Parts 191-200
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 191
Previously, Black Hole thought up yet another plan. I think.
-Green Earth-
Eagle: Okay, that's it. I'm tired of the lack of screen time. Let's go into isolation like Yellow Comet.
Well, we were about to give you some serious screen time, but, if you insist.
Eagle: Hang on! Wait! I didn't-
-Blue Moon-
Grit: So, what does our intelligence say?
Olaf: Absolutely nothing! We have no intelligence!
Grit: Not ANOTHER pun...
Olaf: Pun? What pun? We just don't have an intelligence division. We dissolved it because our counterintelligence division canceled it out and gave us no intelligence at all. So we got rid of both of them. Then they complained about discrimination, so to avoid the discrimination lawsuits we dissolved the entire army, therefore treating them all the same.
Grit: We fired them all?
Olaf: Well, of course. What did you think I meant, that we took them all and dissolved them in acid?
Grit: No.
Olaf: Good. Because that's not what we did.
Meanwhile, at a giant pot of acid...
Person: Man, why do we have a giant pot of acid?
Person 2: Because we're doing a reenactment of McBeth!
Person: Isn't it spelled MacBeth?
Person 2: No, it's Hamlet.
Person: THIS IS TOO CONFUSING! The bubble and the toil in the cauldron causes horrible trouble!
Person 2: What kind of trouble?
Person: Cauldron burning! Just like the acid cauldron that's in front of us is burning and will soon burn us to death!
Person 2: Don't be ridiculous. It's a POT of acid. Not a CAULDRON of acid.
Person: Whoops!
-Orange Star-
Andy: So we have received word that Black Hole is beginning a horribly evil new plan!
Nell: Then let's invade them! Preemptive war!
One disastrous invasion later...
Nell: Okay, that didn't work.
Andy: Half the army was wiped out!
Sami: They all died?
Andy: No, an eraser erased them. They'll be back as soon as they're drawn again.
Max: Really?
Andy: No, but we didn't want it to sound like half the army died and we didn't care.
Just then, Black Hole soldiers burst in and take all the Orange Star COs hostage.
Andy: How many times has this happened in this story?
Max: Way too many.
How many times HAS it happened? What was Black Hole's plan anyway? Is this question we're asking right now a waste of time? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 192
Previously, in response to the fact Black Hole had an evil plan for invasion, Orange Star invaded Black Hole, but failed and got conquered. The Orange Star COs were captured, a fact that will undoubtedly be immediately forgotten in the story line.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: That was a brilliant plan! Make them THINK we're going to invade, have them invade, squash their invasion, then invade them while they're weak! Now we only need to invade Blue Moon!
Hawke: Don't you mean CONQUER Blue Moon? Just invading it doesn't mean anything.
Von Bolt: No, invade.
A bunch of policemen come in.
Policeman: Von Bolt! We are here to arrest you for crimes against humanity!
Von Bolt: On WHOSE authority?
Policeman: That's a good question we won't answer!
Von Bolt: Well, WHAT crimes against humanity?
Flak: Well, other than all the crimes...
Policeman: It is...wait, you said you were Von Bolt?
Von Bolt: You were the one that called me that!
Policeman: Oh, sorry for the mix-up. We thought you were Bill Gates.
Flak: When did he commit crimes against humanity?
Policeman: Have you TRIED Microsoft's customer service?
The policemen all leave.
Von Bolt: Wait, Flak, I thought you were Jugger.
Flak: I got tired of it, so I took all that metal stuff out.
Von Bolt: It was what was keeping you alive!
Flak: Well, it's a good thing I didn't know that then!
Von Bolt: All right! Now to conquer Blue Moon! They lost their intelligence division, so they'll be easy prey! After all, one well-placed spy is worth an entire army unit! And I know it would be easy to make a joke on that, but we're not going to bother doing so! INVADE BLUE MOON!
One invasion later...
Von Bolt: All right! We have successfully conquered half of Blue Moon.
Flak: But what about all the poor people that have died in this?
Flak starts sobbing.
Von Bolt: We really need to hold some new CO tryouts.
Hawke: We did! But their task was to defeat a giant unbeatable dragon and they all were wiped out!
Von Bolt: With erasers?
Hawke: Yeah. The dragon has erasers.
Von Bolt: Was that sarcasm?
Hawke: No.
Von Bolt: Good...wait, was that "no" sarcasm also?
Hawke: I have better things to do than this...
Hawke leaves.
Von Bolt: Well, he must have been sarcastic then, because I'm sure he doesn't have anything better to do!
-Orange Star-
Orange Star Soldier: Well, now we're conquered by Black Hole. But it isn't so bad.
Orange Star Soldier 2: Uh, hello? They're about to execute us!
Orange Star Soldier: You pessimists make me sick. Always seeing the bad side of things.
Orange Star Soldier 2: THEN WHAT IS THE GOOD SIDE OF THIS?!
Orange Star Soldier: Isn't it obvious?
Orange Star Soldier 2: No!
Orange Star Soldier: When Black Hole kills us, our deaths will be an inspiration to all! They will rise up and defeat them! Now, if we were going to die from something that Black Hole had nothing to do with, that wouldn't be good at all.
A meteor that had nothing to do with Black Hole hits the soldiers and kills them...maybe.
Was the "maybe" only added to make it seem like, you know, maybe they didn't die? So it's more appropriate? But, wait, didn't a while back we had 100,000 people get killed or more? Or was that Advance Wars 2.75? Oh, who cares, no one ever reads these ending questions anyway, except for those who do. Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Lord Seth: ...AMUGABA!!!!!!!!!!!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 193
Previously, Black Hole did something.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: Okay. So Orange Star and Blue Moon are under our control. And their COs were captured.
Hawke: No, the Blue Moon COs remain at large.
Flak: I have a question. Why'd we just capture the COs and not kill them?
Von Bolt: Well, then capture the Blue Moon COs!
Flak: Uh, could you answer my question?
Lash: What about the other countries?
Flak: Question! My! Answer! Please!
Von Bolt: Oh, they're isolationists. That means they won't keep up with technology and we only have to wait a few centuries for them to drastically fall behind us. Then we can easily take them over!
Adder: What if in their isolation they make super-powerful weapons the likes of which we have never seen?
Von Bolt: Then we'll see them! Then they won't be the likes of which we've never seen!
Adder: Why is it people can make completely idiotic points that you can't refute?
Von Bolt: When you get to be my age, then you'll have that talent!
Hawke: How old are you anyway?
Von Bolt: I remember when air was invented.
Lash: That makes no sense!
Von Bolt: In my youth, there was also this intense rivalry between me and this one guy. It was the streotypical love triangle. But the woman choose HIM over me, and I got so stung by it that I became evil!
Hawke: I KNOW I'm going to regret asking this, but what were their names?
Von Bolt: I can't remember the guy's name. But the person I was all in love with before I turned evil was...uh...it was a palindrome and started with E...the middle letter was V...
Hawke: I was right. I do regret asking.
Von Bolt: Bah, just 'cause the guy gave up some bone or something in order to give her life, she chooses him! I mean, look at me! What woman wouldn't want me?
Everyone stares at Von Bolt.
Von Bolt: Well, I looked a lot better back then!
Flak: Darn it! We lost a chance for a running gag with my question!
-Blue Moon-
Grit: Okay! What is our plan to overthrow Black Hole?
Olaf: Hmmm, I don't know.
Colin: I'm sure one of you will come up with a brilliant plan!
Four years later...
Colin: Or not.
-Orange Star-
Andy: So, wait, is this four years later, or what?
Nell: No, Colin's statement was just "Or not." and was given four years later. Let's think about it. We didn't see anything else there, so he could have been saying it in any context. It might have had nothing to do with what was going on before.
Sami: I wonder how Hachi is doing.
Meanwhile...
Hachi: Boy, I'm glad that I didn't get captured like everyone else!
Employee: Could you explain WHY?
Hachi: You already know that! Why are you asking me?
Employee: Er...
Hachi: That's it! You're fired!
Employee: You can't fire me! I have a contract!
Hachi: Not anymore!
Hachi rips up the contract.
Employee: Uh, just ripping up a contract doesn't make it void.
Hachi: Ha! This contract says it does!
The Employee rips up that contract. There is a pause.
Hachi: Now what?
Employee: We stand here stupidly trying to figure this out?
Hachi: Sounds good to me!
Why did Hachi escape being captured? Will Black Hole be overthrown? Will Green Earth or Yellow Comet ever be seen again? Does this question series for once, just once, not contain ANY lame attempts at humor? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 194
Previously, more time was wasted. Just like you're doing now. Why are you even reading this?
You know, if Lord Seth was around, he'd start yelling at me right then about how I'm driving off the fan base. Ha! But he's dead! So I can say whatever I want! Whatever I want! Ha!
-Orange Star-
Flak: Being in charge of Orange Star is cool!
Adder: Don't forget that we're both in charge of it!
Flak: Your point?
Adder: You can't do anything without my agreement, and I can't do anything without your agreement.
Many disagreements later...
Flak: I still can't believe we haven't actually done anything.
Adder: Let's agree to disagree about that.
Flak: I think disagreeing about agreeing makes more sense.
Adder: That it does.
-Orange Star-
Lash: So Von Bolt made you and I rulers of Orange Star?
Hawke: What? No, it's Blue Moon!
Lash: Oops!
-Blue Moon-
Lash: Okay, let's try that again. So Von Bolt made you and I rulers of Orange Star?
Hawke: I wanted Green Earth...
Lash: Yeah, but they went into isolation. So we ended up having to share this place.
Hawke: I already know that.
Lash: Oh yeah? What if I don't WANT to?
Hawke: Why do I always get stuck with the crazy ones?
Lash: Oh, and Adder and Flak aren't also "crazy ones"?
Hawke: Good point.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: Hmmm, things are getting too boring. Sure, we're in control of Blue Moon and Orange Star, but nothing's happening! It's time to make a gamble! Take a risk! Do something to shake things up! As soon as I think of something like that, I'll do it! (pause) I know! We'll bake a cake!
Later...
Von Bolt: Ha! Fear my cake!
Hawke: This thing is half the size of Black Hole!
Von Bolt: I know! Can you believe it?
Hawke: We wasted so many resources that Orange Star and Blue Moon kicked us out!
Von Bolt: I know! Can you believe it?
Hawke: And now THEY'RE in periods of isolation so according to your rules of war which involve not taking over isolationist countries, we can't attack them!
Von Bolt: I don't know! Can I believe it?
Does he know? Can he believe that? If Black Hole is the only country where anything is happening now, what's going to happen? Will this story end? Huh, I thought we were going to wait until part 200 for that. How the heck are we going to get there if we've only got one country? Well, I guess you'll have to find out next time, on Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 195
Last time Von Bolt made a giant cake, but in doing so Orange Star and Blue Moon threw out Black Hole, and then went into isolationist periods. So we're stuck with Black Hole because for unknown reasons we can't have the story take place in isolationist countries. Yep, we're doomed.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: Now what?
Flak: Let's become isolationist ourselves!
Von Bolt: What?! The purpose of our entire existence is to conquer the world!
Flak: Why?
Von Bolt: We're needed as a catalyst!
Lash: Well, you know what they say, if you can't beat them, join them! In this case, if we can't conquer them, we should join them in this feeble attempt at isolation!
Sturm: I vote yes!
Von Bolt: Great, our hallucination of our collective imagination, or whatever the term was, is back!
Sturm: I liked it better back when people thought I was real. I was a lot more feared back then.
In his frustration, Sturm uses an imaginary CO Power to summon and imaginary meteor that does something that's somehow imaginary. Then Sturm disappears.
Hawke: I need to find some new cohorts...
Von Bolt: Well, there's one thing that always cheers me up!
Adder: I'm going to regret asking, but what is it?
Von Bolt: Increasing Social Security taxes even more!
Adder: They're already 150%! Someone pays more than double for whatever they buy!
Von Bolt: It's still less than my goal! Raise it to 175%!
Adder: What is your goal?
Von Bolt: Uh, a number that is somehow comical in some way.
Sturm: I hope it's an imaginary number! I suggest the square root of negative twenty jillion!
Adder: "Jillion" isn't even a number! And you can't have the square root of a negative number!
Sturm: Hence the imaginary part!
Adder: I have got to get a new job...
-Yellow Comet-
Kanbei: Okay, isolationism doesn't work. Let's stop.
Sonja: Why?
Kanbei: Because Grimm was eating so much food! We've got to talk to the other countries so we can get their food!
And so for reasons that we don't care about, the other countries stop being isolationist.
-Blue Moon-
Grit: Well, it seems things are back to normal.
Lord Seth walks in.
Grit: Weren't you killed?
Lord Seth: Yep! Now I'm a ghost! That's why I have this cool white outline around me! And that means...
Grit: Don't you dare say it.
Lord Seth: It means...
Grit: I'm warning you...
Lord Seth: I'm a ghostwriter!
Grit: Only YOU could die and then make a bad pun about it!
Lord Seth: There's a such thing as a good pun?
A short time later...
Lord Seth comes in again.
Lord Seth: Hi!
Grit: What happened to that white aura thing?
Lord Seth: Oh, I'm not dead anymore.
Grit: How can you be dead and then suddenly be back?
Lord Seth: Oh, it happens to you enough, you get used to it.
There is a pause.
Grit: That makes no sense.
Lord Seth: Good. I was afraid I was the only person it didn't make sense to.
An anvil suddenly appears above Lord Seth and it falls, flattening him and killing him. To add injury to injury, his body then explodes into a million pieces, which all explode into a million pieces. All without any blood or violence! And Lord Seth comes back as a ghost again. Huzzah.
Who cares? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 196
Previously, Lord Seth came back as a ghost, came back to life, was killed again, and then came back as a ghost again. We could make a terrible pun about how he's now a "ghostwriter" but as we just did accidentally, we won't.
-Orange Star-
Max: I've got some bad news!
Nell: What?
Max: They discovered our illegal wiretapping program where we listened in on the calls of citizens illegally for security purposes!
Nell: Well, what's the public opinion?
Max: Split mostly down the middle. People who live in the right part of Orange Star, and right here means the direction right, not right as in the opposite of wrong, think it's fine to do that because we're doing it to prevent Black Hole from launching sneak attacks! Or something like that. People in the left part of Orange Star think that it's horrible to break the law like that!
Nell: What? We weren't doing it for security purposes. I was just monitoring the calls of TV executives so I'd have a hint as to what was going to happen on my soap operas.
Max: Really?
Nell: No, but it was funny to say.
Andy: Oh, I've got news also! You know how we're having all those problems with Blue Moon people illegally immigrating here?
Nell: Why are they?
Andy: Well, partially because life isn't so good there since Olaf invested all of the government's money in searching for imaginary planets. But they're mostly immigrating for satire purposes. anyway, people on the left side think that even though they broke the law, it should be possible for them to gain citizenship, and people on the right side think that they shouldn't.
Sami: Am I the only one who notices a degree of hypocrisy here? The left side people slam the wiretapping for being illegal, but think it's fine to make illegal immigrants citizens. The right side people say that since they're illegal, they shouldn't be able to become citizens, but have no problem with the illegal wiretapping.
Max: Yeah! And let's not forget their rallying cries! They say stuff like "Wiretapping is important to security!" and "Immigration is what made Orange Star the place it is today!" which is COMPLETELY missing the point. The issue was never wiretapping, it was ILLEGAL wiretapping. The issue was never immigration, it was ILLEGAL immigration! It's a confusing of the issue!
Nell: Didn't someone have some sign that said that "we are all immigrants" or something?
Olaf: Actually, that's not correct. An immigrant is someone who leaves a country to come to another to live in the second country. Their descendants, however, are NOT immigrants, unless they leave that country and go and live in another. So perhaps everyone's ancestors are immigrants, but they're not immigrants themselves.
Nell: Olaf?! What are you DOING here?
Olaf: Uh, I decided Blue Moon was no good and decided to come here illegally. That okay with you?
One deportation later...
Nell: Okay, so what do we do?
Max: I don't know. I have the feeling that this whole thing was just for political commentary.
Meanwhile...
Hachi: Mwahaha! More illegal immigrants means more people who I can exploit in my factories!
Employee: Well, you see, although they may take away jobs of some native Orange Star people, many times the illegals take jobs that no one else wants. And as there are many of them, it's not as easy as some people claim to just deport them all. Of course, it still is illegal to do so and to try to give them citizenship for breaking the law seems to be-
Hachi: What are you babbling about?
Employee: I have NO idea.
Meanwhile...
Lord Seth: For anyone who I haven't annoyed with me criticizing both sides, I'll say this. I HATE YOU! Thank you.
-Green Earth-
Eagle: All right! Through a bunch of stuff that no one cares about, our education level and a bunch of other stuff is getting better than Orange Star's!
Drake: Hang on. Isn't that bad for them?
Eagle: But good for us!
Drake: So what you're saying is that if we top them, that's bad for them. If they top us, it's bad for us. So no matter what, someone gets the short end of the stick. Heck, they're probably talking about how important it is that they keep their status in the world by leaving us in the dust, but if the roles were reversed they'd be trying to catch up to us. It's just like if there are two dogs and only one steak that can't be cut in half for no reason. If one gets it, the other doesn't, so someone gets something and the other doesn't. You know?
Eagle: Since when have you been interested in that kind of thing?
Drake: Since they finally started making shirts my size.
Eagle: I fail to see the correlation.
Drake: Good point!
Are we starting up some plot lines based on actual things? Have we successfully annoyed all our viewers by criticizing two viewpoints on an issue? Should we all be firm swing voters like Lord Seth? Is he even crazier now that he's dead? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 197
Previously, we annoyed everyone by criticizing both sides of an issue.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: Okay, we need another world domination plan.
Flak: Ooh! Ooh! I know! How about we do something really stupid?
Von Bolt: Does anyone have any better ideas?
There is a pause.
Von Bolt: Okay, stupidity it is!
The Black Hole COs all hit each other with hammers. They all collapse to the floor.
Flak: Let's do it again!
-Blue Moon-
Olaf: It's time for randomness!
Grit: Uh, why?
Olaf: Good point. Speaking of which, what did happen with all that immigration?
Grit: Wait, what does that have to do with randomness?
Olaf: Nothing!
Grit: Then why would you say "speaking of which"?
Olaf: Oh, that's an easy one. Because it has nothing to do with randomness, it is random, so it has to do with randomness!
Grit: That comment made absolutely no sense at all.
Olaf: Anyway, can I have an answer to my question?
Grit: Well, Orange Star, showing a degree of intelligence never before seen in this story, figured that the best way to resolve it, and probably the most permanent, is to basically raise the education and economic level of Blue Moon. Then far fewer people from Blue Moon tried to cross into Orange Star illegally because there was much less incentive.
Colin: Wait, Nell--or at least Advance Wars 2.875's version of her--doesn't seem smart enough to think up something like that.
Grit: How'd they think that up anyway?
Colin: Well, they noticed we didn't have an immigration with Green Earth-
Grit: Hang on. We're not even adjacent to Green Earth!
Colin: We were in Advance Wars!
Grit: What about Dual Strike?
Colin: No idea. For some reason the countries stopped being only one color so it was harder to see where the boundaries were.
Olaf: I'm confused. Why would Green Earth be adjacent to Orange Star and then later not be?
There is a pause.
Olaf: I'm not going to get an answer, am I?
Colin: A wizard did it.
Olaf: I would've preferred no answer.
Colin: Anyway, since Green Earth wasn't causing any illegal immigration, and because it's better off than Blue Moon, they figured that making Blue Moon better so that people wouldn't HAVE to immigrate to get better jobs would make it so that-
Olaf: Never mind.
You know, this part kinda reminded me of this one South Park episode...it was the one where those guys from the future were taking everyone's jobs or something? Heh, heh, now that one was funny...the ending was hilarious, albeit perhaps a bit...uh, whatever the word is. Oh, wait, I'm on? Uh...tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875! Man, that was lame.
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 198
Previously, we did stuff.
-Green Earth-
Eagle: MAN Asia is messed up.
Jess: First, Asia doesn't even exist here. Second, why?
Eagle: Why it doesn't exist here?
Jess: No, why you think it's messed up?
Eagle: Well, I was watching TV and there was this thing about Asia, to be more specific, about-
Jess: How can you get TV transmissions that are from another reality/universe/planet?
Eagle: Through a plot hole. Anyway, it looks like lots of youths in Asia have issues.
Jess: Wait, what?
Eagle: Yeah, the program was about youth in Asia. Though for some reason they repeatedly misspelled it. Anyway, it looks like lots of them have all sorts of horrible diseases that make them want to die. It makes me wonder how they're ever going to have a next generation. Star Trek joke not intended.
Jess: What a terrible pun.
Eagle: Huh? No, you're getting mixed up. The "Next Generation" joke wasn't a pun, it was just because "next generation" sounded like that show and-
Jess: I didn't mean that.
Eagle: What other pun is there?
Jess: Never mind.
Eagle: Hey, come to think of it, I wonder what youth in Australia is like. And youth in Europe. And youth in-
Jess: I get the picture!
Eagle: There's a potential pun in that sentence you just said somewhere.
Meanwhile...nothing interesting is happening. Let's do that Greek myth gag again.
Okay, Zeus and the other guys were all on Mount Olympus, which is strange as they died previously and never existed in the first place. Then a TV producer decided they should make a soap opera about their lives. Soon he realized their lives were too screwed up for a soap opera, and left. Then they all died again, which is again strange as they never existed in the first place.
Lord Seth: Okay, bad idea.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: Okay, this is getting insanely repetitive, but we need a new plan.
Flak: Oooh! Oooh! I say we make all sorts of monsters, and then send them at the enemies, and then when they defeat the monsters we make the monsters really really really really big, but then they'll defeat them. Then we can repeat that every episode for an entire season until they defeat us.
Von Bolt: Isn't that Power Rangers?
Flak: The formula works for them! Why not for us?
Von Bolt: Because the villain is always DEFEATED on that series!
Flak: Of course! Good should always triumph over evil!
Adder: We REALLY need a different CO.
Flak: I say that the decay of traditional values in Western civilization is the cause of all of our society's problems.
Adder: We really, REALLY need a different CO.
Is the decay of traditional values in Western civilization the cause of all our society's problems? What the heck is that statement even asking? Will Grak-Grak ever appear? Who is Grak-Grak anyway? Will Grimm ever lose an eating contest? Will people ever stop getting "loose" mixed up with "lose"? Will this series of questions ever end? Will I ever get a Demonic Influence and Veil of Divine Wrath? Does anyone even know what those are? Is that a terrible in-joke? Is this getting repetitive? Is this getting stupid? Is this getting boring? Is this a lame excuse for filler? Will Black Hole think up a nefarious plan? Will Black Hole think up a so-so plan? Will Black Hole think up ANY plan? What's the matter with youth in Asia anyway? Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 199
Previously, more nonsensical stuff that we're somehow trying to make into a story happened.
eat flesh back: Darn it, I need to do something good here so I can have something cool happen in part 199.
Grit: Who are you?
eat flesh back: I'm Lord Seth!
Grit: It says "eat flesh back."
eat flesh back: Oops! See, usually I have "Lord Seth" in my clipboard and paste it in whenever I use it, but had "eat flesh back" in it instead so when I tried pasting it I got that instead. See, the reason I had it in the clipboard was because I was playing this text game that I play a lot, I had that because that's the command for eating pig flesh from the container I have (a backpack, hence "back"), as that heals you, so I have to do it frequently. Oh, an interesting thing is that-
Grit: Just switch it back!
eat flesh back: Okay, okay, sheesh...
Grit: Done?
Lord Seth: Yes, the clipboard is fine.
Olaf: Woohoo! If we anger the clipboard, we will incur its terrible wrath!
Grit: There are so many things wrong with that line I don't even want to comment on it.
-Black Hole-
Von Bolt: Okay, I got a plan. Let's...INVADE!
Lash: What?
Von Bolt: I realized that our problem is we think up these plans that involve invading, but have some kind of improvement. So I think if we disregard those improvements and just do a straight invasion we'll win. It almost worked in Advance Wars 2!
Hawke: The important word being "almost."
Von Bolt: Good point. Let's forget that and do something else!
Horrible Voice Over: In a city where there is stuff and worse stuff...one person stands sorta hunched over and...wait, this parody is going nowhere. Never mind. Come to think of it, what is it a parody of anyway?
-Blue Moon-
Colin: Black Hole is invading!
Olaf: All right! I get to play with my units again!
Grit: Uh, Olaf? Aren't the units operated by actual soldiers whose lives are in the balance?
Olaf: Your point?
Grit: You shouldn't be looking at it like it's a video game?
Olaf: Oh, come on. People under the age of 18 are trusted to run our operations! It can't be THAT important.
Colin: Hey! Are you insulting me?
Olaf: No, I was breaking the fourth wall.
Colin: Oh...what's the fourth wall?
-Green Earth-
Eagle: We shall stop Black Hole's advance!
Jess: HOW?! They outnumber us about 1,000 to 1!
Eagle: We've faced overwhelming odds before! All we have to do is destroy a cannon or a death ray or something else, and it will completely destroy their will to fight! Aha! That will do this time!
Jess: Eagle, that's a rock!
Eagle: Your point?
Eagle destroys the rock. Absolutely nothing happens.
Eagle: Drat! And I was so sure...
In frustration, Eagle stomps on a different rock, which destroys it. All enemy units immediately blow up.
Drake: Hooray! They are all defeated! You know what we do now?
Eagle: Nope.
Drake: We cut to another area! Woohoo!
-Yellow Comet-
Through several massive deus ex machinas, the Yellow Comet army defeats the Black Hole army. Moving on.
-Orange Star-
Nell: Well we're sunk. They've overrun all but this tiny patch of land we're on!
Black Hole troops burst in! They capture the Orange Star COs! I can't stop using exclamation marks! Or is it exclamation points! Who cares! Argh, I should've been using question marks there! Darn it!
Let's just end the part already! Goodbye! Adios! Tune in next time, to the THRILLING conclusion of Advance Wars 2.875!
Advance Wars 2.875, Part 200
-Orange Star-
Max: Ha! I am awesome! I have more awesomeness than all of you put together!
Andy: Ha! I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!
There is a pause.
Max: I don't get it.
Andy: Neither do I.
Lord Seth: And that's the end!
Andy: What? What about the invasion? Heck, weren't we captured? This is a TERRIBLE ending!
Lord Seth: Brevity is the soul of wit! Or...something.
The End!
(In the movie theater where this entire thing has been broadcasted)
Jake: That was by far one of the WORST movies I've ever seen! It was just supposed to be a simple dramatization of the fight against Von Bolt! None of that junk even happened! And what the heck was the point of the "Zany Insanity" portion with those characters like "E. Gadd" and DM? It had nothing to do with anything!
Rachel: Who made THIS terrible movie?
Lord Seth tries to quietly sneak out of the theater. But he trips and causes a chain reaction that ends up destroying the universe prior to recreating it again, leaving nothing changed at all, and this sentence without a point.
The End!
(really)