as found in the minutes of the meetings
KAREN: That's HEARING.
PIET: Ditn't you ear Linta? Shit up!
LINDA: Look! Eric is left-handed!!
PIET: Holy shut!
KAREN: That's SHIT.
PIET: Ya, shit up.
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FIDO: (To Laura) I loveth thy sweater of frumpiness.
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KAREN: Linda, I got a notice from the bank. We're late with our payments!
LINDA: Pay up, people. $50 a word from now on.
(SILENCE) ($50)
FIDO: My love, I could keep silent no longer! ($400)
LAURA: Nor could I, my dear. Money can't stop me from bitching. ($550)
KAREN: Good. Much money. Me no talk. Karen cheap. Talk like Piet. ($550)...
Holy Sh**! ($100)
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LINDA: We should have a conch. After all, Karen is out to kill the pigs. I just want to keep the fire going.
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MOLESHED: For a bunch of hair and crap, I sure know how to make a person feel like sh**.
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FIDO: My life I liveth for Lefties.
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PIET: En spit of efrything, I still belief evrypotty rilly goed at heart.
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KAREN: I feel like a bitch today. (arf, arf)
LINDA: I feel like an ass. Now we're all animals, eh?
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LINDA: (in math class) Is it just me, or is this not important?
KAREN: It's NOT important, unless it's just me and you.
LINDA: Oh, that's what I thought. Maybe it's important to the guy in the wrinkled shirt.
KAREN: That's probably it. I can see why something as important as this ranks over looking half-decent. Maybe our priorities are mixed up.
LINDA: I bet k-squared is so important to him that he didn't even eat lunch.
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KAREN: Hmmm...
LINDA: A penny for your thoughts?
KAREN: That's all they're worth? Hmph. (I've never actually heard anyone make that noise)
LINDA: I do it all the time. You just don't notice. Hmph. OK, a dime, tops.
KAREN: That's better. Guess what? I'm going to move out and get my own apartment. You can't come.
LINDA: Yes I can.
KAREN: NO, you don't have a key. Ha ha.
LINDA: Yes I do.
KAREN: Well, then, we're getting the locks changed. Ha ha, beat that.
LINDA: I own every key to every lock.
KAREN: AAAAUGH! Umm, well, you'll never find my apartment. It's on a street that you've never heard of, in a city that you've never heard of, in a state that you've never been in, in a country that I made up, in a world that doesn't exist.
LINDA: I can follow you.
KAREN: NO, I am invisible. Hoh!
LINDA: I have special glasses.
KAREN: Poop. Well, I'll trick you. I'll go to a bar or something first, and have a drink. Yeah.
LINDA: I can follow you.
KAREN: Well, I'll shoot you then. I have two guns and you can't have one.
LINDA: I have a bullet-proof vest.
KAREN: Then I'll shoot you in the eyeball.
LINDA: I have bullet-proof contacts.
KAREN: Then I'll shoot you in the nostril. And don't say you have bullet-proof boogers.
LINDA: But I do!
KAREN: Well, fine, then. I'll hire five gorillas to guard my door and keep you out.
LINDA: I am good friends with a lot of gorillas.
KAREN: Not these gorillas. They're highly trained to hate all Lindas. They costed lots of money, but it's worth it to keep you out.
LINDA: I can bribe them.
KAREN: Ha ha! I knew you'd say that. But no way! I already took the necessary precautions. You can not bribe my gorillas with jellybeans.
LINDA: Who said anything about jellybeans?
KAREN: Why, anybody can be bribed with jellybeans. It's the best thing for bribing gorillas. Just not these ones. What else would you bribe them with?
LINDA: Sexual favours.
KAREN: Linda! I never knew! Fancy that! Oh well, learn something new every day. Wow. Really? No kidding. I better clear that up with the gorillas, to make sure that they don't take sexual favours. Wow. You think you know someone. ALRIGHT! I just remembered something. You'll never get in. My apartment doesn't have any doors. (I don't like doors - too inconvenient.) Ha ha. And I was worried.
LINDA: That means you don't have any gorillas, right? There aren't any doors to guard.
KAREN: I'm ahead of you. I'm going to get 300 gorillas instead of five, and they're going to sit around the walls of my apartment.
LINDA: If there are no doors, how can I get in? In that case, why have gorillas?
KAREN: They're good company. NOT for sexual favours, you dirty-minded scum being filled with boogers and rotton teeth.
LINDA: I didn't say that I'd be doing the sexual favours, stupid. I've got gorillas at home.
KAREN: Oh, I get it. Oh well, they're still there if you want them.
LINDA: Thanks, but I'll pass for now.
KAREN: Your loss, not the gorillas'. So, have fun tomorrow, while I'm lounging around my apartment while you're at school.
LINDA: Ok.
KAREN: Hmph.
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LINDA: Why don't we mate our gorillas? Then we can be protected against all right-handers because the gorilla population will go up. AND, your gorillas will have the time of their life.
KAREN: What??! Are you crazy??? My gorillas are here to protect me from...well, YOU! I'm not worried about the right-handers, they're too stupid to get into my invisible house without doors. It's you I'm being protected from! It's my apartment, and you can't come, Ok? My gorillas aren't allowed to have fun. That's why they're at my house.
LINDA: Well, just forget about the gorillas. I have vicious, man-eating, blood-sucking, hungry and carnivorous KANGAROOS at my house.
KAREN: Wow! Can I see them? Kangaroos are SO CUTE!
LINDA: Not these ones, you sick, slimy, geeky, disgusting, filthy kangaroo-lover!!!
KAREN: Well, guess what, you "teach a cute animal to be mean" person, I got my rabbits to shit in your bag of chocolate chips yesterday!!! Hoh, ha! I'm so sneaky! And I took a cute, little baby
kangaroo and taught him to bite your leg! You'd better watch it, buster!
LINDA: So, YOU were the sick, sh**-eating one who ate some of my rabbit-sh** brownies! You're so sick. I can only imagine what your breath smells like (though it's probably an improvement from before). Besides, my kangaroos sh** all over your house.
KAREN: They did not!!! They came to my house and my gorillas were going to eat them but they smelled too bad (like sh**** brownies) so instead they kicked them out onto their fannies and they went out to a bar and got drunk. Shows how much you know!