Movie Review: Justin
Attempting to devise a plot based around a video game doesn't overly exhaust the brain as 'Dead or Alive' perfectly demonstrates.
But who needs a plot anyways, we (I speak for the male population here) just wanna see hot chicks kick some serious ass. I mean, who's gonna pay to see this movie... university lecturers ???
Devon plays Kasumi, an Asian Princess, on a (quite possible) mission to find her missing brother who she suspects is the victim of a fiendish plot to... to... oh I forget, it was so freaking ridiculous it really ain't worth retelling.
But the ass-kicking starts immediately, fast and furious. (Did you just notice how cleverly I incorporated Devon's previous movie into this review?)
Yeah, this movie doesn't attempt to exercise a single brain cell, it was as if the director was setting a record for the highest number of combat scenes ever to be crammed into a martial arts movie.
Devon, with a little help from Australian singer Holly Vallance, (supported by various other hot chicks wearing designer wardrobe malfunctions) fight endless villains, leap 1,000 feet in the air, run up trees and swoosh Samurai swords all in their never-ending quest to find the perfect one-liner before slaying an evil adversary.
The makeup/wardrobe departments transformed Devon into a virtual princess. Even the 'Devon is an Alien' critics reluctantly admitted (in the online movie forums) that Devon looked absolutely stunning in DOA. (Sure that's superficial, but you've not exactly logged onto the Encyclopedia Britannica's calculus page here, have you?)
Look... you get what you pay for here, a mindless romp of none-stop action, cool special effects, some original choreographed fight sequences and scorching warrior chicks wearing as little as possible to prevent the movie from being certified with a restricting 'R' rating.
But don't take your girlfriend, she won't be too impressed with your fondness for gratuitous stuff like D.O.A. Take her to see The Lake House instead and she'll definitely think you're a hopeless romantic... then ya might get lucky.
CAST
Tina Armstrong: Jaime Pressly
Christie Allen: Holly Valance
Princess Kasumi: Devon Aoki
Ayane: Natassia Malthe
