine said I shouldn't so naturally I did. These elves aren't important enough to have names, so therefore expendable. Feel free to use them however you wish. They make great shields I'm told. As you can see I've sent Haldir with them. Those eyebrows were starting to get on my nerves. You'll notice he's the only one without a helmet. We couldn't find one that would fit his oddly shaped head. Don't worry about finding him one. It wouldn't be that big of a loss if he died. Well, good luck.
Much love, Galadriel."
Aragorn- She seems......different.
Haldir- One of the hobbit's forgot their pouch of "pipeweed" and she decided to smoke it all at once. She's been...different ever since.
Aragorn- I should have guessed. I've often said that one cannot smoke hobbit-weed without being temporally changed.
Legolas- You've never said that.
Aragorn- Shh! Is that every message?
Haldir- Just one more.
Aragorn- *sigh* From?
Haldir- The lady Arwen.
Aragorn- Arwen?
Haldir- That's right, Arwen. She say's, "If you love me you will lose this war for me."
Aragorn- WHAT???
Haldir- She wants you to prove your love by losing.
Aragorn- I-WILL-NOT-LOSE!
Haldir- Than you do not love her.
Aragorn- Is she serious?
Haldir- NO! *laughs*
Aragorn- Stupid elf!
Haldir- She did yell something about a "Skanky shieldmaiden," but I couldn't make out the rest.
Aragorn- That's okay. Come let us prepare for battle.
Haldir- Hey, you're not going to use me as a shield are you?
Aragorn- Would I kill a defenseless old man wondering Fangorn alone?
Haldir- I don't know?
Aragorn- We'll see.
Later:
*The great host of Uber-Orcs reach the valley below Helm's Deep. Everyone is standing on the fortress wall waiting for Orcs to hurry up and get there*
Gimli- *can't see over wall* I cant see anything.
Legolas- I can see everything with my super, pretty, and occasionally blue elvish eyes. *Aragorn enters*
Aragorn- Why don't you have on a helmet, Legolas?
Legolas- Because then nobody would see how pretty I am. *Storm comes*
Thunder- *BOOM*
Lighting- *FLASH*
Legolas- I think it might rain.
Aragorn- Your powers of observation stun me.
Legolas- Your friends are with you, Aragorn.
Aragorn- I don't have any friends. Just people who wanna use me because I'm the king and can really kick ass in a fight. *sulk*
Lighting- *FLASH*
Thunder- *BOOM*
Rain- *POUR*
Uber-Orcs- *march march march*
Useless People In Caves- *yawn*
Uber-Orcs- *march* Whoo-hoo, finally here!
Aragorn- *to anyone who cares* I'M REALLY THE KING!
Uber-Orc On Rock- Grrrrrr
Other Uber-Orcs- *stop*
Useless People In Caves- *yawn*
Gimli- What's happening out there? Could you describe it to me Leggy?
Legolas- Shall I describe it to you, or would you like to sit on my shoulders?
Gimli- Shoulders, please!
*Legolas puts Gimli on his shoulders*
Gimli- This is nice.
Legolas- Will you braid my hair, Gim's?
Gimli- *braiding Legolas's hair* That's a lot of f****** Uber-Orcs.
Uber-Orc On Rock- Let's get ready to RUUUUUUMBLE!
*Other Uber-Orcs start jumping around and making more noise then those annoying Stomp people. Old man shoots Uber-Orc in the arm with arrow. Uber-Orc falls dead. Pissed off Uber-Orcs have no choice but to fight back. They charge and..... So it begins*
Theoden- HEY! (Sorry, couldn't help it)
*Orcs use ladders to get up over the wall. Legolas and Gimli start a barbaric Orc killing competition*
Entmoot:
Merry+Pippin- *yawn*
Treebeard- Don't be hasty.
Merry- Shut up!
Helms Deep:
*Still fighting*
Theoden- Is this all you've got Saruman? *Uber-Orcs put C4 in drain*
Olympic Runner Uber-Orc With Torch- *run run run suicide jump*
Wall- *BOOM*
Theoden- Oop's!
Uber-Orcs- Whoo-hoo! *Continue fighting*
Entmoot:
Treebeard- Yeah, We've decided not to do anything.
Merry- Pussy?!
Treebeard- Not since the Ent-wives left. *sigh*
Merry+Pippin- EWWWW!
Treebeard- Go back to your home.
Merry- But I haven't proved myself to....myself yet.
Pippin- Maybe we should go home. What are we gonna do anyway? All we're good for is getting people killed.
Merry- No, that's all you're good for.
Pippin- Hey!
Merry- It's true.
Pippin- I know, but cheap shot.
Merry- I'm going to do something heroic before the end.
Pippin- Oh, like what? Slay the Witch King or something? *laughs*
Merry- No, nothing that stupid. I'll let Gandalf deal with him. He is a "powerful wizard" after all.
Merry+Pippin- *laugh*
Helm's Deep:
*Still fighting*
Aragorn- *gasp*
Legolas- What?
Aragorn- We're missing tea time.
Legolas- *gasp*
Aragorn- EVERYBODY STOP! *Everybody stops*
Men- What?
Elves- *brushing hair* Huh?
Uber-Orcs- Grrrrr
Aragorn- WE'RE MISSING TEA TIME!
Elves+Men- *GASP*
Theoden- Good lord, are we really?
Aragorn- EVERYBODY SIT DOWN AND HAVE YOUR TEA AND BISCUITS!
Random Person- Oh, not biscuits again.
Other Random Person- HOW BOUT A NEWTON?
Random Person- NO! A witch turned my into a newt.
Aragorn- A NEWT?
Random Person- Well, I got better.
Other Random Person- I SAID A NEW-TON!
Aragorn- Oh...
*Confused Uber-Orcs stand nearby scratching their butt's and watch in amazement as everybody sits down to tea and.... whatever they decided to have with tea*
Later:
*Battle continues*
Theoden- We're losing. Let's hide in the Keep.
Everybody- RUN AWAY!
Aragorn- FLEE!
Man- *using elf as shield* It's not working! *gets shot* OW! See? *dies*
Aragorn- HALDIR!
Haldir- What? *Turns to see what Aragorn wants, Uber-Orc stabs Haldir from behind*
Aragorn- *runs to elf* HALDIR!
Haldir- What did you want?
Aragorn- I was going to tell you that an Uber-Orcs was behind you.
Haldir- Thanks...
Aragon- You fought bravely, just not good enough.
Haldir- Huh?
Aragorn- I do not know what strengh is in my blood, but I swear to you, I will not let the White City fall. Nor our people fail.
Haldir- Wrong death scene!
Aragorn- Oh....Uh... What do I say now?
Haldir- *gives Aragorn copy of The Two Towers* Read!
Aragorn- *flipping through pages* You're not in here.
Haldir- What?
Aragorn- You're not here. No elves should be here other then Legolas.
Haldir- WHAT??? Curse that Peter Jackson! *dies*
Aragorn- *to camera* They will look for him and his eyebrows coming from Caras Galadhon, but he will not return. *shurg* Oh, well!
*Aragorn continues to Keep*
Aragorn- I'm here!
Theoden- Good, now go back out.
Aragorn- Why?
Theoden- You need to keep the Uber-Orcs away from the door so I can board it up.
Aragorn- Oh, like a...uh.....you know...What's the word I'm looking for?
Legolas- *from outside* A diver-
Gimli- A DIVERSION!
Legolas- *from outside* Stupid dwarf!
Theoden- *to Aragorn* Take the dwarf too.
*Aragorn and Gimli slip out a side door. Aragorn sees lots of Uber-Orcs outside Gate*
Aragorn- I think Theoden wants us dead.
Gimli- Why?
*Aragorn shows Gimli Uber-Orcs*
Gimli- I can take'em.
Aragorn- I'll have to toss you.
Gimli- NOBODY TOSSES A DWARF! *Starts to jump*
*Aragorn picks Gimli up and throws him at Uber-Orcs*
Gimli- AAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! *thud*
*Aragorn jumps. They fight off Uber-Orcs*
Theoden- *putting last board up* Gimli! Aragorn! Thanks!
Gimli+Aragorn- Let us back in.
Theoden- What's that? Sorry, can't hear you. *Nails up board*
Gimli+Aragorn- What a jerk.
Legolas- *from above* I'll save you. *Throws down rope and pulls Aragorn AND Gimli up at the same time, all by his pretty self*
Fangorn:
Treebeard- I'll take you west.
Pippin- No, take us south.
Treebeard- But that will lead you to Isengard.
Pippin- Whats your point?
Treebeard- Perhaps you're right.
Merry- Right about what?
Pippin- You weren't paying attention?
Merry- I was busy sulking.
Pippin- We're going to Isengard.
Merry- YAY! I knew those dead beat Ents were good for something. So what made them change their minds?
Treebeard- The Ents aren't going.
Merry- Huh?
Pippin- Just you and me, Merry.
Merry- Huh? What? Huh? Will be caught.
Pippin- Probably, but it keeps are characters important to the plot.
Merry- What do you mean "keeps?"
Osgiliath:
Frodo- The Ring will not save your rundown city. Let me go!
Faramir- I would love nothing more Frodo, but you must understand, I have to read from the script. Even if it makes me out to be an ass.
Frodo- Curse that Peter Jackson!
Faramir- Come, we must hurry.
Frodo- You must let me go.
Sam- What about me?
Frodo- LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GOOOOOOOOO!
Faramir- Do you WANNA go back in the sack?
Edge of Fangorn:
Treebeard- ....and then the Ent-wives would climb up sometimes, and they'd tickle me awfully. They were always trying to get somewhere where they shouldn't-
Pippin- EWWW!
Merry- Look, dead tree's!
Treebeard- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Many of these tree's were my friends.
Merry- Riiight.
Treebeard- SARUMAN! AAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!
Merry- Wha'd you do that for?
Treebeard- Thought I'd let Saruman know I'm pissed.
Merry- Stealthy!
*Other Ents come..... approach and they march to Isengard*
Osgiliath:
*Men let Frodo out of sack*
Frodo- ...mE GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO-
Random Man- *to Faramir* What the hell is this and why is it yelling?
Faramir- Never mind.
Frodo- Sam you must create-
Legolas- *from Helms Deep* A diversion!
Frodo- ...so I can get away.
Sam- *sigh* Okay, Mr. Frodo. If you say so.
Faramir- *to random man* Take them to my father.
Sam- You wanna know what happened to Boromir? You wanna know how your brother REALLY died?
Faramir- I thought you weren't around.
Sam- I wasn't. But......
Music- Dun dun dun
Sam- .... Mr. Frodo WAS!
Everyone- *gasp* *glare*
Frodo- SAM!
Sam- Well, you said to create a......thing.
Faramir- *sniffle* Did you kill my brother Frodo?
Frodo- NO!
Man- WATCH OUT!
Bolder- *CRASH*
Tower- *CRUMBLE*
Everything- *silence*
Frodo- They're here!
Sam- Eeeeek! The Poltergeist?
Nazgul- SCREECH!!
Faramir- NAZGUL! HIDE!
Nazgul- SCREECH!!!
*Faramir tells Frodo and Sam to stay put while he runs off leaving the hobbit's unguarded. They do*
Helms Deep:
*It's the first light of morning and the important people are hiding out in the Keep*
Theoden- It's over! We lost! Gandalf has forsaken us! Kings can probably die! Bush is president! All my favorite shows keep getting canceled! *SULK*
Aragorn- Is there a way for the useless people to get out of the caves?
Man- Who cares about them?
Theoden- So much death! So much blood! So much noise! So much cursing! *SULK*
Aragorn- Well, we are at war.
Theoden- What can men do against such ill fortune?
Aragorn- *proud pose* Ride out with me.
Theoden- For noble bravery?
Aragorn- For dramatic effect, for the audience.
Theoden- Yes! YES! YEEEES! The horn of Hamburgerhead shall sound in the Deep. One last time!
Gimli- YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! *Excited dwarf goes to blow the....uh....horn*
Theoden- *to Aragorn* Let this be the hour when we test that king dying theory.
*Aragorn strikes another proud pose and raises head in a very soap-operaish moment*
Horses- Neigh!
Aragorn- Horsies?!
Theoden- They just appeared. Like magic.
Door- *BOOM*
Theoden- LET'S GO KICK SOME-
Horn- *BLOW*
Door- *CRASH*
*With that they ride out to meet their foe, slashing, hacking, plowing as they go. Just then the arrogant neighing of Shadowfax comes from the hill above the fortress*
Aragorn- Gandalf!
Gandalf- *to Eomer* We've watched long enough. It's time we go help.
Eomer- Aww man!
Gandalf- Stay behind me. I must be in the lead. This will truly be my awe inspiring entrance.
Eomer- Whatever just don't ride too slow old man.
*With the sun dramatically backlighting them, Eomer and his band of not so merry men ride down to battle, Gandalf in the lead*
Aragorn- Curse that Gandalf and his awe inspiring entrances! *shakes fists at Gandalf*
*The stunned Uber-Orcs turn to fight the new comers. Of course everyone else stops fighting too. Though they have the perfect opportunity to kill the enemy, being that their looking the other way. More fighting*
Isengard:
*Ents knock down wall, kill Orcs and break the dam causing the river to flood the place*
Osgiliath:
Nazgul- SCREEEECH
Frodo- *to Nazgul* Hello!
Sam- What are you doing?
Frodo- *to Nazgul* Lookie, what I have. *Shows Nazgul Ring*
Nazgul- SCREECH! Stupid hobbit, now the dark lord knows where the Rings at.
Frodo- Didn't think about that.
Nazgul- Neither did Peter Jackson.
Frodo- Curse him! Must.....put.......on........Ring...
Sam- No you don't.
*Sam garbs Frodo from behind and they go rolling down stairs. Frodo lands on top of Sam and draws out Sting*
Frodo- I told you to quit grabbing me from behind, Sam.
Sam- I didn't mean nothin' by it, honest. *sniffle*
Frodo- *melodramatically falls back and drops Sting* I cant do this, Sam.
Sam- I know. Its all wrong. By rights we should even be here. But we are.
Frodo- Curse Peter Jackson!
Sam- Its like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The kind they turn into movies. When film makers end up changing a lot of things. And sometimes you didn't want to see the ending, because how could it end right when so much stuff had been changed. But in the end, it's only a passing thing. The director, even the screen writers must stay somewhat true to the story. A new scene will come. And when it does it'll be that much more dramatic. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were to stupid to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Those movie makers had lots of chances of making it right only they didn't. They kept going, because they were holding on to something.
Frodo- What were they holding on to, Sam?
Sam- That there's some dignity left in Hollywood, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth destroying.
Faramir- * eavesdropping* I hope at last you understand my actions, Frodo Baggins.
Frodo- I know, you wanted to let us go in Ithilien like in the book, but the screenwriters wouldn't let you.
Man- *to Faramir* If you let them go, your life will be forfeit.
Faramir- Oh, what's daddy dearest gonna do? Burn me alive?
Helms Deep:
*The battle is over. Everyone with a name is alive. Well, except Haldir that is. Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Theoden and Eomer are looking at Mordor in the distance*
Gandalf- The battle for Helm's Deep is over. The battle for Middle-Earth is about to begin.
Everyone- Aww man!
Theoden- You know, Mordor shouldn't even be visible from Rohan.
Everyone- Shh!
Gandalf- All our hopes now lie with two little hobbits-
Merry+Pippin- *from ruins of Isengard* Us?
Gandalf- NO!
Merry+Pippin- *from the ruins of Isengard* Awww! *sulk*
Gandalf- Somewhere in the wilderness.
Ithilien:
Sam- Do you think they'll ever put us into songs or tales?
Frodo- Maybe. Then someday they'll make a movie out of it.
Sam- Aww man!
Frodo- Hey, where's Smeagol?
Meanwhile a few feet away:
Smeagol- Master broke his promise. I thought he was our friend.
Gollum- You have no friends.
Smeagol- You're my friend.
Gollum- Gollum has no friends, Gollum needs no friends!
Smeagol- Oh.....
Gollum- We hates hobbit's.
Smeagol- Yeah, stupid hobbit's.
Gollum- Let's kill'em.
Smeagol- It's to risky.
Gollum- What are they gonna do?
Smeagol- You haven't heard fat hobbit's old Gaffer's sayings have you?
Gollum- No.
Smeagol- It's better to have somebody else do it.
Gollum- Who?
Smeagol- Her!
Gollum- Yes, her!
*Gollum jumps out from behind tree*
Gollum- I'M SMEAGOL!!!
(Can't fool me. I just heard your little conversation)
Gollum- Oh.....are you gonna tell hobbit's?
(No, if they're too stupid to see that you're a foul wretched little beast then they deserve what they get)
Gollum- Thanks! COME ON HOBBITS! *Hobbit's come....uh....follow Gollum*
The End