It Ain’t My Fault

One…two…three…four…five…six…

It’s been doing that all night, since she got there…ring, ring, ring…she was sitting there, on the couch, holding a pillow close to her chest, wondering why she hadn’t already destroyed the stupid thing. But she had faith in herself, a few more rings, and she’ll probably end up throwing the table out of the window along with it.

But then, the machine picked up, like it’s been doing since two hours ago, after six rings. Wasn’t it full already? She heard his voice came over the wires. G-d, she missed him. Maybe that’s why the stupid phone was still breathing. If she destroyed it, his voice wouldn’t be invading her sanctuary right now.

Sanctuary? What sanctuary? It sure as hell…wasn’t a sanctuary from him. He was everywhere she looked, but he wasn’t there.

His voice once again invaded the room.

”Honey, come on. Pick up, I know you’re there. Baby, look –“

It was amazing how your life could change in a matter of minutes. It only took five, for her to lose what could have possibly been the best thing that ever happen to her.

"Baby, you have to talk to me. We can’t leave things this way. I love you, you know that. Please pick up.”

Before she could even think about whether or not it was right, she found herself running over to the phone….picking it up. Grabbing the phone, her voice came out in a breathless gasp, “Hello…” only to be greeted by the dial tone.

Part 2: Know the Game

If you my dawg let me hear you bark
It ain't my fault that the thought that hit your heart split you apart
You should've kept your guard
Trying to play it hard last night pulled up in a black lex in a yard
Talking on a rock rock you gonna murder me
You got the wrong conspiracy this aint Kennedy
Jealousy get your new way wait and see
You want a wish you better I dream a genie

Really, he didn’t have a problem with trust. He just had a really good idea of what the game was like. He had a good idea of what women were like. Relationships were a pain. He wasn’t going to get sucked into one again. He learned his lesson the first time. The women in his life…they’ve always known where they stood with him. She knew what things were going to be like going in. so, now why was it that he was the bad guy in all of this. And seriously, why did he care?

 Yo
All I left there was a broken heart
And a bunch of lies that I told her and I bounced before the sheets
Were warm
See I'm the type to love them and leave them for no reason I'll
Be out the door
I don't catch feelings cuz my heart is cold
See I'm that brother that your mother tried to warn you bout
But you just had to try it
Now you crying on yo mamas couch
You put your heart in the fire
Baby it burned up
So here’s a little story bout a lesson you should learn from

Seriously, why did he care? Why did he care that he had been calling her for the last hour but have gotten no answer? She was home. He knew that she was home. But that wasn’t the point was it? No it wasn’t. Which brought him back to his question: what was he doing here? Why was he sitting outside her mother’s home, in his car, running up his cell phone bill trying to get her to acknowledge his existence?

It ain't my fault that I'm a dog
I've been in love before
But me I picked the apple that was rotting to the core
I put the world at her feet she kicked it in the dirt
Now I won't fall in love cuz I end up gettin hurt
It ain't my fault that I'm a dog
I've been in love before
But the trust I had in women as been thoroughly destroyed
I put the world at her feet she kicked it in the dirt
Now I won't fall in love
Cause I end up getting hurt

Finally, he’d had enough. “Damn it!” He hit the steering wheel with enough force to nearly shatter the cell phone and his hands. Damn damn damn. He was not going to get sucked back into the drama of relationships anymore. No way. No way in hell. With his mind made up, he put on his seat belt, and started to drive away from the place. As he pulled away from the apartment, he decided that she just needs time to calm down. He’ll call back later.

Part 3: Trust

The problem, she decided, was trust. Of course it was. It always is. He didn’t trust her, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t gain his trust and she was sick and tired of it.

Well first of all it aint my fault that the chick broke your heart
If you was hurt you should have told me from the start
Instead of sending me the flowers all that candy and the Gucci shit
On the phone for hours gassing me like I'm some goopy bitch
I've been hurt too
But that don’t mean I'd hurt you
Never did I burn you
Or run you like some do
Now look what we've come to it's young and it's stupid
How you blaming all of us for one chick that was rooking

And she knew exactly why he didn’t trust her. The reason for that lack of trust was 5’2” and 102 pounds of annoying flesh. And, damn it, it wasn’t fair. She was a bitch…there’s no two ways about it…and the fact that he couldn’t let it go – let her go – wasn’t fair to him or her.

It aint my fault that your a dog
I've been in love before
But you you were the apple that was rotting to the core
I put the world at your feet
You kicked it in the dirt
Now I won't show no love cause I’ll end up getting hurt
It aint my fault that your a dog
I've been in love before
But the trust I have in men has been thouroughly destroyed
I put the world at your feet you kicked it in the dirt
Now I won't show no love cuz I'll end up getting hurt

But really, when it came right down to it, this mess wasn’t entirely the little slut’s fault. It was his fault for not knowing when to move on - for being such a cynical, assuming jerk. she’s never done anything but love him…so why the hell was she being punished?

Part 4: Fallen Ange

Two nights later, they were still nowhere near a solution. She didn’t go to work the previous day, and instead called in sick. The entire thing just working for him. He should be happy. If they played it right, they probably can avoid seeing each other ever again. If anyone looked closely enough, they might notice him doing the jig at the thought.

Slowly wandering the docks in the moon less night, he didn’t notice her until he practically tripped over her. “Nikolas, hi.” Elizabeth said with an uncertain smile.

“What are you doing here at night?” His tone was sharp. She was the last person he wanted to run into right now.
“Painting.”

“There’s no light.”

“There’s enough. What about you?”

“Walking.”

Silence.

“I ran into Gia last night,” she said out of the blue. “I heard that you guys broke up.”

“She told you that?” He was surprised. Gia could barely handle saying hi to Liz.

“She was talking to Zander,” Elizabeth replied, sheepishly. “I kinda over heard.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I also overheard that you thought she was sleeping with Zander, and that’s why you broke up with her.” Amazing how a person could stay so still. Perfect sculpture material, was the thought randomly entered her mind.

Softly, ever so softly she said, “I know I messed us up, but I never meant to mess you up.”

At that, he gave her a look that only Nikolas could master. “Mess me up?”

She gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh…”That came out wrong. I know I broke your trust in me –“

I thought you was an angel God sent to me
Must have be, but the memory of our love burned like a rub burned

 “Not everything is about you,” he said it quickly, too quickly.

But a thug learned never put your heart in a flame
Be a part of the game
Play smart in the game
But I was young back then
Dumb back then

“Look, what I did…I know I hurt you and I’m-“ she looked down at her drawing pad, “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt. And what ever it is that happened between you and Gia – not that it’s any of my business – I hope that what I’m thinking is wrong. I may not know Gia that well, but I know Zander well enough…he wouldn’t do that to Emily. And Gia doesn’t strike me as the type either.”

“You did it to me,” he said quietly, “ and no one thought you were the type to either.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve been known to do stupid things. Gia’s not me.” Standing up, she quickly grabbed her bag and turned away from him, heading in the opposite direction. “Good night Nikolas.”

But nowadays how I play's not the same
Controlling these games I know it can’t do the pain
So dot come cry to me
Lie to me
These days women
Just leave you bustin penniless stuck with no benefits
Fucking for benjamins suckers like guinea pigs thinking
They innocent
If I let them in again I may never win again
Like the Bulls with no Jordan
Apifiniit so when no love strong enough for me to be steppin in Where the booga basement love don’t win for no more baby face
 

“Hey!” he called after her. He waited until she turned around to face him before continuing. “I’m not the same person I was when we were together. I learned a valuable lesson from you, and I appreciate it. But I don’t appreciate you explaining my actions to me.”

“I don’t presume to know you, Nikolas. Not anymore. I just thought I’d offer you a piece of unsolicited advice. Maybe…” she hesitated… “maybe try to rectify some of the mistakes I’ve made.” Turning around, she disappeared into the night.

 Part 5: This is Me

“I’m glad to see you finally decided to come home.”

Beyond startled, Gia dropped the bags she was holding, spinning around to face the voice. “You owe me a new vase,” she told him.

“This seemed to be the only way to get a chance to talk to you.” He shrugged, “sorry I scared you.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I thought we should talk…”

“I have nothing to say to you…”

“OK,” he looked down at his hands. “I can understand that. But I have some things to say to you, because, I really don’t like where we stand right now.”

“I don’t really care what you like or don’t like.” Her tone was definitely angry now.

“I made a mistake,” he continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “I jumped to conclusions and didn’t give you the chance to defend yourself.”

“I shouldn’t have had to defend myself. You should have trusted me.”

“Yes I should have,” he agreed quietly. “And I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking and I was stupid.”

There was a moment when they both stood by silently. Finally, not being able to take it anymore, Nikolas spoke up. “I really would like us to try and work through this. I’m begging you, to give us a second chance, Gia.”

She stood there for a minute, seeming to contemplate his request, driving him to mindlessness. Finally, “I’m not her. Don’t treat like I am.”

“I understand that now. And I won’t.”

“Help me pick up the bags,” she said, completely changing the subject. “And you still owe me a vase.”
 

Lyrics - City High "Cats and Dogs"

THE END