Log 6

SD: 0921.02

Homeward bound:

Well, I’m back in my quarters, and I’m still alive. I honestly didn’t know if I ever would be after this morning, but I faced my fear and it didn’t consume me, literally.

I followed orders and held position as we stood toe to toe with what I later discovered were Klingon ships that had been sold to the Kzin. They were more formidable than I originally thought, but the Kzin were being good kitties and stayed put.

After getting the Captain back, I woke Demian and told him the situation, and he sent me out for a donut for him! The ass. I went, but on the way I had a plan form in my head. I would kill Riit. I stopped at the armory and picked up a phaser, and went to the transporter room with every intention of burning him down. But when I held the phaser in my hand and saw him, I discovered I didn’t really want to kill this stranger. He was not the Riit that had hurt M’Rander, and left me in a derelict ship to be hunted by my onetime friend, knowing that by my death I could save her life, and that of the child the Kzin had left growing in her.

There was also another there that took my breath away, that child. She looked so much like M’Rander must have when she was young, so vulnerable, that my heart went out to her. I think that moment broke the spell of fear that had haunted me from the darkened corridors of the Tang. She didn’t look much like the monster that awoke me from cryo now, but more like a lost kitten in that ridiculously oversized armor.

While lost in my thoughts and memories, Riit approached me and treated me as a hero of some sort for serving with his sister's mother. In his twisted way he was honoring me, and try as I might, I couldn’t find it in me to hate him enough to kill him. He did look a bit like his father, but not enough. I saw in him as someone like myself. An outsider fighting to make a place for himself, and he has succeeded.

The girl asked permission to leave, and when granted, clanked and rattled out of the room, fleeing all but in tears to her cubs. Her cubs! M’Rander was a grandmother! I wondered if she knew. If even this could have broken through to her in her madness. Perhaps she was better now. Twenty years had passed me by in the blink of an eye, and much can change in that sort of time.

I was also becoming aware of another thing, this crew needed me. I may have been a screw up from the time I hit the Academy, but I was a sterling officer compared to most of them Demian in particular.

I watched as Riit transport, never even lifting the phaser, and on the way to the bridge the Captain asked me to treat K’Lynxyl well. How could I, and how could I not? I still feared and distrusted her and all her kind, but it was no longer terror, just fear.

The final surprise came when we were on the bridge and K’Lynxyl came up. She offered me her paw in friendship, but it was too soon. Just thinking of putting my hand in that paw made both my hands and my leg ache, so I declined.

She then talked to the Captain for a time, I don’t really know about what. I was too lost in my own thoughts, but then she changed. She became larger growing to fit that ridiculous armor. At first I thought she was just puffing up in anger because the Captain had shown his teeth to her when he smiled, but there was more to it than that. She actually became that thing that had awakened me.

With a purring laugh she left the bridge.

Oh there was one other thing that happened, and this one made me smile. Demian was sent over to the prize to repair and secure it on my suggestion. He seemed none to pleased at this, and that gave me a smile. The man is a hazard, and I almost decided to have a weapons accident when he went across, but decided not to. The universe will take care of him one day. As long as I stay away from him, perhaps I will not be caught in the backlash.

As of now, I sit in my cabin. Most of the junk that Shorty left is now gone down the mass recycler, but I found several things that the recycler would not take. The jar of punch, whatever that is, a box of red sticks marked TNT. There were also a few other odds and ends I decided to keep. I also replicated my shotgun / phaser combo and have it sitting in a rack near the bed along with a belt of different shells for it. After all, one never knows when that sort of thing can come in handy.

I also need to make a decision or two when we get back to base. Do I file a report on the Captain for what he did? I kind of almost like him for what he said as we walked to bridge. He may not be M’Rander, but he does seem to be trying.

Do I request a transfer from this ship? It most certainly is a hazard looking for a place to go die.

And lastly, do I ask the Captain to file a charge against the station for dereliction for letting us get shot up? I don’t know.

For now, I’m going read some more about the Borg and take a nap. Tomorrow I will request that maintenance come in and repaint and replace the carpet. Beyond that, I will take it one step at a time.