The next morning, Rika had a bowel movement. Sirens were sounded throughout the neighboring streets. The police were notified, as was the military. The women and children in the houses closest to Rika�s were evacuated. Many of the men chose to stay and �fight the evil.� Many of them would remain in the hospital for the next week being sanitized.
The government quarantined the half of Kuro Manor that was still standing. The property was taped off and no one was allowed to leave or enter the premises. Luckily, Rika�s backyard alone was a square mile in size, including the field, the exploded pond, and half the forest, so the inhabitants of the Kuro house still had plenty of room to roam and frolic.
Rika�s so-called friends were largely immune to the more life-threatening biohazard us effects of her excrements, having been exposed to it so many times. They were not, however, immune to the smell, and remained cozily stuffed into the bomb shelter beneath the basement, with clothespins on their noses. Still, even though they would all have to bathe in tomato juice later, they were spared from having to wear protective suits and gas masks, like the men who came to fill the crater where Rika�s personal toilet had once stood.
�Goodbye, boys,� Rika cooed sweetly, blowing kisses to each of the worker men, �See you next week!�
�Wow. That one was a doozey,� Stacie said once she had climbed out of the shelter, �Rika�s been plugged up for a while now. It�s a miracle the crater wasn�t any deeper than usual, considering all that build-up.�
�Yeah. But now, the workers who were suppose to come fix the house will have to wait until the air is breathable to normal humans again,� Shiro stated gruffly as he adjusted his nose pin.
�Man, this bites,� Yuki grumbled, �Not only are we stuck on this stupid hill for the entire week, yet again, but all the fun things in the house are all broken�and wet. If Yukei and Puu are still alive when they get back, I�m going to kill them!�
Karen was the last to emerge from the trapdoor leading to the shelter. Her head had almost returned to its normal size, but her nose was still large and pink.
�Thank goodness that�s over,� she said with a sigh of relief, �I�m allergic to small enclosed spaces, you know.�
�Yes, we are aware of that, thank you, Rudolph,� Yuki bit back, rolling her eyes. The boredom and three consecutive meals of cold canned beets were beginning to wear on her nerves. Being quarantined sucks, too.
�Think of it this way,� Stacie chirped with her usual infuriating optimism, �At least we don�t have to go to school until Friday.�
There was a moan of glee behind her after she said this. The group spun around to find Tusurgi emerging from the hole leading to the basement. His eyes were completely bloodshot and crusted over with eye boogers. His hair resembled a pur�ed chicken, and a thick mat of stubble coated his jaw line.
�Yusuke, you look disgusting,� Yuki said, wrinkling her nose.
Tsurugi ignored her. �We�we don�t have to go to school today?� he whispered in disbelief, �Th-that means�.I�I still have time. I STILL HAVE TIME! I�M NOT GOING TO DIE JUST YET!!!� With that, he began frantically bouncing up and down like an idiot and ran off to the Corner of Terrible Woe to continue writing his lengthy assignment. �Wait. You mean Yusuke actually plans on DOING his homework this time? That�s a first,� Karen commented. �Yeah,� Yuki replied, �Especially since none of us are going to do it.� �I�ll have you know,� Rika butted in, �That I, the great and ever-studious Rika Kuro, have already completed my homework assignment for the evening.� No one paid any attention to her. �Fine! Be that way!� the red-head yelled, �I�ll need this time of blatant ignorance to plot my revenge against Chelseaa. As her rival and sole owner of her fate, I cannot allow her to make such a grievous mistake. I must show her the light! The stinky light, not that disgusting holy one. If not, I shall be without a rival, and then, my life shall lose its purpose. My entire existence will be without meaning. The universe itself would implode upon itself, all existence confined into one single solitary point of nothingness! The BOREDOM! THE SHAME!! THE INHUMANITY!!!� Rika stopped her tirade to find that everyone was staring at her with a �WTF� look on each of their faces. ��Are you done?� Yuki asked her with a raised eyebrow. �OMG, STFU BITCH!� Rika screeched. �Alright,� Stacie interrupted, clapping her hands together, �The only thing left to do now is--� �MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!� Rika bellowed, interrupting Stacie�s failed attempt at peaceful negotiation. �Rika, what are you--� Karen began. �MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!� Rika was mooing in Sister Chelsea�s general direction. �I said MOO, you obnoxious fat cow! MOOOOOOO, I say!� Chelsea seemed only slightly offended. �Rika, that�s very sweet of you to compare me to an obscenely large farm animal, but I feel as though there is some animosity in your noise-making. Perhaps if we all just sit down and talk together over tea--� �We have no tea,� Yuki butted in, �You gave it all to the OLD FARTS who can�t even have caffeine. �Now, I did that as a charitable--� �MOOOOOO!!!� Rika roared. �Rika, my darling friend, it�s rude to interrup--� �MOOO!! MOO, DAMMIT, MOOOO!!!� �Please, Rika, now is not the time to--� �MOO? MOO MOO MOO!!� �Now I know what you�re trying to do and it�s not going to work. You�ll just have to--� �MOOO?! YES, MOO! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, YOU HORSE!� �Rika, stop it.� �MOO?� �Rika, I�m telling you�� �MOO! MOO MOO MOO?� �Quit! You�re going to make me--� �MOOOOO?� Chelsea snapped. �SHUT YOUR FAT HOLE, YOU UGLY BEARDED DYKE!!� the blond roared, in a very un-nunlike manner. Everyone around her gasped. They were all gripped with a tense silence. The force of Sister Chelsea�s own words hit her suddenly. �Oh my goodness, what did I just say?� she asked herself in disbelief. �I believe you referred to my person as an �ugly fat dyke,� not one word of which is true,� Rika answered sweetly. She smiled proudly. �You�re right. I did. I have sinned�� Sister Chelsea said solemnly. She bowed her head in shame. �AND I LOVED IT!!� she suddenly cried, �Oh, it feel so good to be bad again! I feel so ALIVE!� The Chelsea formerly known as Sister tore of her enormous wedding dress/nun costume/bathing suit, revealing a very skimpy black rubber bikini, and went around to each of them, pointing accusingly; �Yuki, you ridiculous man-whore, take off that hideous shirt! You almost look like a woman; it�s scary,� she said. Yuki happily complied and ripped the shirt to shreds. �Karen, take that clown mask off!� Chelsea continued, �Its nose looks ridiculous!� Karen began crying because it was actually her real nose. �Tsurugi, take a bath! Wait, never mind that. Just get naked and wet. The cleaning part is not required,� Chelsea ordered. Tsurugi nodded slowly, only vaguely aware of his surroundings. Chelsea continued pounding out orders: �And you Stacie, MAKE ME PIE!!� �Ok,� Stacie complied sweetly, not realizing that there was nothing around to make pie with except mud and a few snails. �Shiro, kill yourself,� Chelsea barked. �But--� Shiro whimpered. �NOW!! And you, Rika�KISS MY SHINY, NEWLY-PURCHASED WHITE CHOCOLATE ASS!!� �Yes! That�s the Chelsea I know!� Yuki cheered. Karen patted Chelsea on the back. �Good to have you back, Chels,� she said. �Hands off me, peasant,� the blond replied. At this, Karen�s eyes welled up with tears and she threw her arms around Chelsea. �I missed you so much!� the red-head cried. Chelsea grimaced. �What is up with this house? One of you, ix it! And where�s Alfredo? My boots need licking. Shiro, why are you still alive? Yuki, rid yourself of those pathetic excuses for breasts! They look terrible on a man as sturdy as yourself. Karen, where�s my squeegie? I TOLD you not to let anyone hold it! And who�s the moron who�� Next page-->