Under The Circumstances

an r.k. fanfic

 

 

 

CHAPTER EIGHT

"Truth"

 

 

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"Find me here

Speak to me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

You are the light

That is leading me

To the place where

I find peace again."

 

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"Misao, wait." Soujiro pleaded as she brushed past him in her haste to get as far away from the dojo as possible. She was wearing her Oniwabanshu uniform, a clear sign that she was upset. It was her talisman that protected her from the world.

 

"Would you please listen to me?" he pleaded again. This time she stopped in her tracks. He was just about to sigh in relief when she jumped into a nearby tree. Landing lightly on a branch that stretched out over the path she paused just long enough to tell him to go away.

 

He had no intentions of honoring that request.

 

Misao bounded from branch to branch with a precision that belied the turmoil in her mind. Surprise at Aoshi's sudden appearance at the dojo, as well as hurt at his refusal to include her, the rightful okashira, in his investigation in Tokyo. As far as she was concerned, there wasn't anything she could do to prove herself to him, and why should she have to? Did Omasu or Okon ever have to prove themselves to him? Didn't Jiya trust her enough to lead in the battle against Shishio's assassin's? Wasn't she worthy of his trust and respect? Peeved, she dropped to the ground again and continued to walk to the spot on the riverbank where she had first met Kaede. She needed to calm down, to think things through as an adult, not the petulant child Aoshi made her out to be.

 

"Why won't you tell anyone what's wrong?"

 

Misao spun on her heel so fast the grass under her sandal was torn from the ground in the process. If she wasn't so angry at him for following her, she might have been amused at the irritated expression on Soujiro's face. Unfortunately, she didn't see the humor in the situation.

 

"I thought I told you to leave me alone." she hissed.

 

Soujiro's features slackened, "I don't think that's a good idea." He responded.

 

"Yeah, well, who asked you?" she sneered, "Look Soujiro. I know Kenshin's like, your role model but leave the psychology to him okay?"

 

She began to turn away, but he couldn't let her go when he could see she was hurting so badly. He caught her wrist and turned her to face him. He held her glittering eyes with his own, "All I'm trying to do Misao, is to be your friend when you need it most. Please," he pleaded, "let me."

 

 

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"You are the strength

That keeps me walking

You are the hope

That keeps me trusting

You are the life to my soul

You are my purpose

You are everything"

********************************

 

As the silent moments passed, the fire in Misao's eyes faltered and died. Soujiro felt her clenched fist relax in his grip. "Alright," she said softly.

 

Satisfied that she was finally opening up to him, Soujiro relaxed his hold on her arm so she could slip away from his grasp. She walked toward the river for a few paces, stopping to sink down onto her heels. Soujiro, understanding what she wanted, sat down next to her. Her eyes still fixed on the water, she began to explain.

 

"I wasn't telling the whole truth about my haircut." she said.

 

He was a little more than confused about what that had to do with anything, but he was willing to hear her out. "Go on." he encouraged.

 

Misao sighed and relaxed her posture a little, but she still didn't look at him directly. "Three months ago," she began, "the Oniwabanshu were asked to assist the police force in Kyoto to catch a group of ninja who had gone bad. It's pretty much routine in those situations for them to ask our help. After all, it takes a ninja to catch a ninja." at this she managed a light laugh, "Anyway," she continued, "as a gang-member you'd think I would be included but you'd be wrong…"

 

***********************************************************************

 

"What the hell do you mean they left without me?!" Misao yelled as she ran up the stairs to her room.

 

Okina sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with a wrinkled hand. "Misao-mine," he pleaded, "please understand. Aoshi thought it would be too dangerous."

 

That just seemed to make Misao livid, "Dangerous?" she hissed, "well then I guess Honjou Kamatari was just a walk in the gardens huh? Or all those months I wasted in some of the most dangerous cities in Japan looking for his ungrateful ass?" She tore down the stairs again so fast her braid whipped around her like a shiny black snake, "I'll show him dangerous." she muttered darkly.

 

 

Aoshi huddled close to the roof of the building they were about to raid. From his vantage point he could see the various areas where the attack groups had hidden themselves. Each group consisted of an Oniwabanshu member and five police officers. Shiro and his group were to the west, Omasu's to the south, Okon and her men to the north, and the others were east. Up on the roof with him was Mitsumo Yuri, a former member turned police captain.

Suddenly, a light flashed in one of the windows on the southern side. Omasu stood to give Aoshi the "all clear" signal. He turned to Mitsumo who nodded and relayed to message to the other groups. Silently, all four groups slinked close to the building. Aoshi turned to Mitsumo and drew his swords, he held up one finger, then two, and then three. In one swift movement he slashed the roof and he and Mitsumo burst in from above. Moments later the other groups attacked from all four sides.

 

Although caught by surprise, the ninja group inside quickly took the defensive. Despite the fact that the officers were well trained and had the advantage of rifles, they were no match for the razor sharp reflexes and frightening accuracy of their target. Aoshi and Yuri ended up felling most of the ninja themselves while the other Oniwabanshu tried their best to protect the retreat of the wounded officers. Once the commotion died down a little they discovered that the okashira of the group was missing. Yuri continued to take down one opponent after the next.

 

"Go!" he shouted to Aoshi, "We can handle ourselves here, you go find him!"

 

Aoshi nodded and made his way outside. Not more than ten feet from the building he stopped in amazement as he came across his quarry locked in a face off with the very person he had not wanted to be there.

 

"Get out of my way little girl." the hunted man spat.

 

Misao's right leg was cut and bleeding and there was a gash over the man's left eye that trailed blood all the way down one side of his face, but neither warrior looked like they were about to give up.

 

"Make me."

 

The man drew his sword and flew at Misao. Intending to use her floating attack, she leaped into the air just as he was almost on her. But he managed to grab hold of her too-long braid and yanked her head back bringing her crashing to the ground. He brought his sword to Misao's exposed throat but she held it away with one of her knives. Reaching into her hair she pulled out a small dagger.

 

Only one chance. she thought.

 

In one fluid movement, she severed the braid and fell flat on her back. Her opponent stumbled backwards a little and adjusted his stance for one swift thrust to Misao's throat.

 

"Oh no you don't."

 

The man turned to look into the coldest pair of blue eyes he had ever seen. Shinomori Aoshi wasn't one to get pissed off easily, but by attacking Misao, this man had pushed all the wrong buttons all at once. He brought the back of his sword down hard on the pulse point just above the collarbone leaving the man unconscious and assuring that his right arm would never work right ever again.

 

Turning to Misao with a reproachful look in his eye he folded his arms in front of him and began to speak. "What you just did was foolish and irresponsible.".  Misao opened her mouth to protest but he held up a hand to silence her. He pointed to her severed braid lying on the grass. "You're lucky that all you lost was your hair," he continued, "next time you'll so as your told. Do I make myself clear?"

 

Misao dropped her gaze into her lap for a few moments, "Yes sir." she murmured, lifting her head again to face him. However, Aoshi was already making his way back to the building with the unconscious man draped over his shoulder. A night breeze played with butchered hair blowing most of it across her face, but she didn't notice.

 

"Crystal." she whispered.

 

****************************************************************

 

Misao rubbed her eyes with the back of one hand. "He hasn't spoken to me since." she said turning weary blue-green eyes to Soujiro's ebony ones. "I don't blame him though," she confessed, "I'm perfectly useless. Sometimes, I wonder whether I'm really a ninja or just a pale imitation of one…I…" her voice cracked and tears began to flow down her cheeks.

 

Soujiro didn't want her to cry, but he had no idea of how to comfort her. One hand tentatively drifted in her direction. "Misao…" he whispered, his hand hovering in midair. Taking a deep breath, he gently brushed her hair away from her face, bringing his other hand up to her cheek. She looked up into his eyes for a moment and then slipped into his arms, her hands wrapping themselves tightly in the fabric of his gi as her sobs grew more pronounced.

 

"You don't know what it's like!" she sobbed, "Everyday I had to keep on living for them, smiling for a family I don't have a place in. I had who I loved all around me, and still the loneliness was tearing me apart inside…"

 

His arms soon closed around her body and he brushed his lips against the top of her head. "It's alright." he whispered, "It's alright."

 

Suddenly she drew away from him, sitting up so that she could look into his eyes once more. "Is it really?" she asked in a voice that was filled with even more sorrow  than before. "Aoshi had every right not to trust me," she whispered bitterly, "You of all people would understand that."

 

Soujiro's eyes filled with pain at her words, but he could say nothing to dispel their meaning. Not without denying his own memories in the process. His arms turned to lead at his sides, unable to offer any comfort to the one who shared his pain and his past.

 

Slowly, the sadness in his darkened eyes hardened into something far less yielding than sorrow, and even a trace of the smile that usually graced his angelic features was nowhere to be found. His sword hand fisted itself tightly in the grass at his side as he spoke in a voice that he had only used once before, when everything that he thought he was had been stripped away.

 

"What is done, is done." He said solemnly, "We can't change what has already happened, Misao. No matter how much either of us would want to."

 

A bitter expression that lay somewhere between a smile and a grimace crossed Misao's face as she sniffed and briefly looked away. "Is that the reason?" she asked suddenly.

 

Soujiro's gaze grew more intense as he searched Misao's tear-streaked face for the meaning of her query, "What do you mean?" he asked.

 

Misao shook her head slightly, as if to dispel bad thoughts from her mind. "I know what we did back then was wrong. We shirked our responsibilities and put both our groups at risk. We…betrayed the trust they had placed in us."

 

As he looked on, Misao's head dropped lower as her nails began to dig into the exposed flesh of her knees in frustration.

 

"Even so," she whispered, "I don't regret what was done Soujiro. I never have."

 

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"And how can I

Stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me, how could it be,

Any better than this?"

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Dark eyes widened in realization above slightly parted lips as the meaning of Misao's words was finally made clear. "Misao," he said in a much softer tone than before, "You don't think?"

 

Misao raised her head again, her usually bright blue-green eyes dulled with the inner torment that clawed away at her soul. "Aren't you?" she asked abruptly enough to cut off whatever he might have said. "There was nothing to stop you from coming back after everything was over. At least…to say goodbye."

 

For a moment the silence was complete, except for the irregular huffs in Misao's breathing. Then, there was the soft whisper of fabric and before she knew what was happening, Misao found herself confined within the warmest most comforting embrace she had ever experienced. Possessive yet gentle, Soujiro's arms wrapped around her slender form as he buried his face in the crook of her shoulder, offering all the warmth that he had to give.

 

How many nights for the past few years had she entertained this moment in the privacy of her own mind? How many times had she secretly wished that the eyes she looked into everyday were a friendly shade of dark gray, instead of the icy blue that saw right through her? Overwhelmed with joy, she simply buried her own face in the fabric covering Soujiro's shoulder, waiting for the answer which would inevitably come.

 

"You don't know how hard it was for me to leave like that," he whispered, "I had lost everything in the process of regaining my heart, but hardest of all was losing you."

 

 

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"You calm the storms

You give me rest

You hold me in your hands

You won't let me fall

You still my heart

And you take my breath away.

Would you take me in

Would you take me deeper now?"

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A shuddering breath was drawn in before he could continue. "As I sat on the hillside, watching the fortress burn into nothing I thought hard on the path which my life should have taken from there. I decided that even if I returned, I would only hurt you by doing so. So I left in search of what I felt was missing in my soul. For years I wandered the farthest reaches of Japan, learning new philosophies, meeting people from  a plethora of backgrounds, seeing things that I had only previously dreamed of. Still… " he admitted, raising his head a little, "I was never satisfied. After a time I came to realize that every new person I met, every new idea had to be compared to the time that I spent with you. You became the standard by which all other things were measured in my mind and not one of them came close to being equal."

 

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"'Cause you're all I want

You are all I need

You are everything

Everything."

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Misao's eyes widened at Soujiro's confession, all this time, all those years of living an empty, thankless life, she was not the only one who had kept that small flame burning in her heart. Of their own accord, her hands moved to clutch Soujiro around his waist letting him know that she had not forgotten, nor she would ever forget the one who held her heart.

 

Feeling her return his embrace, Soujiro tightened his own. "For years I searched for my answer, but it only came to me when fate brought us back together."

 

Misao's eyes began to tear up again, "Honto?" she asked expectantly.

 

"Aa," he answered, "I left to find what I was searching for, I found that I was searching…for you."

 

It was only then that her tears finally came. A free flowing river of relief pouring directly from the flooded dams of her own heart. She pressed herself even closer to his body safe in the knowledge that her hope was now complete. Now that she finally had what she did, she was never, ever letting go.

 

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"And how can I

Stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me, how could it be,

Any better than this?"

******************************

 

Neither Okashira nor Tenken had any idea how long they had been lying in each other's arms. Not that they cared. Misao's cheek rested comfortably against Soujiro's chest and his arms were still wrapped protectively around her body, her bangs stirring a little which each of his breaths. Neither of them dared to speak for fear of spoiling the moment, each one secretly hoping to stretch the minutes out for as long as they possibly could.

 

Misao looked out onto the river as it glittered in the afternoon sunlight. She silently wished that the moment could last forever, even as she feared that as soon as she was out of Soujiro's arms he would go back to the "good-natured rurouni" act he had developed over the past few years. "But was it really an act at all?" she wondered. True, Soujiro was a member of the Juppongatana, and an assassin at that, but did he ever enjoy what he did? She didn't think so. He simply followed orders, like Himura once had. So why did he ever get involved with the Juppongatana in the first place?  She shifted a little so that she could peek at his face. He was an attractive man, smooth skin, baby soft hair and well formed, delicate features. If evil had a face, surely this wasn't the one.

 

"Why did you do it?" she asked suddenly.

 

"Nani?" he asked looking down at her.

 

A dragonfly that had been dancing on the water flew around them a couple of times and then landed on the grass next to her hand. She twitched her index finger a little to try and startle it, but it didn't move.

 

"Why…why did you join the Juppongatana?"

 

Soujiro silently looked out over the river for a few moments and then brought his attention to the dragonfly next to Misao's hand. He didn't want her to know what a monster he really was, but he didn't want her to find out from someone else either. He was still wrestling with himself when Misao rose from his embrace and sat on her heels so she could face him directly. "Look at me." she commanded.

Of all the things he could have expected to see in her eyes, trust was not the one he was prepared for. But it was there, as plain as day. Her hand found his and wrapped around it firmly. "You don't have to be afraid," she assured him, "Tell me."

Soujiro felt as if his heart was overflowing. This girl, who had seen him as he was in his darkest moments, cared for him enough to listen. Closing his eyes, he took in a shuddering breath. "My mother was a prostitute," he began, "When I was born, I came to live with my father's family so that they could avoid disgrace. Even though I was his son, I was illegitimate, and that meant that I could never really be a true member of the family. So, they made me a servant after he died… and they treated me like one. They beat me everyday, without excuse, because they enjoyed making me cry. So, one day I decided to smile instead. It confused them enough to leave me alone, and later on, it confused Shishio enough to decide not to kill me where I stood."

 

"He tried to kill you?"

 

Soujiro nodded. "I saw him murder another man, he was going to slash me too but I smiled at him. He asked me why, so I told him. He thought it was amusing. He decided that he liked me, so in exchange for shelter and care, he allowed me to live. He taught me his philosophy  and gave me my first sword." he squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled to keep his voice steady.

 

"I never thought that I would use it…"

 

********************************************************

 

No. Please leave me alone… I don't want to…please…leave me…please.

 

They were after him again.

 

He tried to hide, he really did. But they kept coming after him, kept trying to hurt him. There was nowhere left to run, he cowered against the cold earth, his little body shaking with terror. "Kami-sama please don't let them find me." he prayed.

He could hear them, hear it in their voices. They were going to kill him this time, he was sure of it. He clutched the sword closer to his chest, knowing that he would have to use it soon. He didn't want to do it, Kami-sama knew he didn't, but they kept coming, they kept coming.

 

He could hear one of them approaching, his eyes followed the advance even though it was almost too dark too see. He wished that it had been. He'd caught sight of the blade as a sliver of moon light caught on it's edge. He panicked and swung, all his instincts screaming survival. The man fell from his crouched position to lie flat on the ground. The boy caught the smell of the blood that was soaking into the dark earth. It seemed to entrance him. His legs moved of their own accord, mechanically, he flicked his wrist as he came to his feet, sending red droplets flying.

 

The strong survive…

 

He moved like a tempest, no mercy, no feeling. When the ground was soaked, he stood motionless in the midst of the ruin, His gi waving gently in the night wind. It was complete.

 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up into bloodshot eyes, smiling their approval over the bandages he himself had stolen. He looked down at himself, there was so much blood…so much blood.

 

 ********************************************************************

 

Soujiro didn't realize he was crying until  he felt Misao's hand at his cheek, wiping the tears away. Her eyes were calm, kind, but most of all, accepting. She understood. The fact that she had been willing to try was enough for him. Soujiro tried to say something but all that came out was a strangled sob. Misao's arms went out to embrace him and by some incredible accident, their lips touched. For an instant they both froze, teetering on the edge of that long uncharted aspect of their relationship.

 

Slowly, cautiously, they closed the distance between them. Gently, carefully, they began to explore. Feather-light touches soon gave way to more substantial caresses, fingertips learning quickly how and where to tread. Soujiro coaxed Misao's lips apart, his tongue exploring, caressing, drinking her as if she were the only thing keeping him alive. Misao's arms closed around his neck pulling him as close as she could even as she returned his kiss with equal fervor. Soon, she found herself face up on the soft grass of the riverbank, her hands tangled in his hair. His attention moved from her mouth down to her neck, dipping his tongue into the hollow of her throat. Misao gasped and moaned, writhing under his ardent touch.

On hearing her moan Soujiro realized that things were going way too far, too fast. He wanted her, but he didn't want her like this. He raised his head from hers and looked into her eyes again, "Maybe we should stop." he said, his voice husky with suppressed desire. Misao's eyes were dark with need, but she nodded anyway, "Perhaps you're right." she drawled, her voice low and soft and unbearably sexy. Soujiro pressed his forehead to hers for a moment, savoring the feeling of her being so close. Then he helped her up.

 

For a moment they both stood, no longer turning their eyes toward the river, but to each other. Soujiro reached out and brushed his hand against Misao's cheek, "The first time I saw you, the first time I battled Himura-san, I was attracted to you Misao." he confessed, "You were so spirited, Himura's own personal cheerleader. For the first time in a long time I actually felt like smiling."

 

Misao looked sheepish, "Even though I was rooting for the other side?" she asked meekly. Soujiro chuckled at that, "Aa, even though you were." he assured her.

 

Misao blinked in disbelief, "You… you're laughing!" she exclaimed in surprise. She grinned and threw her arms around his neck, "You don't know how good it is to hear you laugh, Soujiro." she beamed. He drew away slightly and looked at her luminous face, the laughter in his eyes bright and true…

 

"Not as good as seeing that you got your smile back."

 

 

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