“So, what have we got, Lieutenant?” asked Detective Richard Biggs as he carelessly sauntered into the room, addressing his young partner.
“Twenty-two year old female. She was attacked last night,” replied Lieutenant Alfred Wedge, standing up from where he was examining the body of a busty brunette laying on the carpet in front of him. “I see,” Detective Biggs mused, “was it fatal?” “Um…yes, sir,” his partner replied, motioning to the body of the girl, who was most obviously dead. “How fatal?” Biggs asked. “Completely, sir.” “Ah. I see. Well, wake her up. I’d like to speak with her.” “You can’t. She’s dead, sir.” Wedge explained. “Ooooooohh,” Biggs said, the reality finally hitting him, “Well, why didn’t you just say so?” Lieutenant Wedge raised an eyebrow at his partner, shrugged, and continued surveying the crime scene. They were in the living room of a small, sparsely decorated apartment belonging to the victim. There was evidence of a struggle, apparent from the broken furniture which littered the room. Detective Biggs crouched down beside his partner and peered very closely at the young girl. “Have we determined the cause of death?” he asked. Wedge sighed. “We’re pretty sure it’s the knife in her back, sir.” “I see…” Biggs stroked his beard thoughtfully before standing up. “Wedge,” he declared, “I believe we may have a murder case on our hands.” “You don’t say…” “Yes. I think we may be dealing with a criminal mastermind. Get me the police!” “Sir, we are the police,” Wedge replied. “Oh, right. Well then, have we identified the victim?” Biggs asked. “Jessica Fordyce,” the younger man replied, “Pretty well known in the community. Last seen Tuesday, at the LaGrange Theater downtown.” **********“Alright, whose idea was it to put Puu in the dishwasher?!” Karen demanded, carrying a very disgruntled, very wet, very fuzzy Puu outside onto the back porch, where several of her housemates were clambering in the hot tub. Yuki looked up from where she was holding Shiro underwater and gave Stacie pointed look.
“It wasn’t me,” Yuki grumbled, “Why would I even go through all the trouble of catching him?”
Karen then presented the green ball of fuzz to Rika and Chelsea, who were busy competing to see who could stick out her chest farther. They both shook their heads briefly before continuing to glare at each other with stubborn determination. Stacie head slowly rose up from the depth of the bubbling water beside Yuki. She playfully squirted a mouthful of water at her blue-haired cousin, receiving a splash in the face in return. Their laughter was soon interrupted by a still-upset Karen clearing her throat pointedly.
“Maybe he fell in,” Stacie suggested helpfully, “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
Karen shrugged, and set Puu down on the wicker table. She handed him a popsicle, which he accepted with a squeal of delight, and removed her towel to join her friends in the jacuzzi. With a sigh she settled herself into the corner of the tub, enjoying the feel of bubbles between her toes and along her back.
“Ahh,” she sighed, “this is nice…”
“Yup,” Yuki agreed. She was getting more enjoyment from watching Shiro drown than she was from actually being in the pool. She grinned evilly as the last few bubbles from above her victim’s head came to a stop, then yanked the hapless fool from the water. Shiro gasped desperately as the new-found air flooded his lungs.
“Now, what have we learned?” Yuki asked him, keeping a tight hold of the skin on the back of Shiro’s neck. The boy stuttered and gasped, still trying to regain his ability to breathe.
“N-n-never…touch…Y-y-uki’s legs…”
“Goooooood boy,” his captor cooed, “Now, BEAT IT!!”
With that, she flung the raven-haired boy out into the yard, where he landed with a harsh ‘thud’ on the grass, staining his face green and losing a tooth in the process. Karen sighed.
“That boy will never learn,” she stated, sinking further into the warm, bubbling froth around her.
“That is not a boy,” Yuki explained flatly, “that is a dog. Boy’s have manners.”
“Well, some do,” Stacie corrected.
“Point.”
Karen nodded to both of them in agreement. Rika and Chelsea tiredly gave up on their contest, finally running out of breath. They collapsed, panting, on the side of the hot tub.
“Well…” Rika let out, “My boobs are still far larger than yours.”
“As if,” Chelsea retorted, barely able to enunciate, “My are like…waaayyy…more…big…ya know?”
She gave up on trying to speak anymore, and sunk comfortably into the inviting water. Rika soon followed suit, and soon the two were lost from sight.
“Drama queens,” Yuki scoffed.
“Yeah,” Stacie agreed, “Those two could be actresses or something.”
“Uh-huh. A regular pair of prima-donnas,” Karen nodded, tying her long red hair in a bun on her head, offering it as a seat for Puu, who quickly climbed on her head, still licking his posickle happily.
“What’s a prima-donna?” Stacie asked quizzically.
**********
“Self-centered drama queen; spoiled cry-baby; always has the be the center of attention; thinks she’s better than everyone; major glory hog; total spaz, really,” the light-haired girl rambled on and on to Lieutenant Wedge, who was trying frantically to write down the girl’s description, to no avail.
“So, basically…” he concluded.
“Yeah. Total bitch,” the girl concluded. Wedge hummed thoughtfully.
“And, how did you know the victim again?”
“Oh, best friends!” the girl said, “We’ve been inseparable since like, middle school.” Lieutenant Wedge raised an eyebrow, wondering how someone could run their dead best friend’s name through the mud like that.
“Uh…what did you say your name was again?” the young investigator asked.
“April Crawford,” the girl answered, “And don’t you forget it. With that hoe out of the way, I’ll be a big-time star in no time! Gosh…I’m gonna miss her…NOT!!!”
Alfred took this moment to slowly back away from the still-rambling girl, who was surely some sort of raving lunatic. He quickly tucked his notepad in his jacket pocket and hurried out of the office, where he had been interviewing the girl. After a quick trip down the hallway, he found his partner, Biggs, who was currently speaking to one of the posters on the wall.
“Well, my darling,” Biggs was saying, “I happen to be an expert in these matters. No, no…there’s no need to be so shy, dear. Come now, at least tell me your name…”
“Um…sir,” Wedge cleared his throat and gave his older partner a rather worried look, “You do realize you’re flirting with a piece of paper, don’t you?”
“Paper?”
“Yes, paper.”
“Well, you see, young fellow,” he stuttered, “I was just…er…um…practicing. Yes, that’s it! I was practicing the, erm, interrogation of that young lady about the...uh…you know, that murder case…thing.”
“Already did it, sir,” Wedge replied, “She says this Fordyce girl was pretty well-known, but not very well-liked overall. She could have made quite a few enemies. Potential rivals and such. You know how show business can be.”
“Yes,” Biggs purred, fixing a lusty stare at the poster on the wall next to him, “I know all too well.”
“Right. Well. Um…oh forget it.
**********
“Fuck this!” Yuki cried, shortly before she ripped the offending parking meter out of the ground and threw it through an unsuspecting shop owner’s window.“Yuki, you probably shouldn’t do that,” Stacie cautioned. She gently grabbed Yuki’s shoulder and rushed her down the street, away from the crowd on passersby that was quickly gathering around the fresh hole in the store window. Karen followed.
“Well, the damned parking meter shouldn’t steal my money!” Yuki growled back. The three girls quickly rounded a corner into a deserted alleyway. Stacie peered around the corner to see if the authorities had followed them. Luckily, they had escaped unseen.
“Yuki, we don’t even have a car,” Karen reprimanded.
“Well, they shouldn’t put the parking meters right next to the freaking bubble-gum machines, ok?!” Yuki growled back, getting dangerously close to the red-head.
“Guys, let’s just calm down,” Stacie quickly interjected, putting a stop to the fight. She sighed to herself and sat back against the cold brick wall. It was never a good idea to bring Yuki and Karen along on an errand together. The two usually either ended up in a fight with each other, or on a rampage of some kind against Shiro. And, since the males of the household were not permitted to join them on this particular venture, she knew it would only be a matter of time before Yuki and Karen were at each other’s throats.
The mood of the day had changed considerably from the peaceful lull of this morning’s delve in the hot tub. During Rika and Chelsea’s daily contest of “Extreme-Underwater-Basket-Weaving,” Tsurugi decided it a was a good idea to flush Puu down the toilet, after a few dozen doses of the little green monster’s patented ‘Stupid Pills.’ Unfortunately for all, the toilet didn’t seem in any particular mood to swallow Puu, and thus clogged, swelled, and exploded, plastering half a dozen rooms on the second floor with a mysterious green substance, which none of the housemates had the courage to guess as to what it was. Thus, after locking Tsurugi in his room to wallow in his own childish devices, like licking the doorknob and picking his nose with his toes, and securely placing all twenty-nine bottle of Stupid Pills in the lead box in the basement, the three girls nominated themselves to go out and buy bathroom cleaner.
And so, Stacie, Karen and Yuki emerged from the alleyway and continued down the street to the hardware store, after making sure the police were well enough distracted. They entered the store and absentmindedly browsed the many aisles before making the mandatory group trip to the ladies’ room that all girls must make when they visit a public place.
“Oh, candy bar…”
“Yuki, that’s not a candy machine. It’s a tampon dispenser.”
“THE FUCK?!!!”
*BOOM*
**********
To be continued…