BusinessofBrotherhood

                      THE BUSINESS OF BROTHERHOOD: Reflections on the Fraternity Experience
     This holiday season I received a Christmas card from two of my fraternity brothers who are still undergraduates at the University of Montana and, so, are still active members. Where they signed their names on the card they penned a symbol, the nature of which I cannot disclose exept to say that it involves a recognition of lasting brotherhood. I suppose it is things like this which make me grateful I joined a fraternity in the first place. It seems, looking back, that what I gained in the end is not what I had hoped for when making the decision to join in the spring of 1996, my innitial desires being much less meaninful than the experiences that were in store for me. At the age of 18, and looking my fraternity innitiation right in the face, my only thoughts were of casual partying, the chance to meet more girls more easily than as a "GDI"(God Damned Independent), and the hope that the sheep-like sounds coming from the house basement were just to give me a scare(I cannot disclose here whether they were or not). How could I not have forseen that four years with an organization would come with much more than this?
     I think fraternities are ideal for very few people. That is not to say that I don't think that they're good for many people. But ideal for few. It's surprising how many 18-22 year olds are still quite impressionable and really have very little in the way of existing self. A lot of kids don't have interests or opinions which make them individuals and, therefore, get swept up in a fraternity's "mainstream" culture which is, all too often, reliant on alcohol and idleness. Members that fall into this group don't necessarily get poor grades, but aren't able to develop as individuals, which is a vital development, especially in this country. On the other end of the spectrum, there are the those who endure fraternity life with personality and interests intact(I include myself in this category so this piece may be written from a skewed perspective). The "individuals" of a fraternity enjoy fraternity activities when the time is convenient, yet are constantly agravated by mandatory events which interupt their structured lives. It's also surprising how few people fall between these poles. I think a fraternity is supposed to encourage teamwork, unity, and trust. It's also supposed to teach goal setting, leadership skills, and discipline. These values should aid both types of members to develop what they lack, the followers should learn to be leaders, and the "individuals" should adapt to the team environment(at least a little). From my experience these things don't happen, at least not to the extent that they should. Often, it seems, the personality type of a member will progress in the wrong direction due to the influences of the fraternity. I can remember being fed up with noise and nonsense many times and during each different year in college. I expected to become more and more accustomed to "fraternal craziness," being bothered progressively less. The opposite happened. Similarly, the impressionable members seemed to dig themselves into a hole of booze and laziness, a condition which I've rarely seen fully remedied.
     I admit to ditching fraternal obligations far more often than I should have during my frat days at UM. At the time I wasn't willing to compromise my custom tailored schedule. I can't count the times that I gripped my pillow in fury, trying to sleep while some drunken brother was causing a commotion in the hallway just beyond my door. And, of course, there are the falling outs that we have with fellow members that are all too slowly corrected, leaving dreaded awkwardness afterward. I guess that for an introverted indivdualistic member, a frat comes with a lot of baggage(the tradition continues to this day as my dear colleague Harry Twisting-Gator spent a trying year co-existing with his roomate Jim Sleeps-with-a-Boom).
     The qualitites of a fraternity lies beyond its structure, history, and principles. They exist in the fact that members interact and in the way in which they do so. Being "all in the same boat" provides a breeding groud for bonds between members("breeding ground" used only as a figure of speech). There is something remarkable about living in a barely functioning housing structure with crummy food and a bathroom with more foliage than a rainforest that makes people real good friends. Part of the fraternity experience is endurance, and anyone who's been a member knows that there's a lot to endure.   As members we endure together and, so, have the same experiences and are a part of each other's memories. Fraternity life allows us to see fellow members in times and situations that we would not usually see people in, even good friends. For instance, I have seen each of my brothers who sent me the Christmas card in situations that are not only burned forever into my memory, but occured at my home(at the time), which was, of course, their home as well. One I found in my closet one drunken night, standing over piles of my clothes, exposed wang in hand, threatening to soak my threads if not left alone. The other I've seen carelessly roll off of the top level of a bunk bed and land with a thump onto the floor. He was drunk and naked. Though I still, from time to time, wake up screaming from nightmares recalling these memories, I am glad that I have them. And believe me, they are only the tip of the iceberg. I have many warm memories of these two, and several others and, I too, exist in the memory of brothers I've known. We spend more time around our brothers than we want to at the time. We grow sick of each other, but we grow close. I think that the formality and "secrets" of fraternities are useful only as means make the bonds that members share tangible. Like the symbols included on the Christmas card. Fraternities give brothers the chance to be important to someone else, sometimes even without trying. They offer a chance to create bonds with others. Most of all, they give you the chance to be remembered.

Billy insists that flaws in this, and in other essays, are due to the fact that his people traditionally communicate ideas via spoken word, interrupted by leisurely drags on the piece pipe.