Chadd and Eccelston are Dead

 

This scene takes place in episode one after the Indy rescues Hornblower and his men from the tiny rowing boat

 

Chadd and Eccelston are having a quiet meal alone together.

 

“Please pass the salt,” says Chadd.

 

Eccelston mutely passes the salt. Chadd liberally pours the salt over his food until the jar is almost empty. Eccelston winces, is about to question it, decides against it, and says instead “Have you seen any sign of the enemy lately?”

 

“Who?”

 

“The enemy.”

 

“What enemy?”

 

“The French”.

 

“No, what do they look like again?”

 

“The ones with the horizontal red, blue and white stripes on their flags.”

 

“Hmmmm” (thinks a while) “I can’t remember.”

 

“Damn it, man, why do we keep you on watch for?”

 

“I can’t remember what every flag that passes through our territory looks like!!” I’m not an octologist, you know.”

 

Small pause. Eccelston corrects him: “You mean vexillologist.”

 

Chadd (defensive) “Nor that neither!”

 

Eccelston: “You are supposed to alert us as soon as you see anything!! Didn’t they teach you that in training?”

 

“I was sick when they had the training.”

 

Eccelston is exasperated.

 

Then Chadd remembers something that will hopefully appease him: “There is that giant 96-gunner ship sitting north-north west of the Indefatigable.”

 

Eccelston sits bolt upright in his seat.

 

“What does she look like?”  asks Eccelston.

 

“Oh, you know, the usual boaty features…they also had a toy dog on deck with large ears.”

 

“A toy dog with large-  oh my GOD, Chadd, is it the PAPILLION?!!”

 

“Um….”

 

“C’mon, think, man, what are her colours?”

 

“The dog had pink fur.”

 

“I mean the flag, you fool!”

 

“It had a bit of red and blue, I think.”

 

“And white?”

 

“White isn’t a colour.”

 

“Damn it, man, did she have white in her flag??”

 

“Possibly!!!”

 

“Well, for HEAVEN’S SAKE, why didn’t you ALERT us? Do you realise that she could have snuck up in the middle of the night and sunk our ship?”

 

“Well! I was going to, but I never manage to get a word in while you’re around.”

 

Eccelston: (confused) “What??”

 

“Every time we are in camera shot together I’m too busy doing all the facial expressions for you because you’re such a poor actor. I have to smile and frown and twitch and smirk and look sceptical and that leaves no time in the script for me to raise the alarm! Mr Kennedy got to that after Hornblower caught the men playing rat games and I just ended up spending the ENTIRE battle with DR HEPPLEWHITE – of all people!! With nothing more than a tiny little splinter in my arm!!”

 

Eccelston: “C’mon, no more of this nonsense, about how long ago did you spot the Papillion?”

 

“About two scenes ago.”

 

“Right then, any minute now Kennedy should be coming in to alert us the enemy has just been sighted.”

 

Right on cue Kennedy comes rushing in and shouts “Ship to starboard! Ship to starboard! The enemy has just been sighted!!!”

 

Eccelston and Chadd rush above deck to take part in the battle.

 

In the aftermath, Pellew asks Eccelston which English ship was fired and sunk. Eccelston, who is supposed to be relying on accurate watch reports from Chadd, can only answer: “I don’t know, Sir, but one of ours certainly…”

 

*****