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| Q: What do the Red Sox and lawn furniture have in common? A: They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day! ~~~~~ A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Boston Red Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Red Sox fans, too. Not really knowing what a Red Sox fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Red Sox fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Yankees fan.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Yankees fan. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankees fans, and I'm a Yankees fan, too!" The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be a Red Sox fan." ~~~~~ Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" The man answers, "241." "That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!" Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" The lady answers, "144." "That is great!", says Albert, "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!". Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" The person answers, "51." Albert ponders this for a moment, and then smiles and says, "GO RED SOX"!! ~~~~~ There were four baseball fans who wanted to prove how loyal they were to their team, so they all went to the top of a mountain. There was a Mets fan, Yankees fan, a Red Sox fan, and a Braves fan. Once they got to the top, the Braves fan says, "I love Atlanta.....this is for you Braves!!" and jumps off the mountain. Next, the Mets fan shouts out, "This is for the Mets!," and jumps off the mountain. Suddenly, The Red Sox fan screams, "This is for Everyone!!" And pushes the Yankees fan off the mountain. ~~~~~ A 12-year-old baseball fan reached out and caught a fly ball at the Yankees-Redsox game, causing Boston to lose the first game of the playoffs. This means that the fan has already caught more fly balls than the entire Redsox outfield... ~~~~~ A conceited new Red Sox rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first 5 men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Darn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going." ~~~~~ I love autumn. It gives me a chance to sit at home and watch the world series. Kinda like the Red Sox. ~~~~~ It was so foggy today that the Red Sox couldn't even see who was beating them. ~~~~~ The other day was take your daughter to work day. The Red Sox had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters. Unfortunately they lost, 15-3. ~~~~~ A rookie pitcher on Boston was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young pitcher. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem." ~~~~~ A few young Yankee fans were trying to organize a baseball team. They could only muster eight players, but were hard put to find a ninth. They found a kid with a Red Sox hat sitting on a bench. In desperation, they asked the Boston fan to join their team. During the first inning, the Red Sox fan came to bat. On the first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park. "Run!" his teammates cried. "For Pete's sake, run!" The Boston fan turned and stared at them. "I�m not gonna run," he replied. "Why should I? I'm perfectly willing to buy you guys another ball." ~~~~~ Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a New York City suburb when one is viciously attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, wedges it down into the dog's collar and twists, immobilizing, stunning and rendering the dog unconscious. A reporter who was passing by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He starts writing in his notebook: "Young Islanders Fan Saves Friend From Brutal Dog Attack". "But, I'm not an Islanders fan." The little hero replied. The reporter replied, "Sorry, but since we're in New York, I just assumed you were". He starts over "Little Yankees Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" The boy stopped him again saying, "I'm not a Yankees fan either". "Well", said the reporter, "I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Islanders or the Yankees . What team do you root for?" When the boy replies, "I'm a Red Sox fan", the reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook "Little Idiot From Boston Kills Beloved Family Pet." ~~~~~ Q: How many Red Sox fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Ten, one to screw it in and nine to blame Nomar for breaking the old one!!! ~~~~~ |