Chapter One - Who are the actors.
The first time I saw her was 1996. I didn't remember this until after but I do remember it with clarity. That and I wrote in my diary. It was spring and I was having work done on my house. My parents were in town and we were watching the workmen take their third smoke break in the last two hours. My Dad had just commented on the lack of work and I agreed when she drove up in a ragged discolored car. A baby was crying in the car and she wanted to talk to one of the workman. I called him over and while waiting talked to her. Her comments were short and terse. Afterwards one of the other workers who watched the whole thing laughed and said the other one, Kevin beat her, Cindie Roberson (she is now known as Cyndi Farmer), regular if she talked to any man. He claimed it was a good thing as otherwise she would whore around. I thought it was a terrible way to treat a woman but kept my mouth shut and went back inside. I would not see her again until over a year later. At that time I would not recall our first meeting, perhaps if I had what happen would never have happened.
Our second meeting was equally brief. It happened as I was working and living my dream. One, I am sorry to say, my wife of the time did not aspire to. I was pastoring my third church. Actually my fourth paid staff position. The church was growing, peoples lives where changing, you could smell the scent of God at work as you entered through the doors. My heart was filled with joy and love for the small church I was pastored. I loved the people wholeheartedly. She was a visitor to the morning service. Her mother a regular member had invited her to come. I thanked her for coming and as she left with her three children in tow invited her to come again then turned to the next person in line. But I get ahead of myself let me walk you through the years before a crystal heart broke and the dream came crashing down. Before we get to the darkened wasteland left, before we see the results of love forbidden, before we see the havoc visited upon a man, a woman, three children, a church, and countless other lives and dreams destroyed, let's see the lives unfold. If you want to understand what and why you have know the who.
Who am I? It is a question we all ask ourselves. It is a question I will never be able to answer with surety again but if you had asked me before all this happened I would have gladly told you I was simply a man after God's own Heart. My father would have said and still says, I am too nice for my own good. My friends will tell you to this day it is my good nature that is my downfall. My brothers and sister tell of a person who never met someone he could not befriend. In truth I had no enemies but now it appears I do. Where once before no one wished me ill now it appears there is one determined to destroyed me. How did it all happen?
I shall remember the summer of 1996 as long as I live. It was a year filled with promise. The previous year I had successfully concluded my position as pastor of a little church in a small town. The people wept when I read my resignation but then fought for the next month so it was with some relief I left. I was a Bi-vocational pastor, working two full time jobs, and teaching an evening course at the local community college. The first full time job was as a Computer Specialist for the Department of the Interior and the second as a pastor. Pastoring is never a part time job. Shortly after leaving the small church, a large church in a neighboring town asked me to preach for them while they looked for a full time pastor. It was a challenge for they were in danger of splitting. Winter came and went. Life began anew and they finally agreed to call a man I was delighted for the vote was as close to unanimous as they would get. At the same time they decided to call a man, another church in the area contacted me to ask if I would be interested in interviewing for their pastorate. It is a beautiful little building and they had many well intentioned individuals. However as one of my children later said, they were just going through the motions of church, not really being a church. I remember being shown around the church. While the building had been let go through neglect, it was still sound. The members seemed so wonderful. I met with their Pulpit Search committee. Each member was gracious and the questions were varied and interesting After the trial sermon and the interview I advised the deacons and the pulpit search committee I would not come unless it was unanimous. On that note my family and I retired to our house down in the valley and we began our own discussion. My wife of 17 years said she was for it. I reminded her that she did not want to be a pastor's wife. "I don't know why you married me when we were in seminary if you didn't want to be a pastor's wife," I asked. Phyllis said, "I never thought you would be a pastor. You didn't have what it takes to be a pastor then." I little confused I questioned, "But do I now?" "Yes you do," she replied/ "Well," I said, "How do you feel about being a pastor's wife?" "I don't know," was her honest reply. "I guess I'll just have to be one. But don't ask me to attend any of the extra like WMU. And I'm only going to help out where I feel like it." What else could I say but, "OK by me." We talked about the events at the previous church. We discussed our leaving the church in the Valley and what it would mean to us. Finally we discussed my leaving the government job I had held for over 12 years to pastor full time. The children entered into the discussion as we talked about what it would mean to be a preacher's kid. "Daddy if it will make you happy lets do it," said the oldest daughter. "Honey we have to wait, they might not extend an invitation." I said. "Then their crazy," declared my youngest daughter. At age 6 she was and still is a take charge person.
As families go we had a collection of very talented individuals. All of us enjoyed music. All of us enjoyed reading. Our library was large for a household of five. The children had learned to play the piano, taking lessons first from their mother and then later from a woman in the neighborhood. I still remember sitting outside her house waiting for Kelly or Travis to come out. I would pull up in this big car dropping the child off. They would bravely march into the house and I would open a book to read. In 30 minutes, sometimes more sometimes less, out would come my child have braved another lesson and home we would go. I was taking Tae Kwon Do and attending Seminary part time. My wife at the time, Phyllis, was and is slow to take offense. With a master's degree in Religious Education, she can be and is sometimes brutally honest. In the 17 years prior I had never known her to lie. She would use this to full effect later on. Full of a sarcastic wit well hidden from the rest of the world. What was said at home remained at home. She had been a slip of a woman when I married her. Small, slender, blond, pale white skin. It was her ready smile, her merry laugh, and her positive outlook that had attracted me to her. When she wanted to be she was beautiful. The years of marriage had not dulled the sheen of her hair nor the way her eyes crinkled when she laughed. However the years of marriage had taken their toll on our relationship. No arguments in front of the kids but our ways had diverged to the point we no longer did anything but attend church or occasionally watch TV together. Was this by choice or design, I'll never know. But in addition the marriage had taken their toll on how we treated each other. We took each other for granted. While I treated her as a sideline to my life, she treated me as a room mate, except worse for there was never a thank you or a word of praise unless I pleaded for it. I recall once listening to her talk about a child she was interpreting for. She praised him, marveled at him, exclaimed over his latest escapades. Finally I could stand it no longer and blurted out, "What about our children? I would love to hear about them. He isn't my son." I fear I hurt her feelings. But after months of hearing about her client and sometimes seeing the children flinch as she raved about this boy and didn't compliment any of us. I had to say something.
Of the three children, my oldest, Kathryn, was well on her way toward becoming an adult. She was turning before my eyes into a beautiful young woman. Full of compassion, with a smile and a laugh, her sarcastic wit was her only drawback. Sometimes her tongue was so sharp I had to remind her I was her Dad. She had many people who liked her but only a few could survive her ready tongue. I blame it in part on me for I could be sarcastic as well and with two parents being sarcastic I guess it is natural for her to be as well. She has her mother's thick hair and its color is mine, a light brown or dirty blond as some would call it. Eyes blue turning gray and all of 5' 9" her skin the color of mine, and easy tan, she was and is attractive. I remember her befriending a child whom the other teenagers rejected out of hand. In truth Kathryn, defended the girl against all criticism. My son, Travis, would be tall, with blue eyes and the same dirty blond hair as his sister. He was introverted at times and as peaceful as they come. Yet that peaceful exterior hides a temper that can be very volatile. I was not worried about this because as he gained confidence in who he is I figured he would come out of his shell. He is slender after his mother's side of the family I would sometimes laugh because he muttered under his breath if he didn't like something. He is in a hurry to grow up in some areas and not so in others. Not a sports minded person, he does enjoy computers. One incident that stands out about all best describes him best. Asked to touch a piece of wood held above his head and out of his reach, he thought about it, slide a chair, crawled up the chair and touched the piece of wood. Not what the adult want. She wanted him to jump. However he had already calculated his jump would not allow him to touch the wood. Travis will never just do as you want, he is always thinking. My youngest I have already alluded to. Though the smallest of them all Kelly is a mixture of rock hard and marshmallow inside. She will never let you see her hurt. But you can easily devastate her because you don't see the results. She will never be as tall as her brother or sister but she has every reason to be proud of herself. She has little fear and will attempt things that make the other two stop to think. Above all she likes to see everyone have a good time. If she had one wish I believe it would be that everyone enjoy life. She too has the dirty blond hair and the blue eyes. Her eyes are like her mother's they twinkle when she smiles and to hear her laugh from the heart is refreshing because you want to join in. Lest you think she is nothing but an airhead I refer you to the blond head bent inside the car, doing her homework before she would come out. As you can tell I love my children. This intense love will figure in prominently later on because a price demanded of me was to abandon them. No man can aspire to a higher reward then that of father. When could I possibly surrender my children, the answer you will see is, never! Let's begin in June of 1996 and move forward from there, I'll let the conversations and actions of the individuals speak for themselves. As for the events, intimate and detailed between myself and Cindie, you be the judge as to who loved and who used.
Chapter Two - The work begins
In June of 1996, the church having made its decision and we as a family having made our decision had set a start date of July 1, 1996. In the meantime I was free to move my pastoral library into the pastor's office. So June 29, the Saturday before I was due to start I drove my first load of books up to the church. As I approached the area, I noticed several women working around the church. They were busy cleaning it. They talked for a awhile about the building and the grounds. Finally they asked me what I though of the building. In reply I told them, "Come with me." I took them to the front of the building and outside. We stood in the very front of the church where a person would drive up and I asked them to close their eyes. Looking at me rather quizzically, each of the women did so. "Now listen as I describe a scenario for you.. You are a first time visitor to this building. You have never seen it before in your life. This is your very first time visiting. Now open your eyes and tell me what you see." As each of them opened their eyes I could see from the expression on their faces they noticed things they had never seen before. I felt sorry for myself and the men of the church for it looked like the chore list was about to become rather long. We went inside and they continued to look with new eyes on the church. I never said another word about the condition of the church from then on. Those women took the lead in every improvement. I went to my office and placed my first carton of books on the floor. Then I left for the discount office place down in Ramsey to purchase the bookcases and the desk the church had authorized. Placing them in the back of my pickup myself and a friend, Mike, went back to the church and carried them through the door. After they were set up I left for the house to continue bringing the rest of the library up to the church as well as an old chair. That night I wrote in my diary, "moved all the books to the church. Several women in front, Dean, Brenda, Eleanor and a few I did not remember their names. They saw the church through the eyes of a visitor today. It was a real eye opener." Sunday I had a conversation with George, one of the deacons of the church. He was rather upset that I was continuing to work for the government and wanted a date as to when I would go full time. I explained that I felt the end of the year was a good time to resign from Federal Service. George said, 'We really need you to be full time as soon as you can. There are several people in the church who really need your help and counseling." "Who are they, George." "Kathy Gardner, she is the blond who shook your hand and welcomed you to the church before we had voted." "OK?" "And then there is Mary, she lost her husband recently and really needs some one to talk with her. Also we need to get a visitation program going." "OK, George let me think about it and pray about it and I will get back to you." My diary says, "there was heavy pressure from George today to go full time at the church."
July has arrived, my first sermon as their pastor. I am excited they are excited. It is new, all is new. Indeed the very first sermon a woman joined the church, her name was Martha Gardner. Martha was a big woman in her late 50s or early 60s. She had 5 daughters and two sons that I knew of. Her youngest daughter was a member of the church. I am not certain how long the honeymoon period will be but I hope to get settled in and working as a team with everyone as soon as possible. I went back in my sermon notes and diary to see what I preached for that first sermon and why. I thought it interesting to note the biggest problem was, while God was a part of their life, He had been relegated to a box of things to do, like a chore. In the church's life many of the members just checked a box that they had accomplished that part of their life. There was no emotional involvement. This part was just a duty. I think if you asked did they love God they would answer of course, but like some couples they were there out of habit not because they really wanted to. In a few cases it was a status symbol they attended the church and in the church they held a position or positions of responsibility. Yet the idea of giving their best to God was a foreign idea. So the thing that I wanted to do those first few months was to create an intense hunger for God's presence. I wanted the members to love God as intensely as I did. So many of them were just going through the same routine they had followed for so many years. Sometimes the best thing for Christianity is a good oppression because you are Christian, it gets rid of the status seekers and those who only go through the motions. I would prepare the sermons with much prayer and thought. The first half of the week would be spent reading the passages over and over. Then, while I reflected on what the author meant I would also read scholarly works about the passage. It is very easy when pastoring in the Baptist faith to become theologically stranded. So I would write down my thoughts and organize them at the same time reading solid scholarly works to remain connected. I once heard a teacher say for every 2 minutes of preaching there should be a hour of study. If so I should only have preached about 12 to 20 minutes each time. The first series of sermons was dedicated to the idea that God deserves our best. While this idea is easy for every one to agree to what does it really mean. For some it would be a new idea. For some it would never penetrate that they were giving God only their left over or second best. On top of this inability for much of the leadership to give God their best, the church lacked much of to build on. They could not tell you were their members were. Many of my early visits had directions like go past so and so's church take the first left. Go over the rise and turn at the big tree on the right, their house is across the river and on the right. There were no real job descriptions so work and progress could be measured. The constitution of the church had not been fleshed out in to living documents. So I began these two chores as well, find all the member sand obtain addresses, flesh out the constitution so work could be measured. It was this latter effort that was to create the circumstances through which Cindie entered the church. However in no instance was I the person who brought her to the church. In the early years of our relationship we were friends and she a seeker of God.
The first month was a settle in period. It is a time where you locate the list of members, figure out who has what responsibility, decide what schedule you will work, and work on the myriad of little details to adjust to the harness. A pastor's position in a church is one of huge responsibility. While the church feels the Pastor answers to them, this is an incorrect view. The pastor answers to God. The church stands in as God's representative in this issue and with the pastor's assistance seeks to discover what God wants to do with the church. A church exists in three states, the past for it is tied to its master, Jesus, The Christ. It should remember to reflect the character of Jesus. In all its actions particularly as it relates to those who are nonmembers or members who currently live in a constant state of sin. Jesus was merciful to both groups, though for the latter the higher the position of responsibility the more he demands of us. The church exists in the present in that it represents God's work in the world today. It is through the church God has chosen to relate to his people. It is the church's responsibility to properly instruct its members on how to live a balanced Christian life. The church exists in the future. For the church is to work with its Pastor in discovering the will of God related to implementing the work of God in reaching into a person's life and sharing the message of redemption with those who lack an intimate personal relationship with God. In the case of Park Avenue it was doing a fair job in all three areas. The members of the church failed to keep track of those members who had dropped out. In truth the leadership failed to keep this information up to date. Thus one of the first tasks was to develop a list of local members, their addresses, and telephone numbers. I worked on this task for several months. The period of July through October was difficult because I still worked for the Federal Government. It was to be part of the period of transition for the salary and reimbursement package of the church less than a third of my Government salary and benefits. My family and I had initially decided this period needed to be a six month period. However the pressure from George, one of the deacons of the church was constant. Indeed he also encouraged others to express a similar sentiment. For two months I resisted the pressure. Finally in September I caved in and submitted my papers. Shirley the secretary at the Department of Interior was a little surprised and asked me about my change of plans. I just said things have changed the need is great. She smiled and said she would process the papers. In the meantime I continued to do the hospital visitation in the evenings, and on Saturdays would go to the church take out the members list and start calling people. I would introduce myself and then attempt to schedule an appointment. During this time I found out one of the members of the church was a friend of mine. He is a big man, over 300 pounds easy and about 6' 3" or 6'4" easy. I approached after Tae Kwon Do class one day and said, "Greg, I hear your church has a new preach." "Really, who is it." "Me," I replied, "and I expect to see you there every Sunday from now on." "Ok." Was his response and unless things were hectic he was faithful to that commitment for three years. Some members of the church had gone on to join other churches. Yet they were still carried on our rolls as members. In those cases I would say, "We have to carry you as a member unless we receive a request to remove you from the rolls. This can either be from you or if you are a member of another church just a brief note from them." I took the membership rolls to the Ministerial Association meeting one time and asked the various ministers there if they would do me a favor. When I explained I was trying to locate lost members and suspected some had gone on to become productive members of other churches most were sympathetic. I recall one minister of a growing church in the area gladly assisting me in this by examining the members of his congregation. I received a very nice letter expressing his pleasure and listing the members that I had on my rolls who regularly attended his church. I contacted each of the members and in many cases they wished to remain on our rolls as well. It was during this period I began a church newsletter. The first newsletter was one page front and half a page back. It had a brief devotional, an informative church events and a list of missing members which I requested location information. The newsletter was to eventually grow into a permanent feature, released six times a year and would require extensive typing, collation, printing, editing and finally preparation for mailing. I had help with this endeavor at first by a friend who had joined the church. I had met Corinne while preaching at the big church in town. During that time she asked my help in changing from waiting tables to something else. I remember seeing her in a local restaurant as she was waiting tables and talking to her. We talked about her life, her job, and her family. She was a single mother of two boys and a young girl. She was small build a brunette with blue eyes and freckles. When she talked her eyes never rested on you. She was aggressive about achieving her goals. Her social skills were slight. The girl just turning ten. In her third marriage and that failing she turned to me for help. I referred her to my wife and talked to her husband. In the meantime we discussed what it was she wanted to do. She told me she had taken a mail order course to become a computer repair person and asked if I could help find her a job. I had connections with a local computer service company so I asked her to please show me her skills. The mail order company didn't help her learn very much so I suggested she work for a friend of mine. The work was hard, the pay low, and the conditions less than good. She took the job for a while. Then one day as I was crossing the street she came out of the establish very angry. I said hello and with that she slapped me hard. I asked her why she did that and she proceeded to tell me about some things going on in her life. I listened until she calmed down and then asked her if she would like to change jobs again this time for the computer company. She jumped at the chance. That day I went to Rhonda, one of the owners and we discussed Corinne, her advantages and her needs. Rhonda agreed as a favor to take Corinne under her wing and teach her about being an executive who was also a woman. Rhonda did an excellent job, she helped Corrine understand the need for social skills and frequently had long talks with Corrine that help with the social skills. Corrine's rough points smoothed over and it was during this time she began to help me with the Church newsletter. Corrine is smart in many ways. She was a skilled typist and a good speller. She would frequently make suggestions that would improve the quality of the newsletter and was always looking to make it better. Together we published the newsletter for almost a year. Often we would joke while we were working. In the meantime despite all her troubles or maybe because of them, she seemed to grow spiritually.
It was during this time I began communicating to the leadership of the church we would focus upon a becoming a healthy church. It is my belief the church exists for five equally important purposes. One, to communicate the life of a disciple to those who have a personal relationship with God. Two, to communicate the mercy and love of God to the community. Three, to encourage members to a deeper relationship with God. Four, to be the hands of God in the world ministering to the needs of the community, And five, to communicate God's desire for a personal relationship to the world, locally, regionally, and across the world. I feel if a church is to grow it needs to concentrate not on growth but upon being healthy. Healthy things grow, sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. Most church I know are not healthy churches frequently concentrating on one of these areas to the exclusion of others. The leadership appeared to embrace this idea and in truth I can not claim to have originated it but rather to have adopted it from an American religious writer, C. Peter Wagner. Keep this issue of the healthy church in mind as we continue our journey through this account.
August was the month for the church's Vacation Bible School. This is because school would start in a few weeks, and the choir director will have finished her summer activities. With school starting she needed to get back to the maintenance of the grounds of the small college in the area. Also my then wife would begin interpreting for a deaf student in the local school system. This is a position she had held since he was in fourth grade. Phyl would continue to interpret for Kevin until he graduated from high school. The vacation bible school, in the life of the church, is intended to serve a dual purpose. The first, is to communicate to the community around the church the mercy and love of God. The second is to communicate God's desire for a personal relationship locally. The purpose of Vacation Bible School had been changed at Park Avenue to one of a week long religious activity for the members of the church where their children could have a nice day camp. Does that sound harsh? The extra curricular activities were the same ones the adults running the school had enjoyed previously. No effort was made to review the needs of the community around the church and see that the school met their needs. The large church in town had conducted its Vacation Bible School while I was still there and well over 100 children came. Park Avenue conducted its Vacation Bible School and fewer than 35 children came. No children came who were not related in some way to a church member. This was one of the first signs the church was not healthy. I asked around the church to discover some of the history of the Vacation Bible School and discovered that it had at one time been a very huge school but over the years it had dwindled as the health of a key leader had. This led me to my second discovery regarding the church. There was no leadership in training among the younger couples in the church. Indeed, in the church were two couples younger than 40. Also a survey of the leadership roles showed no leadership under the age of 40 in the church. It was at this time I began talking to the one person in the church under the age of 30 about assuming a more active role in working with the youth, Kathy Gardner. Kathy was an intelligent blond, slender of frame and about 25 years old. She had blue eyes and a bright voice. With a son from a relationship, attending college, and working at a convenience store, her life was extremely busy. These discussions were to lead to the first crisis of my pastorate in the church. Kathy resisted the idea of being more involved in the youth program. While she welcomed the opportunity to work with the youth she resisted the responsibility. I made a comment during one of these sessions to encourage her to have a positive self image. In the process I said she had a good mind and a good body and should be proud of that. Within a few days she would communicate to one and all that I had made a pass at her based upon my comment about her physical appearance. It was not until later I would find out why Kathy made the accusation. Indeed Cindie provided the clues and answer later on when she confided that her sister was aware she was beautiful. She had always had men attracted to her because of her good looks. However she had had three abortions and her parents were not aware of how many she had. I think it was the combination of the two things, the hiding of the abortions and never knowing whether the man cared for you because of your looks or because of who you are that caused my off hand remark to be misconstrued. In any case the off hand remark would become the subject of a business meeting in October. Back to August.
August rolled along and I finished my second course at Bethel Seminary. It was time to begin the nomination process as well as begin the second semester in Seminary. I had transferred a host of credits from Southwestern Theological Seminary so I did not have many courses to go. The public school system started up as well as the attendant football season. Football is a community activity in Wise County. As part of pastoring a church whose membership included students from four high schools. As part of pastoring I would make an effort to attend at least one home game from each of the high schools. Another event in August is the nominating committee. The nomination committee is probably one of the most important committees in the church. In this case the nominating committee was made up of the choir director, the chairman of the deacons, the treasurer, the church secretary, and the WMU director. I was an ex-officio member. I attended the first meeting and learned that each year the church distributed a list of positions requesting volunteers. Then they would take the return lists and match the volunteers with the positions. I asked about ministry description for each position. I was told they had none. "Don't you think it would be a good idea to have a ministry description so people know what the church expects?" "Well yes but its in the church constitution," said Glenda the choir director and chairman of the committee. "I know I am not really a member of the committee but how about I work on ministry descriptions for next year and you and the personnel committee can approve them. This year we let the church constitution serve to answer any question?" That idea was agreeable to everyone. When I stood in the pulpit to announce the survey, I said, "God allows us to be His hands in this world to accomplish the work of the church. I encourage you to prayerful reflect on how God is calling you to serve Him. Where you feel God's call please indicate so by completing the sheet and returning it to a nominating committee member." My intent recorded in my diary was to remind each and every member that we all serve God. It was also an attempt to get more people involved in service and to emphasize the proper motive for serving in the church. Phyllis asked me afterward, "Why did you say that?" "I wanted to emphasize the proper reason for serving in a church." "I don't think you should have said it. Let people work for any reason. Don't you think God is big enough to use people no matter why they serve?" "Yes, but I think it is important to have the proper motivation. God can work better through a person who serves for the right reason." "See you don't think God is big enough to work through anyone." "Yes I do." "No you don't," she said, "Or you would not have said it that way." It was to be the first of many of our internal arguments over why and how I did things. In any case, the nominating committee filled all the positions in the church with one exception and that was the Vacation Bible School. Mary, the woman who had filled this roll for many years declined for health reasons and no one would accept responsibility for it. Finally after much pressure Mary accepted the position but Phyllis was nominated as the Assistant Vacation Bible School Director. Phyl was also nominated to be the substitute piano player. This was to be a source of friction in the church later on. The church called a special business session in September for the purpose of approving the nominating committee slate. It passed unanimously.
In the meantime visitation continued. At this time I asked the ladies of the church as well as the older members to assist me in finding the members and visiting them. I announced from the pulpit, "If you know where any of our missing members are please let me know as soon as possible. Also if you know of any one who needs a visit please do not hesitate to inform me. I have a pager, you have my work telephone number, the church telephone number. Please call me. Each and every member is equally important to the life of the church." Privately I told the deacons the church is like a football team. The only real difference is in football one man has to cross the goal line for the team to score whereas in the Kingdom, everyone had to cross before we scored." The church continued to add new members and old members began to come again. October was coming. September 30 was to be my last day with the Department of the Interior and October 1 my first full time day at the church. Phyllis and I had sat down and worked out the budget. There was no way for me to go full time at the church and meet our financial obligations to our creditors unless we took the retirement money saved up and paid the creditors off. We talked about it. We discussed it. We thought about it. Finally after much discussion we decided that we would do just that. However I would ask for an adjustment in my salary and reimbursement package to cover the lost of all our retirement money. Our plan was to ask the church to place over 8000 dollars year in an annuity account with the annuity board. We figured this would replace the almost 38,000 dollars in lost retirement money. Within five years we would be back to square one and then could ask for a reduction to a more normal amount. I know some of you will say this is terrible. Some will say but this is wrong. I am only telling you what we decided and why. The deacons were included in the discussion and all four agreed this would be the best way to accomplish a reduction in the bills to enable me to become a full time pastor. So it was with the church new year to get underway shortly I resigned from the Federal government with my last day as September 30, 1996.
October 1 was here, I arrived at the church at 8:00 in the morning. This was a new experience for me. I was the master of my own schedule sort of. As you will see the pastor of a church has many obligations to his schedule. I sat in my office and thanked God for the opportunity to work for him in this way. What plans I had. What dreams there were. Oh to pastor this small church in such a way that it would be healthy. Each and every member striving to serve. To help it through the shoals of the years as one generation of leadership passed to another. To see each member walk in close fellowship with God. To help each hurting member recover and deal with life not as a reaction to life but as one who has mastered it. Central to my plans at the time was to secure a master's degree in Theology from Bethel Seminary. Each time I had worked on the degree something had intervened to prevent me from completing my degree. It would be no different this time either. In addition over the years I had gained weigh, going from 180 in college to 245 in my middle years. About a year previous I had begun the slow process of losing the weight and was already down to 210. This I had accomplished through a program of proper diet and exercise. It is my habit at the beginning of each month to write in my diary my goals for the month. October 1996 was no different and I recorded the goals like this,
A closer walk with Jesus.
More time reading the Bible
Weigh 205 at the end of the month.
Visit each 30 active members of the church.
Locate 10 inactive members.
Pray longer.
According to my diary I failed to accomplish any of these goals. Did I feel bad about not accomplishing my goals? Not really, goals at targets to shoot at. Sometimes I accomplish a few and sometimes I only accomplish one. October I accomplished none. October is also the month for the local Baptist Association meeting. In Baptist life there is no church that is supreme, each church is independent. However the church I was pastoring was part of several associations, a local association, a state association, and a national association. The local association met twice a year, each time in a different church. I had been very active at the association level prior to accepting the pastorate of Park Avenue Baptist. However my crime would be so heinous in the eyes of the leadership of the association they would never contact me nor speak to me again. I was active in mission work at the state level but again my crime would be so heinous in their eyes I would never hear from them afterwards. In fact I was judged, condemned, and sentenced without ever being allowed to speak. Such was the mercy offered to me. But I get ahead of myself.
The Associational meeting came and we brought several members to the meeting. I think the meeting was at Coeburn First Baptist that year. Phyllis stayed home with the children and I took several messengers to the meeting. We enjoyed ourselves and I was nominated to continue heading the brotherhood committee for the Association. My weekly schedule during this period looked something like this:
Sunday
Be prepared to fill in for any Sunday School teacher missing
(I attempted to attend a few Sunday School classes but it appears I made the teachers nervous)
Morning - lead and preach the morning worship service.
After church wait until all members were gone and then depart home.
Lunch
Telephone calls or a brief nap.
Awake and grab notes for evening worship
Lead a discipleship class in the evening
Lead an evening worship service (this included the music as the choir director who was also the Music Minister did want to do this.)
Counsel or fellowship afterwards.
Monday
(A day off)
Tuesday
8:30 pick up mail - go to church.
8:30 - 10:00 Prayer and Bible Study
10:00 Womens prayer meeting
10:00 or 12:00 lunch depending on when the women's prayer meeting finished.
1:00 - 6:00 return telephone calls and Visitation
6:00 - 9:00 TKD practice
Wednesday
8:30 pick up mail - go to church
8:40 - 11:00 read mail contact members that were housebound.
11:00 - 12:00 lunch
12:00 - 4:30 Bible study, prayer, visitation.
4:30 - 5:30 prepare for evening prayer meeting
5:30 - 6:30 get a bite for supper at the college with the BSU.
6:30 back to the church until 8:30 that night when I would leave for home.
Thursday
8:30 pick up mail - go to church
8:40 - 11:00 read mail - Bible study
11:00 - 12:00 lunch
12:00 - 5:00 visitation, stop by companies, assist people, church administration.
5:00 - 6:00 dinner
6:00 - 8:45 teach at the community college
Friday
8:30 pick up mail - go to church
8:40 - 11:00 read mail - Bible study
11:00 - 12:00 lunch
12:00 - 6:00 visitation, stop by companies, assist people
6:00 home for dinner
At first I tried to establish Saturdays as days with my family but had to give that up when the church started to schedule activites on Saturdays (everyone wants the pastor there.)
Saturdays
8:00 to 9:00 workout
10 arrive at the church.
10 until 1 whatever activity was happening at the church
1:00 lunch
1:30 light visitation
3:30 home for final reading of notes for Sunday's sermons.
Visitation is one of the items that I delighted in. I enjoyed sitting and listening to people. Sometimes I would feel a genuine respect. In a few cases I was a source of amusement. I remember one woman, Darlene Christian, who would come to church during a religious holiday and sometimes on Tuesday morning for prayer meeting. She had been previously married to a Joe Smith but when a man from her childhood returned to town, she left Joe to marry him. She had two daughters, and a son from her first marriage, and a mother. Her mother was named Margaret Smith and her youngest daughter was named Margaret Smith. One of the notes requested that I visit Margaret and provided an address. I went to the trailer and no one was home. So I returned to the church. I call Eleanor a very sweet woman and head of the WMU. "I just tried to visit Margaret Smith but no one was home." "Where did you go?" "I went to some trailer," I replied. "She doesn't live in a trailer she lives in the Tower." (The tower is a reference to an assisted living tower in Norton.) Eleanor give me her apartment number and off I went again. I knocked on the apartment door and the opened. It was Darlene and she was visiting her mother. So I had at last found the Margaret Smith someone wanted me to visit. Darlene introduced me and we sat down to talk. Margaret had been a leader at Park Avenue years before. She had a great sense of humor and with a wicked gleam in her eye would tease me. We talked for about two hours. Darlene frequently shouting as I am rather soft spoken and Margaret hard of hearing. Margaret told me about herself and the church. She told entertaining stories of the previous history and of the years when the church had been central tot he life of the community. After prayer I prepared to leave by saying, "I am so glad to have met you. Some one gave me your address as a trailer but I will correct it in the church rolls." Both women looked rather puzzled and then Darlene said, "Oh the trailer is Margaret Smith also. She's my daughter and you need to visit her." Now it was my turn to be confused. "Two Margaret Smiths?" Darlene said, "Yes one is my mother and the other is my daughter. My daughter is single and has a little baby called Christy and Reverend if you could talk to her, I think she will listen. She really needs Jesus." I asked Darlene when the best time was to visit her daughter and was assured that anytime after 5 was good. On that note I departed. I called Phyl that evening and said, "I'm on my way to visit Darlene Christian's daughter, Margaret, I should be in at my regular time." Phyl asked, "Who is Darlene Christian?" "She's a oneayear. You know they come once a year. She does attend prayer meeting though." "Well okay be care." "Ok bye" "Bye," and with that Phyllis hung up.
I went to the trailer again and this time the door was open with the screen door closed. I knocked and a man about my age came to the door. I was discover this was her boyfriend who was a year younger than I but 14 years older than Margaret. I introduced myself and he called Margaret to the door. She was a slender woman with mouse brown hair and big blue eyes. She had a great smile and with a rather puzzled look invited me in. At this point her boyfriend suddenly exited quickly. As I looked rather puzzled, Margaret said, "He had to go to work." "Okay," said I and sat down in front of the door. This was to be my procedure on every visit with Margaret to sit in front of the open door or near the open door if no one other than she was home. We talked about the church and then we talked about her life. She said she had a computer problem so I fixed it and we talked a little more. I stood to go and asked if we could pray. She said that would be fine so we did and I left. That night I had a weird dream where her mother accused me of making a pass at her daughter and causing a big fuss in the church. From that day on I did not visit Darlene's daughter unless there was some one else there or I sat right in front of an open door.
The second Wednesday after the first Sunday of the month arrived and it was time for my second church business meeting. Planning was proceeding for a fall festival to coincide with Halloween. In the meantime I had heard from another pastor in town that Kathy Gardner had come to him for counseling and told him I had made a pass at her. He called to let me know this because we were friends for a while and he knew from long experience I did not make passes at women. I assured him that I had not made a pass and thought a phrase had been misconstrued. He knew from long experience I have a tendency of sometimes choosing the wrong words in trying to get my point across. We talked some more and then he hung up. I was heartbroken. I was devastated. All I wanted for Kathy was for her to grow in her faith and to work with the youth. The two things she had said she wanted. I sat in my office weeping and then I called Phyllis and told her about it. "What should I do? I can't minister here." "Did you do it", she asked. "You know I didn't. You were in the church near the office the whole time she was in my office. The blinds to the outside were open and the door open a small crack. You would have heard me." She said, "Well I can't tell you what to do. Do you want to resign?" "No, no this is a great church and I love the people," I said. "Then pray about it," with that she hung up. I prayed and searched my heart. I wept more tears. I begged God, "Why, why would anyone tell such lies." In my heart was a growing peace. I felt I should confront the charge publicly, offer an apology, and offer to resign. My heart was heavy and the smile on my face was forced when we began the prayer meeting prior to the business meeting. I had started the practice of a small prayer time prior to the business meeting to encourage people to remember we were here to conduct God's business and to help people remember to conduct themselves as Christians during the business meeting. I had seen to many business meetings in the area churches where names were called and accusations made. Accusations that hurt people and were made in the heat of the moment without thinking of the other person. So I always started the business meeting not with perfunctory prayer but with a mini-prayer meeting. So through the prayer meeting my heart was heavy yet peace was inside me. I saw quite a few puzzled faces as the somber face is not my normal demeanor. We began the business meeting following the agenda laid out before us. First the reading of the previous minutes, then the committee reports, the pastor's report on the church health, and the old business. New business arrived and several motions were brought up. To this day I do not remember what they were. I spoke loud enough for all to hear, "Do I hear any other motions?" I waited, none spoke. "Then hearing no motions I wish to bring up a pain event," I said. "Today I learned I have been accused of making a pass at a member. I wish to volunteer that what I said to the individual was, 'You have a good body.' Under no circumstances did I intend my comment to be construed as a pass," I continued. I turned to Kathy who was there and said, "I apologize for my remark and offer my resignation." I then returned to the general congregation and said, "It is up to you to decide on this I turn the meeting over to George." With that I sat down. George came forward and after a brief silence, Kathy stood up and accepted my apology. However less you think she would have learned from it, no she continues to say even today to those who would listen that I made a pass at her. I feel sorry for her. I think she will never be able to have a male act in a friendly manner toward her without thinking they want her for sexual purposes. Martha, her mother stood up and said, "I think my daughter misunderstood you and I am certain there was nothing intended in your remark." With that she moved my resignation be refused. The vote was unanimous. I think some of you are appalled that I chose to deal with this sensitive subject in a church business meeting. Some of you may feel I humiliated Kathy publicly. You might be right, my ex-wife certainly agrees with you. But I ask you, "What would her comments which had she been free to continue with without comment by the church done to the community and the church?" By publicly confronting them and bringing them out for the members to see, the issue was dealt with in a decisive manner which left little doubt that I erred in my comment and by publicly apologizing there was no hidden issue to continue to harm the church. The church continued to grow.
Chapter Three - Fall gives way to Winter
October and the Fall Festival
Complaints about the Maintenance.
Job descriptions
Christmas comes and goes.
A maintenance person makes a decision
I attend seminary
The personnel committee recommends some one.
Chapter Four - The staff changes
A New Year 1997 begins
A staff member resigns.
Matter referred to the personnel committee
A new staff member
The newsletter
My helper
The Youth go on missions
Small groups
Chapter Five - My helper leaves.
A new church nominating committee
A new church year - 1997
The church grows
Missions and mission planning
The church expands
A youth worker departs maybe?
My help leaves for a paying job.
The church begins to have problems
Chapter Six - They hire some one.
Small groups begin
I need some help – August of 1997
The matter referred to the personnel committee – October 1997
Cindie as secretary begins.
The youth go to Richmond for Evangelism Conference
The work and the schedule change.
Chapter Seven - Marriage failing
The challenge
Mission trip
The group forms: no wife (desire expressed)
A new year 1998
No time to be with husband
The first trip to Panama
A pass made
The summer trip that wasn't
Wife demands for divorce
a response
VBS
Feelings grow
The summer youth trip Richmond again
The mission trip is tainted
Chapter Eight - Death of a friend and a Best Friend becomes more.
VBS ends and the sudden death of a friend
No wife and my love for Cindie begins to blossom.
Suspicions voiced
Feelings are expressed and explored
Chapter Nine - Promises made and love forbidden.
Feelings grow
Home life
Promises made and time stolen
The first time alone all day at Johnson City Holiday Inn
A boyfriend, Kevin, ejected.
Promises of marriage to each other exchanged.
Mission opportunity arises
More time together
Christmas 1998
The second Panama trip and confusion
A helper and a lover
My children
Chapter Ten - The breaking of a Crystal Heart.
The request for time to raise children
The time promised
Cindie starts to lie.
The time spend together disappears
Cinide and others lay a plot for my destruction.
The plotters plan
The attack.
The promise not to speak.
The unexpected reaction
Truth made plain
Chapter Eleven - Death and Destruction and Encouraged
Love revealed.
Lies begin.
Telephone call with Mother
I flee.
I return.
The destruction begins.
Accusations are made.
More lies.
She returns, why?
She repeats herself
Chapter Twelve - A Liar revealed.
A liar is revealed.
Accusations
Divorce is forced
Interference in finances begin
A decision made
A parting gift of kindness
Lying accusations again.
Conclusion - Does the heart ache ever go away?
Friends support
Family encourage
Time passes on
More accusations
Confusion
Hiding location and events
Disjoints appear
The police can't do their job.
Once a lover now a mortal enemy is born.
Her family satisfied
Belief grows as to source of attacks.
The answer waits
