Bye, Bye Basement
ERIC: I use it. Everyday. It�s my bat cave.
RED: Don�t you like anything cheap?
KITTY: I like you.
ERIC: Oh, you know what mom? I think you are right. I mean not only is it bug-infested but in all honesty I think it�s haunted. (Covers his mouth) �Get out!�.
KELSO: That�s spokey.
DONNA: Oh, I don�t know Mrs Forman. Sure it�s a pit now. But it you infumigate, paint and get rid of Eric, I think this place can be great room.
ERIC: Hey, don�t listen to her mom..
ERIC: Ok, are you referring to our break up. I must remind everyone here that she was the one that wore my ring around her neck. That is crazy! (points to finger) Ring, finger, ring!
DONNA: Well you�re lucky I didn�t shove that ring up your ass!
ERIC: Mom.
KELSO: Alright wait who said get out?
DONNA: Anyway, my dad has a bunch of decorating magazines at home. I�ll go get them.
KITTY: Well, thank you, Donna. And I think the ring looks nice around your neck.
ERIC: Donna, what the hell! Now that you�re not my girlfriend anymore you don�t like my basement?
DONNA: Well, now that I�m the ex-girlfriend I guess I can tell the truth. Free at last. Free at last! Whoo.
JACKIE: Michael, get Eric some ice...
KELSO: Why?
JACKIE: For that wicked burn, burn, Eric, burn, burn!
HYDE: (To Fez) No offense but you are one good cry away from being the total women.
ERIC: Ok, Donna, when did you stop liking my basement?
DONNA: I never liked it, there were a lot of things I kept to myself while we were dating.
ERIC: Yeah, well there were a lot of things I kept to myself too, plenty!
HYDE: Like what for instance? I�m sure Donna wants to know.
DONNA: Yeah, like what for instance?
ERIC: Well, um,... why do you like start first.
DONNA: Ok, you know when you would smack your lips in that cute way?
ERIC: Yeah.
DONNA: It was disusting.
ERIC: That�s all you got?
DONNA: No, you had tiny wrists.
ERIC: What? No I don�t. (after Kitty enters) Mom do I have tiny wrists?
KITTY: No, dainty. No, no, no, the doctor said you were in the perfectly normal range.
ERIC: See normal, big boned magoo.
ERIC: This whole basement thing is Donna�s fault. What�s her problem? She�s been messing with me all day.
HYDE: Maybe it�s payback.
ERIC: From what?
HYDE: She had to see you naked for two years. That must�ve been unpleasant.
ERIC: You know for a guy who has been orphaned twice, you really lack compassion.
KELSO: Hey, puffy shirt guy called, he wants he puffy shirt back.
Eric and Hyde nod no at him, for that stupid comment.
ERIC: Hey, uh, Fez, does that shirt come with it�s own bicycle pump?
DONNA: You should talk. You�re shirt makes you look like a stick of fruit-stripe gum.
ERIC: God, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Carnation Instant Bitch?
HYDE: Ok, that one was out of the park.
KELSO: Hyde, do you know what my favorite ballet is?
HYDE: (throws the ball at his groin area) The Nutcracker?
THEO: This is what you normally do? I used to do this too when I was big and an artist. I love art. I hate work but I love art..I hate work.
Oh, I gotcha Hyde. Theo, cluck like a chicken, do it! (Hyde slugs him)
ERIC: They split on you? Oh man.
HYDE: See this is why I didn�t want to tell you. Then you�ll get all �after school special� on me.
ERIC: (Snickers) Me? Please. (Pause) It�s ok. You�re home now. (He starts to hug him but it quickly turns into wrestling)
HYDE: Get off me man.
ERIC: No! You let me love you orphan boy. Don�t hide from you feelings!
DONNA: So, hey. Look I�m sorry I�ve been so�
ERIC: Bitchy? I haven�t noticed. Who said bitchy?
DONNA: Yeah well it turns out that I have lingering feeling of something. They�re not real feeling they are just lingering urges. But they�re just lingering feelings. They are not actual feelings. Just want to make that clear.
ERIC: You have. By saying lingering like 6 time.
ERIC: I know there is a way to relieve this tension. Oh I know. Let�s just have sex.
DONNA: Ok.
ERIC: Really?
DONNA: No.
She heads off.
ERIC: (after her) Like I wanted to. I wanted to.
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