Mat crossed the old, wooden floor of the small, rundown beach house that they had rented on Point Pleasant. It was a beautiful shore, possibly nicer than some of the beaches they had been to during their stay in Los Angeles. An old, wooden boardwalk was set in front of the identical shops that lined the beach. They laid almost parallel to the light blue water that lapped before the light brown sand, and this house was right in the middle of it all. From the outside, it looked magnificent; white roof, off white wooden siding that had been worn down from the strong winds of the ocean, light blue shutters enveloping the small, rectangular windows, and a beautiful pure white wraparound porch was the most wonderful finishing touch. The first time Mat had saw it, the first time the whole band had saw it, they fell in love with it. Though they knew that they would only be able to stay in it for 8 days, they were trying to make the most of their stay in the New York City area.

The first night of their stay in the beach house, they had gotten to it pretty late, but were still wired as a result of being in New York. As they got off the bus at Port Authority, they were almost blinded by the bright lights of the city. They walked down the crowded streets on Broadway in awe, their mouths slightly ajar while they took in what they were seeing. A large glass building stood to their right, while directly in front of them was a beer bottle, a huge cup of noodles, and a Discover card, sitting respectively on top of one another. But that was then and this is now, Mat thought as he stared at his lover.

"I can't believe that you're all mine." James had whispered to Mat the night before on the beach. They had watched the sun set, like a bright, burning marble slowly falling off of a table. James could feel Mat's large, gentle hands caressing his body, slowly moving down, from his neck and down his chest, finally resting on his naked pelvis. James slowly dug the heels of his sandy feet into the soft, wet sand to brace himself for what was to come. Though their routine never changed, this time was somehow different. This time felt like it was James's first time, the anticipation finally giving way into his lover's arms. When they were done, the sun was already beginning to rise, and they childishly ran back into their rented house, giggling like schoolgirls all the way.

The next evening, Mat awoke to the sound of children laughing outside of his window. He sat up on the old, wrought iron bed that he and James had slept on the night before and felt as though the old mattress was going to break. Quickly, he stood up, a loud, creaking noise accompanying his action, and he walked over to the chestnut drawers that stood next to the wooden doorway against the bland, white walls. While choosing what shirt to wear, he looked through the crack of space that was in between the door and the doorway and nearly fell down at what he saw. Not wanting to believe his eyes, Mat opened the door a little more to view the spectacle. In the open kitchen area across from his room, James and Charlie sat at the table, gingerly kissing.

"And then he kissed me like this," James told me, as he leaned in to demonstrate. We sat at the white, hexagonal table, where the remains of our Philly cheese steak dinner lay strewn about it. We had been talking in full detail about what the couple had enjoyed the evening before when we heard stomping coming from down the hall. "Who the fuck do you think you are!? I thought that yesterday meant something to you, like it did to me!" The hurt that Mat felt was apparent. Tears caressed the toped of his lower eyelids and his cheeks were bright red. As he stood in front of James, he couldn't help but think how much he loved Mat. But even James could see that saying I love you wouldn't make Mat's hurt go away.

Moving the tall, white candlesticks that he had found on of the small shops on the boardwalk, Mat got his bright yellow lighter out from his black blazer that was hanging in the closet. He placed the candles around the perimeter of the room, lighting them as he put them on the floor. As a finishing touch, he opened the window that faced the ocean, letting the breeze come in and tango with the flames. But even candles and ocean breezes could make him happy. The only one who could make him happy was James, he thought as tears ran down his cheeks and onto his pillow.

I knew something was wrong even before I awoke. My dreams had been filled with bright orange and yellow patterns, tears, and anguish. So I thought it was still a dream when I woke up later that night. I raced over to the door and opened it with a loud whooshing sound to find blinding flames dancing. Oh god, Mat! I raced into action, pounding on Charlie�s door. �Charlie! Charlie, get the fuck up and dial 999! Or whatever number emergency is! 911!! Dial it!� Charlie pulled open the door with great might, pounding the numbers into his phone. Mat�s still in there, oh god. I got the bucket that lay near the door for salt during the icy Northeast winters and filled it quickly with water. Running as fast as I could with a full 5 pound bucket of water, I threw it onto the burning door that led to Mat�s room. The flames had already engulfed half of the room, and Mat lay on the floor, surrounded by flames. As I struggled my way to the other side of the room where he lay, my eyes began to burn. The smoke had been stuffed into my throat, almost choking me. Placing one hand on my forehead and one hand on the floor to feel Mat, I closed my eyes and hoped to find him. I jumped as I felt a hand on my thigh. �Mattie?� I lay down next to him to see if he�s still breathing, if this is just not an illusion. As my head became weak with the heat of the flames, Mattie yelled to me, �Jamie, stay here, don�t move, and stay awake.� And with that, I gave in to the pressure that the smoke put on my lungs, and despite Mattie�s commands, I felt myself drift off to sleep.

I awoke to the sound of Mat�s breathing beside him. But when I opened his eyes, I saw nothing but blackness. Oh god�this cannot be happening, James thought to himself. After blinking hard a few more times, James called out for Mat. �Mat? MAT!� He heard rustling beside him. �Jamie! Thank god you�re up. How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?� James felt Mat�s rough hand in his. �I can�t see anything, Mat! Am I blind?�

Mat knew that this question had to come sooner or later. �Jamie, would you like me to start from the beginning?� A slight nod indicated that Mat should go on. Mat sighed, the words he had thought of so many times had left his mind. �There was a fire, Jamie. You came to look for me and the fire burned your eyes. That was three weeks ago, and you�ve been in a coma this whole time. The doctors have bandaged your eyes many times, and they don�t know if the blindness is temporary or not.� Mat saw a single tear form in James� fixed eyes. I never meant for this to happen, Mat wanted to tell James. But he couldn�t, not now.

After three long weeks of stiff backs, shitty hospital food, and pessimistic doctors, Charlie had finally received the news he had hoped for. He saw Mat�s weak, pale face appear from behind the white, metal door and before he could ask, he knew what Mat had appeared for. As Charlie nervously walked into the small, sterile room that James had been staying in, he felt as though a colony of butterflies had made his stomach their new home. �Hey mateage. How are you feeling?� James� head moved into the direction of the door from which Charlie had just entered. �Charlie? Hey. Well, I�ve been better. You?� �Eh, just glad to see you up. You want anything?� A nod of James� head answered as his voice would. �Well, I�ll just leave you two alone.� Charlie exited the room, wondering how different their life would now be.

�Jamie, I think we should talk, about, well, you know�� Mat�s uneasy voice broke the tension. James looked next to him where he knew the love of his life would be sitting. What I would give to see your beautiful face right now. �I never meant to hurt you, or cause you pain. I would never do that. You�re my one true love.� James told Mattie. �Even if I�ll never be able to see your face again, you�re always right here.� With that, James pointed to his heart, just as Mat leaned down to kiss his blonde lover on the lips. Suddenly, passion filled both young men�s hearts, as the tension of the past few hours was released in their kisses.

�Well, here it is! Welcome home, Jamie.� I tapped my cane on the floor of our new apartment that we were staying in. Mat had described it for me; small, but not too small, white walls, hardwood floor, and open rooms with windows on all sides that overlooked the 92nd Street. Still walking, my cane bumped into a soft, velvety sofa. �Ooooh, this is soft!� I yelled over to Mat. I set my cane down and groped around to find the seat of the chair. �See? I DO have good taste!� Mat said to me. I could hear the corners of his mouth forming a smile. �Yeah, but it�s probably a puke green or something!� I stuck my tongue out at him. But in a seductive voice, he replied, �Better keep that tongue of yours in your mouth; it�ll need its rest for later!� With that, Mat put his hand on my nearest leg to him, leaned in, and kissed me ever so softly upon my lips. His tongue tangoed with mine, as we slowly undid each other�s clothing. I ran my hand through his soft, blonde hair, while my other hand was massaging down his pants. I could hear a soft groan escape from his lips. �Oh Mattie!� I concentrated on his eyes, his big, deep blue eyes, now frozen with time. Because of me, they would be like that forever. I ruined his life. I froze his eyes and his mind. I jerked back suddenly, thoughts of all he would be missing out on rushed through my head. I had to leave. Quickly, I got up from the house and ran out the door. �Mattie, where are you going? Wait!� I watched him struggle to find his cane, his hands desperately flailing about. �James, I have to do this alone.�

He only called me James when he was serious. What had I done? Successfully, I found my cane and began for the door, picking my coat up from the floor to guard myself from the cold, Northeastern air. I used the cane as my eyes, finding the nearest newsstand before asking a few New Yorkers. �Excuse me, but where is the nearest newsstand?� I would ask. As a reply, I would get something unintelligible in a thick New York accent. �It�s right over there. Make a left at the next corner, walk three blocks, and its on the left.� Gosh, and Americans can�t understand OUR accents! Remembering what the man with the thick accent had said, I tried to find my way to the newsstand. Left at the next corner. Okay, got that. Then walk 4 blocks. Or was that 3? Oh man�� With my feet, I was able to find the nearest curb. I put my head in my hands as cars whizzed in front of me and busy people walked behind me. Mattie, I need you��

�James?� No way, that can�t be him? But who else with long, blonde hair would be sitting on a curb with a white cane? �James!� I said it a bit louder this time so that he could hear me. At last, I saw him turn around and my suspicions were confirmed. �Charlie? What are you doing here? How did you find me?� James struggled to get up, his muscles stiff with having sat for too long. I walked over and placed my hand underneath his crooked elbow. �I came to look for you and Mat. I figured that you couldn�t have gone far.� As soon as I said Mat�s name, James� face turned into one of a student just before his big spelling bee championships. �Mat! Have you heard from him? Where is he?� He asked me shaking as we walked back to the apartment. �He�s at the apartment, don�t worry. He�s a wreck, JB. What happened?�

What happened? I could barely remember the events from that night. As I sat on that same velvet couch that James had sat on not 3 hours before hand, I desperately tried to remember the events from that fateful night. �Mat! Mat, oh god, where are you?� I could hear his voice, but I couldn�t answer. �Jamie,� I whispered. He came into view; black char on his face, he eyes closed tightly shut, one hand resting on his forehead and one hand supporting his legs on the floor. I reached out my burning hand to touch his thigh. �Mattie?� He lay down next to me. As he got nearer, I could hear the wheezing in his breathing, the pain in his voice. �Jamie, I�m here. Stay here, don�t move, and stay awake.� I struggled to get up, and ran out of the house as fast as I could. �Jamie, he..he�s..�

�Hey Mattie.� I said as I found my way into the apartment that we would be sharing for the next few months. I sat down on the couch that Mat and I had..ahem..�talked� on just a few hours before. �Are you okay?� I said as I reached my hand out to touch his thigh. �Yeah,� He replied in a husky voice. �I�m just sorry about running out before. That was really irresponsible of me.� Irresponsible? �What, am I a dog now?� Oh god, did I just say that out loud? �Jamie, what do you mean?� Well, now that it was out and both of his best friends were here, he felt that he should just say how he feel.

�Ever since I�ve come home, you guys have treated me like a dog on a leash; �James, come over here, watch out for that wall James.� Well, I�m sick of it! I don�t want to be pushed around any more! Just leave me alone!� With that, James threw his cane down and ran out of the open door. �Jamie, come back!� Mat ran as fast as he could out of the door. The sound of their matching stomping feet could be heard down the hall, until it came to an abrupt halt. One pair of stomping stopped, while the other was replaced by a loud, sickening, rumbling sound. �Charlie!� I ran out to find James standing in front of the stairs. James didn�t need to explain the accident that had occurred just seconds before; Mat�s motionless body explained it all.

�Don�t just stand there, Chaz! Get the phone and dial 911!� Stomping on the floor, I found the stairs and almost jumped down the whole flight of them. But finally, my feet nudged something soft, and as I bent down, a familiar smell filled my senses; Mat. Bending down, I could only think of the words I would say to him if he were awake. I�m sorry. I only ran away to protect you�

Finally, after what seemed like hours, a monotonous voice picked up from the other end of the phone. �911, what�s your emergency?� For a moment, I felt like I was in a dream. As I managed to say what had happened to Mat, give them our address, and hang up, I was struck by the irony of the whole situation here in America. A fire destroys the house we were supposed to stay at during the eight days we were in America, James becomes blind, Mat falls down the stairs and is now unconscious because of he was chasing blind James, and we are eventually going to have to return to Britan to explain this to the public. America, the land of the free? More like land of the trapped.

"Excuse me, did you call about the emergency?� What do you think? No, we just decided to camp out at the bottom of the stairs and Mat decided to paint red paint on his head. Stupid Americans. �Yes, we did.� I motioned to where Charlie was sitting next to me. There was a short pause after the EMT tried to understand what I was saying and getting used to the fact that I�m blind. �Okay, we�ll get him in the ambulence. You just wait here.� As I heard more men rush over, I put my head in my lap. I tried to remember what had caused this accident; dog on a leash. �Dammit!� I mumbled under my breath. I felt a supportive hand on my thin t-shirt. As if reading my mind, Charlie said, �Don�t blame yourself, JB. It�s not your fault.� But it was, and now Mat could be dead.

-Two Months Later
�James?� I felt something stir in front of my head. Tears welled in my eyes as I realized who was speaking to me. �Mat!� I reached out to find his hand and kissed it gently. I started to stand up to call for Charlie, but a hand gripped at my wrist. �Jamie, don�t go. I need to tell you something.� Sensing the urgency and seriousness in his voice, I sat down to the chair that was placed beside his cold hospital bed. �J, I don�t want you to panic. I�m fine with this, and I just want you to be also.� I could hear Mat take in a deep breath of air, his grip on my wrist relaxing. I could feel how nervous he was, how he became tensed at my touch. �Mat, you know you can tell me anything. I�m here for you.� Mat placed his rough hand over mine, which was placed on his leg. �I can�t feel that.� �Excuse me?� Another pause. Spit it out, mate! I wanted to shout. Calmly, he stated what was unaware to me. �Jamie, I can�t feel my legs.�

There was a long silence where neither of us said anything. �Mat, how long have you known?� James asked in a quivering voice. He lifted his head from where it was in his lap and turned his head towards me. �Just an hour or so. I didn�t want to tell you until I knew that I was sure.� I couldn�t bear to look at the hurt in his face. I could see that he hadn�t gotten enough sleep; bags under his eyes, pale, almost translucent skin, just looking at him made you want to curl up onto your own pillow. �Do you want me to get the doctor?� I sighed heavily. I already knew what needed to be known, so I replied with a no. �If you can just get Chaz for me, that�d be great.�

I had just fallen asleep when I heard a soft voice call out my name. �Chazwick!� I looked up to see James standing in the doorway of Mat�s room, which could only mean one thing. I bounded to the door, but the worried expression on James� face told me that something was wrong. I gently placed my arm on his. �He can�t feel his legs, Chaz. He said he�s known for an hour.� James melted into my arms as the stress of the past months had finally taken its toll. I brought him over to one of the cushioned metal chairs that had made my butt sore. �Thanks. I couldn�t do this without you.� James said to me, as he dosed off to sleep. I walked into Mat�s hospital room, expecting the worst, but instead I saw Mat sitting on his bed watching an old I Love Lucy rerun, with a tearful look in his eye.

�Hey Chaz! How are you?� I tried to lighten the already dark mood, but it didn�t seemed to work. As I turned off the TV that was mounted on the wall, my taller friend sat beside me. �I think that I should be asking you,� he said in a quiet voice. I sighed and looked away. I couldn�t bear another sob fest. �I think it�s only going to be temporary, you know, the nerves getting all out of whack. It�s just, I hate to see James cry. It wasn�t his fault; it was my own stupidity. It�s not fair.� I placed my head on my chest as Charlie reached over to stroke my hair. �Life isn�t fair, Mat, life isn�t fair.�

-One month later�
I sat on the wooden bench that over looked the ocean. Beige sand stuck in my toes, I looked out onto the horizon. The sun, like a golden plate standing on a table, burned my eyes looking into it. I turned to look away and saw something even more beautiful than the golden plate of a sun. �Jamie, what are you thinking about?� He looked up and smiled at me. After spending 3 months at the Jersey shore, we had both developed a dark tan, but the sun also made his dirty blonde hair a little lighter than normal. �I�m just thinking about what has happened the past few months. He walked over to the bench that I was sitting at, sat down gingerly next to me, and placed his muscular arm around me. �Gosh, J, how much have you been lifting? You�re arm is like a piece of metal!� He smiled his trademark smile; large enough to stick two carrots on top of one another between his lips. �You know, Muppet, I only lift so I can carry you around!� I bent over to kiss the arm of his that was around me. He stood in front of me, and for a moment, I was taken back by his beauty. In the 3 months we had been in America, his hair had only been cut once. Peach fuzz had grown on his round, pink cheeks and over his lips. He somehow seemed older; more mature looking than he was before we came here. Maybe it was the muscle, maybe it was all we had been through. But either way, I know I liked it.

I scooped him up from the bench he was sitting at. �Hey!� He squealed as I ran over to the edge of the ocean�s tide. White foam danced on my toes as I set him down at my feet. I decided to look out at the ocean with him. In a strange way, the ocean had symbolized the past few months. Beautiful and mesmerizing, it was a thing of wonder. You could ponder it for days or just make a quick conclusion about it. Sometimes it is rough and choppy, hard to swim in, but other times, all you need it a tube and you can float on along without a care in the world. Before the accidents, you could have asked me my most prized possession and it would have been my Ipod, maybe even the platinum CD case hanging over my bed. But what I have right now isn�t worth any amount of money. Looking over at Mat, I realized that without traveling to America, none of this would have happened and our love would not have grown. Hey, I guess it really is the land of the brave.