# Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
# Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
# What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
# If we put a man on the moon - we should be able to put them all up
there.
# Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
# Men are all the same - they just have different faces so that you can
tell them apart.
# Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make
some woman miserable.
# Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself
types.
# Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.
# Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
# If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
# The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. Even in
biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
# If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
chequebooks.
# Remember: a sense of humour does not mean you tell him jokes; it means
you laugh at his.
# Sadly, all men are created equal.
Words Woman Use
FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they
are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a
woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes
that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash,
so it's an even trade.
NOTHING This means "something," and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting
to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually
signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! ) This is a dare. One that will result
in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a
few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you
in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an
idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs"
mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and
she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and
hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with
a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD! At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some
mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you
the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing
whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say,
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that
you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the
"Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh,"
as she will only tell you "Nothing"