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BE AWARE THAT THIS SITE CONTAINS MATERIAL OF AN ADULT NATURE
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Ok I'll start then,this is just somewhere to leave the funnies
Where they cant me removed by the moderators of forums.
(nothing personal chaps but you know who you are.)
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Willie was in the pub and a little miserable. He poured his story out to the barman.
' 30 long years I've been a handyman. I've helped this village in MANY different ways. You see that dock out there where the boats are moored? I built that. Do they call me Willie the Dockmaker? No! The bridge that crosses Kiltown ravine down the road. I built that. Do they call me Willie the Bridgebuilder? No! I rebuilt that church brick by brick when it was destroyed two years back. Do they call me Willie the Churchfixer? No! '
Willie looks at the bottom of his glass for a minute.
'But I shag one sheep....'
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Warning: Beer alert!
Now you can't even drink beer anymore:
Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that, considering the
results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones
in beer, men should take a long hard look at their beer consumption. The
theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were each given six pints of beer within a
half-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight,
talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't
drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down
while urinating, couldn't perform sexually, and refused to apologize when
wrong.
NO FURTHER TESTING IS PLANNED !
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How do you excite four Essex girls? Turn a stool upside down!
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A class of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."
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One night a man was drinking in a bar and he had to go to the bathroom. While he was going, he noticed that there were three black men next to him at the urinals. He happened to look down and was shocked to see that one of the men had a white penis. He quickly finished and went back to the bar. He told the bartender that he had just seen the strangest thing when he was in the bathroom. The bartender asked him what he saw. "Well, while I was taking a leak, I looked over and next to me were three black guys and one of them had a white dick!" "Oh, those weren't black men," the bartender said, "they are all coal miners and apparently one of them went home for lunch."
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