Commish Report
Week 1 - August 31, 2002
With a passing glance at the season opening week of 2002, it would appear that not much has changed in the new and third season of the LYA. Beaudin (8-2) is good, Dave Jones (2-8) is bad, and Barfield/fly and I (3-4-1) are both just plain ugly (LYA really only gets ugly when you are consistently middle of the pack). That son of a bitch Pops hit the five game teaser and has already won $100 in side bets this year. Yes it’s the same old, been there, done that, déjà vu all over again, yadda, yadda, yadda, bend over.
Game watching and tracking was spectacularly agonizing again this weekend, like creeping through a dark alley in Pakistan expecting a shiv in the kidney at any moment … and I felt right back at home. The problem is that at this home, I'm the redheaded stepchild to Woody Hayes. When I went to bed Friday night, I was right back in about week 10 of last year, convinced that though not a one of my games would even kick off for another 12+ hours, I had absolutely no chance to win. I saw nothing but dead-nut locks as I examined the picks on the sheet under the names Pops, Halvorsen and Beaudin. "How could I have missed these obvious picks?" I scolded myself. "Iowa, of course Iowa, there's no way they won't cover. Son of a bitch. BYU was a lock. This is so easy, how do I make it so hard!" I was already completely disillusioned like Macgruder after a Georgia loss to the Gamecocks; or better like Barfield watching me stand over a three-foot putt in the JCI. Ah the bittersweet mistress, how we've all missed the LYA.
But with the bitter, there is always sweet, and in this case that's Halvorsen's pain (sweet) to Beaudin's pleasure (oh so bitter). Not only did Beaudin win $260 in week 1, but he also regained the lifetime picking lead over Mick (short lived, my friend) by a half game. On the flip side, hopefully this sweet and potentially embellished account of a boozing Halvorsen restores your faith in the LYA like it did mine… until Thursday night that is.
Saturday, August 31
Charlotte, NC
A group of casual football observers including Beaudin and Halvorsen:
3:00 PM On the road to intoxication, DH casually stares away from the TV as the young Michigan kicker lines up the 44-yard potential game winner with much fear in his face. When asked if he was going to watch, DH responds that he doesn't need to watch. His confidence was so great that he is relieved by the field goal attempt rather than a heave into the end zone. He offers to bet anyone in the room $1000 on a miss. I wonder what was going through his mind as the kicker grooves it and ten yards after it leaves his foot, the outlook has obviously changed. Was it holy shit, I can't fucking believe we're going to lose this game, or was it holy shit, I almost just lost a grand.
6:15 Heavily impaired, DH sits at 5-0 as the group watches Missouri pull away from Illinois. The pleasure of watching the game live, which Halvorsen has doubled, has been afforded by the beauty of pay-per-view. $15.95 is a small price to pay to be able to fully enjoy your journey to a winning LYA week of $300+. Seeing his record run to 7-0, all the while angry and bitter like a caged animal poked by children at a zoo, the drunken weasel predicts that with absolute certainty, he will go 10-0 this week, the first perfect record ever recorded in the LYA.
6:30 With only one eye retaining the ability to focus, Halvorsen's brain has trouble processing the ECU/Duke and Miss St/Oregon scores that just rolled across the bottom of the screen. He's pretty sure that the dream is over, but at the same time that just doesn't seem possible; but then again he's not entirely sure if he's still conscious.
11:00 His good eye having failed him, he asks his "friends" at the bar what game is on the TV. He can't seem to make out the uniforms. This game is not his of course, but one can only wonder whether that in his mind, the outcome will make or break his run at a perfect 10-0 record.