PART 2
Yuki's mind flashed back to a scene ten years ago. She was four years old, standing in that very same bathroom, watching her idiot sister make an idiot out of herself.
"Daddy!" little Yuki cried, "Rika flushed the doggy down the toilet again!"
"Puppy go bye-bye!" Rika sang, as her poor precious poodle, Meowkles, spun around and around before it was gone completely. Yuki was sure that Meowkles had drowned, or been eaten by a big creepy sewer monster or something. Three weeks later they received a wedding invitation in the dishwasher, declaring that Meowkles and the big creepy sewer monster were getting married.
Of course, that was then and now is now. Meowkles and the big creepy sewer monster were long since retired and vacationing in Florida. The only thing to worry about now, was Fee-Fee, their offspring, who dwelled within the gross and slimy pipes beneath the mansion. Yuki pointed her flashlight down the dank, creepy tunnel and peered into the darkness. Karen was shivering behind her. Shiro was muttering something incoherent under his breath. When Chelsea had asked for volunteers to see who would go down into the dark, creepy, smelly abyss, he had been conned into coming along under the pretext that there were in fact beautiful naked mermaids down here. He was beginning to think he had been tricked...
"Oh man, I just know I'm going to get raped by some giant tentacle monster thing," he whined, narrowly avoiding a puddle of God-knows-what, "I'm always the one who gets raped by the giant tentacle monster thing..."
"Will you quit your bitching and hurry up," Yuki snapped. The lack of food and the horrific smell of the tunnel were both starting to wear on her nerves. The three teenagers crept down the bleak, scary tunnel, inching ever closer to a faint haunting sound in the distance. After several minutes of walking and listening to Shiro moan and complain, Yuki saw a faint glimmer of light in the distance.
She quickened her pace, forcing Karen (who was clinging to Yuki's sleeve) and Shiro (who was clinging to Karen's butt) to move faster as well. Soon Yuki could distinguish that the glow was not coming from one light, but rather many small ones, scattered about the darkness of the tunnel ahead. As they drew nearer to the eerie lights, Karen's curiosity got the better of her.
"Oooh...buttons..."she cooed. Karen liked buttons. Especially glowy red ones. Afterall, that's what led to the creation of Puu, and the disappearance of that small Phillipino island that vanished from the face of the earth a few months ago. Karen's hand drew slowly closer to one of the glowly red buttons, despite protests from Yuki, and desperate squeaking from Shiro (though that might have been due to the rat that was currently humping his leg).
Karen's index finger at last reached the glowy red button, which turned out not to be a button at all, but rather a big slimy eyeball, which closed once poked, provoking a terrible screech from the eyeball's owner. Suddenly a tentacle shot out from the darkness, wrapping itself around Shrio's leg, dragging him into the shadows. The boy screamed bloody murder.
Yuki shined her flashlight in the direction of her friends screams, finding more tentacles and eyeballs, all writhing about as they tangled themselves around a now-squealing Shrio.
"Ouch...looks like Fee-Fee likes Shiro..." she said, wincing as Fee-Fee tossed Shio up into the air, before grasping his helpless body in her slimy clutches again.
"Oh! That tentacle looks like it went right through him!" Karen exclaimed as Shiro's shrieking intensified.
"Uh, Karen," Yuki grimaced, "I don�t think that one was a tentacle..."
"Huh? Oh...OH!!" Karen's eyes widened and her face turned red. She quickly whirled around to avoid seeing anymore tentacles penetrate her hapless friend.
"Fee-Fee," Yuki called the great green monstrosity, "Why are you laying eggs in my bathroom?"
Fee-Fee's writhing and squirming stopped, as did Shiro's wailing. One of the huge red eyeballs moved up to closely examine Yuki. It blinked, and there was a strange squealing noise from the mass it was attached to.
"Hmm..." Karen pondered, placing her hand on her chin, "She says she hasn't laid any eggs recently."
"Wait, you mean you can actually understand her?" Yuki asked. Karen shrugged.
"I spend all of my time hanging out with a green fuzz ball whose only word of English is his own name. I think I can understand bizarre creature-speak by now." Yuki merely nodded and looked back at the giant red eyeball still positioned two inches from her face. It blinked again, prompting a glob of green goo to drip on to Yuki's foot.
"You're sure that's what she said?"
The red-head nodded.
"Yup. I'm pretty sure. It was either that, or 'I'm going to eat you,'" Karen replied. Yuki sighed and smacked her forehead. She took Karen's hand and started running back in the direction they had come. Fee-Fee didn't seemed inclined to follow, deciding to pay more attention to her new pet, who began wailing again...
In her haste, Yuki had dropped her flashlight and was left running blindly about the tunnels, unsure which was to turn. After several minutes of franticly dragging a panicked Karen around the sewer, she came to a stop at a dead-end. There were iron bars blocking the tunnel ahead.
"Ah, shit," Yuki grumbled, "There's no way we're going to fit through there..." Suddenly a light bulb appeared above Karen's head, illuminating the tunnel and momentarily blinding Yuki. Karen looked curiously at the light bulb as it disappeared.
"How about Spam?" she suggested. The red-head was rewarded with an incredulous look from her friend.
"Dont you mean Pam?"
"No, no, no. I mean Spam. Everyone knows that oily, processed meat by-products are Mother Nature's natural lubricant!"
Again, Yuki let loose an exasperated sigh and asked God what she ever did so wrong that deserved punishment in the form of idiot room-mates. What ever happened to locusts or fire and brimstone?
**********
Three showers and two bottles of shampoo later, Yuki was finally rid of the awful smell, but wasn't really much happier. She still hadn't eaten at all today, and Shiro's incessant pleas for help echoed throughout the pipes in the walls. She warily eyed the big green egg in the sink as though at any moment it might jump out and attack her.
Pulling on her favorite shorts and a t-shirt, she gave herself a quick look-over in the mirror and hurried back to the living room. Alfredo had laid Stacie on the couch, and was currently holding an ice pack on her forehead. She was still blue. Rika was on the floor, picking the fuzz out from underneath her toe-nails and using it to fuel the small inferno that was currently raging in the fire-place. Chelsea was admiring her reflection in a spoon as she devoured her bowl of cereal.
Wait...cereal?
Yuki rushed over to Chelsea. In her haste, she bumped into Tsurugi, who had just woken up from his little 'nap' in the kitchen. He fell through the window and knocked his head off of a garden gnome, passing out again.
"Chelsea, where did you get that cereal?!" the blue-haired girl asked frantically. Her stomach was roaring in pain from a lack of food. It was almost noon. Chelsea gave Yuki a "WTF" look.
"In the kitchen, duh," she replied. She then proceeded to empty her barely-touched bowl of cereal out the window, dumping it on Tsurugi's limp body, and paying no mind at all to Yuki, who was gasping at the wasted food.
"Gosh, I'm pretty," Chelsea cooed, giving her reflection in the spoon a playful wink. Yuki abandoned the narcissistic blonde and ran to the kitchen. There, on the counter, she saw the last perfectly-preserved, golden box of heavenly delicious Cheerios...sticking out of the mouth of the octopus. She roared and threw a table through the back door, which hit Tsurugi, who had began twitching, in the head again. He whimpered and collapsed in the back yard. A small flock of birds descended upon him, and began to peck at the bits of cereal remaining on his clothing.
"Why me?!" Yuki cried to the heavens, "Where did I go wrong?!!"
"First Karen had gone and destroyed every morsel of food in the house, then Stacie isn't able to cook anything, then I have to go down into that nasty tunnel, then the last bit of food in the house is eaten by a God-damn OCTOPUS!" She glared at the squishy sea-animal, vowing to turn it into sushi one day. Too bad she hated sushi...
"Why did Karen have to be so...so...Karen? Usually Puu would prevent her from doing anything that might...wait a minute," Yuki trailed off as an idea suddenly hit her, "Where IS Puu?"
Karen who had been standing behind Yuki the entire time, making faces at her, sudden chimed in.
"Gee, I dunno," she said thoughtfully, "Usually he would have prevented me from doing anything that might--"
She was cut off as Yuki grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her up the stairs to the closet which had been converted into Puu's room. When she opened the door, there was a shocked gasp from Karen, followed by an enthusiastic "DUN DUN DUN DUN" from Chelsea, who had appeared behind them.
Within the closet was none other than the furry green Puu himself, who was cradling in his arms two giant green eggs, identical to the one in the bathroom sink.
Oh my gosh," Karen exclaimed, sudden welling up with excitement, "This must mean, Puu is a GIRL!!"
"DUN DUN DUN DUN!" Chelsea cried. Yuki glared at her. The blonde merely shrugged and went back to making kissy-faces at her reflection in the spoon. Puu leapt up into Karen's arms and displayed his big green egg with pride.
"What a day..." Yuki sighed. Her stomach let out a sickeningly loud growl. She looked sheepishly at her companions, who each raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't eat today," she said defensively, "There�s no food in the house! No pancakes, no bacon, no toast, no sausage, no eggs--"
Suddenly, an idea struck. Chelsea and Karen seemed to have the same epiphany as Yuki. The three girls all turned to look at Puu, who was clutching his eggs defensively.
"Puu, honey, come here..."
**********
"You know, I still can't believe that Puu is a girl," Yuki said, her words were muffled by the food in her mouth. She began shoveling her third heaping plate of scrambled green eggs. "I mean, I always thought he had a...you know...thing."
She, Rika, Chelsea, and Puu were seated around the kitchen table. Rika looked up from her eggs, which she was currently using to make little snow-egg-men.
"Yeah," Yuki's sister replied, smashing the little pile of eggs that was meant to represent Chelsea, "I thought he had a willy."
"Well, I never checked," Chelsea chided. She began trying to feed her green eggs to 'Sylvester' the stick, pausing every now and then to admire herself in the spoon. Puu was currently seated in his high-chair, scribbling in a coloring book with purple a crayon, along with the octopus. He loved when the subject of conversation turned to him.
Tsurugi had finally awaken. He dragged himself into the kitchen. His pajamas were torn up by the birds. He was dirty, aching all over, and smelled like milk. He slowly made his was across the floor to the table.
"Oh, hi Yusuke," Yuki called cheerfully. She was happy and content now that her stomach had been filled. "You sure slept in late. It's already two 'clock. Here, have some eggs."
Tsurugi glared evilly at her, but reached his hand out to accept the plate of eerie eggs that Yuki held out before him. It was at that moment that Karen burst into the room, knocking Tsurugi over and sending him rolling into the living room, where his head connected with the corner of the coffee table, knocking him out for the umpteenth time today. Yuki winced, and held back a laugh. The other girls paid no attention to him at all.
"Lookit!" Karen exclaimed excitedly, "I found my turtle!"
She was holding the same squirming tutle that had escaped earlier. The reptile tried desperately to break free, but to no avail.
"I'm gonna keep him," Karen declared happily, "I'll name him George. And if ever I ruin all the food in the house, we'll always have turtle soup to fall back on!" She seemed to forget for a moment that she was in fact a vegetarian.
Karen carefully set 'George' down and immediately it tried to run away. Well, it was more of a slow, labored crawl. The cheery red-head took a seat by Puu's high-chair and examined his coloring book.
"Quite a nice portrait you've got going there, you two," she said. It seemed as though Puu and the octopus had tried to draw each other. The end result was more a scribbled, incoherent mess of purple and green, with blotches of ink and various other slimy fluids here and there.
Still, Karen accepted the portrait when it was offered to her as though it were the next Mona Lisa.
"You know, there's still one thing I don�t get," Yuki pondered aloud, "If Puu was the one laying eggs all over the place, why didn't he start until now?"
"You mean, why didn't she start until now," Karen corrected.
"Yeah, whatever," Yuki grumbled. Her thoughts were interrupted by a grunt from none other than Puu him/her/itself. He/she/it was no longer in the high-chair. Instead the, grunting and squeaking was coming from across the room, where Puu was now mounting George the turtle and...
"Oh. My. Gosh." Rika said.
"Um...Karen, judging by that positioning, I don�t think Puu is a girl," Yuki said, cringing at the site of the Puu-on-Turtle action that was being displayed before them. "I don�t think George is a boy, either. At least, I sure hope not."
Karen was dumbfounded. She stared at the site with her mouth wide open, and her eye twitching.
"That's...just...gross..." she stuttered. After a moment or two, she snapped out of her daze and returned to her usual motherly self, "Puu, you unhand that poor turtle this instant!"
George however, seemed to be enjoying whatever Puu was doing to it. The octopus, apparently jealous, did not. It glared at Puu and the turtle, squiggling about in frustration. It let out a stream of ink, which hit Chelsea's spoon, blocking her view of her reflection.
"No!" she cried helplessly, "My beautiful face! It's gone!" She dropped to her knees and cried over the loss of her make-shift mirror. The octopus, still angry, writhed about for a bit, squinted, and the *pop*...a large green egg appeared beneath it. The girls all let out a simultaneous gasp.
"DUN DUN DUN DUN!" Chelsea exclaimed.
"Oh my..." Rika grimaced.
"It wasn't Puu at all," Karen began. Yuki picked up her sentence when she trailed off.
"The one laying eggs was.."
"The octopus!!" they all shouted in unison. The octopus, embarrassed, inked itself.
**********
THE END
"Waaaaaaaaaiiittt!!!" Shiro exclaimed. He was still lost in the catacombs beneath the house. "What about me? I'm still here, ya know!"
There was a terrible shriek behind him. A tentacle shot out of the darkness and wrapped around his leg, dragging him back to Fee-Fee's lair.
"Nooo!! I don�t want to be your play thing! Stop that! Ow, watch it! Careful where you put that thing. Ouch! That one too! Ah, stop it! Stop it! That tickles, no, don�t! OW!!! Ok, that one just hurt. Ah, quit it. That's not suppose to go there!! Aaaahh! Somebody--
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
**********
Ok, for real this time: THE END.
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