I�ve spent a lot of time in Chat Rooms, on AIM, and on Message Boards, and after dealing with the illiterate assclowns who don�t know how to type for far, far too long, I thought it would be a good idea to compose a list of things not to do online which EVERYONE should abide by. I also believe that if anyone fails to abide by these rules, they should be severely beaten.
Do Not:
1. Abbreviate words with one or two letters, or type without vowels. It makes your text harder to understand and makes you look like a stupid retard. For example,
�How R U?�, �I C!�, �Wsp?� �nmjc�, �g2g� etc.
2. Use more than three exclamation marks in a single sentence. The purpose of an exclamation mark is to put specific emphasis on a sentence, and when you use 10+ of them it, like the aforementioned, makes you like a stupid idiot. It also takes up unnecessary space on message boards, and if you�re using AIM you have to scroll back up before you can even see the last word of the sentence. I should NEVER have to scroll back up to see ONE FLIPPING WORD.
3. Type in all capital letters. Never, is typing in all capital letters EVER acceptable. Maybe if it�s ONE sentence, or ONE word, or even TWO words. It can be useful for putting emphasis on a word in the middle of a sentence. BUT WHEN YOU TYPE LIKE THIS YOU SOUND LIKE A FIVE YOUR OLD GIRL WHO�S THROWING A FREAKING TEMPER TANTRUM BECAUSE HER MOMMY WON�T BUY HER A BARBIE DOLL IN THE MIDDLE OF WAL-MART OR A DRUNK GUY STANDING ON A STREET CORNER SHOUTING AT SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRLS. It makes people hate you. It sends out the message, �Hey, I struggle from a rampant inferiority complex and have to scream at people to reaffirm what little faith I have in myself! That, and I�m too stupid to find the caps lock button and turn the damn thing off!�
4. Do not under any circumstance say, �ASL!?� Only perverted twelve year old girls looking for cyber sex do that, and if you�re one of those twelve year old girls, may God have mercy on your soul.
5. Speaking of cyber sex, don�t do that either. Only someone with a very low level of brain power, a very vivid imagination, or a sick and twisted combination of the two could enjoy cyber sex. It just takes to down to a level that you really don�t want to sink to. I mean, Hell, the person you�re �having sex� with is more than likely some fat guy in Ohio named Bubba.
6. Neglect punctuation. <See that little dot that I put at the end of that last word? That�s our good friend Mr. Period, and he shows up in two places. 1) The end of every proper sentence and 2) for one week out of every month in the case of every female over the age of twelve. Also, if your sentence gets longer than say, ten to twelve words, a comma (,) might be in order. Saying, �I like cows and pie and I�m a FLIPPING RETARD and I don�t know how to type� is not acceptable. On the other hand, �I enjoy bovine creatures and bakery goods, I have a slight mental disability, and I struggle with using a keyboard.� IS acceptable.
7. Also � and I know this is hard to believe � but proper spelling is NOT hazardous to your health. I can�t tell you how PISSED OFF I get when I when I see �sed�, �wat� and any other word that lacks at least one letter. Remember kids, if you can�t spell anything longer than a three letter word, go back to third grade and stay there.
8. Spell �cool� as �kewl�, because it�s just plain gay. No, not gay as in stupid, gay as in homosexual. Seriously.
There are hundreds of stupid things that people do on the internet that piss me off, but these are the worst. Be sure to abide by these rules, kids, or angry robotic spiders will crawl out of your CPU and eat you bit by bit, all the while filling your ears with battery acid. That, and I�ll call you an assclown.