Part 1
Willow sat at her computer and stared unseeing at the screen, there were windows open all over it and she had data wizzing past her eyes. None of it registered though, she was thinking of only one thing,
<Angel>.
She knew she shouldnt be but she couldnt help it, after all, he was Buffy`s one true love & he would never think of her like that.
<Its just hes so handsome and gorgouse and sultry, hes thoughtful and doesnt judge people, He`s a beautiful speciman of a man, well vampire>
but still, he was gorgouse none the less. And she would never have him, she was resigned to that fact.She knew and understood that was how it was meant to be, but she couldnt help wander what it would be like, to feel his cold lips on her warm ones, caressing and holding her in his arms.
<Stop that, stop that now, bad willow, he is your BEST FRIENDS boyfriend>
She had, had a crush on him for a while, a year actually, and as time went on so her crush grew to obssesion, to need and want and then finally into love. Blinding, searing, heat produceing, stars in front of the eyes, love. She knew it was wrong and there could never be anything there, so she kept her distance, and her feelings under check. She laughed and joked, smiled and said how happy she was for Angel and Buffy about how it had all worked out for them. But since Angel had come back from hell they had been getting closer as friends and developeing a bond, willow was faultering in her pretence, and when she was alone she just zoned out thinking about him and how she couldnt have him!
It hurt, it really hurt & it was all she could do not to burst into tears everytime she saw Angel and Buff together. So instead of subjecting herself to the pain she shut herself away in her room and avoided them!
Part 2
Angel was worried, infact he was more than worried. Willow hadnt done anything but go to school and go home again in about a month, she never went to research party`s, hadnt come to him at the mansion to talk and never went to the Bronze. This wasnt Willow, this was a shell of Willow, and he didnt like it! The little hacker was so firey, so full of life, babbling and blushing and smileing, but now she just sat and stared. He missed her he hadnt seen her properly with out her running away in two weeks straight, he thought maybe he had done something to affend her but she was being as aloof with everyone else, withdrawn and sad.
He had always liked the little witch, she was so warm and giveing, she was open and careing. She gave him friendship when he was convinced he deserved none. Sure Buffy loved him, but she could never except his demon, along with the man.She made the demon rage against the mental cage he was in, Angel knew that, that was half the reason he had stayed with her for so long, to piss Angelus off! He himself couldnt forget that she had sent him to hell, soul and all, and it was slowly comeing between them.He had decided to tell Buffy that they could no longer be together and go on like this, He just wasnt IN love with her anymore. He loved her but not in the way he had done in the beginning. He`d realised that the ideal of Buffy was what he had been attracted to, but their very natures demanded they be enemies. Slayer and Vampire are designed to fight, to hate, to kill. He had finally realised that the best they could hope for was friendship,which hopefuly would comfort and help the other.
But Angels worries over Willow had kept him occupied, he had decided enough was at last enough, he had to talk to Buffy and tell her how he felt. Then he would have to try and find out what was wrong with his Willow. He would be free to pursue her and to love her for all eternity! He needed her, he missed her and he was Damn Well NOT going to let her retreat inside herself like she been when he had first come upon the hellmouth. The shy retiring , self affaceing girl he had known had grown more confident and out going, he wanted her back, she would never feel about him the way he felt about her but he had to try, he couldnt live his unlife without her!
Part 3
Buffy was waiting in Restfield cemetery for Angel, lately he had been distant, aggitated and she was getting the feeling that something had changed between them, and it was not of the good! So when he had called and said that they needed to talk, little butterlfies had started doing an unhappy dance across her stomach,
<what could he want to talk about?, I mean I`m getting worried, he`s so distant with me, oh god what does he want to say!>
She sat on a gravestone, swinging her legs and fiddling with Mr.Pointy trying to keep her mind off of the conversation to come.She saw him walking towards her, an unreadable expression on his face,
<there go those butterflies again>
He walked up to her, took and un-needed breath, and began,
"Buffy Im ummm, Ive got something to tell you & i need you to listen to me,,,Kay?"
"yea, I spose so"
"Right, ummm, I dont think I can be with you anymore, Im sorry, Im not in love with you anymore, I love you, and always will but Im not in love with you"
His words washed over her and she was surprised at her own reaction, she expected pain, hurt, a feeling of not being able to breath, but she just felt calm, she realised she was releived.
He gave her a moment to gather her thoughts and then carried on...
" You are, unfortunately everything Im supposed to despise, I dont despise or hate you, the soul couldnt ever, but my demon rages against me, against the very idea of you and I being together"
"In the beginning I could ignore it, but as my feelings changed it got harder for me to do so, I was attracted to the forbiddan love aspect I think and then my feelings changed and I couldnt go on lieing to you, it wouldnt have been fair to either of us"
She took a moment and then spoke...
"I understand, I mean it hurts, but i understand.I love you too but I need to move on with my life, I still want you in it, but we will have to move on, and try to be friends..."
He almost fell over...< she excepted it, She understands, and she still wants me in her life, as a friend> that thought comforted him and soothed his guilt a little. He hadnt wanted to hurt her.
They carried on talking for a few minutes and then went thier seperate ways, With one final hug it was officially over!
Part 4
The next day in school Willow was hidden behind the computer terminal in the library as usual when Buffy walked in looking sad and rumpled around the edges, Willow went into friend mode automatically....
"Buffy whats wrong, What happened?"
"Im fine Wills, just a little down is all"
"What happened, why are you feeling down?"
"Well last night i met Angel in Restfeild cem..."
Willow tuned out at that, just the mention of his name made her physically stiffen and take a mental nose dive, she didnt think Buffy had noticed because she carried on regardless..
"Broke up with me and...."
That made her tune back in straight away...
<Goddess he broke up with her>
"oh Buffy Im so sorry...I dont know what to say...But maybe it was for the best...I mean if you both feel like that then why carry on and hurt each other, Im really sorry though"
"I know Wills, I mean it hurts, but i inderstand, things havent been the same since he came back from hell, it was my fault he was there in the first place, and I knew he had his soul when i sent him, Im just sad that its over I do love him, but like he say`s, Im not in love with him anymore"
"Im off to class, are you going willow?"
"No ive got a free first thing, Im gonna stay here and catch up research"
"Oh, kay, well I will see you at lunch then"
Yea, lunch see ya"
"k, bye"
With that she was gone leaving Willow to her own thoughts...
<wow, he`s not in love with her anymore, and she isnt in love with him,wow>
As happy as she was that she didnt have to see Angel makeing goo goo doll eyes at Buffy anymore, she still couldnt bring herself to hang with them out of school, she had gotten to used to her own company, and it still hurt to be around him wether he and buff were together or not,It seemed that she had beened sentenced to eternity in her room with only her computer for company, after all.
Part 5
Angel paced the length of his living room for what seemed like the hundredth time in 30 minutes, he was restless, it had been a week since he had broken it off with the slayer and he had stayed indoors, only going out to get blood, the entire time, he was to much of a coward to face the scoobys...but now, tonight he was going to put his plan into action but he had to check something first...sick and tired of waiting he made his way through the tunnels to the library, as he walked he thought, he could have sworn that he caught Willow looking his way a few times in the last month, when he had managed to catch her eye he had seen something that he`d never seen in her emerald orbs before, Regret, Love ,Desire ,Need, and finally Sorrow, oh how he wished he could keep that look out of her eyes forever, her eyes didnt sparkle like they should and she looked permanently wound tight, he wanted to know what it was that had made her so unhappy, and he wanted to know now. He wasnt sure when he`d fallan in love with Willow, Anne, Rosenbourg, it could have been when she shut herself away, or before then when he`d dreamt about her, or even when she`d given back his soul, permanantly...he still hadnt found a way to repay her for that, but he really thought it was when she had only known a few months and had a massive go at himself and Giles for pushing Buffy too hard, and pushing her away!..It was the fire in her eyes, the slight smirk she held and then it was the embaressed way she had looked after her tirade was finished.
He felt himself wanting to keen and purr in her presence, she gave off such calming yet electric vibes, she was tough, strong, pure and good and she was far to good to want anything to do with him, yet she did, she had given her friendship and trust and she had given him most of all , his self confidence back..oh yes, he loved her.
He needed to talk to her, tell her how much she ment to him, but he was scared that she would reject him, tell him her heart belonged to another or that he was too repulsive for her to want to be with like that.
He got to the sewer entrace to the library stacks, took an un-needed breath and stepped through it. He heard it straight away, the sound he had hoped to hear, the sound of someone takeing out there frustrations on a punching back, the heavy breathing and then the soft sounds of flesh meeting fabric.
When Buffy had finished her work out he caught hold of her,
"Oh, Angel hi, umm what are you doing here, its still day light?"
"I needed your help, but you might have the urge to tell me to go to hell"
I think its a little too late for that!" ~smile~
"Oh yea, umm, here it is.."
"I have feelings for someone,"
He waited, she seemed to be a little stunned then a thoughtful look crossed her face,then she smiled a smile he hadnt seen in months...
"Thats great, I mean, wow, but its great, Im happy for you, but i dont see what that has to do with me?"
He was floored, she was happy for him...
"Well, its someone you know, very well, here comes the bit where you tell me to piss off"
"So who is it then, dont keep me in suspence"
"Its Willow"
"Willow, my god Willow, well that is certainly a surprise, but I mean its good, she`s been so down lately, I dont know why, but I may have a clue,"
"she`s shut herself off from everyone, me, you, even Xander and he`s been her bestfriend forever!"
"Ive noticed, she comes here, she goes home, thats all she does, she never hangs anymore, its like something is hurting her to be around us, as i said i have my suspicions, but its worrying me too"
"So what is your theary?"
"well, havent you noticed that when you and I ...umm, you know are together or whatever she gets this look of pain across her face, and then makes some excuse to leave and go home,"
"No i havent noticed, are you saying that she has feelings for me?"
"I think so yea, she has shut herself off from you and me especially, she`s never there if we are together and she disappears everytime you appear!"
"What do i do Buffy, I think, umm, I think im in love with her, i never admitted it before because of you and me, but Im in love with Willow, and I dont know what to do."
They carried on talking for a while, comeing up with a plan of attack for getting the old Willow back, and then Angel left.
Part 6
Buffy was stunned, it was a happy stunned but stunned none the less, she thought she would have gone ape at Angel for telling her that he was in love with someone else, and especially that someone being her best friend, but no, she didnt feel like that, she was happy for him, and her, she wanted them to find peace together, whatever it took to get Willow back and together with Angel she would help, Gladly!
Angel was bewildered, buffy was glad for him, she was happy and she wanted to help him. she was a truelly remarkable girl and would make someone very happy one day.He had expected name calling, swords being thrown, in hindsight, if Buffy hadnt been so graciouse it may have been a bad idea to go to the library where she kept all her weapons, but she had been happy for him...and he was feeling better already. He had the slayer on his side to fight for Willow, there was no way he could fail now.
Part 7
It was about half an hour past sunset, and Willow was chatting on the net when she heard a knock at her french doors, she didnt get up straight away, she knew the only person who bothered to actually knock was Angel
<Oh no, goddess not tonight, I dont have the energy for any more tears once he`s gone>
She crossed the room and stopped at the doors, she gingerly called out, "Who is it?" you can never be to careful, she may think it was just Angel but it could be any old vamp,
"Its me little one, can I come in?"
she sighed and then opened the doors, it was Angel, she resigned herself to crying herself to sleep again and went to sit on the bed...
"Hi Angel"
<She looks so sad> he thought,,
"Hi Willow, I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the Bronze, Im feeling a little lonely"
Buffy had told him to romance Willow, make her feel like she was special, like he couldnt live without her, <no worries there, I cant live without her>
<oh goddess he wants to go to the bronze with me, oh wait, lonely, he`s just lonely, I cant go out with him, I dont know how to act, It hurts too much>
"Umm, I cant Im afraid, Ive got alot of work to do for school, and then theres research to do for Giles, and...." she trailed off, he had a genuine look of sadness on his face...
<shit, she just thinks im lonely and bored and thats the only reason im asking her out, gods your an idiot Angelus.>
"oh, but Willow, I really want you to come out with me, you havent been around and you havent come to see me in weeks, I thought I`d done something to upset you,offend you maybe, so I wanted to come and take you out, make sure you were alright"
<great thats all he wants, to see if you are okay, hmmm, well I spose i could go out but i dont know if i can handle it>
<i hope she says yes,please say yes willow, I cant stand to see you stuck in here>
"well, i dont know ive got sooo much stuff to finish Angel"
"Please little one, Ive missed you"
<owww, it makes me go all tingley when he says that>
<oops, i told her i missed her>
"okay, but not for long"
<What have i done>
<YES>
So Angel waited in her bedroom while she popped to the bathroom and changed, said she looked awful and needed to freshen up <puh> he thought she looked wonderful, then again, he`d think she looked wonderful in sack cloth.
Willow went to the bathroom haveing chosen an outfit and closed the door, she leaned against it and sighed...
"what have i done?"
Part 8
"what have i done?" Angel whispered....
<oh gods, i asked her out, oh gods what am i going to do, romance her, buff said to romance her, so what?. Flowers, chocolates, cards, gifts, grrrrrrrrrrrrr, this is so hard, i never felt so nervouse over any one before>
"hummum" Angel turned as Willow coughed,
"mmm" <Wow, she looks amazeing>
"Do you like it?"
Willow was nervouse as hell, she was off out with Angel and she wanted to look good, she couldnt tell if he liked the outfit or not. So she had asked him, and still he sat there with the most sultry smirk on his face she had ever seen.
<Goddess just say something>
"Umm Angel? does it look alright, I can go and change if you like"
Angel surprised them both by shouting,
"NO" "You look wonderful, good enough to eat"
<Theres an image with merit> "Really?"
"Really!"
"good lets go then"
Part 9
<goddess, goddess, goddess> the mantra kept playing through her head as she was escorted towards the Bronze and into the gangs favourite seats.All she could think about was Angels hand in the small of her back and the heat he was creating in her belly.
To Be Continued...