A/N: Questions concerning alter!Naruto will be answered slowly throughout the story, so I don’t end up blowing people’s brains apart with my conspiracy theory thing about Yondaime and whatnot. Me? Paranoid? I have NO clue what you’re talking about…

 

“Manly hunger” line = Tribute to Rodney McKay from Stargate Atlantis, because he’s a snarky physicist (two of my favorite things!).

 

(And, as ever, you’ve got m’dear Tara (moonshine and mustard seed) to thank for whipping my ass into writing.)

 

Summary: A jutsu experiment sends Team 7 into a dark world where Naruto’s been hokage of the ruined Konoha since he was 13, Sasuke murdered Itachi at 9, and Sakura’s trying to kill both of them. What’s going on? And how can they get back to their own world, when they barely know how they got there in the first place? SasuNaru, SakuIno

 

 

Reality in Alteration

 

Revelation 2 - Within the Self

 

 

Naruto was in jail, which sucked. So did the company- pants-Sasuke sat in the corner, just SMIRKING at him. It was painfully suggestive, and downright freaky because his Sasuke would never demean himself by leering at Naruto, prisoner or no, for almost four hours. Especially when Naruto was pretending to sleep.

 

Plus, he was wearing pants – long pants, mind! – and never had Naruto seen Sasuke in anything but bandaged legs and his stupid shorts.

 

Come to think of it, there were some other differences between pants-man Sasuke and shorts-bastard Sasuke. Most obvious was, of course, the baggy black pants. But the fact his forehead protector was on a long red strip of cloth should have told him something, back in the forest. The tasseled black hilt of a sword – Naruto had yet to get a good look at it – also peeked out from above his left shoulder.

 

But, none of those things were what keyed Naruto in on the fact this wasn’t his Sasuke. Not even the insanity known as Uchiha Sasuke jumping him in the forest and claiming further insane things were the unquestionable truth (showing off a shiny gold ring to verify the poor bastard’s delusions) was enough to convince him.

 

It was the simple observation that the back of the last Uchiha’s stupid shirt thing (it was too screwed up to just be called a ‘shirt’) was conspicuously undecorated.

 

Pants-Sasuke hadn’t mentioned it, and Naruto sure as hell wasn’t going to bring it up.

 

Especially when he was still smirking in that scarily seductive way…and no, he did NOT just think Pants-Sasuke was seductive. Not in the least, because Sakura was a pretty girl and even though he hadn’t had a crush on her for a few years now, or any other girl for that matter, or ANYONE, come to think of it…except that one crazy thing about he-who-Naruto-refused-to-name-for-obvious-reasons when he got plastered at Chouji’s birthday party four months ago…

 

…Shit, he was SO screwed.

 

Something must have gone wrong with the genjutsu. Hell, it had happened plenty before, so there wasn’t anything really surprising about the fact. Trying to keep a frown off his face, Naruto thought back on what had happened.

 

First they did the genjutsu, and it seemed like everything was okay…well, as far as Naruto could tell, at least. He wasn’t in the least bit of denial about the fact he wasn’t a jutsu expert. Sakura had woken up first, left word with Sasuke that she was going exploring, and left. Sasuke, being the impatient bastard he is, woke Naruto up, and they both went exploring in their own ways, and then…The Incident.

 

“I know you’re awake, moron,” Pants-Sasuke smirked towards him. “I don’t know if I should be disgusted or pleased that you’re still as stealthy as an earthquake.”

 

And apparently Pants-Sasuke was painfully off-guard around Naruto too, since he didn’t even see the swift kick in the groin until Naruto’s foot had connected with an incredibly satisfying ferocity.

 

“What the hell!” Pants-Sasuke hissed, doubling over in pain.

 

“STOP LEERING AT ME, YOU BASTARD!” Naruto shouted back, again pointing a finger accusingly at the very, very wrong version of his Bastard-Sasuke.

 

Glaring daggers, Pants-Sasuke was suddenly right on top of Naruto, throwing him to the ground and straddling the blonde’s hips, hands barely restraining Naruto’s wrists on the floor. “Would you prefer I just skip the leering, then?” he smirked viciously.

 

Growling, Naruto tried to buck him off, but stopped that VERY quickly as it brought both of them to moaning from the friction. “G-get OFF me, Pants-Bastard!”

 

“And why would I do that?” this wrong version of Sasuke muttered, nipping at the side of Naruto’s neck.

 

“Because you’re supposed to be guarding him, not molesting him, maybe?” an eerily familiar voice suggested, accompanied by the swing of rusting hinges.

 

With that ridiculous Uchiha grace, Sasuke rolled off of Naruto, expression something he’d never even seen before- it was like a cross between sleepy and smirking, with an extra touch of masochism accenting the corners of his lips.

 

“Naruto,” Sasuke smirked towards the bars, each syllable long and vicious.

 

Naruto, a strange sense of terror gripping his stomach, felt his head twist slowly to the side, staring at the man this Naruto had become.

 

The first thing he noted was, of course, the proud cream-and-red robes of the Hokage, worn proudly over black pants, a black turtleneck, and an Anbu vest. Tsunade’s necklace hung over the vest like a holy pendant.

 

But that was about where anything Naruto considered commendable or truly him ended.

 

This version of himself had an identical face, true, but the Hokage’s hair was slashed with shocks of red. His eyes wore a ring of red around the iris, and his sly grin did nothing to hide the two sharper-than-average canines in his pearly white teeth.

 

“…you know, I’m still trying to decide if this counts as cheating or not,” the Hokage sighed, frowning as he scratched the back of his head.

 

“Of course not,” Pants-Sasuke smirked. “He’s you, and it’s only cheating if it’s someone who isn’t you.”

 

“Well yeah, but he’s not…me…WHATEVER.” The Hokage’s agitated voice bounced off the stone walls like a rubber ball thrown a bit too hard, violently unpredictable and ever moving. “Just get out of there, you bastard. I need to talk to myself.”

 

“And why can’t I be in here when you do?” Pants-Sasuke asked. If Naruto hadn’t known better, he’d have said the guy was pouting.

 

“Nope! Now get your ass out of there,” the Hokage grinned.

 

This wrong version of Sasuke seemed to hesitate, torn between obedience and his own desires.

 

“…aaand this is exactly why I need you outta there, Sasuke,” the Hokage sighed, opening the cell door and stepping inside without so much as glancing at Naruto as he crossed to the Uchiha, gently gripping the dark-haired man’s chin with his thumb and index finger in a gesture so intimate and caring Naruto thought he must be hallucinating. “Sasuke. Remember. He’s not me.”

 

“Got that right,” Naruto muttered to himself, eyes probably as wide as barrels at the sight.

 

Sasuke’s resistance collapsed, and without another word he strode out of the room, slamming the cell door behind him.

 

“So,” the Hokage grinned at him, a feral, terrifying thing. “Who are you and why can you get my husband to try and protect you?”

 

“…I have no clue what the hell is going on,” Naruto said, barely restraining himself from shouting at the alternate version of himself. “But what I DO know is that this is NOT COOL!”

 

“Who are you?” The Hokage insisted, growling his words out.

 

“I’m…uh, I guess I’m you but I am really really really not you at the same time and what the fuck do you mean your husband and why am I married to Sasuke and why do I have red in my hair and WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!”

 

“…so you’re claiming to be me?” the Hokage asked, face twisting into an absolutely bizarre face that Naruto hoped he never made. It looked like a ferret or something. “But that makes no sense…”

 

“YOU MAKE NO SENSE EITHER YOU’RE LIKE ME BUT ALL WEIRD AND REDHEADED AND GAY WITH SASUKE!”

 

The ferret face twisted to a kind of owl-like face, eyes huge and disturbed and gob smacked. “This is either the stupidest plan ever or you’re actually telling the truth.”

 

Naruto wanted to go home. NOW. He wanted to go grab Sakura and Sasuke – oh shit, SASUKE what would happen if – when – GAH he wanted to go home!

 

“Sakura just had to pick the stupid genjutsu that’ll never let me look at Sasuke the same again…” Naruto hissed, arms crossed and sulking on the cot, glaring at the alternate version of him that sat backwards in a chair, still gaping at him.

 

“…hey, Naruto, how old are you?” the Hokage asked.

 

“Eighteen, why?”

 

A yellow-red eyebrow twisted up, accompanied by a devilish grin. “Because you act like you’re twelve?”

 

“Shut up!” Naruto growled. “You would too if you’d been locked up and GROPED by SASUKE for HOURS!”

 

…the goofy grin on the Hokage’s face made Naruto decidedly less intrigued by finding out what the ninja did on his off time. “Yeah, I’d go more with fifteen but same difference, you know?”

 

Naruto smacked himself in the face. “I just want to wake up and this will all be some twisted sort of dream…”

 

“Hah!” The Hokage laughed, slinging an arm around Naruto and guiding him out of the cell door with a bounce in his step and a horribly amused grin. “You wish, me. I’m real, this is real…I’m more worried about you being the hallucination!”

 

“…what the hell,” Naruto muttered, since it was the only real thought he had in his head, repeating over and over and over the longer he was stuck in Orochimaru’s stupid genjutsu.

 

“Oi! Bastard!” the other Naruto shouted out, and in that annoying way he had, Sasuke was just right there behind them. The Hokage grinned at his husband. “Since he’s me it’s not cheating, and since it’s me, he’s yours!”

 

Naruto’s face turned paper white. “Wh-wha-WHAT?!” he choked out as the Hokage laughed at him.

 

“Don’t worry, he’s just gonna make sure Sakura doesn’t try to kill you or something. And, you know, probably kiss you but that’s just habit for us, yanno?”

 

“B-but it’s…Sasuke…HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!”

 

“Right! He’s your husband. And that really is a BIG difference!” the Hokage beamed at him.

 

“…Naruto,” Pants-Sasuke said. “Are you sure about this?”

 

“Sure I’m sure! Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, look! He’s ME,” the other Naruto grinned. “Who can I trust if it isn’t you and me?”

 

“This is SO wrong,” Naruto muttered, and then remembered that whole ‘make sure Sakura doesn’t try to kill you’ thing. “Wait, what the hell did you do to Sakura-chan?!”

 

“No idea, really,” the Hokage sighed, a bitter smile on his lips. “Soon as I was Hokage, she just went crazy and tried to kill me and Sasuke. Now she’s trying to destroy Konoha.”

 

“SAKURA?!” Naruto gaped. “But…Sakura-chan?! That makes no sense!”

 

“We come from very different worlds, I guess,” the Hokage sighed. “Haruno Sakura isn’t the girl you know, and you aren’t the Uzumaki Naruto that Konoha knows. But deep down somewhere, we’re the same person.”

 

And for some unknown reason, Naruto really, truly hoped that they really, really weren’t.