| SO YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY? |
| Want to have a baby? Make sure it's for the right reasons -- because you love children and are emotionally and financially prepared for the responsibility of raising one or more of your own. There are many reasons for wanting a child. Too many, however, are based on false assumptions and can potentially result in a baby being born to parents who are unable or unwilling to care for it. First of all, giving birth does not make you more of a woman, and fathering a child does not make you more of a man. Even the most primitive animals can mate and breed. My gerbils produced several litters before I separated them. Secondly, it's naive to want to have a baby so you'll have someone to love you. It doesn't work that way. Babies don't emerge from the womb loving you. But they do come into the world with A LOT of needs that it's up to their parents to meet. You do not have an "obligation" to reproduce because you come from a fantastically superior gene pool, or because your parents want to become grandparents. The decision to become a mother or father is a highly personal one. Do you love your partner so much that you long to produce a miniature version of him or her? This sounds noble but when taken by itself is not a compelling enough reason for conceiving a baby. First of all, that baby will be his or her own person, with his/her own mind and personality, not a carbon copy of either one of you. And second, if things go sour between you and your mate, how will you feel towards the child afterward? And are you prepared to raise a child alone should your partner die or leave you? Think about it. Nor is it EVER a good practice for a woman to become pregnant in order to get her boyfriend to marry her, or to save a marriage that already has its problems. The short explanation is that it won't work. First and foremost, a baby should be wanted (and planned) by both parents. Should a woman turn up with a "surprise" pregnancy, her man may "do the right thing" and marry her, but if he hadn't already loved her enough to marry her beforehand, his heart won't be in the union and chances are the marriage will not last. By the same token, having a child will not strengthen a weak marriage. Raising a child involves such a complex web of problems in itself that attempting to do so with the added strain of a poor marriage can, in fact, tear that marriage apart for good. |