You can get away messages off this website so here are some of my favorites:*
Violets are blue
Suger is sweet
and so are you
but
the roses are wilting
the violets are dead
the sugar bowl's empty
and so is your head
water proof towel
glow in the dark sunglasses
solar powered flashlights
submarine screendoors
a book on how to read
inflateable dart board
a dictionary index
powdered water
pedal power wheelchairs
waterproof teabags
watermelon seed sorter
reuseable ice-cubes
seethrough toilet paper
skinless bananas
I pass on the following.Please join
me in remembering a great icon.The
Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of
a yeast infection and complications
from repeated pokes in the belly.He
was only 51.Doughboy was buried
in a lightly greased coffin.Dozens of
celebrities turned out to pay their
respects, including Mrs. Butterworth,
Hungary Jack, the California Rasins,
Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies,
and Captain Crunch.
The gravesite was piled high with
flours, as long time friend Aunt
Jemima delivered the euology,
describing Dough Boy as a man
who never knew how much he was
kneaded.Dough Boy rose quickly in show
business but his later life was filled with
turnovers.He was not considered a very
smart cookie, wasting much of his dough
on half-baked schemes.Despite being a
little flaky at times, he was still, as a
crusty old man, was considered a roll
model to millions.Toward the end, it was
thought he would rise again, but alas, he
was no tart.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play
Dough, two children, Jane Dough and John
Dough, plus the one they had in the oven.He
is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over.
He rolled down the window and said "Officer, is there a problem?"
"No problem at all.I just observed your safe driving and am
pleased to award you a $5000 safe driver award.
Congratulations, what do you think you're going to do with
the money?"
He thought a minute and said "Well, I guess I'll go get that
drivers license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said "Don't pay
attention to him, he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat said "I told you we wouldn't get far
in a stolen car."
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a
muffled voice said "Are we over the border yet?"
make a roughdraft before a masterpiece
wife would meet him the next day. He sent her
an email but spelled the address wrong and it ended up going to an old lady whose husband
had recently passed away.The lady read the message and then fell to the floor dead.The message read:
Dearest wife,
I just checked in.Everything is set for your
arrival tomorrow.
PS- Sure is hot down here.
the best rappe ris a white guy
the best golfer is a black guy
the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese
the Swiss hold the America's cup
France is accusing the US of arrogence
Germany doesn't want to go to war
and
the 3 most powerful men in America are
named Bush, Dick and Colon
Why can a pizza get to your house faster than
an ambulance?
Why are they called apartments if they're all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "termial"?
Isn't it scary when doctors call what they do"practice"?
Why is abbriviation such a long word?
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
I pray the Lord I won't go nutty
If I should fail to learn this junk
I pray the Lord I will not flunk
But if I do, don't pitty me at all
Just lay me in the school hall
Tell Mr Blackwell I did my best
Then pile my books upon my chest.
Now I lay me down to rest
And pray I'll pass tomorrow's test
If I should die before I wake
That's one last test I have to take
**Even though these are blonde jokes, I am friends with blondes so don't take it personally!