WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrase like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes! The chicken crossed the road,

but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken

EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?

GEORGE W. BUSH

I don't think I should have to answer that question.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN

The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, And there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?

ROBERT FRAGER

Most of us believe that we are basically all right as we are. We just need a little more money, a little more love, a little more free time--then we will be just fine. The Sufis believe that this is far from the truth. We all need fundamental change; we need to hatch into a whole new level of being. Unless we recognize the deep, transformational nature of the work we need to do, we are fated to waste all our efforts. We have developed the psychology of the chicken when what we really need is the psychology of the egg.

.i.