"Don't begin with the most formidable opposite-sex situations and then feel badly that you didn't cope or come across well. Keep in mind that avoiding situations provides short-term relief but long-term grief"
Talking to someone we're attracted to puts us smack into a stress-inducing situation. It is most stressful than betting on the World Cup. Ha. After all, we want to impress, we know we'll be sized up and the potential for rejection is real. Curiously, many of the physical signs of stress, like a rapid heart rate, changes in breathing, dizziness, and feeling too choked to speak also show up when we fall in love. So, by feeling nervous you may be off to a promising start. But sometimes, you get so nervous that you are just unable to say anything. How then u sissy?! Ha. Perhaps the following guidelines will be able to help you overcome your problem with the opposite sex.
Help for the flutters
1) Clear those thoughts!
You're not nuts. It's normal to be sensitive about your lovability and concerned about how a conversation or date will go. However, you may be building up expectations or fantasies that feed your frenzy. The following are some thoughts that most of us have before the date or conversation actually occurs. They are wrong and only seeks to confuse. We must clear our minds of this thoughts prior to a date.
I know she/he won't like me. Whooa! Where did you get the idea? Did she/he tell you to your face that she/he don't like you? No right? In fact, if she/he is willing to come out to meet you, it means that you are not that bad afterall. Who wants to meet someone he/she don't like anyway? Not me. In the worst case, things does not turn out the way you want to. So what? In fact, everyone gets rejected sometime or other.
I 'll make a fool of myself. If you keep thinking that, you will. We do have control over how we act. If you want to act stupid you can, likewise if you keep saying that you will make a mess, you will indeed screw everything up. So, clear that thought!
2) Build up your scariness stamina
Don't begin with the most formidable opposite-sex situations and then feel badly that you didn't cope or come across well. Keep in mind that avoiding situations provides short-term relief but long-term grief. It will take a lot of hard work to reach the ultimate goal. Practice, practice and more practice is what you need. To fortify your nerves, work your way up the following typical ladder of actions or create your own.
Saying hello to a person of the opposite sex ( Low Level - Easiest )
Initiating a conversation
Making a phone call just to talk
Asking for a casual meeting ( for coffee or a drink )
Asking for a date
Initiating and maintaining conversation on a date
Initiating handholding, then a kiss ( Highest Level - Most Difficult )
I think I'm somewhere at Level 4. Though I have yet to phone a girl just to talk for almost 5 years already. Figo, on the other hand has done that , in fact some girl just wished him happy birthday on the phone a few days back. Now, now, I know what you are thinking already. You are thinking that Figo called those 1900-sex lines right? Ha. No lah, he did talk crap with a girl for half an hour but surprisingly, he is still at Level 3. He is trying hard to reach Level 4 but... no time is the answer he keeps getting. You get what I mean right?
Final word
No matter how much crap you read here, they will never work if you don't try them out. This is much like playing soccer. You can read from a book how to pass, head or kick a ball but if you never really pick up a ball and start kicking, you will never learn how to play soccer. Like maths, the most practice you have, the better you get. So, get that lazy ass off the chair this very instance and start talking to girls. If you are at Level one, aim to reach Level 3 by the end of this month. As for me, I will be working hard towards Level 5. Maybe it will take 1 week, 1 month or even 1 year, but you can bet your ass I will be climbing that ladder.
