What happened to change all that, slowly but surely, was that God sent this lady to be my mentor and guide for the next six years. Her name is Donna, and her example of servanthood is mostly responsible for any maturity I have in God. I say that, knowing that God did the real work within me, but Donna's tenacity and perseverance put a claim on me that I could not deny, nor could I walk away from it. She proved to me that someone other than God loved me, cared about what happened to me, and would not let me go unless I demanded to be let go.
    I was wise for my years to never ask her to let go of me. What a daunting task Donna selflessly took on, to train up such a mess into any semblance of maturity, and why she tenaciously clung to that mentoring, I'll never know, but I'll always be profoundly grateful to her and for her.
    Donna taught me true discipleship, and for her disciple she got someone as stubborn and obstinate as a Missouri Mule. She took a conceited and angry, hurting and wounded person and with God's help and much prayer transformed him into a vessel usable by God.
    Though my anger and stubborness took a toll on her, she still prayed for me, and kept exhorting me to focus not on myself and my problems, but rather on others and their problems.
    Today, Donna is one of my heros and role models, and though there were periods where my anger, hurt, &/or bitterness caused me to leave the church, I did finally start getting all this "salvation" into my heart as well. Donna seeded, watered, fertilized, but unfortunately never saw the harvest of what her help meant to me. By the time I started coming around, I had left "our" church for good, and went on to another church, where I grew as a result of her help, and was involved in various ministries there. We have been separated much of the time over the last six years, which mars the present friendship we have.
    Though we still get together from time to time, I have noticed that she has a tendency to protect herself against me that she no longer needs, but she is going by who I was, not whom I have become in Him. So our friendship is strained by the very struggles we went through in the past, when I have moved past those, and all she has to recollect is the person who hurt her.
    During that last six years, I finally gave up drugs totally and turned to God, making a vow at the end of 1999 never to leave him again. I have come right up to the line of that vow a few times, but he is always there to counsel me not to step over, and I have not. Love holds me back. His Love.
    On May 22, 1995, I quite smoking and have now quite steady for 11 years. The sins that took me when I would run to the other side of the see-saw are a thing of the past too. About four years ago, another friend noticed something that I was just beginning to notice myself. She noticed that I had reached yet another pinnacle in the christian's journey, that which the Nazarene church calls Entire Sanctification, and what the Charismatic and other churches call Baptism of the Holy Spirit.
    For me, it was a whole new level of servanthood and christian maturity, and I was totally exited about it. The pic below was taken about four years ago which coincides with when this website was originaly written.

    I am continuing to run the race in the light that I have, growing each year as His love continues to renew me and refresh me in maturity. I have noticed that I now help others as I can to keep going, and cheer on and encourage those before me. My physical health is diminishing, though, and I suffer with pain. My general heath is not what I would like it to be. The cortisone I take to replace my adrenal glands comes with the side effects of osteoporosis, depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, and ulcers; and I suffer with all that.
    Yet spiritually I am more alive and well than I ever have in my life, and I continue to grow to the point now where I am ready to step up to the plate and minister directly to others as pastor, along with the other gifts and talents I have to continue in ministries while I am working towards that. I have found that suffering can be a ministry all it's own, but I have found a better way. In focusing on meeting and fulfilling the needs of others, I find I think about my hurts and aches and problems much less.
    He continues to walk beside me down the road of this race, where at the end I hope to receive the prize. He also carries me during the rough spots, and there is no shame in that. I've been through some pretty rough times, and I expect God has some in store for me in the future. I know not what the future holds, however, but I know who holds the future.

    This pic is fairly current, given that "current" means the pic was taken in June of 2005, and it is July of 2006. I'm not telling you, the reader these things, so I can brag about my accomplishments or wallow in my defeats. I've included my many failures in life to compare and contrast with any good things you may think I have done. I know my righteousness in my own power is as filthy rags. If I am counted worthy to be used by God, then I am truly blessed. If others see Jesus in me, then I am doubly blessed.
    The reason for this testimony is basically two fold. If you're a christian and you are struggling, know that others struggle with you in the Kingdom of God. I hope this encourages you and exhorts you to ask God for more of the "good stuff" that He holds in store for all of us.
    If you are not a christian, but are on the brink of becoming one, or are thinking about it, and think you can't live without your drugs, sex, or whatever else you hold dear to in your life, then I have some good news for you. I've been there, and I know how empty that life really is. I would encourage you to return to the main page (link below) and click on the interactive plan of salvation.
    My utmost hope would be that you read this and are encouraged to take that step for God. You won't be sorry. I'm hoping that you will come to see what I have that the Apostle Paul spoke about in the two verses below.....

    If you do click on the plan of Salvation and come to make the choice to become saved, would you please email me from the link at the bottom of the main page and tell me of your choice to live for Christ? I'd appreciate it.