Man-Eating Washing Machine

This is a Public Service announcement paid for by 'Citizens against man-eating washing machines'

(Dramatic music playing, woman walks into laundry room) It lurks in the shadows of your basement, eagerly anticipating the moment you put in your clothes so it can east you alive!(woman screams)

Always in envy of the dryer and the clothesline, what could have caused these seemingly harmless household appliances to turn into cold-blooded killers?

However, besides all the deaths each year, there are ways to prevent such tragic losses of life due to washing machine attacks(lightning and thunder) here are some helpful tips on how to recognize a man-eating washing machine:(lightning and thunder)

If your washing machine prefers the taste of humans instead of laundry detergents like Surf�, Cheer�, Bounce�, or Tide�, then you might have a man-eating washing machine.

If your washing machine thinks that it is Dracula, then there is a chance you might have a man-eating washing machine.

If your neighbor walks into your basement and says �Oh no, a man-eating washing machine� you might have to look into the possibility that you have a man-eating washing machine.

If you notice any of these situations happening with your washing machine or you notice any of the following:

1. Your washing machine used to be off-white but now it's red.
2. You don't own any mannequins but there are arms and legs are scattered around your basement.
3. Your washing machine has sharp points for something other than catching lint.
4. You hear screams every time someone starts a load of laundry.
5. Your washing machine refuses to leave your clothes in the washing machine during the wash.

If you notice any of these symptoms please call 1-800-WASHING anytime day or night toll free to have a trained professional repairperson come to your house.

Remember first it ate your socks, then it ate your pants, and next time it might eat you!

CALL ANYTIME, DAY OR NIGHT, 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK, 365 DAYS A YEAR, FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER UNTIL THE END OF TIME: 1-800-WASHING.