Deep Thought:
     
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I  drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think  about the workers in the brewery
and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, They
might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to
myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
--by Jack Handy

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous
     
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons,
but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
     
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
--Homer Simpson
     
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just
do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson