Title: Nightmares strike in the spine
Author: Magalud. Drop me a line if you like the story. Or not. (G)
Rating: NC-17 for violence, adult situation, a little sex. Janny wants it that way.
Pairing: Fraser/Female
Warning: Beware of medical inconsistencies, cultural prejudice, angst, mistreating of Canadians nationals. Bear in mind also that this is a healing story, not a pleasant one at all.
Teaser: How many times can one wound bleed? This story is sequel to Nightmares have bad habits.
Disclaimer: Linda is mine, Benny is not. Boy, how I wish it was the other way around...
Foreword: You have to read Nightmares have bad habits, or you won't understand a thing. If you do, you will also notice that this story begins at an alternative ending of that story. Not translated into English yet, but I made an abstract, so English readers won't feel left out. You can get there from here .

He was not crying, really. No one could call it crying. Benton Fraser was weeping, wailing, keening, ululating, sobbing. Tears were streaking down his cheeks; body folded in two, arms crossed in his stomach, kneeling in front of Linda's grave. It was such pain, such pain...

"You have to move on, son".

"Go away, Dad!" he shouted, mourning. All he could think about was Linda. *Linda, my love, I love you, I love you...*

"Stop that, Benton", ordered Bob Fraser sternly. "I did not raise you to display such a scene".

"Stay away, Dad", he insisted, this time sounding tired. He tuned out his dead father's words and resumed his mourning.

How his life changed since she was gone... Fraser could not remember when he laughed, or ate, or slept, or really truly lived. He had managed to isolate from all his friends in Chicago, one by one. The last straw was when Diefenbaker refused to go home with him, and announced he was going to live with the Vecchio family, from whom Fraser had violently parted months before.

But none of that was the wolf's fault. Nor anyone's. He had dug this hole by himself, and he was feeling so alone, so alone. All he wished was to be dead with her. *Linda my love*

From behind the tears, he glimpsed at the tombstone. It had changed again.

* * *

"Linda!"

Benton Fraser was panting quietly as he recovered from that nightmare, his body shaking and sweating. The dream of Linda's death had not plagued him from three days in a row, and he had thought it had gone away for good. Obviously, he was wrong. For a minute, he tried to catch his breath, and then he looked around to assess his situation.

How many times had he done it? How many times had he been there? Benton Fraser had lost count and at that point, he frankly could not care less. He was tired, and yes, grouchy - something unheard of. But there were many things about him lately that were unheard of.

Sometime ago, Benton Fraser had begun to do a lot of things he had never done before. He fell in love, he cared deeply for the woman at his side, and he found out happiness. It was not unheard of that he spent weeks at someone's hospital bed. Only this time, he could not stand the wait anymore.

Linda had been in coma for weeks. She had received a cocktail of illegal drugs from Victoria Metcalf, and her recovery had been uncertain, as well as her survival. During all those tense weeks Fraser had been relentlessly alternating holding her beloved's hand and chasing the person that had put her in such condition, aiding the law enforcement officers such as Ray Vecchio. Now, as he assessed his situation, Fraser had admit the investigation didn't advance much.

At least, Linda had been off the machines three days ago and survived. The doctors did not expect her to live without the equipment. But she had not shown any sign of recovery, either. Beautiful, thought Benton looking at her face, as she seemed to be asleep. Linda had an IV in her hand, catheter in her waist and some wires hooked to her forehead to monitor the brain activity. Still, to him, she looked so beautiful, so serene, so vulnerable, so fragile, so unworthy of all the things Victoria had done to her...

It was his fault. Fraser's heart was strangled inside his chest as he realised that every ordeal Linda had gone through had been his responsibility. And still there was no sign of Victoria. That part of his ever present nightmare was true: he and Ray had been off to Wisconsin, and to Michigan, and they followed every tiny little lead they had got hold. To no avail.

In the beginning it hadn't been like that. Fraser and Ray followed the lead on the little boat used by Victoria, and, with the blessings of Lt. Welsh and Inspector Thatcher, they hopped on a trail that came down to a small town in Michigan suspiciously called Benton Harbour. That lead was dead. But while they were in there, there were two other leads - one pointing to a bank robbery in Saginaw, Michigan, and the other to a similar crime in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Both of them were dead leads, too. Ray was frustrated as they came back to Chicago. The Italian was fuming and flapping his arms at everyone. Fraser was unusually quiet, more so after the hospital said Linda's condition was turning to worse. Even Ma Vecchio's pampering would not cheer the Mountie up.

Then Benton Fraser disappeared.

At first, Ray almost panicked. His first thought was that the Psycho Bitch from Hell (as he called Victoria) had returned and taken Benny. She would torture him and dump him in some dark alley to be found dead, or worse. Ray had recommended extra security for Linda, but Welsh said nothing could be done before 48 hours or some confirmation that Fraser had been kidnapped.

Fraser had not been taken away. For 48 hours later, he strode inside the 27th Precinct, dirty, ragged and unshaved, towing the captain of the boat that had taken Victoria away. Fraser dumped the terrified man unceremoniously in a chair by Ray's desk, announcing darkly, "Be glad I was not chasing you for littering."

After complaining for more than three hours about how he was hunted down by a crazed Mountie, the man spilled the beans. It was not much, though. His name was Del Crenshaw, and he had been a sailor by the lake, arrested for small potatoes a couple of times. Victoria had hired him to paint a boat and take it across Lake Michigan to the place called Benton Harbour, and it had made him 30 thousand dollars richer. That was about all he could say. He had not known Victoria previously, nor knew what she had been up to. To Crenshaw, the whole thing was just a gig that paid extremely well. He had never expected that part of the price he would be paying would be charges on kidnapping and attempted murder.

After that, the case seemed to be dwindling. The snitches were quiet; the streets were devoid of information. Ray had gone to the lengths of consulting some informants inside the Mob, people he had known as Armando Langustini. They were not talking either. All leads went to dead-ends, the information died away. They had no case anymore. Victoria was gone and Linda was half dead.

The doctors tried to cheer up Fraser. Although she was dead to the world, Linda's situation was not totally helpless. The drugs Victoria gave her engendered major strokes, not to mention lungs and kidney failure and delay in blood coagulation. For a while, they could not guarantee her survival. Linda was hooked to virtually every machine they had to prevent a total collapse of her organs. She had a few close calls, but her heart took every sling and arrow of her outrageous fortune. And that kept her alive.

Meanwhile that, Fraser held extensive negotiations with Dr. Lennyard. As helpful as he had always been, Linda's doctor still had authority over her, and that could really upset the Canadian. He questioned some of the doctor's decisions regarding her health, and sometimes they were bordering open conflict. At such points, strangely, it took a very special Italian diplomat to settle the questions. In her own way, Ma Vecchio was the one whose point of view always seemed to prevail.

"Benito?"

Fraser raised his head immediately when he heard the old woman's voice. He tried to smile at Ray's mother, and failed miserably. "I am not sleeping".

She smiled. "You should be, caro mio. I can stay with her tonight. Why don't you go home and get some sleep?"

How could he tell Ray's mom, always so gentle and kind, that he could not go home? That without Linda he could not bear being in their apartment? Every little thing inside the place was a reminder that she was not there, and Fraser could not stand it. He chose the diplomatic answer.

"I assure you I am fine, thank you. You should also rest, Mrs. Vecchio."

"Nonsense. There is no arguing over this. Raymondo is coming to pick you up. He's parking the car".

Right after she said that, an Armani-clad figure went inside the room. "Hey, Benny". Ray stepped to the bed, kissed the forehead of the still figure lying on it and said something in Italian to her. The scene was so touching that Fraser felt a lump in his throat.

Then Ray turned to him. "Ready to go, Benny?"

"Ray, I was telling your mother I am not tired at all. There is no need -"

"Benny, sorry, but she has made up her mind. You know how Ma gets once she decides about something. She even had Tony tidy up the guestroom for you. Come on, I am taking you home."

Fraser sighed, and it sounded like resignation, but it was relief to find out he was going to the Vecchio's and not to his apartment. He nodded, picked up the Stetson and approached the bed. Oblivious to Ray and his mother, he caressed tenderly Linda's hair, brushed his lips in hers and whispered, "Love you forever". Then he followed Ray and left the room before he could see Mrs. Vecchio's tears.

* * *

"Linda?"

It seemed she could not open her eyes. She was so tired. The sounds were so confusing. Something sounded as beeping, and then there was stirrings, or chirping... What kind of place was that?

"Linda?"

Help me, please, her mind screamed. But all she could do was moan. It sounded so loud in her head. There were voices near her, somebody was issuing orders, and a warm, wet cloth was put in her eyes. She could feel the wetness in gentle circles around her eyes.

"Linda, try to open your eyes now. You can do that now."

If only she really could!... But Linda decided it was worth a try, and so she did. Tentatively, eyelids fluttering, there was light, light so bright she could hardly bear. And all she could see were blurs. Nevertheless, there was palpable relief and emotion before her.

She still could see only blurs, and then she was propped up in the bed. Her whole body seemed numb; she could hardly feel. Cool water was put on her lips, and when she opened them in response, a straw was stuck there.

"Linda, drink some water. You won't be able to talk otherwise".

The images were getting clearer. There was a nurse hovering above her face, and Linda turned her attention to the glass of water. She managed to suck a small amount of water, then almost choked. She coughed, and the nurse smiled. "Good reflexes, Linda. Welcome back to us".

So she was in a hospital. Again. There were some other people in the room, frantically moving, but she did not recognise any of them. So Linda focused her eyes on the nurse again.

"Do you feel like talking, Linda?"

Yes. But all she could do was nod. After that, she parted her lips. Nothing came out of them. She was getting so tired. Linda closed her eyes, sighing. The nurse got closer to her and Linda forced it out of her mouth. "B-ben?"

In seconds, before the nurse could answer anything, Linda was out again.

Linda opened her eyes once more, and the most gratifying vision came to her blurry eyes. Her heart immediately expanded in sweet pain at the sight of a smiling Benton Fraser by her. She tried to smile. "Hi."

The Mountie tried not to show his shock as he heard how weak her voice was. He just took her free hand into his. "Hi. I was told you called me. How do you feel?"

"Tired". She sighed and closed her eyes, but then opened them again. "Ben. Please stay".

Fraser's heart shrunk at the pain contained in those words. "I'm here to stay, Linda. Now rest some more, please".

Linda was struggling to keep her eyes open, and managed another weak smile. "Yes, Ben."

Then she closed her eyes, not opening them again. Fraser kissed her forehead gently and let her rest. He felt like a million ton weight had been taken from his shoulders. The Mountie raised his head and his eyes met Ray's, and they were glistening with unshed tears. Everything seemed to be finally taking a good turn.

For days, Linda would wake up only for a few minutes. She complained she was weaker than ever. She was taken to several exams, for there were a lot of severe drugs still fighting within her body. Even though her movements were very slow, and she tired easily, not once she complained about being on a hospital.

Every time Linda woke up, she looked for Fraser, her eyes shining with love for him. The Mountie was there all free time he could, but Inspector Thatcher was quick to point out he had hardly any personal time left for leave. He had practically moved in the hospital.

"Hello, Ben". Linda was beaming to find him by her side. It was late at night, and even her soft tone of voice sounded loud in the quiet room.

"How are you?"

"I still sleep a lot, and my body aches", she complained. "I guess it is because I was out for such a long time".

Fraser smiled. "We were worried about you. There were times the doctors wouldn't tell us anything".

"I know you were here most of the time, even though I was unconscious". Fraser blushed and took her hand. Linda tried to sit, but her body did not help at all. Then she blushed. "I want to ask you something, but I am embarrassed."

"Don't be. You can ask me anything, you know that".

"Did you sing for me while I was asleep? I think I remember it".

"Really? I did, at least twice. Do you remember the song?"

"I guess it was that one about the old cowboy who wants to ride forever and lives in a place called Alberta in a ranch near Devil's Gate. I love this song. You know I love it even more when you sing it".

"I didn't know you could hear".

"I did, Ben", she smiled. "I remember you telling me things. Telling me you and Ray were going away for a few days to follow a lead on the case. Then you came back and you told me the lead was no good."

Fraser was amazed. "Ray will be very surprised when he hears this."

"But I remember other things, Ben. I had some strange dreams. Another Mountie came in my dreams, an older one. I recognised the uniform."

"Really?" Fraser tried to repress the intuition that Linda might have seen his father's ghost and asked, "And what did he do? In the dream, I mean?"

"I don't remember much. He spoke to me, but I can't recall what he said." Her eyes were beginning to struggle to stay open. "He had blue eyes, like yours... He smiled at me, and I remember I liked that."

"Then it was a good dream, I assume?"

"Yes," she yawned lightly. "Oh, I am sorry."

"Don't be. You need to rest."

"I'm tired of resting. I want to get well soon."

"The doctors are working hard for that." Fraser kissed her hand gently. "I am sure you will be home in no time."

"I hope so, too. I miss Diefenbaker a lot."

"He misses you, too. Ray told me how well he took care of you when I was gone. He grew very fond of you."

"Dief saved my life, Ben", she said quietly. "I love that wolf."

Fraser could not meet Linda's eyes, and struggled to say. "I'm sorry, Linda. I should never have left that way. I'm so sorry."

"Please, Ben. It's over. Let it be over."

"But I hurt you so much. I can't forgive myself."

Linda was really tired, and the words were whispered. "It won't be over until you do, Ben. I have forgiven you. We must get it over with if we are to go on with our lives."

His eyes were glistening with tears when he looked at her, and saw her eyes almost closed. "I love you, Linda. I am scared to lose you."

"You won't lose me, Ben. Ever... I love you. For more than forever." Then her eyes closed, and Sleep took over her exhausted body. Fraser kissed her forehead before the tears came down hard. Those few words had reassured him so much that he couldn't help himself but keep on crying. For the second time, Victoria had almost destroyed his life. This time he would make sure she did not succeed.

"Ray?"

Instantly, the Italian detective materialised by her side. They were alone, and it was late at night. Linda smiled at him in the dim light of the street lamps outside, and so did he, the beautiful smile he reserved only for the very lucky people.

"Hi, there, girl. Don't you want to sleep some more?"

"No, thank you, Ray."

"Are you OK?"

"I guess. Ray, may I ask you something?"

"Of course, sweetheart. You know you can ask anything."

"You have always told me the truth, Ray. You never lied to me. I trust you won't begin to lie to me now."

Ray could feel this was big. "Linda, what is it?"

"Ben is not happy, is he? There is something bothering him".

Ray felt a knot in his stomach. She is such a smart girl and she can read Benny like an open book, he thought. But out loud, his only words were non-committal. "He's worried about you, Linda, that's all. We all were very worried about you."

"There's something more, Ray. I can feel it".

"Linda, you're not supposed to be worried about Benny. You're the one who almost died."

"Ray, I trust you. There's something wrong with Ben, and I can't rest if he is not well. Is Victoria back?"

"No, thank God, no. Although I would love if she showed up, so I could give her a piece of my mind..."

Linda admonished him. "Ray, don't change the subject."

"Ok, OK. But I'm not changing the subject. Victoria is the reason Benny is so sad. He feels guilty about all that happened to you."

"Ray, he saved my life. You both saved me. How can he...?"

"Linda, that's how Victoria affects him. She always brings out the worst in Benny. I tried to talk to him, but he just clamped up. You know how he gets."

"He can't do that, Ray. First, it is not true. He is not responsible for what she did. Besides, I need him, Ray. If he is feeling all guilty and upset, he won't be able to help me". Linda blushed, and put her head down. "I'm so ashamed to say this. I know it's selfish, and I'm aware what I sound like, but that's how I feel..."

Ray kissed her forehead. "You just gave me the perfect excuse to use on Benny. He won't help himself, but if I tell him you need him, then he might listen."

"I'll talk to him, too. I wish I could do more to help him."

"You can. Get out of this hospital quick, and he'll come around in no time, OK?"

"OK." She tried to sit up to kiss him, but could not. He leaned in and then hugged her. "I love you, Ray."

"And I love you too, kid. Now get some sleep."

So Linda did.

Slowly, Linda learned about everything that happened to her, and the damage that Victoria's drugs had done. The doctors were still unsure about her full recovery, due to the strokes. The MRI and catscan still revealed large areas on the brain still flooded with blood. Those were very dangerous areas, said the doctors, and Linda might be in for some permanent consequences. Still, it was too early to say anything for sure. That thought comforted her and all her visitors.

This time Linda was in for a lot of them. Even though she still got tired very easily, she was more than happy to see everyone who came to the hospital, from Vecchios to Donna, her former nurse, who brought her pictures of her little girl Melissa. Linda had a lot of trouble to sit by herself, but she managed to be propped up and stared intensely at the baby's pictures. She tried to hide it, but Fraser could see her emotion. The loss of their baby to Victoria, who had sold the child, was still an open wound to Linda, one from which she might never totally heal.

Most of the time, however, Linda was with the doctors, and they were full of questions about her every single improvement. They wanted to know everything she felt. Sometimes there would be five specialists inside her room, and it scared her a bit.

Then came that really scary day. Linda was having a bunch of Vecchio women as visitors, and Fraser was still in the Consulate. The women were talking and having tea, and Linda was so warm by their friendship.

"When you get out of here", said Frannie, sitting on her bed, "I can take you to the place they make these biscuits".

Linda took another bite. "They are delicious. Are you sure you won't get in trouble for this?"

Ma Vecchio said. "What? For bringing tea and cookies to you? The doctors know better than to do that."

Frannie leaned in with a teapot. "Here, Linda, let me pour you some more".

Lind handed her the cup, "Yes, thank you, Frannie. This is nice tea."

Francesca missed the spot, and then boiling water was all over Linda's legs. Frannie yelped and jumped.

"Oh, Linda, I am so sorry."

"Here, take the paper towel," said Ma. "Maria, get the towels from the bathroom."

"The nurse will not be happy, Francesca," chided Maria, going inside the little bathroom.

"I am more worried about Linda than about what the nurse will say," said the youngest Vecchio, using the towel to dry up Linda's legs. "Honey, did you burn yourself? The water was really hot."

Linda cocked her head, intrigued, and looked at her, expression blank. "Francesca, I don't feel a thing."

"Thank God it was nothing serious", sighed Maria.

But Ma Vecchio was staring at Linda, who had begun to show a puzzled expression. "Linda, bambina... What do you feel?"

"Nothing, Ma," was Linda's candid answer. "I should be able to feel something... shouldn't I?"

Suddenly all four women were staring at each other, speechless. Frannie was the first to galvanise into action. "I'll get the nurse."

She went out the room and Ma Vecchio came near Linda, who was beginning to get a little bit scared. "Ma... I can feel something wrong... Maybe there is something wrong..."

The Italian woman took her hand and caressed it gently. "No, bambina. Don't think those things. Let the doctors do their magic."

A nurse came in and smiled at Linda. "Hi, Linda. Your sister told me you are not feeling well. What is it?"

"I'm not sure". Linda seemed shaken. "I'm not sure I can feel my legs."

The nurse was really nice, because she smiled again in a reassuring way. "All right, let's check it out. Lie down, please".

Linda slid down in the bed, and had to use both arms to do so. All her body protested, because she was still very sore. Mrs. Vecchio rearranged her covers, and the nurse asked. "Ma'am, could you help me here?"

Linda tried to raise her head, and watched as the nurse raised her covers from her feet to her waist, leaving her legs exposed. "Linda, this is what we are going to do. You lie down, look at the ceiling, and tell me if you can feel my touch, or what kind of touch, ok?"

"OK." Linda stared at the ceiling expectantly, and the nurse motioned Mrs. Vecchio and Maria. A few instants passed, Linda waited. The nurse probably was doing something she had to do prior to that test. "I'm ready", she said, still staring at the ceiling. "You can begin."

Mrs. Vecchio suppressed a sob, and Maria held her, but Linda could not see that. The nurse asked. "Can you feel this, Linda?"

"No."

"And this?"

"No".

Linda thought she heard a noise, like something slapping on flesh. "And that?"

"I can't feel a thing. Is that bad?"

The nurse put the covers back over her legs. Linda didn't feel it, she just saw. "I'll get the doctor now, and I'm sure he will be able to answer to all your questions." She turned to Mrs. Vecchio and Maria. "Ma'am, please, could you and your daughter come with me for a minute?"

Before she could avoid it, Linda watched as the Vecchio women were led out, then found she was alone for some minutes, fidgety and anxious. A few minutes after that, she thought it was taking longer than she imagined. She was beginning to be very, very afraid. Linda was feeling alone and closed her eyes, trying not to cry. Why didn't Ma come back? Where did Frannie go? How long would it take for Ben to come?

"Linda?" The voice of a doctor startled her. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Remember me? I am Dr. Wilson."

She stared at him, her brain slowly functioning. "Yes. Yes, I remember you. You talked to me after that exam in my head, didn't you?"

"Yes, I was the one. The nurse told me something about your legs."

"I don't seem to feel anything about them, doctor. I don't think that is a good sign".

The doctor took her file from the foot of the bed, and glanced through it, as he explained. "We will have to do some more exams. And try to keep that in mind: until we know for sure, this could only be a result of the long time you have been in bed. Do you understand?"

Linda tried to blink back the tears as she nodded, and two male nurses went inside her room after a polite knock. They were carrying a gurney. Dr. Wilson explained. "Now they will take you to the exam room for another catscan. We are lucky it is available now."

The nurses transferred her to the gurney and she asked, "Could somebody go with me? I don't want to be alone right now."

"Is that your family out there?" Linda nodded, and Dr. Wilson smiled. "I'll talk to them now, and they'll be waiting for you come out of the exam. Try not to worry, OK?"

"OK, doctor."

Linda was taken to the exam room, and she just glimpsed at the Vecchio women as they surrounded Dr. Wilson for explanations as to what was happening. Linda's heart was tight, as she entered the exam room. She tried very, very hard not to cry.

After the exam was made, it seemed to Linda that it had taken forever until she was back in her room. And when she arrived there, Fraser, Ray and Ma were waiting for her. Linda was so tired, and so worried that it seemed an equal struggle to sleep and to stay wake.

"I was told the results aren't due until tomorrow," she answered Ray. "Dr. Wilson said that it might only be related to the long time I was in a coma."

"Yes, it probably is like that. Remember when it happened last? Your legs didn't support you as they should."

Fraser was sitting on her bed, their hands joined. She could feel his sweaty palms, his nervousness. Linda looked at him and smiled, trying to reassure him. "I am fine, really."

"Good," said Ma, and she kissed Linda's cheek. "Now you try to rest. I will return on the morning."

"Thanks for everything, Ma. The tea was quite nice."

"The nurse will be bringing you dinner now, and you eat properly, OK? You are losing weight, and this is not good for recovery."

"Yes, Ma."

Ray said, "I will be back, Linda, don't worry."

Mother and son left, and Fraser kissed her hands. "Are you really OK?"

"Yes, Ben. Dr. Wilson said it was too early to say anything." She looked at him. "Ben, may I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Is something bothering you? Sometimes you look so... sad."

"You must not worry about me."

"Ben, talk to me," Linda asked. "Please, Ben. I need you to."

"I'm sorry." Fraser looked at his lap, his face miserable. "I was hoping... I didn't want... I am sorry."

Linda extended her arms, but could not get forward, and had to ask. "Please Ben, hold me."

He obeyed, and she felt safe in his arms. "I needed that," she whispered. "To hold you."

"I'm sorry." Ben's voice was so filled with deep emotions that Linda could feel the struggle within him. "I'm so sorry, Linda. Please forgive me."

"Forgive you for what?"

"I am... the reason you're here. It's all my fault, Linda, I am so sorry."

"No, Ben. You didn't do this to me. It was that woman, and you're not responsible for the things she did."

"I should have -"

She never let him finish. "You did what you could and what you thought was best. You saved my life, and you also saved Ray's life. We are both very grateful to you. Ben, if it wasn't for you, she would have killed me. I could feel it in my bones." She shivered in his arms, remembering Victoria's eyes on her, the murderous intent plain on them. She tried to dispel the memory. "So, I won't have you saying things like this is all your fault. I don't want to hear it anymore. But I need you to forgive yourself." Linda raised her head and gazed into his blue eyes, filled with emotion as they stared into hers. "Can you do that? Can you forgive yourself? Do that for me, Ben?"

He looked at her, eyes glistening with unshed tears of gratitude and love. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too. You have been a source of strength to me. I need you."

She snuggled herself against his chest, curled in his arms. Ben sighed, and caressed her back soothingly. "I'm sorry for being so frightened. I thought I had lost you, and this I couldn't bear. And now this exam..."

"What about it?"

"I have to say I'm worried," he confessed quietly. "I don't like it, Linda."

"We'll just have to wait. Whatever the results are, Ben, remember: this is *not* your fault. Promise me you'll remember that."

"I promise", he said meekly and then he smiled. "Since when you became so smart?"

Linda blushed and smiled. "I have been around Ma Vecchio a lot lately. She is very smart."

"I should have known". Ben flashed one of his most prized smiles, and Linda felt herself melting in his arms. For the first time, in many days, she could feel the anguish and agony dissipating from her heart. Held by Ben, feeling him so close to her, listening to his heart, Linda felt as if she could take arms against a sea of troubles. With him by her side, she was stronger than a mighty warrior.

Little did she know how much she would need that strength.

When Dr. Lennyard came inside her room followed by Dr. Wilson, Linda knew that things were not good. She was alone in her room, after finishing her afternoon meal. Visitors would not come by until a couple of hours later.

"Hello, Linda."

"Dr. Lennyard, it is a surprise," she admitted.

"Dr. Wilson thought it would be best if I was present," explained the psychiatrist. "He was looking for your legal guardian and next of kin."

Linda felt a knot in her stomach. "I take it that the results are back."

Dr. Wilson nodded. "Yes, and they are quite conclusive, Linda." He stepped closer to her and raised a sheet filled with graphics. "These are the shots from your brain. You have seen some of them before, haven't you?"

"Yes", she answered.

"Let me show you." He took out a pen from his apron and pointed to a particularly colourful graphic. "This is a picture of your skull. These blue blots are blood irrigated areas, and this blood is from those strokes caused by the drugs injected in you. Now, this area here," he pointed to a point almost totally covered in blue, "controls all movements from your waist down, and it has been flooded with blood. We found that your nerves are not responding to any feelings in your legs, and we must find out why. So far, we have two theories: one, the blood is mechanically blocking all stimuli from your brain to your nerves, or two, the drugs themselves have some substance that chemically prevents your brain from responding to the stimuli. Do you understand what I am telling you so far, Linda?"

She had almost forgot how to breathe. "I'm not sure, doctor. Does this mean I can't walk?"

Dr. Wilson went a little pale from her simple and blunt question, and yet it was not rude. "Yes, Linda", he answered quietly. "I'm sorry, but you cannot walk. Let me tell you, however, that nothing indicates that it is permanent. There is a very good chance we can cure you. Do you understand it?"

Tears were blocking her vision, and she just nodded, her heart crushed. "There is every chance that you can be as good as ever, Linda," continued Dr. Wilson. "However, we don't know when it can be so. Until then, you should be aware that there are going to be some changes in your life."

Linda was still stricken, weeping in total silent, her head unmoving; her eyes fixed on the graphics Dr. Wilson was showing. Both doctors kept quiet for a moment, and Dr. Lennyard brought her a glass of water. She took it mechanically, not looking at the doctors, not drinking the water either.

"Linda," Dr. Lennyard's quiet voice broke the silence. "Linda, why don't we talk about it?"

The girl finally raised her head and looked at him, tears all over her face. "Doctor... How am I gonna give Ben so much more grief? He doesn't deserve it".

The doctors exchanged looks, and she lowered her head. "I'm sorry. It seems I cannot think straight."

Dr. Wilson said. "It's quite alright, Linda. I know this is very shocking news."

"I know there are a lot of more things that I need to know," she said, trying to regain her composure. "I just don't know... what to ask... how to feel."

"Keep in mind that we will be doing all we can to get you on your feet again, literally," stressed Dr. Wilson. "Remember, this is not permanent, and it won't keep you from having a productive life."

"I'll try to keep that in mind, doctor."

"I know you will have many more questions, and I will stop by to answer them later. Right now, I'm sure you have a lot of things to discuss with Dr. Lennyard."

"OK. Thank you for everything, Dr. Wilson."

The neurologist left the room and Dr. Lennyard sat on the chair by Linda's bed. He handed her some tissues. "Are you worried about Constable Fraser?"

Linda wiped her tears and nodded. "Ben is under so much stress. He feels guilty about everything that happened, and Victoria is still at large, and he thinks it is his fault, too. Now this... I didn't want to give him another blow like that. He'll feel guilty for this, too, I know he will."

Dr. Lennyard eyed her clinically. "You feel guilty, too, don't you?"

"I must help him. This is not gonna help."

"Linda, listen to me. You're about as guilty as he is. If both of you are going to work this together, you must realise that there is no guilt involved."

"I tried to tell him that," Linda offered. "But Ben can be so stubborn sometimes."

The psychiatrist laughed softly. "So can you. But you seem to be more worried about him than yourself. Why is that, Linda?"

"I love him."

"I know that, but try to tell me more. He is a strong man, and he will go through this. Why are you so worried about him? Maybe you are really worried about you."

Linda stared at the doctor. She knew that he was right. And she thought hard, for a while. Then she searched her heart.

"I've never known anybody who made me feel like this," she said softly, "It frightens me. I've never needed anybody like I need him, and I sometimes think he doesn't need me like that. I'm afraid he might leave."

"And he has done that once, hasn't he?"

"He didn't want to", offered Linda. "It wasn't for real".

"But you felt abandoned the same way. You felt as if it was for real. Now you need him once more, and you're afraid that he'll leave you again".

Linda looked at the doctor, her heart aching at the thought of Ben going away one more time. She wouldn't survive it, she knew in her heart. It was sheer luck that she had survived it once.

Dr. Lennyard rose from the chair and said. "Maybe you should think about all this some more, Linda. Maybe you should focus on the fact that you're up for a hard time. You'll need strength and support, and you have every right to ask for it."

He squeezed her hand softly in a support gesture, then left the room. Linda was left alone and confused, and tried to sort out her feelings, or what would happen to her from now on.

Dr. Lennyard came to talk to her once more, less than two hours after he had left. All visitors were kept out as they discussed. This time it was quite productive. They had some practical decisions to make . And they did.

A bunch of angry Vecchios and a very concerned Fraser greeted the psychiatrist as he left Linda's room. He explained the situation briefly, and explained Linda was still very confused, but she wanted to talk to Fraser. Alone.

"Ben," she called as he walked in the room. His face betrayed all his deep emotion, as her face betrayed all the pain she was going through. "You talked to Dr. Lennyard?"

"He told us what the doctor said. Linda, I'm so sorry." Ben sat on her bed and took her hands into his. "Look, he said that there's a chance this condition is temporary and we will do everything to put you back on your feet again. I want to help."

"It is nice of you to say so, Ben, because I have to talk to you about this. I must know if you really want to help."

"Of course I do", he was taken aback. "I don't - "

"Ben, don't get me wrong. I need you to be honest now, and I won't be hurt if you tell me you can't do this. You have your own life, and I don't have any right to ask you to stop living it, or to live it by my side, in the state I am. But I won't be able to take care of myself and if I don't get help, I'll have to go back to the institution. It's that simple. This is why I need to know."

Fraser asked sharply. "Did Dr. Lennyard tell you this? Did he threaten to take you back to the hospital?"

"It wasn't a threat, Ben, just a practical solution. But I told him I was not moving in the Vecchio home. I know that Mrs. Vecchio will offer it, and there is every chance that Ray will insist on it. But it wouldn't work out. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to Ray's mother, because she's a very good person, but she's old, and I'll be a burden on her. But I can't take care of myself, and I'll need somebody's help. I'm asking if you're willing to be that somebody."

"Of course I am willing to take care of you," said Ben quietly. "How could you think otherwise?"

Linda took a deep breath, and her voice was tired. "Ben, I've been thinking. And I know it's not easy. My life has totally changed, and it's going to be a rough ride. I don't doubt that you want to do it, but this is going to be hard. I can't walk, I can't go to the bathroom by myself, I can't take a bath alone, I can't make love. I'll require a lot of intensive care, and this care would be easily provided in a hospital or an institution. Getting it outside of a hospital will demand a lot of preparation."

"Linda, I love you." Ben was so confused at all the things Linda was saying. His heart was about to break.

"That is not what I am asking, Ben. I know you do and I'm grateful. I also know that if you say you can't take care of me it doesn't mean you love me less. But this is a very strong commitment. It wouldn't be right for me to simply assume you would take such a responsibility. So, I understand if you might need some time to think about it before you tell me anything." Linda was getting tired, too, and she sighed, trying not to think about her life without Fraser in it. "Dr. Lennyard told me I still have to be trained to be on a wheelchair, so we have time to take a decision. This is not easy, but it has to be done, Ben."

Fraser stood up and got closer to her. His eyes were shining so much Linda thought they would lighten up the whole room. "Linda, I don't need any time to answer you. I'll take care of you. I just can't imagine my life without you. I know this will mean a lot of changes in our life. We might need to move from our apartment. I'll need to be trained to take care of you, too. It won't be easy, I know. But I'll be there for you. You should have known it."

This time Linda could not hold back the tears. "I could not take it for granted, Ben. I know you love me, but this is too much. I hope you understand why I had to ask."

He leaned in and kissed her forehead gently. "I do. And I am so proud of you."

She wiped her tears. "I'll need your help right now, though."

"Now? Do you need anything?"

"Yes", she said sheepishly. "I need your support to tell Ray and his family I won't be in their house anymore. This won't be easy, you know."

Fraser smiled. "Yes, I imagine it won't be. But in the end, they'll understand, I am sure."

Linda raised her hand, and Fraser brought it to his lips, kissing it gently. "We'll need to talk a lot, too", said Linda. "If this is going to work out, we need to be open and honest about everything."

"Yes. Although I admit I'm not good at this."

"Neither am I. Dr. Lennyard offered to help us. He said he could see us together. As a therapist, I mean."

"Would you like that?"

"I'm not sure whether it would help that much. Why don't we try for ourselves a while, then see if we need his help?"

"Good idea", agreed Fraser. "Do you want to rest now?"

Linda closed her eyes. "I'd love to". The she opened them again. "But there are Vecchios out there, I know, and they won't rest until I talk to them. Might as well be now. But I'm thirsty. Could you get me some water, please?"

Fraser laughed quietly as he picked up the glass. "You'll need much more than water to calm them down."

He was more than right. The Vecchios' first reaction was to cry their hearts out, then shout at the doctors, and then finally - as Linda predicted - they offered their home to Linda. It took Fraser and Linda's efforts combined to convince them that moving back to their old apartment was the best choice. They could not, however, escape from Ma Vecchio's offer to help take care of Linda every now and them. As a matter of fact, the offer was very welcomed. Linda and Fraser knew they needed all the help they could get.

Ray seemed devastated. He grabbed Linda's hand and would not let it go. Linda saw those huge green eyes looking at her endlessly, trying to keep the tears from falling. Frannie also seemed to be shaken, Ma was obviously very sad, but Ray was the worse.

"But what are you going to do, bambina?" Ma Vecchio was still having a hard time to understand. "Benito has his job, and he won't be able to take care of you all day".

"I may take another job later, but first I need to learn how to move by myself", answered Linda. "Until then, I have to come to the hospital for physical therapy. I will also need a nurse at home while Ben is at work."

"Nonsense", said Mrs. Vecchio. "I can take care of you. No need to call a stranger."

"Ma", said Linda gently. "A nurse is really necessary. There will be times when someone must carry me. You can't lift me alone."

"But how can you afford it?"

"Dr. Lennyard told me there are agencies with qualified professionals. They are quite affordable."

Fraser intervened. "Besides, Dr. Wilson insists Linda's condition is only temporary. She will be able to walk again. They just don't know when".

Ray was still holding her hand, and said quietly. "We will be praying for that, Linda."

"I know, Ray", she smiled. "I am very grateful for that".

"You are family, bambina", said Ma. "We take care of our own".

That night Linda was exhausted. Strangely, however, she could hardly sleep. All this was so new to her. She had a terrible nightmare, and relived some of the horrors that her life in a particularly nasty dream. Fraser was there, and soothed her when she woke up screaming. As he held her in his arms, he realised there was a long way to go, and they had just started.

Linda was barely awake when Fraser kissed her goodbye and went to work in the morning after. But she could see the bags under his eyes, and knew he had been crying quietly. She had done the same thing at night, but things changed when morning came. During that awful night, she made a promise to herself - she would not be an extra source of worry to Ben. The situation was bad enough, so she would always be nice and gentle to him, and never, ever, let it show how sad she was.

After her morning meal, Linda helped the nurse give her the morning hygiene, then she took her medicine and waited for the first of the doctors to come. That was a routine, but she knew it was about to change. New routines would be established.

Actually, inside came the head nurse, with some papers. Linda was told she would be having pool therapy and also exercises, but Dr. Wilson would soon be there to work over some other details. The new routine would be established sooner than she thought.

The door opened after a polite knock. "Good morning, Linda. How are you?"

She was smiling when Dr. Wilson came in with her chart. "I'm fine, sir. The head nurse told me about schedules for therapy. I can't wait to begin."

"Good. You look motivated, Linda. That is important."

"I want to know for sure if I really do have a chance to walk again, doctor."

"We'll do everything we can, Linda. But I'm here to talk about some bad stuff. Are you up to it?"

"No point in delaying, I guess. What bad stuff are we talking about?"

"You know part of your treatment consists on periodical exams to help us monitor all brain, chemical and mechanical improvements of your condition. One of those exams, unfortunately, is quite invading. It means taking some fluid from your spine to analyse its electrolytes, so we'll be able to know if the drugs are still keeping you from walking. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes, I do. I just don't understand why you called it bad stuff".

"I won't lie to you, Linda. That can be quite painful. It means an incision on your back every time we do that. Normally, it means two days to recover. The test must be done once a week."

"Every week?"

"I'm afraid so. But this exam will give us heads up on your condition. I'll also make sure you get sedated and then be given painkillers."

"I don't like those. They make me groggy".

"Dr. Lennyard told me about that. He said you don't like to take medicine, and I'm not very crazy about prescribing it, either, believe me. But this test is really aggressive, Linda. I'm sorry."

Linda didn't like to hear that, but she had been warned that her life would change, and a lot. That sort of things was to be expected.

"Whatever you say, doctor".

"Good. It means we can move on. Now what about we discuss the chair?"

"Pardon me?"

"A wheelchair. You'll need one, and I suggest you get your own, rented or bought, instead of using the hospital issued one. You'll get used to it faster with your own."

"Sounds good. But where can I get one?"

"As I told you before, there are places you can buy or rent one. I can recommend one or two of those. Of course, you can choose any chair you like, but I firmly recommend against a power-driven one."

"What is the difference from the others?"

"I mean the ones with a motor, an engine. They are not suitable for your case".

"They sound expensive, too. But why are they not suitable for me?"

"First of all, that kind of chair is recommended for the elderly and frail patients. That's not your case. Second of all, a chair helps you to build your arm muscles. It's quite a workout, as you will find out. And you'll need that."

"I will?"

"Believe me. In case your situation improves quickly, and your legs start getting some feeling back, you may be upgraded to crutches. But you won't be able to support yourself if your arm muscles aren't fit for that. Do you understand?"

"Yes, yes. I also understand that part of my physical therapy will be about that".

"You're right. I believe you will have your first session this afternoon, right before visiting hours. Your friends will be thrilled to know that".

"They most certainly will." Then Linda blushed, and her voice became soft. "Er, Dr. Wilson, could I ask something from you?"

"Please do. It is important that you feel free to ask anything regarding your condition."

Linda felt relieved. "Thank you. Could you give Constable Fraser permission to come here anytime of the day? I mean, beyond the visiting hours".

"Why do you ask that, Linda?"

Her face was a whole shade of darker red and she could not meet the doctor's eyes anymore. "I know he's not family, nor I am his next of kin, so legally there's no reason why he should be allowed here 24 hours a day, but he'll take care of me when I get released, so he'll need to learn how to take care of me, and.... Well, I'm not sure he can do that only in visiting hours. He is a fast learner, but there are so many little details, you know? I think he could need the extra time. Is that possible, Dr. Wilson?"

The doctor smiled softly. He had read Linda's chart and knew she was in psychiatric care, but she was also very interesting. That young woman had the innocence of a child. It was a very refreshing experience to a doctor used to whining patients and depressed people. Something about her touched his heart, and he felt he owed her at least sincerity.

"I'll talk to the head nurse and to the floor administration as well, Linda. I can't promise you anything, but I'll talk to them that it's a procedure that could improve your treatment."

The smile she gave to him was positively shiny. "Thank you very much, Dr. Wilson. Er, now could I ask you an even more delicate question?"

"Of course."

Linda was beet red, and she was vividly staring at her lap. "I... don't know how to ask this... I was wondering if there is something you could tell me about... people in my condition..."

"What would you like to know, Linda?"

She could not raise her head, but she pronounced the words clearly, so there would not be any doubt. "Er... About sex. I don't know if I can... do it."

Dr. Wilson never saw it coming. He was also taken by surprise, but tried to control himself. Linda, of course, noticed his surprise, and flinched out of pure embarrassment. "Well, Linda, I... Frankly, I'm not sure if I can help you with this. I mean, about your doubts."

Linda took a big breath and decided to show him her heart. "Doctor, I know I cannot have a normal life because of my paralysis, but I don't think Ben needs to suffer with this, too. I'd like to know if I can be with him in some way that we could both enjoy. Do you understand what I am trying to say?"

"I think I do, Linda. I understand what you are trying to say. I'm not sure if I can answer your question, but I will try, OK?"

"OK."

Dr. Wilson began drawing circles in the air as he spoke. "You know that we still don't know for sure about the effects of this drug. We are doing all these test to determine if the drug is blocking your brain from receiving stimuli or if this drug is intercepting the stimuli from reaching your brain. Do you understand the difference?"

"Yes, I do. But what has to do with... my question?"

"Everything, Linda. Orgasm is primarily a brain function. So, your sexual activity may be submitted to the same condition that made you paralysed. Linda, I'm a neurologist. I've had patients that were driven to uncontrollable orgasms due to brain damage. Others could not even have sexual desire. I've seen different cases, and different reactions, and each case is unique. Most of the cases are dealt with people who suffered accidents, and they have mechanical impairments that make them unable to feel their legs. Surgery is the best option for them. This is not your case. Your nerves are fine; your spinal connections are in their top condition. I insist: you have a good chance of walking again, and feeling your legs again. I guess what I am trying to say is simple. There's every chance you can find ways of pleasuring each other, but I'm not the most indicated person to tell you about this. I won't lie to you, and we need to have a frank relationship. So all I can tell you is this - I don't know if you can feel sexual pleasure as long as you are paralysed. I'm sorry".

Linda got so sad. She had some hopes about making her life as normal as possible. But risking out sex of her life was too much. And it was so unfair to Ben...

Sensing her distress, Dr. Wilson said, "But that does not mean it is final, Linda. Of course, there is every chance you can walk again, and in that case, I am certain this condition would also revert itself. At any rate, I would recommend you discuss this a little further with Dr. Lennyard. I'm sure you both can talk about your feelings on this matter. As your physician, though, I'm willing to give you a suggestion."

"A suggestion?"

"Yes. Why don't you and your partner talk about it and try it at least once, if you both feel up to it? It even might help your treatment, and I'm not talking about the psychological aspect of it."

For the first time, Linda looked up to him. There were unshed tears in her eyes, and her voice trembled as she asked, "Really? I don't understand."

"Well, it would be pretty helpful if you pay attention to your body reactions when you... experiment. Sexual activity triggers all sorts of responses in your body, and some of them have no parallel in everyday life. There is also a chance you might feel something, maybe some skin or metabolic reaction. Of course, the both of you would have to discuss it very thoroughly, because of the other bearings involved. Sex is not only a physical activity, and I cannot tell you about your relationship, emotional or psychological aspect or anything like that."

"I understand, doctor." Linda sniffed and wiped the tears. "I appreciate your sincerity. It means a lot to me."

The doctor cleared his throat, then said, "Oh, yes, well, I guess we covered it all for now. I'll stop by later. I think I should also give several of those warnings to Constable Fraser, if he's going to be your primary caretaker."

"I will be talking to him soon, doctor. Don't worry, he will ask all about it".

Dr. Wilson smiled again. "Good. Now try to rest, because we have a long road ahead of us".

Linda knew the doctor was not kidding.

Two weeks later, Linda had a totally new life and seemed to be eager for release. She could spin the wheelchair really fast around the hospital, and she often asked to go by herself to the therapy pool. However, she could not lift herself from the bed to the wheelchair by herself. Dr. Lennyard indicated she might be able to go home in a few more days.

Fraser was also trained to bathe Linda and to change the catheter that now cared for her necessities. He received special authorisation to be with Linda out of visiting hours. During this time, he realised that ever since Linda was told of her new condition (temporary paralysis, as Dr. Wilson insisted on saying) she did not once complain. She also never showed a sad face, though some of the exercises were very hard and painful.

Ray saw Linda go through some tough exams. Once a week she had to pull out some spinal fluid, and it would set her back for a while, for she would be unable to do anything but lie down for at least the next two days. Even then, she would not complain. But there were other exams that required her to be completely still, and they were performed then. Dr. Wilson said she was doing just fine, but she still could not feel a thing from the waist down.

Still, Linda seemed to always be in good spirits. She was smiling, and playing, and seemed very happy with everyone that went to see her. She talked about the paralysis freely, and surprised everyone who thought she would be bitter about it. Her reactions delighted Fraser.

"Now I am requesting permission from the building's superintendent to put some boards on the front stairs", said Fraser, and he seemed excited. "He said he would rather change the building than to lose us as tenants."

"Oh, that was very kind of him. And did he agree to let put the boards?"

"He said he will give me the answer tomorrow, but I am expecting it is yes. That way, we can take the chair to the park."

Linda smiled again. "I would love that. I can't wait to get home, Ben."

"Dief is counting the days," he guaranteed. "He misses you so much."

"I miss him so much, too."

A soft knock on the door interrupted their dialogue, and Fraser opened the door. He was surprised to see the visitor.

"Inspector."

"Good evening, Fraser. May I come in?"

As Fraser stepped aside to let his superior come inside the room with a bouquet, Linda smiled. "Meg, how nice of you."

"These are for you," she offered the flowers. "It is from all of us in the Consulate."

"You shouldn't have bothered. Please, please, sit down."

Meg Thatcher crossed the bedroom discretely eyeing the wheelchair at the other side of the bed. She armed herself with her most diplomatic smile and said. "I was told you are improving a lot, and may be released soon."

"That is true," chatted Linda. "I am really anxious to get home. There will be so many new things for me, and I have to get used to them pretty fast."

"I am glad you look so good. After all you have been through, you sure seem very lively."

"Thank you, Meg. It is very nice of you."

"I am sorry I could not come earlier. But I was always posted about your condition. Matter of fact, Turnbull keeps pestering me about it."

"Yes, Ben told me. He said even Orwitz has asked about my health. Please make sure all staff receives my gratitude. It really means a lot to me."

"Linda, forgive me for my bluntness, but I must say this to you and Fraser. If there is anything you two need, or if there is anything in my power to help, please let me know. Not only in a working capacity, but also as a friend."

Linda was really touched. She knew Meg was not the emotional type, and for the cool professional Mountie to say those words, they really must have been true. She looked at Ben, and he was also very touched by those words. "Meg, this is very nice. I don't even have words to thank you."

"Inspector", said Fraser. "I appreciate it deeply."

The woman's dark eyes were sparkling. "I have considered myself a friend of yours and Linda's, Fraser. And this is what friends do for each other. I also want you to know that I will change the leasing contract of the Consulate's car, to some model that can fit a wheelchair."

Fraser was overwhelmed. "Inspector, we can't accept this."

Meg Thatcher held one hand up to prevent him from talking any further. "No discussion on this, Fraser. It is a perfectly acceptable administrative decision. The diplomatic car must also suit the needs of my deputy liaison officer and his family."

Linda blushed furiously to be called family. First the Vecchios, now this... It was all so touching. She felt tears forming in her eyes, and realised that she needed to express her needs from now on. So many new experiences...

"Meg, please let me hug you."

The Mountie stood up, and the girl held her firmly in her arms. "Thank you, Meg. This means much more than I can say."

Meg looked at Linda and smiled - a true smile, not a professional one, but one that made her whole face shine, her eyes sparkling. Fraser realised his boss had her heart singing at that precise moment. It was so rare and so beautiful he almost felt ashamed of being in the presence of such a secret. The Dragon Lady was offering friendship. After the mutual attraction they felt for a brief time, Fraser had always feared his superior would treat Linda badly. That was not to happen.

With a happy "Get well soon" balloon in his hand, Ray was sort of surprised to find Linda alone that evening. "Hey gorgeous, got you a new balloon," he kissed her forehead and put the gift by the bed. "You all alone?"

Linda tried to sit up, and grimaced a little. "Ben will be back soon."

"How do you feel?"

"I am better Ray, thank you." Linda had taken the spinal fluid exam a few days earlier, and the recovery was slow and painful. "I am glad you are here. I thought you might be on a stakeout."

Ray sat and avoided her green eyes, making an effort to smile. "Thank God I am not."

Linda looked at him carefully. "Lt. Welsh must have found new help, then. Last time he was here, he was complaining of being short-staffed. But if you are here every other night, it means things are settled."

Ray shifted in the chair, and shrugged. "Well, we always manage. You know how things can go crazy in the precinct."

Not even his smile could make her change the subject. "Ray, are you trying to lie to me?"

Green Italian eyes grew wider at her, and he saw he could not get away with anything. Ray turned to her, feeling almost annoyed and defeated, because he had been caught. "Sheesh. How do you do that? You learned that from Fraser, right? It's freaky, Linda: you are not a Mountie, but you've got the big-eyed Mountie look just the same!"

At that exact moment, Fraser came inside the room, and was greeted by strange looks. There was an eerie silence. He immediately felt the tension in the room.

"Hello, Ray."

Ray looked at Linda, and she kept quiet, blushing a little. "Hi, Benny."

Fraser then looked back at Ray and asked. "Is everything all right?"

Ray exchanged more looks with Linda and finally, the Italian answered, without the least enthusiasm. "Everything is peachy, Benny. I'm fine."

Fraser waited a few seconds, and neither of them said anything. The Canadian tried again. "Well, if you don't mind my saying so, you don't look fine, Ray."

At that point, Ray and Linda tried to speak at the same time, then stopped. Fraser felt like they were two little kids, trying to hide some bad deed. Linda was the one who tried for the second time. "Actually, Ben, I don't think everything is fine."

Fraser realised that Ray was blushing, and he hardly did that. But the detective neither ventured to answer anything or explain Linda's words. So she went on. "Ray, my condition is temporary. I was hoping that you would remember that. But it seems neither you or Ben have paid much attention to this fact."

Both shot her questioning looks, so she proceeded. "I don't want neither of you giving up your life to cluck me like some mother hen, OK? I appreciate your taking time to visit me at the hospital, and everything, but if you need to be on a stakeout, or if you two just want to spend some time together, I want you to do that. More than that: I need you to do that. I need to feel that my life will be the same again. Do you understand?"

Fraser was the first to speak. "Linda, I don't know what to say. Actually, I am not sure I understand what you are saying. What happened here?"

Ray sighed. "She noticed I have been ditching the stakeouts to be with her. I couldn't tell her that Welsh refuses to put me on the rooster, though. He asks about you everyday, too."

"I have always known Lt. Welsh to be a very nice person, too, Ray. But I need you two to be doing things that you two do. Ben, you have not done anything in your life but take care of me. I appreciate it, of course, but I know how much you need to be involved in some police work, the way Ray helps you. Even if it is not work, you guys should be out to watch a football game, get a hockey game, go to a pool bar or something."

Ben said. "But I want to be with you."

"I want you to be happy, Ben. I don't want you to be with me out of duty. Besides, I need that, Ben. If you don't get happy I may get so sad and give up the fight. Give me something to fight for, that is all I ask, please."

Ray jumped in. "Linda, sometimes you will feel sad, or even angry. It is normal in a situation like yours. Even I am feeling angry at what happened to you."

"But I can't get angry, Ray", said Linda quietly. "If I do, I lose my focus and I need all my energy to fight this thing. I'm asking both of you to help me."

"Of course we will", said Ray, as Fraser quietly rubbed his thumb in his eyebrow.

Linda saw the Mountie's distress and called him. "Ben, please, come here".

He sat on the bed and she gently picked up his hand. "Ben, I love you so much. I'm so grateful for everything you are doing. I'm not angry or disappointed in you. I know this must be as hard for you as it is for me. But I wouldn't bear to see you sacrifice yourself even more because of me, Ben. I don't want you to take care of me, or be with me just because it's the noble thing to do, or because you feel guilty. I told you this that day the doctors told me I was paralysed. I meant it then, and I mean it now. We made a deal, Benton Fraser, and I'm just trying to see that you keep up your part of the bargain, OK?"

Fraser watched her eyes shining, and the corner of her lips curling in a smile. The tension he had been feeling immediately dissolved, and he kissed her fingers tenderly. "All right. I will keep my end of the bargain."

Linda turned her head. "Do we have a deal too, Ray?"

Ray smiled. "You cut tough deals, Linda. A real Chicagoan".

"No, Ray, I just want you to reassure me that my condition is temporary. I don't want to form habits that could prevent me from ever walking again. Besides, I don't want you two giving up anything because of me. I consider this a very important point."

"Such a tough kid", smiled Ray. "I always knew you were a fighter."

She smiled tenderly at the two men she loved most in the world, and shook her head, trying to dismiss tears that were threatening to form in her eyes. "All right. Now tell me more about the district. I don't want to be the last one to hear about the news when I get outta here".

After that, she began to listen to Ray's passionate exposition about his workplace, one she knew so well and had so many friends.

That was a busy night in the hospital. Linda was not sleepy, but she could see Fraser tossing each time a nurse came inside to take her temperature or give her painkillers due to that stressful spinal fluid exam. Half an hour later, he sat up and looked at her even in the darkened room. Linda sighed. "Ben, you should get some sleep."

He smirked. "I should say the same."

"I can't sleep". She tried to turn around to face him, and winced at the pain in her back. "But you have to work in the morning."

"Don't worry about me." He got up and held her hand to his face. "You need to recover".

Linda tried to sit up, but the pain made her give up the attempt. "Actually, Ben, I'm worried about you."

"No, Linda, please." Fraser kissed her fingers tenderly.

"I talked to Dr. Wilson about something that was bothering me, and he said I should talk to you about it."

"What is it, my love?"

Linda smiled at the endearment, and held her resolution. "You know I love you very much, and I don't want my situation to make you give up anything. I couldn't bear it, Ben. So I asked Dr. Wilson about how people like me deal with... sex."

Fraser was still holding her hand to his face, so she could feel his skin getting hot as he blushed. He cleared his throat. "He said we should talk about it?"

Linda nodded, also turning red in the face. "Dr. Wilson also said my case is quite different from the ones he usually treats, but each case is different from another. He indicated that couples in our situation often find ways to... pleasure one another." She stared into his blue eyes, now almost grey in the dark. "I think we should try it, Ben."

He felt a blow in his stomach when Linda said that. The matter clearly had not been in his foremost preoccupations, although it had come across his mind in one occasion. Before Linda, he could pass through long periods of celibacy. As a matter of fact, he did. But now, having her so close was real temptation. Only her illness could cool his passion.

"Linda, maybe we should take it easy. You should first concentrate in getting better."

She smiled. "You are very diplomatic, Ben. But I know us. We need sex, Ben, and there is no denying. My guess is that you may feel ashamed of it, because of my condition. I told you I wouldn't have that. We will work it out."

Fraser kissed her hand, relieved to no end. "I love you."

"I love you, too." It was Linda's turn to blush. "I also want you. Maybe we should talk some more about it."

"I don't want to rush you into doing anything you don't want just because you think I might like."

"So we may talk some more, and I'll tell you whenever I'm ready. Will you tell me when you are ready?"

"Yes. We'll talk, then."

"Of course. But not now. I still have plans to see you sleeping sometime soon."

He smiled at her and brushed his lips against hers tenderly. "OK. I will try to sleep then."

He kissed her again. "Good night."

"Good night, Ben."

On to part 2