Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring PART ONE
Prologue:
Galadriel Voice Over- The world has changed and much that once was is lost (Really?). Back in the day the elves, who are supposed to the "wisest" of all beings decided to trust a guy named Sauron. Even though he had been the grand marshal of the Evil Pride Parade for the better part forever. So they made rings for all the important races of Middle-Earth. Three for Elves, Seven for the Dwarves (One for Grumpy, Dopey, Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, etc...), and nine for mortal men. In these rings they foolishly put the power to govern each race. But they were all deceived by Sauron (Who didn't see that coming?).
In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, Sauron forged his own Ring. A Ring that could control all others. With this Ring, Sauron took over the free lands. Then some men and elves, aka the Last Alliance fought against the armies of Mordor. They were actually winning until Sauron came out and started beating people with his big club thing. He killed the King, which pissed off the kings son Isildur. He then used his fathers broken sward to cut the Ring from Sauron's hand. He should had destroyed it (Lucky for us he didn't). He took the Ring for his own. The Ring then put a hit out on him, and some time later he was killed by Orcs.
The Ring was lost at the bottom of a river. Time past. Some things were forgotten that probably shouldn't have been (Elves fault again). Then one day the Ring was found. The hobbit like creature Gollum took it deep into the Misty Mountains and there the Ring consumed him.
Gollum- My Precious!
GVO- The Ring gave Gollum unnatural long life and was his only friend until when chance came, it deserted him. Something happened then an inanimate object with no brain could have predicted. The Ring was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. A midget...... I mean a hobbit!
Bilbo- Oh, a pretty ring. Probably belongs to someone. *puts the Ring in his pocket*
GVO- Bilbo Baggin's a hobbit from the Shire. For the time will soon come when hobbits will save all are asses
The Shire: 60 years later
Frodo- *In woods alone "reading a book" when he hears a familiar voice*
Gandalf- *singing* The road goes ever on and on, until you finally fall off a cliff!
Frodo- You're late, Gandalf!
Gandalf- I'm never late, Frodo Baggins!
Frodo- Yes you are, Bilbo was expecting you days ago. It's not polite to keep people waiting.
Gandalf- You listen here, I'm a wizard and wizards arrive when and where they want too! Got it?
Frodo- .......... It's wonderful to see you, Gandalf! *jumps on Gandalf*
Gandalf- Get off me! *pushes Frodo off*
Frodo- Sorry!
Gandalf- I wasn't going to miss your uncle Bilbo's birthday party. He's giving out free weed.
Frodo- So what's new? Tell me everything!
Gandalf- Nothing has happened and nobody care's about you hobbits.
Frodo- Bilbo's been acting odd. I think he's up to something.
Gandalf- I'm sure it'll all work out, for him at least.
Frodo- What do you mean?
Gandalf- Oh, nothing Frodo.
Frodo- Well, Gandalf I'm glad you're here, but not enough to stay, c-ya.
*He leaves. A few minutes later Gandalf arrives at a hobbit hole with a sign in front that reads "Don't Comma Knockin If This Hobbit Holes A Rockin'*
Gandalf- Knock Knock
Bilbo- Go Away!
Gandalf- It's Gandalf!
Bilbo- *mutters* I know....... *opens door* Oh, Gandalf!
Gandalf- You look the same!
Bilbo- I'm butter!
Gandalf- I can't believe it!
Bilbo- I wanna see the mountains again, Gandalf.
Gandalf- I don't care about your problems, hobbit!
Bilbo- Wanna smoke some weed?
Gandalf- That's the only reason I'm here! *They light up*
Bilbo- Look, I can make a smoke ring!
Gandalf- A ring, huh? That reminds me of somethng.........Nope, I lost it.
Bilbo- Oh, look my parties started!
*Hobbits dance and eat and drink and smoke until Bilbo must make a speech*
Hobbits- No speech, Bilbo, please!
Bilbo- *gets up to make speech*
Hobbits- Boo!
Bilbo- I like some of you, I don't like most of you and I'm better then all of you!
Hobbits- YAY!
Bilbo- I have to go! *puts on Ring and disappears*
Hobbits- YAY!
Bag End:
Bilbo- Idiots!
Gandalf- Do you think that was funny?
Bilbo- Yep!
Gandalf- Are you leaving now?
Bilbo- That's why I'm packing!
Gandalf- So you're giving everything to Frodo, including your Ring?
Bilbo- Not everything, but yes, he gets my Ring.
Gandalf- Where is it?
Bilbo- In my pocket!
Gandalf- Take it out and leave it!
Bilbo- You want it for yourself!
Gandalf- Bilbo Baggins, do not take me for some conjurer of cheep tricks! *Pulls bunny out of pointy hat*
Bilbo- Eeeeek!
Gandalf- Oop's, I forgot you're afraid of bunnies!
Bilbo- I better leave before Frodo gets here and starts crying.
Gandalf- Bilbo, the Ring is still in your pocket.
Bilbo- Oh right.........*takes out the Ring and puts it on the floor, directly in front of the door* So long suckers! *He leaves*
Later:
Frodo- BILBO?
*Gandalf, who remained at Bag End after Bilbo left is smoking his pipe and has become fascinated with the fire in the fireplace, when Frodo runs in and trips over the Ring. He's a very clumsy hobbit*
Frodo- {thud} *gets up* He's gone hasn't he?
Gandalf- *still starting at the fire*
Frodo- Gandalf? *waves shiny Ring in front of Gandalf*
Gandalf- *realizing Frodo's there* Bilbo's gone, the Ring is yours!
Frodo- I don't really want it!
Gandalf- Some things we don't want we have to have and some things we want we cant get, can you change that Frodo?
Frodo- What?
Gandalf- Well, I'm off. Keep the Ring secret.
Frodo- But half the Shire knows about it already!
Gandalf- Keep it safe! *He leaves and rides to Minas Tirith*
Frodo- Eeeeek! Who let a bunny in here?
The Tower of Barad-dur, in Mordor:
Gollum- AAAUUUGGGHHH! NO MORE DR. PHIL!!! SHIRE! BAGGINS!
Minas Morgul:
*Nine riders dressed in black robes, riding black horses, silhouetted with an eerie greenish light ride off*
Minas Tirith:
Gandalf- *looking through old scrolls.......... finds one that interests him..........reads scroll* "Your Ring is probably really evil. To know for sure put the Ring in fire. If evil Black Speech runes appear, then your Ring is definitely evil"......... Oh, crap!
The Shire some time later:
*Hobbit chopping wood with hobbit sized dog next to him*
Dog- Woof! Woof! Woof!
Black Rider- Shire? Baggins?
Hobbit- Hmm, thats not really a question and you do look evil and creepy, but I'll still tell you what you want to know. You'll find the Baggins up in Hobbiton. Just go straight down that road until you reach a small river, turn left and that will lead you straight to Hobbiton and the Hobbit you seek.
Black Rider- That was easy, thanks!
Hobbit- No prob!
Hobbiton:
*Frodo is just getting in from a night of drinking. He walks in to find the door wide open and all the candles blown out*
Gandalf- *jumps out of a dark corner and grabs Frodo*
Frodo- AH! What the hell are you doing? Why are all the lights out?
Gandalf- Just thought I'd give you a little scare.
Frodo- So everything's okay?
Gandalf- No, I need to see your Ring.
*Frodo give's Gandalf the Ring and Gandalf throws it into the fireplace*
Gandalf- Light the fire, Frodo.
Frodo- Can't you use your magic?
Gandalf- I cant do everything for you Frodo, now light the fire.
Frodo- *lighting fire* It was lit before you broke in and put it out! *They wait*
Gandalf- Okay, take the Ring out of the fire.
Frodo- You threw it in!
Gandalf- FINE! *he uses tongs to remove the Ring* Hold out your hand!
Frodo- It'll burn!
Gandalf- Dear Frodo, would I do anything to hurt you? Trust me, it's quite cool!
Frodo- *holds out hand, Gandalf puts Ring in it* {sizzel} AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!
Gandalf- Does it burn?
Frodo- YES!
Gandalf- The Ring?
Frodo- NO, you touched my hand with the tongs.
Gandalf- Did I? Oops! Well, look at the Ring, can you see anything? Writing maybe?
Frodo- It's some form of elvish. What does it say, Gandalf?
Gandalf- How should I know? It does mean that the Ring is evil though. The full story is long and dark and shouldn't be told in the middle of the night. *Gandalf proceeds to tell Frodo the long dark tale in the middle of the night*
Frodo- How scary!
Gandalf- It gets worse. The dark lord now knows you have his Ring and has sent his most evil and deadliest servants to find and kill you.
Frodo- You take the Ring then!
Gandalf- I cant! The Valar wont let me have another one.
Frodo- Then I have to leave the Shire?
Gandalf- That's what I was getting at!
Frodo- Will you come with me?
Gandalf- ......Uh.......No, Frodo I have....uh.. something....uh...very important to do.
Frodo- Like what?
Gandalf- DO NOT MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF WIZARDS FRODO BAGGINS!!!
Frodo- How am I supposed to get there?
Gandalf- Walk!
Frodo- You have a horse, wouldn't it be easier, faster and safer if you took me?
Gandalf- No, Frodo this is your task.
Frodo- It'll be really dangerous if I go alone though.
Gandalf- So take a few friends. You can use them as decoys. While the enemy kills them you and the Ring can get away safely.
Frodo- Good idea, but I should take the gardener Sam Gamgee too. He'll carry all the heavy stuff!
Gandalf- Good, good, Frodo, make it so! I must go do that thing I mentioned.
Frodo- Where should I go?
Gandalf- Make for the village of Bree.
Frodo- The Ring will be safe there?
Gandalf- I don't know Frodo, I don't have any answers.
Frodo- Then what good are you?
Gandalf- I'll meet you at the inn of the Prancing Fairy.... I mean the Prancing Pony, you probably wouldn't want to go to the Prancing Fairy. I'll also stop by the gardeners shack on my way out and threaten him into going with you.
*He leaves and heads to Isengard to speak with Saruman the White, the head of his order*
Gandalf- *singing* I'm off to see the white wizard, the wonderful wizard of Isengard. Because, because, because, because, because, becouuuuuuse, because of the wonderful stuff he does.
Isengard:
*Gandalf arrives at Isengard and is greeted by an evil looking wizard*
Gandalf- I know where the One Ring's at!
Saruman- So does the Dark Lord!
Gandalf- You know this? How?
Saruman- I'm a wizard, hello!
Gandalf- You've been looking in the Palantir haven't you?
*They move to a large room. There is a pedestal in the center with a black orb on it*
Gandalf- A palantir isn't a toy Saruman, you shouldn't play with it.
Saruman- Why?
Gandalf- Because you don't know who's really on the other end.
Saruman- I do!
Gandalf- Who?
Saruman- Sauron! Mwa-ha-ha-ha
Gandalf- You're evil?
Saruman- Duh! Look at me!
*They fight. Saruman wins and locks Gandalf on top of his tower with no possible chance of escape*
Meanwhile: In a corn field
Sam- *stops walking* This is it!
Frodo- This is what?
Sam- If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest away from home, I've ever been.
Frodo- Stop whining, Sam!
Later:
Sam- So where are we going, Mr. Frodo?
Frodo- Didn't Gandalf tell you anything, Sam?
Sam- He said I had to call you "Mr. Frodo" and that if I didn't go he'd turn me into a little piggy.
Frodo- *laughs* That wouldn't be so different!...... Hey, do you smell smoke?
Sam- He also made me promise some stuff.
Frodo- What did he say? .......Seriously, I smell smoke!
Sam- Well, first he said "Don't you lose him Samwise Gamgee!" Then he said "Don't you eat all the food Samwise Gamgee!" And I don't mean too!.........It's getting kinda smoky...... *Just then two hobbits go running by*
Merry- Sorry were late Frodo, but you might want to run.
Frodo- Why?
Pippin- Because Merry just set the field on fire! *They stop on top of a hill*
Frodo- Why did you set the field on fire?
Merry- I didn't mean too!
Sam- What are they doing here?
Frodo- They're coming with us!
Sam- I thought it was just going to be us, Mr. Frodo.
Pippin- Well, Frodo asked us to come. I guess he wants actual friends on this trip, Samwise.
Sam- Sod off, Peregrin! *Pushes Pippin down the hill*
Pippin- ASSSSS YOOOUUU WIIIIIIIISSSSHHHH!
Merry- Wha'd you do that for? *Pushes Sam down the hill*
Frodo- Hey! He has all my stuff! *Push's Merry down the hill. Frodo then trips on a piece of grass and falls after his friends and Sam. He lands on top of the hobbits who are now fighting over mushrooms*
Merry- Ouch!
Pippin- Ow!
Sam- I didn't feel anything! *They get up*
Frodo- We should get off the road!
Hobbits- *Ignore him*
Frodo- Get off the road!
Hobbits- *Ignore him*
Frodo- GET OFF THE F****** ROAD! *They jump off road and hide under some tree roots*
Pippin- You didn't have to slap my ass when we jumped down here Frodo. And Sam you didn't have to reach around and try. (It's in the movie, I swear)
[JUST THEN]
Black Rider- SCREECH!
Frodo- Must.....put.....on......Ring!
Merry- I'll throw a bag of mushrooms to distract it *does so*
Black Rider- MUSHROOMS! *runs off*
*Hobbits run*
Frodo- We have to leave the Shire!
Marry- Bucklebury Ferry!
Frodo- No, we don't have time to visit your weirdo friends, Merry.
Merry- What? It's a boat!
Frodo- Oh....
Merry- Follow me! *They do*
Black Rider- SCREECH!
Sam- Run, Frodo, run!
Pippin- Come on, Frodo. If Sam 's fast enough to keep up, you are!
Frodo- GO, I'LL JUMP! *He does*
[SPLASH]
Frodo- Oop's! *climes up on ferry* How far until the nearest crossing?
Merry- How the hell should I know?
Later:
Frodo- Look, Bree!
Bree:
Frodo- We need to find the Prancing Pony.
Merry- You mean the Prancing Fairy?
Frodo- No, Gandalf said the Prancing Pony.
Merry- I've never been to that one!
Frodo-There it is! *They enter Inn*
Butterbur- I don't remember anything!
Frodo- M'kay, can we get a room?
Butterbur- All four of ya, eh? Sure you aint looking for the Prancing Fairy?
Frodo- NO!
Butterbur- All right young sir's, I meant no affiance. You can go wait in the common room.
Frodo- Is Gandalf here?
Butterbur- I don't remember! *he leaves*
*Hobbits enter common room and sit down*
Frodo- So we're finally here!
Merry- At least we didn't have to go through the Borrow-downs!
Pippin- Or the Old Forest. Never know what kind of singing freaks you'll meet in there.
Sam- What are we going to do without Gandalf?
Frodo- *Takes the Ring out and starts playing with it. It slips on his finger. Everything goes blurry* AUGH! Big Evil Creepy Fiery Eye, I remember now why I wasn't supposed to put the Ring on!
Big Evil Creepy Fiery Eye- Mwa-ha-ha-ha
Frodo- *Takes off the Ring*
Merry- Wha'd you do that for?
Frodo- So everyone would pay attention to me!
Pippin- What are we going to do without Gandalf?
Sam- I already asked that!
Frodo- I don't know, maybe take up with that strange dirty man that's been starting at us. *to strange dirty man* Oy, come on over!
Merry- What are you doing?
Frodo- Inviting him over!
Pippin- Why?
Frodo- He may want to help.
Strange Dirty Man- I know what hunts you. Are you scared?
Frodo- No!
Strange Dirty Man- You will be! YOU WILL BE!
Hobbits- ???
Strange Dirt Man- I want to help you!
Frodo- *to hobbits* See?
Strange Dirty Man- You can call me Strider, I'm a Ranger and a friend of Gandalf's. You can stay in my room tonight and in the morning I'll lead you to safety.
Merry- Frodo, can we have a word?
*They have hobbit huddle*
Merry- How do we know this Strider is a friend of Gandalf's?
Frodo- I think a servant of the enemy would look fairer and feel fouler.
Merry- He smells foul enough!
Frodo- We have no choice but to trust him.
Pippin- And why do we have to stay in his room?
Strider- *Poking Pippin with every word* So the Nazgul wont sneak into your room in the middle of the night and repeatedly stab you.
Pippin- *moving away from Strider* What are Nazgul?
Strider- *Zoom in and ominous music plays*They were once men. Great kings of men. Then Sauron the deceiver gave to then nine rings of power. Blinded by their greed they took them without question. One by one falling into darkness. They are the ringwraiths, neither living nor dead. At all time they fill the presence of the Ring, drawn to its power.
Frodo- That's great but WHAT are they?
Strider- *Zoom in and ominous music plays again* They were once men. Great kings of men. Then-
Frodo- I KNOW! WHO ARE THEY AND WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT THEM?
Strider- They're the Black Riders! They will never stop until they've hunted you down and killed you. We should get some sleep. *They do*
Isengard:
Palantir- Build me an army!
Saruman- OK!
Orc- What orders from Mordor? What does the Eye command?
Saruman- Cut down ALL the trees!
Palantir- When I said "build me an army," I didnt mean out of wood!
Meanwhile: *Gandalf's still stuck on tower*
Bree the next day:
*Strider, the four hobbits and Bill the pony set out*
Sam- Where are you leading us?
Strider- Hurry up little ones!
Pippin- Where are you leading us?
Strider- To Rivendell!
Sam- We're going to see the elves?!
Pippin- We're going to see the elves?!
Strider- Thats right, littleTook!
Sam- How come no one ever answers my questions?
Pippin- How come no one answers Sam's questions?
Merry- Because Sam doesnt ask very good questions!
Sam- Then how come Pippin always repeats me?
Pippin- Frodo, tell your fat servant to call me Mr. Pippin!
Sam- I'm not fat, I'm festively plump!
Frodo- ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP!
Sam- But Mr. Frodo I...
Strider- We can rest here tonight.
*They stop at what appears to have once been a great watch tower*
Strider- This was once a great watch tower! Here's four hobbit sized swards I just happened to have. Dont do anything stupid like light a fire while a go look around.
Pippin- We're on a hill, there's nothing to see! *Strider leaves anyway*
Frodo- I'm tired. I think I'll have a nice nap.
Later:
*Frodo wakes up to the smell of burning tomatoes*
Frodo- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Sam- Mr. Merry accidentally lit another fire, so we decided to cook.
Frodo- You're burning it!
Nazgul- SCREEECH!
Hobbits- Oops!
Nazgul #4- Will get you!
Nazgul #1/ Witch King of Angmar- Give us the Ring!
Frodo- NO! I'll just take it out and show it to you.......must......put......on....Ring! *He does. Everything goes blurry and Nazgul turn into really pale guys* Crap! Why do I keep doing that?
Witch King of Angmar- I'm gonna stab you with my special hobbit stabbin sward. *Does so*
Frodo- AUGH!
Strider- *back from doing whatever he was doing* I'll save you!
Nazgul- SCREECH! NO, A RANGER! WE MUST FLEE! *They do*
Frodo- Help me!
Sam- It would help if you took off the Ring, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo- Oh, yeah! *takes off Ring*
Sam- Mr. Frodo! *runs to Frodo*
Frodo- Oh Sam, where are my friends?
Merry+Pippin- Right here!
Strider- He's been stabbed, he needs medicine!
Merry- Really, ya think?
Strider- I must get him to the elves! *Picks up Frodo and takes off running*
Sam- What about us??? *They run after Strider*
Isengard:
*An army of Orcs are busy digging caverns, cutting down trees and making weapons. Saruman is watching mud pods give birth to his new army of Uber-Orcs. Gandalf is still on top of the tower*
Gandalf- I'm bored!
Moth- Me too!
Gandalf- Wanna do me a favor?
Moth- Depends!
Gandalf- Go get Gwaihir the giant eagle to come and rescue me.
Moth- Whats in it for me?
Gandalf- I promise I wont eat you!
Moth- Okay, be back at the exact moment you need rescuing.
Meanwhile:
*Strider needs a rest from carrying Frodo*
Sam- Frodo's going cold!
Nazgul- SCREECH!
Merry- They're close!
Strider- Sam, go off on your own and try to find some weeds.
Sam- Weeds? But I wanna stay with Mr. Frodo. Cant you send one of the others?
Strider- No, its to dangerous out there. I dont want to risk them. Now, go Sam, go! *Sam goes*
Merry- I hear a horse approaching.
Strider- Hide! *They do* Wait, I know that horse! It's Glorfindel on Asfaloth! *run's to greet the elf* Hey,
Glorfindel, over here!
Elf- It's not Glorfindel, it's Arwen!
Strider- Awren? But why do you have Glorfindel's horse?
Arwen- Because I knocked Glordindel out and stole his horse.
Strider- Why?
Awren- So I could come rescue you!
Strider- My little midget friend got stabbed. We need to be taken to Rivendell, quickly! *He picks up Frodo and puts him on Asfulath*
Sam- *coming back from his weed quest* What's going on?
Pippin- What's going on?
Merry- The elf's here to save Frodo. He's going to take him to Rivendell.
Pippin- I think that elf's a chick Merry.
Merry- I can never tell the difference.
Arwen- I'll take him, you stay here with the other's.
Strider- Aww, but it's really dangerous out here.
Arwen- I have to get back before Glorfindel wakes up and reports his horse stolen.
Strider- Okay then!
Arwen- Go, stolen horse, go! *They go*
Sam- What are you doing? Those wraiths are still out there!
Horse Ride:
*Arwen and Frodo are riding to Rivendell*
Nazgul- SCREECH!
Arwen- Faster horse!
Nazgul- SCREEEEEECH!
*They cross the river*
Nazgul- Give up the halfling, he-elf!
Arwen- SHE-ELF!!! Just for that my daddies going to raise the river and drown your stupid horses. *He does*
Nazgul- SCREEEECH! WHAT A WORLD! WHAT A WORLD! SCREECH!
Frodo- AUGH!
Arwen- Toto, no! Toto, don't give in!
Frodo- It's Frodo! *Passes out and everything goes white*
Rivendell:
Frodo- *waking* Where am I?
Gandalf- You're in Rivendell!
Frodo- Why didn't you meet us?
Gandalf- I was delayed! *Gandalf remembers how the moth came through and brought the giant eagle Gwaihir to rescue him. Gandalf feels slightly bad that he broke his promise and ate the moth anyway. But after all he was on that tower with no food for a long time*
Frodo- I thought you said a wizard arrives "when and where he want's too!"
Gandalf- He does!
Frodo- Then how were-
Gandalf- DO NOT MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF WIZARDS!!!
Sam- *running in* I herd raised voices. Frodo, you're awake!
Gandalf- Sam has hardly left your side. It's no wonder you didn't wake up until he was gone.
Later:
*Frodo decides to go for a walk. Sam insists on following*
Sam- La la la, it's nice here isn't it, Mr. Frodo? *Merry and Pippin come running up*
Sam- Least it was!
Frodo- Merry!
Merry- Frodo!
Frodo- Pippin!
Pippin-Frodo!
Sam- Sam!
*Frodo sees Bilbo*
Frodo- Bilbo!
Bilbo- Frodo, here read my book!
Frodo- You could have done better!
Meanwhile:
Elrond- The hobbit's alive, now get out of my house!
Gandalf- But the Ring?
Elrond- Gandalf, the Ring cannot stay here!
Gandalf- Thought that's what you'd say!
Elrond- Sorry, but the elves wont help this time.
Gandalf- Do they ever?
Elrond- Dwarves care nothing for the troubles of others.
Gandalf- Kind of like you then, huh?
Elrond- Men are weak idiots who couldn't destroy the Ring in the first place!
Gandalf- What should we do then?
Elrond- I've called a council for elves, dwarves and men!
Gandalf- You just said there useless!
Later that night:
*A man walks into a room with a pedestal in the center. On it is laid the shards of a sward. Above is a sign that reads: Narsil. The blade that cut the Ring from Sauron's hand. DO NOT TOUCH; IF YOU TOUCH ANYWAY PLEASE PUT BACK STRAIGHT*
Man- It reeks in this place! *Picks up sward*
Strider- The sign says "No touching!"
Man- I didn't see you there. You're a little dirty for an elf!
Strider- I am man! You may call me Strider.
Man- *Playing with sward* I am also a man. Do not let the dress fool you. My name is Boromir. I am a soldier of Gondor and defender of the White- OUCH!!! *he cut himself* It's still sharp. IT HURTS!
*With that the brave soldier of Gondor runs out of the room crying, dropping the sward in the process*
Strider- *Picks up sward and places it back on the pedestal, NOT STRAIGHT* Ha ha, that's what he gets for touching my sward!
*Arwen enters*
Arwen- Why do you fear the past?
Strider- I don't!
Arwen- You are Isildur's hier, not Isildur himself.
Strider-......Okay.....Wanna go for a walk?
Arwen- Sure, as long as we don't go past the stables.
Strider- Why?
Arwen- Because Glorfindel's down there crying over his horse, mumbling something about how I "stole his part"
Strider- I wonder what that's all about.
*They walk*
Strider- Do you remember when we first met?
Arwen- You thought I was one of my brothers and I mistook you for a bum and threw rocks at your head.
Strider- After that?
Arwen- You were in the house of healing for two weeks with head injuries.
Strider- After that?
Arwen- You took a bath!
Strider- After that?
Arwen- Not really, no!
Strider- You said you'd bind yourself to me. Forsaking the immortal life of your people.
Arwen- Whoa- whoa- whoa, I don't remember saying that!
Strider- I think you had too much ale and hobbit weed.
Arwen- Well, then to that I hold. I would rather share one life time with you, then face all the age's of this world with that confounded crybaby Glorfindel.
Strider- Good! I must go rest now. Tomorrow I must attend a "secret" council to which everyone is invited.
Arwen- I'm not! *pout*
The Not So Secret Council of Elrond:
*Some elves, some dwarves, some men, one hobbit and a "wizard" are sitting in a horse shoe like gazebo with a pedestal in the center*
Elrond- Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you've been summoned here-
Random Dwarf- WE, were invited, NOT summoned you tiara wearing-
Elrond- TO ANSWER THE THREAT OF MORDOR! Bring forth the Ring Frodo and place it on the convenient pedestal. *He does*
Everyone- *gasp*
Boromir- Lets use it!
Strider- We can't , I've already asked. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master!
Boromir- The midget seems to be doing okay with it, and what would a dirty Ranger know of this matter, anyway?
*An elf dramatically stands up*
Elf- This is no mere dirty Ranger! HE is Aragorn son of Arathorn and you owe him your allegiance.
Strider/Aragorn- Aww man, you spoiled my secret Legolas.
Elrond- ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! The Ring must be destroyed!
*A dwarf gets up and takes his neighbors axe*
Dwarf- Then what are we waiting for? *He swings the axe at the Ring and the axe breaks sending shards of metal flying*
Random Person#1- AUUUUGGGGHHH! MY EYE!!!
Dwarfs Neighbor- MY AXE!
Elrond- The Ring cannot be destroyed Gini son of whoever-
Dwarf- Gimli son of Gloin!
Elrond- I don't care. The only way to destroy the Ring is by walking into Mordor and throwing it into a volcano aptly named Mt. Doom! One of you must do this!
Random Person #2- You do it!
Elrond- I can't......... But the Ring MUST be destroyed!
Boromir- What if we fail, what then?
Legolas- *Dramatically getting up again* The Ring must be destroyed!
Gimli- *Getting up again* I suppose you think you can do it, eh?
Legolas- You spit on me, nasty!
*Everyone begins to fight*
Elves- rabble rabble rabble
Dwarves- rabble rabble rabble
Men- rabble rabble rabble
Frodo- I will take it!
Everyone- rabble rabble rabble
Frodo- I WILL TAKE IT!
Everyone- rabble rabble rabble
Frodo- *starts biting ankles to get their attention*
Everyone- rabble rab-
Frodo- I WILL TAKE THE RING TO MORDOR!
Gandalf- I will help you, Frodo Baggins.
Frodo- Great, I remember the last time you "helped" *sarcastically* "No Bilbo, leave the Ring for Frooodo"!
Aragorn- I will help too. You have my sward!
Frodo- The broken one?
Legolas- And you have MY bow!
Gimli- AND my AXE!
Boromir- FINE, I'll go too!
Sam- *running out from his hiding spot* Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere with out me.
Frodo- Dammit!
Merry+Pippin- *running out from their hiding spot* Wait! We're coming too!
Sam- Dammit!
Pippin- Merry want's to go because he has to "prove himself" or whatever, I just wanna piss off Sam.
Elrond- Very well, you shell be The Brotherhood of Evil Tacky Gold Finger Jewelry!
Everyone- *laughs*
Elrond- No? How about, The Companionship of the Ring? Or the Association for the Destruction of the Ring?
Everyone- LAME!
Elrond- Well, we can work on the name.
Sometime Later:
*Frodo's in Bilbo's room*
Bilbo- I have a few gifts for you, Frodo.
Frodo- .....Uh...No thanks, remember the last gift you gave me?
Bilbo- These are different. I got these on my thieving adventure.
Frodo- You got the Ring on your bloody thieving adventure!
Bilbo- Oh, yes you're quite right, it's all my fault. *starts to cry*
Frodo- It's really okay Bilbo....So what was it you wanted to give me?
Bilbo- Check this out! *he hands Frodo a hobbit sized sward and a chain-mail shirt* The sward is called Sting, it glows blue when Orcs are close. It's times like that you have to be extra careful!
Frodo- Well, duh! And what's this? *holds up chain-mail shirt*
Bilbo- Mitril, it's light, but hard.
Frodo- Fabulous! Much better gifts then the last one.
Bilbo- Oh, my Ring *starts to cry again* I'm sorry I brought this upon you my boy, I'm sorry for everything. It's all my fault. *he breaks down and starts screaming "WHY? WHY?"*
Frodo- ..... Well, I guess I'll be going now. *He leaves*
Bilbo- Ha ha ha, works every tim