Never Trust an Old Lady   An old lady gets pulled over for speeding... Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Old Lady: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see ... Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please? Old Lady: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Old Lady: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Old Lady: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Old Lady: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Old Lady: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.