Halloween
Kelso: Wow! Our perminent records. You know what they probably left these here after the school burnt down.
Hyde: (Looking at Donna's file) Pinciotti, Donna. Well looks like someone we know had a hardtime keeping her clothes on in kindergarden.
Donna: What? Just a stupid faze.
Eric: I'm glad that's over.
Kelso: (Reading Hyde's file) Well, listen to this, 'I fear that in despite of Steven's high IQ, he's a born trouble maker and is destined to be the smartest man..in his cell block'.
Hyde: What! They couldn't have known that in the second grade. (Takes file from Kelso) 'Steven willfully and maliciously destroyed Christine Delblanco's shoebox diarama of the four food groups'.
Donna: You're a moster, a horrible, horrible monster.
Hyde: Yeah, funny, but I didn't do it.
Eric: You know what's funny Hyde?
Hyde: What Forman?
Eric: I broke the diarama.
Hyde: You?!
Eric: Her's was better than mine. I had to smash it. I left out dairy.
Hyde: You know that's when everyone turned against me. They peged me as a bad kid, once that happens you're labeled forever. You ruined my life Forman!
Jackie: No he didn't. Hyde no offence but with a alcoholic mom and an absent dad, you are bound to end up in jail sooner or later. (Hyde looks at her) Hyde, I said no offence.
Hyde: Yeah, right. Let's see what that file says about you, Jackie.
Jackie: Go ahead, I have a perfect record.
Hyde: (Looking at cover of Jackie's file) Would anybody like to know what Jackie's middle name is?
Jackie screams
Hyde: Jackie's middle name is--
Jackie: No! (She lunges at Hyde and all we can see is the shadows of her beating him senseless)Oh I hate You!!
Hyde: (lays there looking hurt, then sits up) It's Buela.
Everyone gasps.
Eric and Hyde stare at each other very hard, while Jackie stares at Hyde.
Fez: Alright nobody move. Somebody took my last box of sugarbabies. (Looks for them) Oh wait, I was sitting on them. (laughs)
Hyde: Gee, Fez you didn't give Forman a chance to pin it on me.
Eric: I didn't pin anything on you.
Hyde: No, well when Mrs Hodgekiss was yelling at me in front of the whole class you didn't exactly step up and take responsibility. What were you thinking?
Eric: Hmmm, I guess I was thinking I'm SEVEN!
Kelso: Hey, hey, hey, let's not fight, alright. It's Halloween, man, it's time for peace on earth and goodwill toward men. Let's read another file.
Donna: Yeah, because that's working out great so far.
Kelso: Alright fine. I'll read from my own, ok? (Picks up file and reads) Ah, ok, here's secret you didn't know because it happened a year before I moved here. Ok, when I was in the first grade, I used to wear a red cape and pretend I was superman.
Fez: You must've looked really stupid. (Shows off his costume)
Eric: Wait, wait, first grade? No, no, no, you and I were in first grade, that's how we met.
Kelso: (Fast) No we didn't.
Eric: (Grabs file from Kelso and starts reading it) Man, you had to repeat first grade!
Jackie: Oh, my God! Michael say it's not true!
Kelso: It was cursive writing, alright. All those stupid curves and bumps. I wouldn't do it.
Hyde: You mean you couldn't do it.
Kelso: No! I wouldn't do it and that is why they held me back! Plus I might've killed the class bunny. (Breaks down) WHY!
Kelso: I mean it sucked you know, living this lie, pretending to be a year younger than I really am.
Hyde: Wait a minute, you're 18?
Kelso: Yeah. That's why I've always seemed more mature than you guys.
Hyde: Are you telling me all this time you could've been buying us beer?!
Fez: You busted.
Kelso: What? No, it's not what you think.
Hyde: You're dead to me.
Kelso: But Eric ruined your life!
Hyde: And if I had a beer, I'd be getting over it right now. Beer!
The guys chant for beer.
Jackie: Alright! Alright, everyone just leave him alone. Ok, he may be a liar but at least he's not a back stabber like Eric!
Donna: Shut up, Buela!
Jackie: Oh, don't call me that!
Donna: Oh, sorry..Buela.
Jackie: Ok fine, you know what? Donna kissed Hyde last year!
Eric: WHAT?!
Jackie: (To Donna) Don't mess with me!
Donna: That's a lie! Hyde kissed me.
Eric: Well that's just so much better! (Turns to Hyde) How can you do this, man?!
Hyde: I guess I'm just a born trouble maker or maybe you turned me into one.
Donna: You are so dead, Buela!
Kelso: Hey, hey, leave her alone, alright?
Donna: Ok, yeah, Jackie told me that Fez was a better kisser than you Kelso.
Kelso: OOH!
Eric: (To Donna) Were you ever gonna tell me about Hyde?
Hyde: Hurts when your friends stab you in the back, don't it?
Eric: How would I know! I have no friends! Let's go pal!
Eric and Hyde start to get into each others faces. While Kelso stuck in the middle blocking Donna's swings to Jackie. They're all talking at once.
Fez: Stop it, stop it! Can't you guys see what is happening? Those perminent records are tearing us apart.
Eric: Batman's right
Hyde: Look at what we've become.
Donna: We're like animals.
Kelso: Those files are evil, man.
Jackie: We've gotta destroy 'em.
Eric: How, Jackie? How?
Fez: Oh my God, now my sugarbabies are really gone.
Hyde takes out Fez's sugarbabies out of his pocket and gives them back.
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