Once upon a time, there were five swinging bachelors.
They met some pretty girls in the park and began proposing,
but the girls, having good taste, spurned them.
So the five swinging bachelors asked if the girls
would come dancing with them in Bollywood fashion.
The girls were delighted and they danced,
Bollywood threes in Bollywood trees.
When they were tired of dancing, someone said,
"Let's go to Harmony Tower!"
Everyone thought it was a splendid idea,
thus they went to the Tower and were exceedingly harmonious.
After soaking up the harmony, one of the guys
spotted a soccer pitch nearby. "Let's have a match -
the winner will have first choice selecting the girl
he likes best!" he said.
The girls were rather miffed at being treated like
objects even after the visit to Harmony Tower,
but having nothing else to do, they went along
to watch. After all, they could always reject
the guys again.
Four of the bachelors went onto the field
while the fifth stood by the soccer post and refereed.
The game was at fever pitch, with the players battling
ferociously for the girls' favour, but the referee wasn't
paying attention to the plays. While those in play were
tackling the ball (and each other), the ref was
tackling the girls.
This fifth bachelor happened to be the famed
Toilet Man, so he had little
difficulty persuading three of the girls to take his hand.
They went off and were wedded while the other four
bachelors continued, engrossed, in the game.
This is how the Toilet Man came to have three wives.
The newlyweds threw a rambunctious party,
with frothy bubbles and bright buttercups.
Woe to them, they had forgotten the old wives' tale
of the Avenging Boulder. This Boulder would punish those
who engaged in promiscuity. No-one could escape
the revenge of the Boulder.
At the stroke of seven-thirty,
the Boulder turned the groom into a flower
and all the wedding guests into pawprints.
The good boys who had been playing soccer,
instead of engaging in these sordid affairs,
stumbled upon the remains of the party
and were sorely frightened to think how
narrowly they had escaped the same fate.
Afraid that the Avenging Boulder might return
and unleash his wrath on the Toilet Man's old friends,
the terrified guys sprinted one thousand metres far, far away.
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