An immature love says i love you because i need you; but a mature love says i need you because i love you.
if love makes someone perfect, despite his/her imperfections, you know you love someone when you love them not despite, but because of their imperfections." think about this for a moment. can one's imperfections ever make them more beautiful in your eyes?
Here is a collection of emails my friends sent me about what they think love is... recently i've been getting ask "who is your prince charming" well...people say that there is no "Mr. Perfect." But i think that its our journey through life trying to find him, or for him to find us. But i seriously think that we're all too young to have already "found" our "Mr.Perfect" although its kinda harsh i feel that what we find right now, pur relationships are stepping stones to find the pieces of the puzzle to piece together who our "Mr. Perfect" is. But just dont get too carried away in the process.
Cherish what you have now, you'll never know how much you love it until its gone
i realize that i did go maybe overboard in my thoughts in the e-mail,
going to extremes and such, but i did so to emphasize some points. i had
asked, "is it possible in the world today, to have a relationship with
someone else without it getting physical?" (NOTE: i think tim asks
wilson a similar version of the question in one episode of Home
Improvement, if a recall correctly.) what i intended to do by phasing the question
as such was not to say that it is necessarily wrong to have physical
elements in a relationship. yes, relationships do require some level of
intimacy.
one of the main points i was driving at was the problem of society. we
live in a society in which 17% of males have over 21 sexual partners
since the age of 18 (surprising, but true). this society promotes an
immoral way of living. i was attempting to explain how by promoting, or
even condoning, wrong, the world can be led to expect something about
relationships that is entirely wrong. succumbing to the world can then be
made an easy undertaking.
i think all this is in part related to the reasons why someone loves
another person. if i were to ask you, "why do you love _____ (fill in the
blank) ?", what would you say? think about this for a moment...
would you say, "i like him because he's funny, confident, spontaneous,
nice, and attractive."? would you say, "i like her because she's smart,
pretty, fun, and kind."?
if you think my answers to the question are good answers, i think you
fail to see what i have come to understand. "why do you love _____?" i
would rather someone respond, "i'm sorry, but i don't know why."
you see, in searching for reasons (i.e. attractive, smart, nice,
funny...), one objectifies love. we usually see love objectified in the
physical sense by society. for society, relationships are based in the
physical.
the answer to my question is simply: "i love _____ for who he/she is."
nothing more and nothing less. you love the person because they are who
they are and you love them for it. (sorry for the poor grammar on that
sentence.) i recall loretta's aim profile which had a quote that read
more or less: "love makes someone perfect, despite his/her
imperfections." i once wrote back to her saying, "you know you love someone when you love them not despite, but because of their imperfections." think about this for a moment. can one's imperfections ever make them more
beautiful in your eyes?
in the movie Apollo 13, tom hanks asks, "what are your intentions?" the
first time i saw the movie, i didn't quite understand what the question
meant...but now perhaps because of Dante's lesson of 'doing the right
things for the right reasons', i can better understand it's
significance.
the whole "manny the nice guy"/"nice guys finish last" thing may sound
stupid at first, but underlying this idea there are truths to be found.
manny in fact teaches each of us a lesson if we are willing to listen.
this lesson deals with one's intentions. perhaps it's darwin at work
again, but the what i called last time "sexually aggressive" guy will
usually beat out the so-called "nice" guy. what is the guy's intention,
however? why does the nice guy stay nice? when we watch a movie, and the
"sexually agressive" guy gets the girl, are expectations are fulfilled.
if, however, the "nice" guy gets the girl, we are made to think "like
that could happen in real life [sarcastic tone]". (NOTE: again, here, as
always, i am making an observation. by using the 'nice' guy example, i
seek not to speak highly of 'nice' guys or lowly of others. i also do
not mean to say that anything is right or wrong about 'nice'
guys/others. i am not claiming to be a nice guy that is crying about some si!
tuation. don't assume anything here. the 'nice' guy example was used to put a context on the question,
"what are your intentions?")
you see, if any two words describe the motives behind my meditations,
they would be "something greater." i started off by the "seemingly
stupid thought" of "isn't life stupid?" what i was searching for was
"something greater". isn't there something more to life than the situation?
isn't there something greater in relationships? is there something
greater, or should i accept/give into society's portrayal of relationships? i
wanted something greater in this life. i believe i have an idea of
something greater, but the world is too limiting. it's ways are not
conducive to my own. i, like Apple Computer, "think different".--Paul H
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13) Love is one of the things that happens to fall into place as time goes on. Life is a huge puzzle-- if you try and put a piece in at the wrong place, it won't fit. This can also be applied to love-- if you try to find love or intentionally try to get love out of a relationship-- it may or may not fit-- it will be wrong. Trying over and over again are one of the many lessons in life. Heartache and sorrow are also some of the lessons that are a part of the package. If you are able to put some other pieces of the puzzle together, such as a job, education, etc., the picture will become more clear. This will allow the space for the tricky puzzle piece of love to appear more easily. Life is just so random, and you just never know what will happen in this wacky world of ours. Love is the same thing-- random and wacky. --Merrill H
Let me add a little light to your thought provoking question. As you said love can not be objectified, and I completely and totally agree with you. However, keep in mind that, love also can not be generalized. What love represents for you, and what it represents for someone else may be entirely different. Let me give you a little example. Marc, for example, shows his love for Sara by buying her diamond errings every other week. However someone who is less fortunate may express their love less extravagently like through a poem, or strawberry soda left on a doorstep. But when we look beyond the objects, and the tangibles, what honestly is left are traces of love. How we love someone is our business, there is no one way, and there is surely no right way. If someone wants to express their love through physical acts, then so be it (we can only hope it is with a genuine purpose). Though most times as we know it, it is not. Paul both you and I have loved people who haven't loved us back. Many times that silence that kills every living organ in your body, every calculated and careful thought dedicated to that one person (many times gone unnoticed), every sacrifice (again gone unnoticed),every forgiveness, and every dream and desire unfulfilled, and every heartache, is your example of the most intense love. It wasn't for nothing Paul, trust me on that one. It will come back to you ten fold when you least expect it. So Don't look so far and don't look so hard, you've already learned to love in your own way. Your search to define love for everyone will lead you nowhere. The only definition you will ever find for love will be your own. That is why it is so precious, that is why its truly gold. Because it is your love, and only yours. And the person you one day choose to give that to will hold in her hand Paul's love, not mine,and not anybody elses. And she'll be a lucky girl, thats fo sho. Li'l Java aka Jawaid HAsan Stationwala
in response to the first part of jawaid's email:
indeed what i have said does present a generality. i realize this, and
i understand the personal nature of love. by presenting the idea of
one's intentions, i was seeking to remedy this generality, by inferring
that as long as one's intentions were pure, than so too is the love, no
matter how it is manifested/expressed, as long as it conforms to one's
faith.
in response to the latter part of jawaid's e-mail:
personally, i feel as though "every living organ" is doing just dandy.
:) perhaps jawaid went to extremes (as i did in message 11) to enforce
his point, i'm not sure. in dealing with the whole concept of
unreciprocated love, it must be made clear that not loving in return is no fault
of the one who does not love in return. it's not the person's fault if
he/she does not reciprocate the other's feelings. indeed going
"unnoticed" may be the impression one receives, but this is due to the other
person not wanting to give the wrong impression, not wanting (as the
phase goes) 'to lead you on'. this may be considered perfectly reasonable
way of dealing with a complicated, or uncomfortable situation.
i could go on a little more, but i will refrain from doing so since i
know not where i shall end up. i hope that in my reflections, i did not
come across as being preachy or anything. don't listen to me, listen to
yourself. (don't take the prior statement preachily either) :)
to all those of you who celebrate Easter, Happy Easter. i'll write to
you all in may sometime, unless i need to respond to another response to
clarify myself. (hopefully not) take care, everyone.
- PauL H
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