| How to Summon the Astral Presence of Alexander Hamilton, Former Secretary of Treasury of the United States of America |
| Step 1: Get a group of cools together. Note: stick to only those who are open minded, as ghosts will only respond to those who believe in them. ; ) It should be a group of three or more people (some sources say it should be divisible by three) WARNING: Conducting a seance by yourself is grounds for becoming insane. Step 2: Get your selected hosting-area all nice and seance-y. You'll need the following materials: 1. A table 2. Some candles(at least 3, some white) -place them unlit upon the table 3. Some incense, perhaps scents that Alexander Hamilton would have liked(your guess as to what that might be is as good as mine) 4. Some New Age-y music, something relaxing 5. A tape/video recorder -so you can prove to your friends who probably won't believe you that you actually got in contact with Hammy. Select a medium(the person who will be giving Mr. Hammilton a call) Chiggity-charge the candles -basically just have the participants act like they're channeling energy to the candles, and then light the candles and return them to the table. Step 3: Actually begin! Begin by having the medium instruct the cools to hold hands with the persons to their immediate-left and to their immediate-right. Quickly say an invocation or divine blessing, if that's your bag.(not absolutely-necessary) Have the medium then begin instructing the cools to breathe, slowly, in through the nose and out through the mouth, so as to calm them. Also instruct them to clear their minds. After a few moments have passed, the medium should lead the group in chant, stating: "Our beloved Alexander Hamilton, we ask that you move with us and move among us." Repeat this until you attain a response. A response is pretty much anything weird that happens. If Hamilton is being lazy and won't come to your calling, have the medium add to the chant: "If you are with us, Alexander Hamilton, please rap on some nearby surface." (Make sure you have a surface nearby, as Hammy gets whiney if you play around with him.) Step 4: Converse... Kinda. Assuming you've established confirmation that something is present, it is now time to determine that it really is Alex Hammilton talking and not some spectral imposter. Have the medium inform Hammy that: "I'm going to ask you some questions, to which I would like you to reply by rapping once to signify 'yea' or twice to signify 'nay'. Do you understand?" If he replies by taking a stanza out of "Gangsta's Paradise", simply take that as a 'yes'. Under this determined system, ask Hamilton some questions, such as, "Are you Alexander Hamilton?" or "Are you not Alexander Hamilton?" or "Is pie a tasty treat?" (He should, if he is the real Alexander Hamilton, reply to the preceding questions with 'rap,' 'rap-rap,' and then an extra large, final, 'rap!' The last rap is louder because Hammy really likes pie.) If so far, so good, then your medium can begin the fun part, the part which actually gets you the answers for your APUSH homework. The medium can offer to the all-taxing Alexander Hamilton his fleshly-form so as to directly answer your questions. This is where the help on your homework lies, as most questions on the homework cannot be answered fully by 'yes' or 'no' (at least my APUSH homework can't be...). Step 5: End the seance and get a life. Now that Hammy's helped you fill out the answers to your homework, it's time to bid him adieu. Have your medium thank him for his time and then have your medium ask Hammy if he could be a doll and leave peacefully. My suggestion on how best to do this is to say: "Thank you, Alexander Hamilton, for your time, and would you be a doll and leave peacefully?... Thanks again!" Now get a life and stop channeling the departed spirits of dead Secretaries of Treasury. |