Lo, a Prince is Bored
...er, I mean born.

(left)

Dad would never forget the arrival of

Mario Angelo John Mondelli, Jr.

on May 27, 1956 at 3:09 AM
at Columbus Hospital in New York City.

And neither would his shirt...

Mom's the sentimentalist, wrote on the back of this photo:
"Dad, holding all his hopes and dreams."
Aw, gee whiz, Mom.. (sniffle).

(right)

Check out those huge, blue eyes!
Not since Disney's Pinocchio...

The shirt says: "Skipper",
one of my two nicknames.
The other? "Butch".
Did I mention they were psychic?

(left)

Perfecting my overstimulated retard smile
on Daniel's 1st birthday.

Mom held on to everything, a genetic mutation I inherited.
That cake pedestal, which feebly played "Happy Birthday" as it rotated,
came out more times than Elton John.

Didn't even need to be anyone's birthday.

Think that's weird?
Amateur...

(right)

Christmas 1957.
The toybox in front of me says
"Zippees". I think they were roller skates.
Perfect gift -- and name -- for a future tweaker.

Note how I completely ignore the fact that
my collapsed fist is stuck in a tight hole.
Get your mind outta the gutter, willya?

(left)

There I am - with a candy cigar and a corncob pipe.
Dad smoked. Surprise.

(background)

Angela proves herself not above the use
of clichéd costumes and props in her effort
to clinch 1957's "Most Embarrassing
Baby Picture" prize from "It Came
With the Frame"Foto Studios of Flushing, NY.

(right)

Speaking of Elton John....

What the hell is the deal with the little maroon shoes?
I can remember them like it was yesterday.
I have a theory that my royalty-worshipping
Mom read in, say, McCalls, that Queen Elizabeth
bought her kids maroon shoes, and then for the
next decade, we all got stuck with 'em.

Glad she didn't have our teeth
fixed to jut out like a plowhorse's.
Guess English royalty lost its appeal.

Now can't you just see what just happened here?

Mom's taking pictures. Baby Daniel is happily sitting on my lap. Mom stops to wind the film,

...and, realizing that "Aha - the hand the holds the babe gets the attention", Angela grabs Daniel off my lap -
by the head - as Mom snaps another one.

"Smile!"
And , though I felt miserable, I did....

...for 44 years.

And besides, I got to hold that
pudgy lil guy alla time anyway,
so - rank out on you, Ange.

Please - do not stare directly
at a photo this adorable for too long.

May cause acute shovel envy.

Hey, it'll cause a cute something...

Take me HOME. Take me HOME.HOME is where I wanna be.

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