| LOVE? (cont'd) |
| Are her feelings the most important thing in the world to you? Or are your own feelings more important? Are you happy and grateful whenever he buys gifts for you, and think of him whenever you wear or use them? Or are you disappointed because the jewel in the ring is too small or the sweater will clash with the rest of your wardrobe? Do you love spending as much time as possible with her? Or do you find yourself telling her you need more "space?" You get the idea. If you mostly answered "yes" to the second part of those questions, perhaps it's time to reevaluate things. It's a natural thing to want to spend as much time as possible with the one you love. To desire otherwise is a contradiction. People who are really in love do not use phrases like "I need space" or "We don't have to be with each other every minute." This isn't to say couples should be together 24 hours a day; they shouldn't. Everybody needs time to him or herself. But if you only want to be with the other person for sex or if you won't go somewhere your partner likes but you're not crazy about just so you can be together, then you're not in love. You're just looking for companionship, a playmate. Love is unconditional. You may become angry at a partner for something that was said or done, but unless it was a serious transgression, your feelings for that person will not change. Anyone who says, "Well, I used to love her, but she did this, this and this and I don't love her anymore," didn't love her to begin with. If you are contemplating marriage, besides those questions, the most important things you can ask yourself are: Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person? Depending on your age and that of your partner, it could be anywhere from 20-50 years or longer. Marriage is supposed to be a permanent commitment. Anyone who goes into it thinking, "Well, if it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce" is doomed right from the beginning. Am I planning on marrying this person because we can live in the same house with no problem? That's not a compelling enough reason to join someone in matrimony. Don't marry someone you can live with; marry someone you cannot live without. Do I understand the responsibilities that go along with marriage? Marriage is more than just a piece of paper or two people sharing a residence. Once you are married, your spouse comes before anybody else in your life (except your minor children). Once you are married, you no longer belong to your parents, nor should you be spending every waking moment with your friends. This isn't to say you won't have any life at all outside of your home. But leaving your partner alone every night while you go out partying with your buddies doesn't cut it. Don't seek out a partner for all the wrong reasons. Wait for that special someone. He or she is out there. Just keep looking and praying. When your soul mate comes along, you will know it without asking. Trust me. |