Eric: Hey guys. I got news. Turns out, Stacey doesn't even like me.
Kelso: Yeah, we kinda expected that.
Hyde: Thought you had news.
Eric: Well, yeah, here comes. Turns out she likes Red.
(Hysterical Laughter)
Donna: OH MY GOD!
Kelso: You're going to hafta leave town!
Eric: Why?
Kelso: Oh, cuz we're going to tell everyone!
Eric: How'd the 50 year-old guy get the girl? Look at me! I'm an attractive man.
(Donna, Hyde and Kelso just look at him)
Eric:(Gesturing to Donna) Well, I got you!
Donna: Technically, I got you. And then you blew it.
Hyde: Which means you didn't lose it, cuz you never had it! See, there's your silver lining.
Donna: Eric, you have a lot of good qualities. I mean, you're funny-Well, like what just happened to you is funny!(Starts laughing again)
Hyde: Look, that chick likes Red cuz he's a tough guy, a hardass. You, you're soft.
(Donna and Kelso lean towards Hyde)
Donna and Kelso: How soft is he Hyde?
Hyde: Softer than Liberace at the Playboy mansion.
(More Laughter)
Hyde: Yeah.
Kelso: Because he plays piano.(Gets confused look on his face) Wait.
(Donna leans over and whispers in Kelso's ear.)
Kelso:(Squeals) OOOH BURN!!
Eric:(Fake Laughing) You guys kill me. (Pause) Look, how come Red's such a hardass and I'm so... I mean, ok, when a bear has a baby, it's a little bear, right? My dad's a bear but I'm... a duck.
Donna: Eric. You were a bear when you were born. But Red pounded you into the duck that we know and love.
Eric: So what are you saying? It's, it's Red's fault?
Kelso: Yeah. But the good news is, as a duck you can move more easily through the water.
