11/07/04
got up this morning and decided to go to the outlets to look for a new job; the only problem was, i didn't know exactly how to get there. there were times when i thought i was going the wrong way and wanted to go back. it took forever, but i made it there alright. instead of finding a job i found myself shopping. sigh. i got the coolest pair of boots ever! they look kinda like the shoes that eskimos wear. i had no idea nine west made shoes like that it's so unlike them. i was soooo excited because i've been wanting them for a long time but could never find my size (5�). i got my brothers new coats. although the shoes i bought cost me an arm and a leg, the coats were so cozy and adorable i couldn't resist. i wanted them to have nice coats for the winter. after my little shopping spree, i went to see them. all 5 of us sad down and had dinner. it was nice. after that i took my brothers to see "the Incredibles". great movie! they really like it.

11/06/04
"If I never knew you I'd be safe, but half as real Never knowing I could feel A love so strong and true I'm so grateful to you I'd have lived my whole life through Lost forever If I never knew you"

11/01/04
you are not for me. it took a lot of time, and thinking, but i've finally realized that we were not meant to be. beeing with you for so many years yet i really dont know who you are. it's funny how a stranger would know you more than I. sad really. sure you talked, but you dont really talk to me. you never once told me how you felt... about anything. when something bothered you, i wanted to help, but you never tell me. you made me feel helpless. if i can't share your sadness and worries, why do you need me there? why did you put up your glass walls on me? maybe that's why we failed. i was not able to break down your walls. and also because i didn't know how to share you. you never had a lot of free time and when you do, i want to spend it together. was that so wrong? i dont think so. it's amazing that we lasted that long though...us being so different. opposite in every way. thank you for the memories. i wish you happiness. someday, i'll fine "the one just for me".

10/25/04
i've come to realize that i am alone by my own choice. i didn't want to admit it, i am lonely because i choose to be. i dont like change. i dread new things. i am afraid to go places and meet people; I am scared that they wont like me for who I truely am. I fear that they'd find me boring. although i hate being lonely, i'd rather be alone than be rejected

10/21/04
day 5 of my vacation. still sitting at home doing nothing. not that i'd want to do anything in this weather anyway... rain and cold. makes me want to just crawl back into bed. I might go visit Kellie at her school tomorrow. don't know yet. sigh.
I miss my brothers. yesterday was Hung's birthday. I think he turned 11. Wish i could've seen him to say happy birthday. why does life have to be so complicated?

10/19/04

every time i thought i had it all figured out, you came back and made me doubt myself. even though i knew i'd end up getting hurt, i wanted to see you still. i dont think it is because i love you, it's just my loneliness. i need someone to be with. i want to be held. I know it is not LOVE. i have to believe that.