Hornblower and the E-mail
Saga (Part 1 –3)
The following fanfic is made
up entirely of e-mail messages. And none of the links actually work; they are
just made up purely for the purposes of the story. Enjoy!
***
Part One
FROM:
[email protected]
SUBJECT:
MESSAGE FROM FRANCE
Lieutenant
Eccleston,
What do
you make of the following message from France?
CAPTAIN PELLEW
> TO: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
> FROM: [email protected]
> SUBJECT: FW: LOIUS IS DEAD
> > LOUIS IS DEAD. TRIED AND EXECUTED FOR CRIMES
AGAINST THE PEOPLE.> >
FROM:
[email protected]
SUBJECT:
RE: MESSAGE FROM FRANCE
Looks
like war, Sir. I suggest we clear for action immediately. A third of the crew
will remain on the Justinian, a third will go to Arafusia under
Captain Charles Hammond, and another third will come on the Indefatigable.
Lieutenant
Eccleston
* * *
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: check this out
Styles,
Look at this website: www.17thcentury_babes.com. What do you think?
Oldroyd
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: check this out
It’s great, I’ve book-marked it. I like that chick on page 3 the best!!! I’ll forward it on to Matthews and Finch.
Better go, otherwise “His Majesty’s Latest Bad Bargain” will see this.
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Belay that!
BELAY THAT, STYLES! Unless you want to find your files in the recycling bin!
Midshipman Kennedy
* * *
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
SUBJECT: screensaver
i have otomatically put my face on your screensaver, snotty.
SIMPSON
TO: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: screensaver
What do you mean by helping yourself to my screensaver, Sir? There’s nothing in Keane’s regulations about that. In fact, only the British flag is meant to be on our screensavers.
Midshipman Hornblower
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
CC: [email protected]; clayton@no_first_name.com
FROM: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
SUBJECT: I PISS ON YOUR REGULATIONS!
I PISS ON YOUR REGULATIONS! So you know who runs this e-mail, I’ll get kennedy or clayton to spam you evry nite until I tell them otherwise…
SIMPSON
TO: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
FROM: clayton@no_first_name.com
SUBJECT: stand off
Stand off…Stand off, Jack. Or by God I’ll send your computer a virus.
Midshipman Clayton
TO: clayton@no_first_name.com
FROM: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
SUBJECT: Re: stand off
clayton, i have no quarrel with you…my, how bold you are with a mouse in your hand.
SIMPSON
* * *
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: I bet…
Hey Archie,
I bet Simpson wouldn’t be able to use the Internet if his dear life depended on it.
Horatio
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: I bet…
LOL Horatio! :-)
Archie
* * *
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; [email protected]
FROM: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
SUBJECT: wots wrong with this stupid thing?
SUMFINGS WRONG WITH MY E-MAIL SISTEM. IT DAMN-WELL KEEPS GIVEING ME A WAURNING MESAGE…SUMFING ABOUT MY E-MAIL BEING TOO FULL…
SIMPSON
TO: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: wots wrong with this stupid thing?
Your inbox has too many messages.
Midshipman Hornblower
TO: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: wots wrong with this stupid thing?
I assume something is preventing you from manually clearing out your messages. My suggestion would be to call the help desk on extension 007-Justinian. Alternatively, you could e-mail your ISP, asking them to do it for you. Ensure you do a spell check before you send it.
Lieutenant Chalk
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
SUBJECT: Re: wots wrong with this stupid thing?
your very sure? you know too much about the internet…wot do you mean my inbox has too many mesages?
SIMPSON
TO: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: wots wrong with this stupid thing?
Your inbox has too many messages stored inside it; it’s too full. You should delete some old messages - that’s what Lieutenant Chalk was talking about before.
Midshipman Hornblower
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
SUBJECT: Re: wots wrong with this stupid thing?
deleet sum old mesages? never this side of hell.
SIMPSON
* * *
TO: clayton@no_first_name.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: illegal operation
Clayton,
Your computer has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.
Doctor Hepplewhite
FROM: clayton@no_first_name.com
SUBJECT: Re: illegal operation
Legal or not, Dr Hepplewhite, it would settle the matter…I’m willing to let Simpson use my proxy server unless, of course, he is willing to delete old messages.
Midshipman Clayton
TO: clayton@no_first_name.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: illegal operation
It’s too late, Clayton. Your computer has been shut down already.
Doctor Hepplewhite
* * *
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Indefatigable!
Horatio! Hether! Cleveland!
Captain Keane has recommended our transfer to…INDEFATIGABLE!!…Poor old Clayton…always wanted to visit the Indy via Internet…too bad his computer had to be shutdown.
Archie
* * *
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Attachment: God save the King!
We have just received communication with France…Britain is at war. Please open and read the attachment.
CAPTAIN PELLEW
* * *
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Fw: Admiralty Dispatches
You seem to have a good grasp of how e-mail works, Mr Hornblower. Could you please assist in opening this attachment for me?
CAPTAIN PELLEW
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: Fw: Admiralty Dispatches
Sir,
It seems to be require Real Player to open the attachment. You’ll need to go to www.realplayer.com and install this program.
Midshipman Hornblower
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Fw: Admiralty Dispatches
Your suggestion, Sir, infested my computer with a virus and deleted all my messages!
CAPTAIN PELLEW
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: Fw: Admiralty Dispatches
Sir,
Nobody regrets the loss of your messages more than I, and I resent your reprimand. I was only trying to help.
Midshipman Hornblower
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Fw: Admiralty Dispatches
YOU RESENT??!! DAMN YOUR IMPUDENCE, SIR! I will not lose messages for no better cause than the satisfaction of showing off your own computer skills!
CAPTAIN PELLEW
P.S. You are now in charge of Simpson’s division.
* * *
TO: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: no more filth!
I know what you have all been up to – looking up inappropriate websites on the Internet. I will have no more of these filthy games. You could be hanged, court-marshaled, or even worse – have your computer log-ins revoked. You could be rendered unfit for breach of the computer code of conduct.
Midshipman Hornblower
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_hero.com
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: no more filth!
Mr Simpson had no argument with us, Sir.
Matthews
TO: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_hero.com
SUBJECT: Re: no more filth!
Mr Simpson wasn’t responsible enough to keep this filth away from the frigate. I am.
Midshipman Hornblower
* * *
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: I killed two!
Did you see me?! Did you see me?! Well, where were you? I killed two viruses…well one, certainly…Oh you should have been there, Horatio! You should have been there.
Archie :-)
* * *
FROM: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
SUBJECT: hello archie
hello archie…it’s been a long time…JACKs missed you, boy! how bout we catch up on old times? I’ll see you in the chat room!
SIMPSON
TO: nasty_jack666@icu_bully.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: hello archie
GGGAAAAARRRRRHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***
CC:
horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM:
archie@GAARRHHH.com
SUBJECT:
Website
TIME: 8:30
Your
website’s looking very fine, major. Almost too good for logging on.
Acting
Lieutenant Kennedy
TO:
archie@GAARRHHH.com
CC:
horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM:
[email protected]
SUBJECT:
Re: Website
TIME: 8:45
I find
that the better the design of the website, the more appealing it is to the
eye…at least in the Army.
Major “My
Lord” Edrington
CC:
archie@GAARRHHH.com
FROM:
horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT:
Welcome
TIME: 9:00
Major,
I’ll
arrange for you to have a personal tour of our computer lab.
Lieutenant
Hornblower
TO:
horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
CC:
archie@GAARRHHH.com
FROM:
[email protected]
SUBJECT:
Re: Welcome
TIME: 9:10
Thank
you…By the by, it might be better to refer to me as “My Lord”. I am in fact,
the Earl of Edrington (it says it in my e-mail address in case you haven’t
noticed). I am also cousin to none other than Bill Gates.
Major “My
Lord” Edrington
TO:
horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM:
archie@GAARRHHH.com
SUBJECT:
Re: Welcome
TIME: 9:15
You see,
Horatio?…Had you relations with someone prominent in the I.T. industry, you
could have made software instead.
Archie
:-)
* * *
TO:
horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM:
archie@GAARRHHH.com
SUBJECT:
I panicked
TIME: 12:00
Horatio…
When I
saw the error message…I panicked. I knew I was doing it but I couldn’t stop
myself; it was the complication of it all, you see…
Archie :-(
TO: archie@GAARRHHH.com
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: I panicked
TIME: 12:10
Not to worry - I think it was the same for all of us.
Horatio
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: archie@GAARRHHH.com
SUBJECT: Re: I panicked
TIME: 12:15
But even a Help-Desk Support Officer like myself, has no business to panic. No wonder Edrington thinks I’m bloody computer illiterate!
Archie
TO: archie@GAARRHHH.com
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: I panicked
TIME: 12:20
You have nothing to fear from computers, Archie. They’re our friends.
Horatio
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: archie@GAARRHHH.com
SUBJECT: Re: I panicked
TIME: 12:25
FRIENDS BE DAMNED! Every time I tell mine to do something, it does something else! It means to destroy our website, Horatio!
Archie :-(
TO: archie@GAARRHHH.com
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: I panicked
TIME: 12:30
Aye man, it is common. But if you just keep calm, and follow all instructions carefully (or alternatively, shut-down and re-start), it cannot possibly touch the website.
Horatio :-)
* * *
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; [email protected]
FROM: archie@GAARRHHH.com
SUBJECT: Change URL!
TIME: 14:23
The URL needs to be changed! Hurry men, hurry!!!!
Acting Lieutenant Kennedy
TO: archie@GAARRHHH.com
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: Change URL!
TIME: 14:45
Archie…why does the URL need to be changed?
Horatio
TO: archie@GAARRHHH.com
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: Change URL!
TIME: 15:00
Archie!!…
TO: archie@GAARRHHH.com
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: Change URL!
TIME: 16:00
MR KENNEDY, REPORT!!!!
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: archie@GAARRHHH.com
SUBJECT: Re: Change URL!
TIME: 16:05
It’s Geocities, Sir!…It doesn’t want to accept the changes we made to our website! It kep-keeps rejecting them…
Kennedy
TO: archie@GAARRHHH.com
CC: [email protected]; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Change URL!
TIME: 16:10
Did you remember to move the Subdirectory in its rightful location?
Major “My Lord” Edrington
CC: [email protected]; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: archie@GAARRHHH.com
SUBJECT: Re: Change URL!
TIME: 18:00
no
TO: archie@GAARRHHH.com
CC: [email protected];
horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Change URL!
TIME: 18:10
Very well, I suggest you do so immediately.
Major “My Lord” Edrington
CC: [email protected];
horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: archie@GAARRHHH.com
SUBJECT: Re: Change URL!
TIME: 18:15
Yes, my Lord.
Kennedy
***
Part Three - Note Archie’s *new* e-mail address.
CC: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: MS Excel
So…you don’t know how to how to use Microsoft Excel?
Hornblower, 3rd Lieutenant
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
CC: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: MS Excel
I know the basics.
Bush, 2nd Lieutenant
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; [email protected]
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Re: MS Excel
Basics in spreadsheets or formulas?
Kennedy, 4th Lieutenant
TO: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: MS Excel
What are you IMPLYING Mr…Kennedy? I don’t think I care very much for your e-mail, Sir!
Bush
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: MS Excel
Come come, Mr Kennedy was merely offering help-desk advice. Let me give you a personal run-through of your PC and it’s features.
Buckland, 1st Lieutenant
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: MS Excel
Very good of you.
Bush
* * *
(Archie has been given the task of sending spiteful words to the Spanish fleet in the hope that they will think again about sending viruses. Alas, this goes wrong, as Archie somehow sends it to Sawyer’s e-mail by mistake. Sawyer reads it and thinks that WELLARD did it).
TO: wellard@giggle_cookie.com
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: MUTINY!!
I’ll teach you to conspire, MR WELLARD! – to write bad things about me on my own e-mail! You are sulking ridiculously…You’ll be sorry for this!
SAWYER
CC: wellard@giggle_cookie.com; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; [email protected]; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Re: MUTINY!!
I was given the order, Sir, of sending our enemies discouraging words via the Internet. I regret that I made a mistake of sending them to you.
Kennedy, 4th Lieutenant
TO: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
CC: wellard@giggle_cookie.com; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; [email protected]; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: MUTINY!!
You are sadly mistaken, Mr Kennedy, if you believe there is any good in this young fellow…Unless, of course, you are part and parcel of this blatant Internet abuse!
SAWYER
CC: wellard@giggle_cookie.com; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; [email protected]; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Re: MUTINY!!
I was merely observing that Mr Wellard is innocent, as it was I who made the mistake.
Kennedy, 4th Lieutenant
***
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Fwd: Re: MUTINY!!
Captain Sawyer is such a twit! He really should learn to CHECK who sent him the e-mail!
Kennedy
TO: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: Fwd: Re: MUTINY!!
…Then why didn’t YOU check the e-mail address before sending it???
Hornblower
***
(Bush forwards Archie’s “twit” e-mail to the entire British navy):
FROM: [email protected];
SUBJECT: Fwd: Fwd: Re: MUTINY!!
>Captain Sawyer is such a twit! He really should learn to CHECK who sent him the e-mail!
>Kennedy
>…Then why didn’t YOU check the e-mail address before sending it???
>Hornblower
FROM: hobbs@loyal_bully.com
SUBJECT: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Re: MUTINY!!
Lt Kennedy called our Captain a twit! He should pay for that!
Hobbs
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Re: MUTINY!!
aye!!
randall
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Re: MUTINY!!
WHY THE HELL DID YOU SEND THAT BLOODY MESSAGE TO THE ENTIRE FLEET??! NOW I’LL BE FORCED TO APAOLOGIZE!
Kennedy >:-(
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Re: MUTINY!!
I meant to write APOLOGIZE, not APAOLOGIZE.
Kennedy
***
CC: wellard@giggle_cookie.com; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: MUTINY!!
What do you say, Mr Bush? We can rely on your judgement, I’m sure!
SAWYER
CC: wellard@giggle_cookie.com; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: MUTINY!!
The boy knows nothing, Sir. Doesn’t know the modem from the desktop!
Bush
CC: wellard@giggle_cookie.com; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: MUTINY!!
Oh no, Mr Bush, you’re too honest. I knew the moment I first got your e-mail. You don’t understand these…poisonous young reptiles. We must dredge the passwords out of them! MR WELLARD, you will meet me on the Flogging List @ YahooGroups at four midi- sound-file bells, E.S.T.! Another dozen of your files deleted, and you’ll coooooo like a dove!
SAWYER
***
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Intervene
We MUST intervene!!!
Kennedy
TO: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Intervene
The Captain is master of his ship…and the Internet Department. Mr Hornblower, may I suggest you take the time to remiiiiind Mr Kennedy that he is merely 4th Lieutenant on board this ship…and merely the Help-Desk Support Officer at that.
Bush
***
(An angry Archie flees to Hornblower to do some on-line bitching about Bush)
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: I ‘8’ BUSH ALOT
HE is the Chief Information Officer! Why did he not e-mail Sawyer when he had the CHANCE?!
Archie >:-(
TO: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: I ‘8’ BUSH ALOT
To say what? The Captain’s inbox was too full. If Bush had e-mailed him about Wellard it would have only made things worse (like crash his system).
Horatio
By the way, you spelt “a lot” incorrectly. It’s two words.
…And what’s this, Archie: >:-( ?
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Re: I ‘8’ BUSH ALOT
You think I made it worse? You think I should have held back my e-mail message?!
Archie
P.S. Ooh, I am SOOOO sorry for the mis-spelling! And this >:-( is meant to be an angry face…can’t you see how the eyebrows are shaped?! It was my own invention, and I thought it was rather clever, thank you very much!
TO: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: I ‘8’ BUSH A LOT
…Well, you acted for the best.
Horatio
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Re: I ‘8’ BUSH A LOT
Huh!! Well there’s a precious sop for my conscience!
Archie :-(
***
(Hornblower and Bush are checking that their website is up-to-date).
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Website
Mr Bush,
The website now only has two components missing…from that of seven components, previously.
Hornblower
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Website
Better!
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: Website
But not good enough…
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Website
UPLOAD!
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: Website
UPLOAD!
***
(The Spanish fleet has had all their computer programs upgraded…and is threatening to gain control of the British Internet system).
CC: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Threat to British Internet
Mr Buckland,
Should I inform the Captain?
Hornblower
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
CC: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Threat to British Internet
No - no need, Mr Hornblower…36 megabytes to our 74. They’d never dare to approach our computers.
Buckland
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Re: Threat to British Internet
Horatio,
“Threat” and “Internet” rhymes! LOL!
Archie
TO: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
FROM: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com
SUBJECT: Re: Threat to British Internet
…………….Er, yes, thank you Archie.
Horatio
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; [email protected]; [email protected]
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Re: Threat to British Internet
Windows XP! They’re using Windows XP!
Kennedy
TO: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Threat to British Internet
Well the odds have changed a bit.
Bush
TO: [email protected]; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Threat to British Internet
Damn.
Buckland
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: Threat to British Internet
Clear my inbox!!! Clear my inbox, DAMN YOU!!!
SAWYER
***
(Sawyer has caught brief glimpses of Horatio’s, Archie’s and Buckland’s conversation in the chat room. Naturally, he thinks it’s mutiny.)
CC: wellard@giggle_cookie.com; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: A MUTINOUS DISCUSSION!
A mutinous discussion on my own “chat room”…Bear witness to it Mr Hobbs! Mr Bush, I’m disappointed in you - why did you not tell me about this?
SAWYER
CC: wellard@giggle_cookie.com; horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: A MUTINOUS DISCUSSION!
I wasn’t aware of it, Sir, I was helping Mr Wellard delete unwanted files.
Bush
TO: wellard@giggle_cookie.com
CC: horatio_hornblower@handsome_heroes.com; new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com; [email protected]; [email protected]; hobbs@loyal_bully.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Re: A MUTINOUS DISCUSSION!
Ah, Mr Wellard, who is on work experience!!! Two weeks work experience, and you’re
out of your depth already!….I doubt you have a single online friend left in the
chatroom!
Much obliged, Mr Bush, much obliged.
SAWYER
* * *
(Archie has been checking site statistics to see if people are logging onto their website).
TO: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Any hits?
Well, Mr Kennedy? Are people visiting our website?
Bush
FROM: new_improved_archie@lieutenant.com
SUBJECT: Re: Any hits?
A hit! A palpable hit!
Kennedy :-)
***
(Hobbs interrogates Wellard).
TO: wellard@giggle_cookie.com
FROM: hobbs@loyal_bully.com
SUBJECT: Have you ever?
Have you ever? Built a website? You might find starting a Yahoo!Group easier…
Hobbs
***
:-) !=THE END=! :-)