This is an official press release of the Tabloid News Network.
“The American people need the truth.”
War on Terrorism Update
As most of you have read, the opposition forces of the Afghan Northern Alliance have captured the key cities of Mazar-e Sharif, Kabul, and Kandahar. While Northern Alliance leaders are quick to point out that while the U.S. stealth bombers were a big help in taking the two cities, they would most like to thank a novelty company whose name is classified.
The novelty company is said to have donated over 100 tons of rubber chickens, chicken suits, hand buzzers, inflatable alligator rafts, squirt guns, stink bombs, and two-headed quarters and a Trojan horse.
The Northern Alliance will start using the key highways and airports in the two cities after the novelty items that litter the city and surrounding areas have been cleaned up.
That is the news good day and have a pleasant tomorrow.