sport

P.E( OR SPORTS)

Here are a few tips to get you through sports day.

     Running races: B4 the race, tie the other competitors shoe laces together, cut the elastic holding their shorts up, or smear super gule all over the sole of their shoes.

      Long jump: B4 the event, mix the sand in the pit with itching powder, and make sure u go last, bcoz by the time ur up, the others will have been driven mad by the itching and u will win by default.

      Egg and spoon race: Glue ur egg to ur spoon, or replace the other competitors eggs with ostrich eggs, which will be too heavy to carry.

      Shot put: Use ur dad's power drill to make your shot hollow, or you can "accidentaly" drop ur shot on the other competitors foot, that shud cramp their style!

      Sack race: B4 the event, put any of the followin into the other competitors sacks: mule, leprechaun, ants, pit bull terrier, grass snakes, wall pins, firecrackers, hedgehogs, or ferrets.

     Our school football team:

      Goalie: Humphry Petunia, he dusnt like stoppin the ball as he thinks thats what the net is for.
      Center back: Mighty King Kong, he is the deputy head, and mascot, and is usually sent off 2 minutes into the game, as he likes to bite his opponents legs.
      Left back: Short O'brains, Shorty, as he is commonly know, is usually left back in the changing rooms.
      Right back: Cedric Cauliflower, His hobbies are embroidery and watching grass grow.
      Sweeper: Caretaker lady Mrs. Troutbum, she likes to keep the pitch spik and span, which is why shes the sweeper.
      Midfield: Arty Phil Dodger and Oliver Twisted, these two are very good at controlling the ball at the centre spot, but refuse to move it bcoz they fear of gettin lost.
      Left wing: Streaky Fag, fasted person in country, dus 100metres in 6.9 secs, but hasnt learned to stop yet, be sure to give him a wave out of the stadium.
      Right wing: John O'Goat, bad tempered, spends time beatin up supporters and is usually arrested by police b4 half time.
      Strikers: Ian Rong and Bandy Cole, Ian is very good in the air, and can usually be seen flying in a helicopter above the stadium; Cole is very good at kicking opponents legs, but have yet to be known to be able to kick a ball.