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| You haunt me with your touch, This still scares me oh so much. My stomach churning inside, You said "you're Daddy"; you lied. You took care of me when I was sick, By being a perverted prick. When I was little you put Vicks on my chest. Only to get older with you rubbing it on my breast. How angry am I? It was almost enough to say good-bye. Life's dealt me this devesting hand. Why? I really don't understand. Your name is a curse, Just the sound of it, makes me feel worse. Brings me back to the time, When I was yours, and not mine. I lost myself through all the noise. I was like your doll, or play toy. Everyday life is hard to get through, Because of visions and memories of you. I often wonder why I wasn't strong, I had the feeling it was wrong. I thought their was no other way to show your love. A very important part of me that flew away like a dove. Never to come back, Self esteem I surely lack. Inside, I often feel as though I'm dead, Its all because of CHILD MOLESTER FRED!!! Christee | ||||||||
| She By Christee 3/10/03 | ||||||||
| Drifted into an unknown world, one with warmth and light. She had to, what he was doing, just wasn't right. Scars on her arm that are all to real, To the pain she had to feel. She was so vulnerable, and perfect for him to groom. That is why, she is so scared of her room. All he had to do was smile and say "come" That was all it took to make her go numb. To her he would always betray. And nothing in the world would ever be OK. She could never even let herself dream. Escape was impossible so it would seem. She never had the strength to fight. Tried not to feel his touch, with all her might. Struggling in the inside, ripping herself apart. Always feeling like a damaged piece of art. Everyday life that is what she would always fear. And towards herself could not even shed a single tear. You see she wasn't afraid of the monsters under her bed. She was petrified of her Step Dad Fred. | ||||||||
| "Her" By Christee 3/7/07 | ||||||||
| What would happen if I let my pen flow, Not knowing where to go? Voices inside my head, From a child I thought was long ago dead. A girl so special no one saw, Is that why he broke the law? Knowing she wound not tell, In side her head is the only place she could yell. Wondering if it was wrong, How could it go on so long? No one knowing the life of hell. Just her heart as it fell, Down into a million pieces, And stops feeling and freezes. He took it way to far, Telling her she was a shining star. Telling her he would love her till he dies. No one hears her muffled cries, Or what she fears, It's the inside where she tears. Hoping it would all just stop, That he'd just be her Pop. I knew I'd never be the same, It's all because of Fred's Game. | ||||||||
| Christee | ||||||||
| "Thinking of Her" | ||||||||
| What did it take to have her naivety burst, It was her step fathers sickening thirst. To have a sweet child's innocence shattered. She never cared, nothing ever mattered. Where did she always go? No one but her will ever know. Going into a deep abyss, Could never again receive a hug or kiss. She could never ever feel, Cause that would mean it was actually real. He always made sure with toys she'd be spoiled, He believed it made up for being tainted and soiled. Her love he would try and buy, When all she wanted was for him to die. Did he ever think of what it would cost? It was my inner child, a little girl lost. Always feeling like damaged goods inside, A huge part of her already died. The mornings were the scariest part of the day. To wake up to a nightmare as you lay. How could you treat me so horribly bad? Didn't you know you were just supposed to be my Dad? | ||||||||
| Christee 3/8/03 | ||||||||
| I always feel so troubled by the past. I wonder how long it will last. My life has been put on hold. All because I never told. Inside I felt as though I would rot. The wrong kind of love is what I was taught. Anger dwells inside of my heart. I want to move on don't know where to start. Sometimes I just want to scream. All because of my shattered dreams. I got so lucky I can now see. My Love, saw the good in me. I once was completely blind. He showed me I was one of a kind. A special girl deep inside. To myself I have lied. Thinking I was damaged or bad. Now I know better and I am glad. I know now how love is supposed to be. Pure and faithful that is the key. With me I won't let my abuser win. He will pay for his ultimate sin. | ||||||||
| Christee 12/8/03 | ||||||||
| SOMETIMES BY, CHRISTEE 12/9/03 | ||||||||
| Who am I? I have to ask Sometimes I need to put on a mask. Who am I? I have to ask Sometimes I need to put on a mask. I need to know how I should feel, The pain inside seems unreal. Sometimes it hurts so much, I feel numb. So how am I to overcome. When I can still see his eyes, Still hear his numerous lies. Memories of him I will always fear. They take me back and I feel him near. Certain colonges that I smell, Makes me freeze up, I don't feel well. I get so nervous I feel sick. I'm a time bomb hear me tick. Waiting for the time I explode. I carry to much it's a full load. It never should have happened it just wasn't right. I tried to hold on with all of my might. Didn't you know it was wrong? 11 years of sexual abuse is way too long. You groomed me from the very start. When all I wanted was to give you my heart. | ||||||||