Log 20a

SD: 04050.32

Stuck in the middle with you, or I feel like I've got an Ironbottem pressing down on me:

You ever have one of those days when nothing goes right? Well I've been having one. First K'Lynxyl totally destroys my cabin, and I'd worked myself up into a really good mad about that when that damned Ironbottem called. He saw the room and complimented me on the work, so now I'm going to be stuck with at least part of it!

I did make one decision, I've told Lee what I'm doing on the Freedom. I intend to bring him in to watch Lera and in return my reports will paint him in a good light. I haven't told him what I know about him. I'll wait for him to put that part of the puzzle together, and then give him the information I have. He will know he can trust me if he realizes what I'm sitting on and how I could have used it.

I have another reason for doing this as well. I can't do it alone anymore. By the Goddess's many arms it's hard to be nice to K when one minute I want to toss her out and airlock and the next to comfort her, and I can't balance my time between her and Lera. K is too much of an attention hog for that. I intend to let Captain Lee watch Lera, and it will be easy for him, as she is already fixated on him. Now all I need is to find someone I can trust to watch our crazed engineer. Heaven help the soul of the poor person that gets picked for that job.

Anyway, when K finally showed, I forced myself to pull in my horns and didn't say what I really felt about the place, and discovered that some of the things in my report on her were not totally accurate. Seems most of her former boyfriends haven't just dropped from sight but are dead! Not a very reassuring prospect for me, and one that makes me think I need to delve deeper into her past.

I will admit that she looked good in the sari, and I must also admit that it was a complement that she would try to do something like that for me. She seemed so pleased at my semi-compliment on her style, and so eager to please that it sometimes is hard to remember that she is the enemy. I hate to hurt people that don't deserve it, but sometimes it must be. I just hope that she does deserve it.

As of now, I sit here pondering my next move, and pitying myself. Somehow I must pull this all together and stop what is going on for the good of the Federation, but what do I need to do for my own good?