Limericks

Billy's LIMERICKS: Rhyming Reflections on the Human Tribe

Most folks would surely agree
That jobs will come with a degree
But pity the fool
With UM as his school
His prospects are modest, you see.

Montana's a most fridgid land
Of coldness, I'm not a huge fan
You could slip on the ice
Or catch a cold twice
Or freeze to death using the can.

There's nothing so awfull at all
As being bothered from outside your stall,
While using the can,
By a mischeivous man
Who's a fisherman, Irish, and tall.

Folks, I've got quite a game
To find your potential porn name
How your first pet you'd greet
And your childhood street
I'd be Peppermint Woodland in fame.

Back to home

To get to Paris is quite a trip
And into your savings you'll have to dip
But to see all the world's
Finest places and girls
Just head for the Las Vegas strip.

In Nevada, some money I packed
And lost it all on a Jack
But learn this rule
I was twice a fool
When I tried to win it back.

The library's quite a fine place
Which offers a much needed space
To privately crap
With a book on your lap
But as courtesy, don't leave a trace.

There once was a girl who had due rent
So she took a job, which seemed prudent
She screwed paying guys
Right near Hollywood High
Where she's not just a whore, but a student

There once was a Mexican slob
Who broke into cars as a job
He and his friends
Touched the wrong Mercedes Benz
And were hit by the Armenian mob

In the 'Wood it's surely a breeze
To find a bite to eat, if you please
The lavash can't be beat
The Thai food's a treat
You can even get Kosher Chinese

A teacher's words must be heeded
In student's mind they are seeded
But after the greetings
At parent-teacher meetings
A translator's desperately needed.

An aspiring actor's not rude
In fact he's a rather nice dude
He'll be a star
With a house and a car
But for now he's serving your food.

Down at the coffee shop
Sits a writer who's working a lap-top
But the script that he'll write
Is slightly more bright
Than the stool he'll eventually drop.

On the corner of Sunset and Vine
There's a vendor who's business is fine
For only five bones
You get a map of star's homes
And a photo of Brando that's signed

In a house in the Hollywood hills
Is a man who can pay all the bills
But his toilet's a mess
With his fluids, no less
From the cocaine he uses, and pills

On the West Side there lives a boy
Who styles folks' hair with great joy
It should be no surprise
To anyone wise
That he fancies Sigfried and Roy

These people think oddly of harm
And they're not especially warm
War's no big event
To these ladies and gents
But a missed phone call's cause for alarm.

On Hollywood

I don't mean to act like a beast
But some folks starve for a feast
It may sound rude
To use humans as food
But there's too many folks in the East.

What makes me a really mad guy
Is when someone smokes close by
You can surely bet
That I'll take the cigarette
And shove it up their ass, really high.

"Guest Limerick from the Hero from Vero himself"
If you happen to be part Scot
And go out to a nice restaurant
Don't order the bisque
Else you'll be quite at risk
Of spending the night on the pot.

On Los Angeles

In L.A. the action never stops
And the cars have convertible tops
But these cars that are fun
Are outnumbered two to one
By the immigrant owned doughnut shops.

The real-estate scene's out of hand
All throughout la-la land
You can get much more home
In Vegas or Nome
When you put down three hundred grand.