Like the whole, �I�m away right now because no one ever talks to me so if you care send me an IM� away message on AOL Instant Messenger. It�s so� stupid. If you want to talk to someone, TALK TO THEM, don�t try to reel people in by looking depressed.
Then of course there�s the, �Over React to a Trivial Situation� method. I�m sure you�ve seen it before. Ya know, you�re hanging out with a group of friends, having a good time, relaxing, thinking how great it is to be away from all the BS that surrounds you during the course of Every Day Life. And unbeknownst to you, one of our wonderful AHFs is lurking amongst the ranks of your comrades. She may even BE one of your comrades, disguised as a sane human being.
Then, all of a sudden, an off-the-wall remark is made by someone(usually a guy, they like getting angry at guys) and little miss AHF takes it completely the wrong way and stomps off to be �alone� as she begins to spout tears. Now, everyone KNOWS that the AHF wants to be followed and doted upon and asked, �Whats wrong? What did I say? I�m so sorry! Please forgive me!� and the sad thing is that they do it anyway. I mean, what else are you SUPPOSED to do? Let the wench have her little temper tantrum and then face the wrath later when she complains that you didn�t act as a �friend� should and provide a shoulder to cry on, or apologize for not doing anything wrong? Yes dammit, that�s exactly what you�re supposed to do. Because when you DON�T, the AHF says to herself,
�Oh! Goodie! This works! Whining like a two year old gets me what I want, so I�ll do it again!�
And trust me. She WILL do it again.
Another method that I absolutely hate is long drawn out entries in web based journals(Blogs) that consist solely of, �Oh poor me, boohoo, everyone is mean to me nothing is my fault and I�m perfect.�
Or, even worse,
�I�m such a horrible person I deserve to die why does everyone hate me I should die�
Most of the time if a person believes they should die, REALLY believes they should die, then they�re going to kill themselves. This is a horrible and tragic thing, and I am not in any way mocking suicide.
What I�m saying is that the �I�m a horrible person� angle is yet one more pathetic cry for attention. The person wants someone to tell them that they�re NOT a horrible person, and that they are in fact a WONDERFUL person who doesn�t get what they deserve, or something to that effect.
I know this because I used to do the SAME THING. Keep in mind that some of these methods are used by both males and females.
After awhile I realized that I was a real pain in the arse. Other people saw it to, but they were taken in by my little ploy. Most of the time. Sometimes they just ignored me. I hated them at the time, but kudos to you, nameless apathetic person who I probably don�t associate with anymore. YOU had it figured out.
Then of course there�s the old silent treatment. THAT pisses me off.
The MATURE way to handle a problem (if there even is one, often times the AHF will simply dream up a problem to suit her own purposes) is to sit down with the person who you�re upset with and talk it out with them. Explain your feelings, ask them to explain theirs in turn, and then try to reach a peaceful solution. For me, this has saved many a friendship, and on more than one occasion has kept my girlfriend and myself from getting into an argument.
The AHF way to do it is to pretend that they can�t hear or see you and stare off into space, or put up angry away messages when you IM them, or to pick up the phone, not say anything, and then hang up on you. All it does is infuriate you more, and they know it, and that�s why they do it. They figure the more they piss you off, the happier you�ll be and the more you�ll love them when they finally consent to talking to you again. With me it never worked. It did permanent damage to the relationship and since then I�ve broken off a lot of ties with the people who did this.
Okay, so now you�re familiar with some of the common methods used by AHFs (which you probably already were)
So how do you SPOT an AHF?
Often times, using the Power of Boobs, girls are able to disguise themselves as perfect and pure little angels of light (even the incredibly evil ones), and will put you through hell five times before you even get the slightest inkling that maybe they AREN�T such great people.
Watch out for the signs described above, and be sure to make note of them in your mind. Even if she�s your girlfriend, don�t brush it off as, �Oh I�m sure she didn�t mean it, she was just upset�
Generally, an AHF will be between the ages of eleven and seventeen, but AHFs of all ages, shapes, and sizes have been known to appear anywhere from California to the swamp behind my house. And though they may differ in face, appearance, and overall visage, they have proven time and time again to be pretty much the same. Whiny, manipulative, unnecessarily depressed, and at times, just plain mean.
You, as a rational human being, must ignore the Power of Boobs when a conflict arises. If your lady friend does something that you don�t like and you�re considering letting it slide, ask yourself how you would react if your best friend, or even a mere acquaintance did the same thing. Don�t make excuses for her because she�s got boobs, because that just isn�t healthy.
Now, PMS CAN be a justification. I�ve seen girls do things during their time of the month that they would never even consider doing at any other time, and then express true remorse and humbleness later. But then again, some girls overuse it.
�Well, I yelled at you because I was PMSing� or, �I slapped you because I was PMSing� or, �I set your house on fire and stole all your belongings and sold them on EBay and then used the money to take a five week vacation in M�xico because I was PMSing�
Use logic, not hormones, when dealing with your suspected AHFs.
Of course, forgiveness is necessity in any situation, so don�t get all angry and avoidant and sink to their level. Just watch out for yourself, and be careful before following your girlfriend outside next time she stomps off. It�s probably not worth your time.
[This rant was written by Jimi]